Transcript Ways of Responding

Communication
Family Life Certification
Module #7
Communication
The woman at the well
(John 4:4-26)
Nicodemus at night
(John 3:1-15)
3. Zacchaeus
(Luke 19:1-9)
The rich young ruler
(Luke 18:18-25)
Communication
Level One
Cliché
No depth
Meaningless greetings
Have you eaten?
How are you?
No processing or analyzing
Just for courtesy when meeting others
No intimacy
Communication
Level Two
Reporting
Sharing facts
News
Topics of interest
Communication
Level Three
My opinions and point of view
That was such an uplifting testimony!
I consider that a lame excuse.
You made an excellent point during the discussion.
Your essay was the best in the whole class.
Watch the way you spoil your baby!
If you continue in this way, you will soon be the top
engineer of my company.
Communication
Level Four
My Feelings
I’m disappointed because you failed the exam
I’m so happy that I could burst.
I’m absolutely satisfied with your work.
More revealing of self
First level of a more intimate conversation
Shared between close friends, married couples, parents
and children, employer-employee
Communication
Level Five
Deep, Intimate Communication
Possible between spouses
Between parents & children
Bares the feelings in an attempt to understand
the other person
Deeper communication that is possible because of
shared relationships, memories and experiences
Communication
Good Communication means:
Sharing thoughts and feelings
Expressing your love
Clearly stating your intentions
Listening and responding
correctly
Communication
Communication Tips
Avoid
Never
Always
Avoid indirect and non-specific conversation
Be direct (esp women)
Say what you mean
Take turns talking and listening in order to have an
enjoyable conversation; don’t interrupt
Don’t use the silent treatment
Communication
Communication Tips
Avoid criticism and negative talk
Focus on encouraging talk
Parents need to learn this #1 skill in building confidence
of children
Maintain good eye contact
Shifty eyes denote lack of interest/dishonesty
Anger/broken relationship
If you don’t understand or think the other person
does not understand you, clarify and paraphrase
Set aside time for communication and work on it—
it’s worth it!
Communication
Communication Principles
Lag Time
Congruence
Interpersonal Gap
Communication
Principles to Understand and Use Information
4. Body Language
 Openness
 Defensiveness
 Evaluation
 Suspicion
 Insecurity
 Cooperation
 Confidence
 Nervousness
 Frustration
Communication
5. The Cry for Help
6. Listening Techniques
 ASK the right questions
 DO NOT pry
 DO NOT be afraid of silence
Communication
WAYS OF RESPONDING
 Evaluating -- deciding whether
right or wrong
 Eh, there’s nothing wrong with you!
 No need to cry; remember, you are a
man and men don’t cry!
Communication
WAYS OF RESPONDING
 Evaluating -- deciding whether
right or wrong
 So, what are you going to do about it?
 Let me tell you what the real problem
is.
 This is what you should do.
Communication
WAYS OF RESPONDING
 Evaluating -- deciding whether
right or wrong
 A lot of people go through this same thing.
 Never mind, just forget all about it.
 This is God’s will.
Communication
WAYS OF RESPONDING
Hollow listening: listening WITHOUT
responding
No evaluation
Pay attention
Indicate involvement by nodding head or saying
“uh-huh”, “yes”
Communication
WAYS OF RESPONDING
Hollow listening: listening WITHOUT
responding
Sometimes say “I understand” or “I think I
understand”
Communication
Ways of Responding
Evaluating (deciding whether right or wrong)
Hollow listening (listening without responding)
Communication
WAYS OF RESPONDING
Responding with understanding
Listen to the total communication
words
non-verbal (body language)
tone and other cues
Communication
WAYS OF RESPONDING
Responding with understanding
 Try to understand
The personality
The background
The current mood or needs of the person
 Try to identify the feelings of the person
CHECK FEELINGS
Happy
Communication
Sad
Communication
Angry
Contented
Communication
WAYS OF RESPONDING
Responding with understanding
 Express understanding of the feelings
 Respond by showing understanding
from that person’s point of view and
NOT by evaluating
Communication
Formula for
Responding with Understanding
You feel ___________ (insert a “feeling” word)
because __________ (insert the person’s experience)
Communication
Ways of Responding
Evaluating (deciding whether right or wrong)
Hollow Listening (listening without responding)
Responding with Understanding
Communication
REVIEW
 Responding with understanding involves
 Listening to the total communication
 Trying to understand the personality,
background and needs of the person
 Identifying feelings behind what the person is
saying
 Expressing understanding of the feelings
 Responding by showing understanding from
that person’s point of view and NOT by
evaluating
Communication
At the heart of a good marriage
is its communication system