Transcript Communications Styles - Indiana University Bloomington

Indiana University
Communication Styles:
Passive, Assertive,
Aggressive
Amy Hume
Discussion Session #13
Communications Styles
Goals for Today

Understand different communication styles
and how they affect others

Practice recognizing and crafting
messages in different styles

Learn about assertiveness skills
Communications Styles
Have you ever dealt
with a difficult person?
Communications Styles
It’s all about respect
Passive
No Respect
for Self
Assertive
Aggressive
Respect for
Self & Others
No Respect
for Others
Communications Styles
How about…?
Can’t speak up
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Can’t speak up
Assertive
Aggressive
Communications Styles
How about…?
Loud
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Can’t speak up
Assertive
Aggressive
Loud
Communications Styles
How about…?
Firm
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Can’t speak up
Assertive
Firm
Aggressive
Loud
Communications Styles
How about…?
Don’t know my rights
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Can’t speak up
Don’t know my rights
Assertive
Firm
Aggressive
Loud
Communications Styles
How about…?
Direct
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Aggressive
Loud
Communications Styles
How about…?
Bossy
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Communications Styles
How about…?
Honest
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Honest
Communications Styles
How about…?
Pushy
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Honest
Pushy
Communications Styles
How about…?
Respect rights of others
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Honest
Pushy
Respect rights of
others
Communications Styles
How about…?
Get stepped on
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Respect rights of
others
Communications Styles
How about…?
Meek
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Communications Styles
How about…?
Dominating
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Dominating
Communications Styles
How about…?
Intimidating
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Dominating
Intimidating
Communications Styles
How about…?
Too accommodating
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Dominating
Too
accommodating
Intimidating
Communications Styles
How about…?
Violate others’ rights using
power, position &
language
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Dominating
Too accommodating
Intimidating
Violate others’
rights using
power, position &
language
Communications Styles
How about…?
Talks softly
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Dominating
Too accommodating
Talks softly
Intimidating
Violate others’ rights
using power, position
& language
Communications Styles
How about…?
Recognize the importance
of having my needs &
rights respected
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Dominating
Recognize the
importance of
having my needs
& rights respected
Violate others’ rights
using power, position
& language
Too accommodating
Talks softly
Intimidating
Communications Styles
How about…?
Must get my way
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Dominating
Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected
Violate others’ rights
using power, position
& language
Too accommodating
Talks softly
Intimidating
Must get my way
Communications Styles
How about…?
Gives “cold fish” handshakes
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Dominating
Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected
Violate others’ rights
using power, position
& language
Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives “cold fish”
handshakes
Intimidating
Must get my way
Communications Styles
How about…?
Don’t stand up for my rights
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Dominating
Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected
Violate others’ rights
using power, position
& language
Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives “cold fish”
handshakes
Don’t stand up
for my rights
Intimidating
Must get my way
Communications Styles
How about…?
React instantly
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Dominating
Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected
Violate others’ rights
using power, position
& language
Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives “cold fish”
handshakes
Don’t stand up for
my rights
Intimidating
Must get my way
React instantly
Communications Styles
How about…?
Avoid conflicts
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Dominating
Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected
Violate others’ rights
using power, position
& language
Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives “cold fish”
handshakes
Don’t stand up for
my rights
Avoid conflicts
Intimidating
Must get my way
React instantly
Communications Styles
How about…?
Confident
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Dominating
Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected
Violate others’ rights
using power, position
& language
Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives “cold fish”
handshakes
Don’t stand up for
my rights
Avoid conflicts
Confident
Intimidating
Must get my way
React instantly
Communications Styles
How about…?
Don’t care where or when I
“blast” someone
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Dominating
Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected
Violate others’ rights
using power, position
& language
Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives “cold fish”
handshakes
Don’t stand up for
my rights
Avoid conflicts
Confident
Intimidating
Must get my way
React instantly
Don’t care where
or when I “blast”
someone
Communications Styles
How about…?
Realize I have choices
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Dominating
Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected
Violate others’ rights
using power, position
& language
Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives “cold fish”
handshakes
Don’t stand up for
my rights
Avoid conflicts
Confident
Realize I have
choices
Intimidating
Must get my way
React instantly
Don’t care where or
when I “blast”
someone
Communications Styles
How about…?
Effective communicator
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Dominating
Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected
Violate others’ rights
using power, position
& language
Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives “cold fish”
handshakes
Don’t stand up for
my rights
Confident
Avoid conflicts
Effective
communicator
Realize I have choices
Intimidating
Must get my way
React instantly
Don’t care where or
when I “blast”
someone
Communications Styles
How about…?
People take advantage of me
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Dominating
Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected
Violate others’ rights
using power, position
& language
Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives “cold fish”
handshakes
Don’t stand up for
my rights
Confident
Avoid conflicts
Effective communicator
People take
advantage of me
Realize I have choices
Intimidating
Must get my way
React instantly
Don’t care where or
when I “blast”
someone
Communications Styles
How about…?
Can express my needs
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Dominating
Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected
Violate others’ rights
using power, position
& language
Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives “cold fish”
handshakes
Don’t stand up for
my rights
Confident
Avoid conflicts
Effective communicator
People take
advantage of me
Realize I have choices
Can express my
needs
Intimidating
Must get my way
React instantly
Don’t care where or
when I “blast”
someone
Communications Styles
How about…?
Can be abusive
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Dominating
Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected
Violate others’ rights
using power, position
& language
Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives “cold fish”
handshakes
Don’t stand up for
my rights
Confident
Avoid conflicts
Effective communicator
People take
advantage of me
Realize I have choices
Can express my needs
Intimidating
Must get my way
React instantly
Don’t care where or
when I “blast”
someone
Can be abusive
Communications Styles
How about…?
Vise-like handshake
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Dominating
Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected
Violate others’ rights
using power, position
& language
Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives “cold fish”
handshakes
Don’t stand up for
my rights
Confident
Avoid conflicts
Effective communicator
People take
advantage of me
Realize I have choices
Can express my needs
Intimidating
Must get my way
React instantly
Don’t care where or
when I “blast”
someone
Can be abusive
Vise-like
handshake
Communications Styles
How about…?
Make good eye contact
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Dominating
Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected
Violate others’ rights
using power, position
& language
Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives “cold fish”
handshakes
Don’t stand up for
my rights
Confident
Avoid conflicts
Effective communicator
People take
advantage of me
Realize I have choices
Can express my needs
Make good eye
contact
Intimidating
Must get my way
React instantly
Don’t care where or
when I “blast”
someone
Can be abusive
Vise-like handshakes
Communications Styles
How about…?
I like to get even
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Dominating
Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected
Violate others’ rights
using power, position
& language
Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives “cold fish”
handshakes
Don’t stand up for
my rights
Confident
Avoid conflicts
Effective communicator
People take
advantage of me
Realize I have choices
Intimidating
Must get my way
React instantly
Can express my needs
Don’t care where or
when I “blast”
someone
Make good eye contact
Can be abusive
Vise-like handshake
I like to get even
Communications Styles
How about…?
Speak with firm voice
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Dominating
Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected
Violate others’ rights
using power, position
& language
Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives “cold fish”
handshakes
Don’t stand up for
my rights
Confident
Avoid conflicts
Effective communicator
People take
advantage of me
Realize I have choices
Intimidating
Must get my way
React instantly
Can express my needs
Don’t care where or
when I “blast”
someone
Make good eye contact
Can be abusive
Speak with firm
voice
Vise-like handshake
I like to get even
Communications Styles
How about…?
Trouble saying “no,” then I’m
angry and resentful
Communications Styles
Communication Styles
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Can’t speak up
Firm
Loud
Don’t know my rights
Direct
Bossy
Get stepped on
Honest
Pushy
Meek
Respect rights of
others
Dominating
Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected
Violate others’ rights
using power, position
& language
Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives “cold fish”
handshakes
Don’t stand up for
my rights
Confident
Avoid conflicts
Effective communicator
People take
advantage of me
Trouble saying “no,”
then I’m angry and
resentful
Realize I have choices
Intimidating
Must get my way
React instantly
Can express my needs
Don’t care where or
when I “blast”
someone
Make good eye contact
Can be abusive
Speak with firm voice
Vise-like handshake
I like to get even
Communications Styles
Passive Style: Summary






Too intimidated to express thoughts and
feelings
Forfeits his/her rights or freedoms
Gives in to demands so he/she will be
accepted
Avoid confrontation at any cost
Often feels used and taken advantage of
Driven by anxiety
Communications Styles
Assertive Style: Summary

Recognizes and stands up for own
rights while respecting the dignity of
others

Focuses on specific issues and
problems, without belittling self or
others

Expresses opinion without violating
others’ rights

Minimizes opportunities to be
taken advantage of by others
Communications Styles
Assertive Style: Summary

Open, tolerant, and considerate of
other’s feelings

Can overcome fear to confront issues
that require resolutions

Can communicate feelings of anger
diplomatically, without putting others
on the defensive
Communications Styles
Aggressive Style: Summary

Intimidates others to gain control of
their thoughts and actions

Manipulates, accuses, fights

Little or no regard for other’s feelings

Driven by anger
Communications Styles
Passive-aggressiveness

Hostility expressed through inaction;
inertia used as a weapon
 Silent
treatment
 Dragging your feet
 Always being late
 Never saying what they want to do, then
sulking about it
 Lame excuses

Plausible deniability is key
Communications Styles
ROLE PLAY

Scenario 1: Need two volunteers

Scenario 2: Need three volunteers
Communications Styles
Assertiveness Skills

Know your rights











Say no and not feel guilty
Change your mind about anything
Take your time to form a response to a comment or
question
Ask for assistance with instructions or directions
Ask for what you want
Experience and express your feelings
Feel positive about yourself under any conditions
Make mistakes without feeling embarrassed or
guilty
Own your opinions and convictions
Protest unfair treatment or criticism
Be recognized for your significant achievements
and contributions
From Davis, Eshelmann, and McKay (1988)
Communications Styles
Assertiveness Skills

Know your rights

Learn to say no
Learn to use “I” statements
Use eye contact
Use assertive body language
Avoid manipulation




 Be
aware of these strategies
 Intimidation
 Content substitution
 Personal attacks (character assassination)
 Avoidance
Communications Styles
Assertiveness Skills

Know your rights
Learn to say no
Learn to use “I” statements
Use eye contact
Use assertive body language
Avoid manipulation

Respond rather than react





 Exercise
Communications Styles
Your difficult person

What communication style do they use?

How does it make you feel?

How will you change your reaction to
them?
Communications Styles
Communication is two-way
What questions do you have??
Communications Styles
Evaluation Questions
Use:
A.
B.
C.
D.
E.
Strongly agree
Agree
Disagree
Strongly disagree
Don’t know
#13
Tuesday, Sept. 28
I found the presentation of material easy to
understand.
2. This Advantage session increased my knowledge
on the subject presented.
3. I will be able to use some of the information
from this Advantage session in the future.
4. The presenter was well prepared for this
Advantage session.
5. This presentation should be repeated in future
semesters.
1.