Transcript on Non-violent Communication (click here)

Nonviolent Communication
Sr. Ana Elídia Caffer Neves
Brazil North Province
Communication for peace
Compassionate Communication
Nonviolent communication
Personal Reflection
 Get in touch with your heart
 Identify the feelings you have experienced more
strongly during this seminar.
 Also identify your main needs during this
seminar.
 Were your needs satisfied?
13th General Chapter Directions
Learning Nonviolence
 New Perception:
We recognize that violence
exists in and among us and that we are part of
the violent systems.
 Direction: Build communities and societies of
Gospel justice, reconciliation and healing where
personal and social violence in any form has no
place.
Triangle of Violence
Johan Galtung
Direct Violence
Visible
Invisible
Cultural Violence
Structural Violence
Human Needs
Maslow’s Pyramid
What is nonviolent communication?
It is a form of interpersonal communication
inspired by compassion and solidarity.
It helps to improve relations and to act with
practical and effective means to promote
peace.
Founded by the psychologist Dr. Marshall
Rosenberg, it is used by a world network of
mediators, facilitators and volunteers.
Who is Marshall Rosenberg?
North American Psychologist of Jewish origin;
From the 60s on, he developed Nonviolent Communication
(NVC) to help resolve conflicts.
At present Non Violent Communication serves as a tool
for resolving conflicts in more than 65 countries.
NVC is also applied:
- in the development of new social systems,
partnership and in power sharing;
- in the field of Education,
- in Restoratives Circles and in the
practice of the Restorative Justice
Marshall Rosenberg:
He travels around the world to mediate
in conflicts and proposes programs of
peace to regions devastated by war.
He offers courses and conferences on
calm response to the verbal conflicts in
our daily dealings.
He sees the key to overcoming
disagreements and quarrels in the way
we speak and listen to others.
Introduction
The jackal and
the giraffe
The language of the violence
In childhood we learn
to communicate in a violent
and aggressive way to achieve our
goals/aims.
This is head level communication which does not take
into account our feelings.
Moralist (classifies everything as “good and bad”, “true
and false”)
It is tendentious and judges people. And always blames
others.
It is demanding and thinks that others have the
obligation to satisfy our personal needs.
The language of love
We can learn another way to communicate which
makes for peace.
This communication comes from the heart.
It is in contact with our feelings and needs.
It is true and honest
It neither judges nor looks down on others;
It lets us assume responsibility for our own
emotions.
It enables us to state clearly what we wish
without imposing or demanding.
The secret of Giraffe:
 Faced with any
kind of violent
communication
the Giraffe only
listens:
“Please help me!”
The starting point of NVC:
To recognize in ourselves and
in the others the presence of
God, which Dr. Marshall calls
“Divine Energy”.
This divine presence in me is
what recognizes the divine
presence in
the other person.
Heart of the NVC: cooperation
“We human beings
act to satisfy
our needs, principles
and basic and universal
values.”
How does NVC function?
As an alternative to face the
day to day conflicts
Personal Exercise
Think of a person with whom you
find it difficult to relate.
Observe:
1.Why do I have this difficulty in relating
to her/him?
2.What did this person do to
displease me?
Group sharing
Look at your notes:
Are they objective observations of
reality and descriptions of the facts?
Are they judgments about another person;
your criticism of her way of being;
your opinions or prejudices about her?
How does NVC Function?
As an alternative to face the day to
day conflicts
Conflicts with
companions, family,
members of the
same community ,
persons with
different opinions
and cultures.
When we overcome the destructive
logic of anger, punishment, shame
and blame.
Cycles of
Painful
emotions
For this:
We need to communicate clearly
and honestly.
To communicate honestly
and clearly means always
to state the truth and
express objectively:
 What did the person do?
 How did I feel?
 What need of mine was not met?
 What do I want this person to do for me?
Opinions
Judgments
Criticism
Prejudices
Aggression
violence
resentment
conflicts
How to tell the truth
clearly and honestly without attacking
another person?
Example:
Tell the truth
and honestly express…
 What did the person do to me?
 This morning, when you shouted at me…
 What did I feel? ... I felt very angry...
 What was my need that was not met? ... Why do I
feel the need to be treated with more respect and to
dialogue with you?
 What do I want this person to do for me?
 I ask this of you: even though you are angry with me,
talk to me without shouting.
Personal Exercise
Get back to the person with whom you have
difficulty relating and describe:
 What did the person do to me?
 How did I feel in relation to this person?
 What is the need that I perceive in me and that
causes the way I feel?
 What do I want this person to do for me?
Share two by two
 Observe:
 1. How do I feel talking about my feelings and
needs?
 2. The quality of listening.
 3. What do we discover from this exercise?
NVC’s goals
To help us
connect
with what is
alive within
us and in
others
To establish
relationships
founded on
cooperation and
compassion
To build
relationships
from the
heart:
Giving and
receiving so
that one's
own life and
that of the
other person
is enriched
Changes in our usual way of communication
Communication
that blocks compassion
“Do not judge and you will not be judged. For as
you judge, so you will be judged,” (Mt 7,1).
It is natural to receive and
to give with compassion.
Communication that blocks
compassion
We learn different forms of “alienating” communication
in life which lead us to speak and behave in a way that
hurts others and ourselves.
•
•
•
•
Moralizing judgments
Making comparisons
Not assuming responsibility
for our own thinking, feelings
and actions.
Communicating our wishes
in a demanding manner.
A few steps of NVC:
1. Observe without judging:
When we mix remarks with
judgments, others tend to
perceive this as criticism and
resist what we say.
A few steps of NVC:
2. Identify and express
feelings:
When we state what we feel in
a clear and specific way, we
connect more easily with other
persons.
Allowing ourselves to be
vulnerable and expressing our
feelings, we help solve conflicts.
A few steps of NVC:
3. Assume responsibility
for our feelings:
What others say and do can be a stimulus, but never the cause of our
feelings. When someone communicates in a negative form, we can
receive the message in different ways:
 To blame ourselves;
 To blame others;
 To notice our own
feelings and needs;
 To perceive the feelings and
needs hidden behind the negative
message of the other person.
I’m sorry
A few steps of NVC:
4. Ask what will enrich our life:
• When our needs are not being met
1. Express what we observe, feel and need
without criticizing, analyzing, blaming
or interpreting the motives of others;
2. Carry out specific actions that could
satisfy our needs.
A few steps of NVC:
5. Give and accept
empathy:
Empathy is the respectful
perception of what others are
experiencing.
A few steps of NVC:
6.
Be compassionately
connected with yourself:
When we commit errors,
we can use the NVC
processes of mourning and
pardon through which we
can grow, instead of
moralizing, getting
entangled in judgments of
ourselves.
A few steps of NVC:
7. Express the anger:
To express our anger fully,
the first step is not to place the
responsibility for our anger on
the other person.
Instead, we view our own
feelings and needs in the light
of our conscience.
A few steps of NVC:
8. Become free so as to be able
to help others
To become free of our conditioning
To solve interior conflicts
To take care of our inner life
A few steps of NVC:
9. Express gratitude:
Gratitude is very important
in NVC and it must be
Thank you!
celebrated, not with praises,
but with the honest expression of how I feel
enriched by another person.
Instead of saying that a person is this or that
(judgment), tell her/him how she/he has
benefited me and how she/he has contributed to
my happiness and well-being.
Attentive ears
To do good is the best way of making our life more significant
and of enriching the life of other persons.
Prayer for Peace
Sr. Ana C. Elídia Neves SSpS
LORD, we bring before you the pain of humanity
suffering, searching and struggling for peace.
We bring the anguish of the victims of violence,
injustice and oppression.
We bring the despair of those who have lost
their loved ones in conflict situations.
We also bring our wounded hearts,
Thirsting for your peace and your love.
God, we want to consecrate this day
to the cause of peace, so that
all our days will be days of peace.
Prayer for Peace / cont.
Give us, Lord, your light to build
peace in our relationships.
Give us, Lord, your peace to learn how
to welcome without prejudice
and to respect the dignity of every human being.
Give us, Lord, your peace to recognize
each person as our neighbor
and the generous gift of your love in all creation.
Turn the violence and injustice
that dwell within us into a gift of love
that generates compassion and peace.
Amen.