Transcript Chapter Four

Chapter Four
Intimate Relationships and
Communication
Developing Intimate Relationships
• To have successful relationships, a positive self-concept
and healthy self-esteem help love and respect others
• Personal identity must be allowed to develop
• The following are other factors learned in early
childhood that assist with healthy relationships:
• Gender roles
• Style of attachment
• Formulation of friendships
Developing Friendships
• Friendships include the
following characteristics:
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Companionship
Respect
Acceptance
Help
Trust
Loyalty
Mutuality
Reciprocity
Bonds Between People
• Friendship (deep attachments are influenced)
• Dating (formalized pattern reflecting serial
monogamy to mutual monogamy patterns)
• Intimacy (sharing of deep feelings)
• Love (emotional attachment of various levels)
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Liking
Infatuation (passion)
Romantic (intimacy and passion)
Fatuous (passion and commitment)
Empty (commitment)
Companionate (intimacy and commitment)
Consummate (all three elements)
Challenges in Intimate Relationships
• Honesty and Openness
• Unequal or Premature
Commitment
• Unrealistic Expectations
• Competitiveness
• Balancing Time Spent
Together and/or Apart
• Jealousy
Strategies for Enhancing Support in
Relationships
• Be aware of the
importance of support
• Learn to ask for help
from your partner
• Help your partner the
way you would liked to
be helped
• Avoid negativity
• Make positive
attributions
• Do things for yourself
once in a while
• Keep relationship
problems separate from
other support issues
Ending a Relationship
• Give the relationship a fair chance before
dissolving
• Be fair, tactful, honest, and compassionate
• If you are the rejected person, give time to
resolve anger and pain
• Recognize the value of the experience in order
to move on towards better times
Communication Skills
• There are verbal and non-verbal forms of
communication
• There are 3 keys for good communication in
relationships
• Self-disclosure
• Listening
• Feedback
Gender and Communication
• Difficulties in relationships can be traced to
gender differences in communication
• Men have the following communication style :
• Establishing dominance/competitive
• Men talk more/listen less
• Women use communication for the following:
• Establishing friendships
• Seeking advice
• Obtaining cues from listening and eye contact
Conflict Resolution Techniques
• Clarify the issue
• Find out what each
person wants
• Identify various
alternatives
• Decide on how to
negotiate
• Solidify agreements
• Review and re-negotiate
Relationships and Lifestyles
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Marriage
Single-hood
Cohabitation (living together)
Single Parenthood
Gay and Lesbian Partnerships
Choosing a Partner
• Most will consider the following:
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Geographical area
Similar ethnic and socioeconomic background
Educational level
Lifestyle
Physical attractiveness
• Based upon many common characteristics, the shift
goes towards basic values such as:
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Religion
Political beliefs
Sexual attitudes
Family/children
Same Sex Partnerships
• Sharing the same sexual orientation as your partner
(homosexuality)
• Same sex partnerships provide the same as heterosexual
partnerships
• The only difference is that same-sex partnerships tend
to be more egalitarian (equal) and less organized around
traditional gender roles
• Also, same sex partnerships have to deal with societal
hostility compared to heterosexual couples
Marriage
 95% of all Americans marry some time in their life
 Satisfies several basic needs
 Today, marriage is more for personal, emotional
reasons
 When people enter marriage with such
preconceptions, it may be harder for them to
appreciate the benefits that it offers
Benefits of Marriage
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Affection
Personal affirmation
Companionship
Sexual fulfillment
Emotional growth
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Setting to raise children
Providing for the future
Economic provision
Tax issues
Predictors of a Happy Marriage
• Partners have a realistic
expectation about their
relationship
• Each feel good about the
personality of the other
• They communicate well
• They have effective ways
of resolving conflict
• They agree on
religious/ethical values
• They have an egalitarian
role relationship
• They have a good
balance of individual
versus joint interests and
leisure activities
Divorce
• Half of all marriages end up in divorce
• Experts suggest the reflections of the following unfulfilled expectations:
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Belief
Belief
Belief
Belief
Belief
that marriage will ease the need to deal with own fault
that marriage will change faults in your partner
that romance will continue at the same level throughout marriage
that marriage will provide the avenue to continue your personal power
that your partner will be successful in meeting all your needs
Parenting
• Research by Diana Baumrind reveal 4 general
styles of parenting
– Authoritarian (high demand/low responsiveness)
– Authoritative (high demand/high responsiveness)
– Permissive/Indulgent (high responsiveness/low
demand)
– Uninvolved (low demand/low responsivenesss)
Other Factors of Parenting to
Consider
• Single Parents
• Children’s Temperaments
• Easy Children
• Difficult Children
• Slow to warm up children
• Stepfamilies
Successful Families
• This is a family that copes successfully with
stress and crisis, which involves the following:
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Commitment
Appreciation
Communication
Time together
Spiritual wellness
Coping with stress and crisis
Chapter Four
Intimate Relationships and
Communication