Transcript Communication Skills

Communication
Smarts
Review
Four Danger Signs:
•
•
•
•
Escalation
Put-down/ invalidation
Withdrawal/ avoidance
Negative interpretations
Communication
• Never say:
You need a time out.
• Instead say:
We or I need a time out.
Two Options:
• Drop it for now. Come back and discuss later, but within 24 hours.
• Shift to a safer and better communication. Use speaker-listener
technique.
Time Out:
• During a time out, don’t rehearse negative or “hot” thoughts. It will
defeat the whole purpose of a time out.
Reduce Anger
• Remember that often behind anger lies hurt feelings.
Example: I am angry at you…but really deep
down I’m feeling rejected.
Helpful Tip:
• Have soothing statements or mantras.
-Example: I am really mad at her now, but basically she's a
good person and we will figure this out.
Helpful Tip
• Have soothing statements or mantras.
Example: I am really mad at her now, but
basically she's a good person and we will
figure this out.
Complaining
•
•
•
•
•
•
Character assassination
You always, you never
Blaming
Mind reading
Cross-complaining
Kitchen-sinking
WWWF-formula
•
•
•
•
W= What
W= When or W= Where
WW= When or Where
F= Feelings
AVOID negative or harsh
Messages
Filter
-Distractions
Counter it
- choose a good time to bring stuff
up.
- Ask if it’s a good time
- Back off if it’s a bad time.
-Mood/ emotional state
-Announce your mood
-Back off if you see it’s a bad time
for someone.
-Negative beliefs
-Look for evidence to the contrary.
-Check it out. Don’t mind-read,
ask.
-Style
-Learn about your style and that of
others; have humility- your way
isn't the only way.
Key Rules
Rules for speaker
-speak for yourself, no mind
Rules for listener
-Don’t disagree or interrupt.
reading.
-Seek to understand.
-Don’t g on and on.
-Paraphrase what you hear.
- Pause, let listener paraphrase
Four Hidden Issues
•
•
•
•
Trivial triggers
Scorekeeping
Avoidance
Wheel spinning
Button
•
Deal with the event now as best you can, decide to talk about the bigger
issue or problem at a later time. Don’t let an event drag you into an
unproductive argument now about the bigger issue or problem. Tell yourself
now is not a good time. Use a time-out.
Six Hidden Issues:
•
•
•
•
•
•
Power and control
Caring
Recognition
Integrity
Commitment acceptance
Acceptance
Problems w/ Expectations
Problems w/ expectations
-unaware
-Unreasonable
-Unspoken, unshared
What to do
-Become aware
-Check to see id reasonable
-Be motivated to meet a best
friend, a family member or a
girl/boyfriends most important
expectation.
Problem Solving Model
*Have a good problem discussion. Make sure you understand each
others concerns and point of view. Use speaker-listener if needed.
1.Decide specific problem or piece or problem to solve.
2. Brainstorm a list of possible solutions.
3. Come up with a plan. Keep eliminating until you’ve
narrowed it down to one solution you agree to try.
4. Do a follow-up check. How’s it working? Modify if
needed.
“Friendship Feeling”
•
•
•
•
Daily weather reports.
Daily appreciations
Stay up-to-date with each other
Make time for real “friendship” talking- even with family
members.
Works Cited
•
Love You too
– Communication Smarts for all Relationships
» Marline F. Pearson
The Dibble Fund for Marriage Education
Copyright 2004
Power point by:
Emory Jones
New Albany High School