Transcript Slide

Session 6
Welcome
to the
Self-Esteem in Second Life
Workshop for Women with SCI
A research study conducted by:
Center for Research on Women with Disabilities (CROWD)
Spinal Cord Injury and Disability Research Center (SCIDR)
Action Plan Progress Review
• Tell us how things went with carrying out your
action plan last week
• What barriers did you face?
• What or who encouraged you?
• How did working on this make you feel?
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Review of Homework
•
MAKING CHANGES
Increasing a Healthy Connection Habit
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MAKING CHANGES
Increasing a Healthy Connection Habit
• Describe a new connection habit
• Modification in my environment to help me
continue the habit
• My rewards for continuing the habit
• Images of success
• Blocks I may encounter
• Affirmation to help me on the way
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Today’s Session Includes
• Types of communication
• Methods for improving communication
• Assertive behavior
• Visualization
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Communication Styles
• Our communication style:
– tells others how we feel about ourselves
– affects our health and wellness
– can help us connect or distance ourselves from
others
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Communication Styles
• Healthy communication:
– can reduce our sense of isolation
– can widen our social networks and increase
our sense of connectedness
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Communication Styles
• Ineffective Communication
– “You Statements”
• "YOU should have done it this way."
• "Why did YOU move my things?"
• "YOU make me feel awful."
– Asking Questions
• "What did YOU think of that movie?"
• "What would YOU like to do this weekend?”
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Three Tools for Effective
Listening
THREE TOOLS FOR EFFECTIVE LISTENING
1. Asking for Clarification communicates
interest. One might say, "You were making an
important point. Could you please give me an
example of what you were saying?"
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Three Tools for Effective
Listening
THREE TOOLS FOR EFFECTIVE LISTENING
2. Repeating What You've Heard in your own words
identifies and addresses misunderstandings.
•
•
•
For example, one might say, "If I understood you
correctly, you feel that you are being discriminated
against because of your disability."
Rephrasing allows you to express what you believe
you have heard and for the other to correct any
misunderstanding.
In this example, the person might respond, "No, that's
not exactly what I was saying. What I meant was that
my supervisor does not completely appreciate my
disability-related needs."
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Three Tools for Effective
Listening
THREE TOOLS FOR EFFECTIVE LISTENING
3. Stating What You Believe the Other Person is
Feeling allows you to listen for what's not being
stated. In this instance, you might say, "If I had a
supervisor like yours, I'd be feeling pretty frustrated, too."
Or, you might say, “Do I hear you saying that you are
feeling disappointed that your supervisor doesn’t really
understand?”
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Communication Styles
• Effective Communication
– Clarification and active listening
• Asking for clarification
• Repeating what you have heard
• Stating what you believe the other person is
feeling
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Communication Styles
• Effective Communication
– "I Statements"
• "I feel ignored when you spend so much time
with your friends."
• "I feel lonely when you do not visit me, and I
would like to see you more frequently."
• "I feel angry when you do things for me that I
believe you know I would prefer doing for
myself."
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Communication Styles
You Statements vs. I Statements
You
You are disgusting and
irresponsible when you
drink alcohol.
I
When you drink alcohol, I
feel frightened and
disgusted.
You are rude not to call
I feel angry and worried
when you are going to be when you don't call to let
late.
me know that you are
going to be late.
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Communication Styles
• Effective Communication
– Asking Why Questions
• Instead of asking your personal assistant,
"Why are you late for work?"
• You might say, "Did something happen that
kept you from coming to work on time?"
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Assertiveness
• Passive Behavior
– Denying your own rights
– "I'm wrong, you're right."
• Aggressive Behavior
– Infringing on the rights of others
– "I'm right, you're wrong."
• Assertive Behavior
– Simple, straight-forward expression of one's
beliefs, feelings, and opinions
– "I believe that each of us has a lot to offer here."
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A Personal Bill of Rights for Women
with SCI
• I have the right...
– to dignity and self-respect
– to have my needs met
– to determine my own lifestyle (beyond
survival)
– to change my mind
– to ask for what I want
– to feel good about myself
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A Personal Bill of Rights for Women
with SCI
• I have the right...
– to be proud of my disability
– to receive accommodation in public places
– to have my needs be as important as those of
others
– to ask for information
– to decline assistance from others
– to choose not to assert myself
– to make mistakes and be responsible for them
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Tips for Learning to Say NO
• Start your answer with the word "no"
• Speak in a firm voice
• Keep your answer short and clear
• Do not send double messages
• Remember that you have the right to say no
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Tips for Learning to Say NO
• Practice
• Be prepared
• Do not say no when there
is a valid reason to say yes
• Do not say no when you
want to say yes
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What Would You Say?
1. Imagine you came home from work, and
you are especially tired and need to relax.
Your friend calls you and wants you to go
shopping with her. You respond:
___________________________________
___________________________________
___________________________________
___________________________________
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Relaxation Exercise
Relaxation
Visualization
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ACTION PLAN
• Goal
• This week I will
• How much or how long
• When
• How many times during the week
• How confident you are (1-10)
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This Week You Will:
• Review the materials we talked about today.
• Complete the “What would you say?”
exercise
• Complete the goal setting and action planning
forms.
• Work on your action plan throughout the
week.
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