Transcript Communication Across Cultures

Communication Across Cultures
John Barkai
University of Hawaii School of Law
Communication Skills & Techniques:
Cross Cultural Differences
in the Security Cooperation Context
www2.hawaii.edu/~barkai
Today’s
Presentation
Google: John Barkai
Handling of Problems & Communication
Western - American
Asian, African, Middle Eastern
designed by Yang Liu (Young)
Born China; Germany since 14
Conflict is inevitable
but
combat is not
Perspective
View
“Even a sheet of paper
has two sides”
Japanese Proverb
Lain padang lain belalang
lain orang lain ragam
Different fields have different grasshoppers;
different people have different attitudes or styles
People see things differently
Malaysian
People
see
things differently
They also
hear
things differently
They also
think about
things differently
They also
decide
things differently
They also
say
things differently
Basic Communication Loop
CODE
DECODE
SPEAKER
LISTENER
LISTENER
SPEAKER
DECODE
CODE
The
Communication
Samurai
The easiest way to improve
your communication skills is
to
A__
M___
Q________!
Ask
More
Questions!
To improve communications
Open Ended Questions
What do you think is one of
the most important issues facing
your country in the next 10 years?
Thai
Japanese
Dhivehi
Maldives
French
What do you think is one of
the most important issues facing
your country in the next 10 years?
Do it in your
Native language
What do you think is one of
the most important issues facing
your country in the next 10 years?
He who asks
is a fool for five minutes,
but he who does not ask
remains a fool forever
- Chinese Proverb
Speaker
(Instructor)
Active Listener
(Student)
Speaker
Continues
Comments
1
I had a terrible day
today.
What I hear you saying is
you had a terrible day today.
Yeah, that's what I said.
Are you feeling OK today?
Classic active
listening.
Uses introductory
phrase. Repeats
exact words.
2
I had a terrible day
today.
... a terrible day?
Yeah, nothing went right,
and then there was that
thing with my boss.
Skips introductory
phrase. Repeats a
few of the exact
words.
3
The boss screamed
at me about some
assignment.
... blamed by the boss?
Yeah, he was going on
and on about it.
Paraphrased, but still
not a complete
sentence.
4
He was being unfair.
I didn't even know
what he was talking
about.
... unfairly blaming you?
No, actually it did turn out
to be my fault. But he
shouldn't have acted like
that with my co-workers
around.
Speaker corrects
inaccurate active
listener.
5
How do you think
you would feel if
that happened to
you?
... you are very disturbed
about this.
Of course I am. No one
should have to go through
something like that.
Active listening used
instead of answering
the question.
6
[if they go on and
on and on and on
and on]
Wait a minute! Let me see if
I understand you correctly.
Active listening is
used to interrupt
without offending.
Communication Techniques
Speaker
Listener
Technique
1. What do you think is one of the most
important skills for negotiators?
Open-ended
Question
2. Ah, I'd say communication skills.
3. Tell me more about that.
Open-ended,
Follow-up Question
4. Sure. Negotiators need to be able to collect information and
to persuade people. Of course they need to communicate to do
that.
5. What do you mean by "collect
information?"
Clarifying
6. Negotiators need to learn information from other people. So
negotiators "collect" this information by asking appropriate
questions and using other communication techniques.
7. Humm, hum.
Passive Listening
8. After they have collected the information they then use it in
some way.
9. Can you be more specific?
Narrowing
10. Sure. When negotiators learn about the other side's
interest, they can use that information during the negotiation.
11. That's helpful, keep going.
Facilitator
12. They use techniques like open-ended questions, follow-up
questions, clarifying questions, and active listening.
13. How so?
Open-ended
14. They use these techniques to gather information from their
opponent.
15. They collect the information by using
these techniques?
Summarization
Active Listening
16. Yes, the good communicators collect the information which
is an important foundation for the negotiation.
17. How do you feel about that?
Open-ended Question
Probe for Feelings
18. I think it is one of the most important things that negotiators
do, and unfortunately, many negotiators neglect these skills.
19. So you think communication is
important, but many negotiators neglect
it?
Summarization
Active Listening
20. Right. Negotiators should realize that good communication
techniques can help them to be successful, and they should pay
attention to, and practice good communication techniques.
21. Thanks. You have helped me to
better understand your views about
communication. And, I hope I have
helped you demonstrate some of the
techniques that you have talked about.
CROSS CULTURAL
But first,
magic
I will make it disappear
It’s gone!
and how does it impact communication
and security cooperation?
Ideals, values, and assumptions about life
that are widely shared and that guide
specific behaviors. (Richard Brislin 1993)
Culture is the collective programming of the
mind distinguishing the members of one
group from others. (Geert Hofstede)
What we grow up with, is “normal” to us.
Humu’humu’nuku’nuku’a’pu’a’a
Water to the fish
Hawaii State Fish
New Yorker’s View of the World
What’s this?
Australian View of the World
Tel Aviv Israel
A Rhino’s View of the World
Strangers in a new culture
see only what they already know
- anonymous
We don’t see things as
they are,
we see things
as we are.
Anais Nin
(1903-1977)
CULTURAL MISTAKES
often come from
giving meaning or motive to
another person’s behavior
based upon
your own culture or
experience
Cultural Lessons
from Craig Storti
• Don’t assume sameness
• What you think of as “normal” behavior - may only be cultural.
• Familiar behaviors - may have different meanings.
• Don’t assume what you meant - is what they understood.
• Don’t assume what you understood - is what they meant.
• You don’t have to like or accept “different” behavior, but you
should try to understand where it comes from.
• Most people do behave rationally - you just have to discover their rationale.
Cross-Cultural Dialogs: 74 Brief Encounters with Cultural Difference (1994)
What cultural factors
are most likely to
impact communication
in security situations
and how?
Small groups
You learned (almost) everything
you ever needed to know about
cross cultural communication
at home before the age of 5
Patterns
Deborah Tannen
Georgetown University Linguistics Professor
How language affects relationships
Patterns – Conversational Style
Gender & Communication
Do Women & Men Talk Differently?
Yo momma wears combat boots
Your sisters tell secrets
Your spouse can't communicate
Yo mama wears combat boots
(establishing hierarchy - competitiveness)
Your sisters tell secrets
(closeness / building rapport)
Your spouse can't communicate
(Direct/indirect speech)
(High / low context communication)
Complementary Schismogenesis
We become more extreme
in our communication and behavior
during conflict
The louder person talks still louder,
the softer person talks still softer
High Context
&
Low Context
Communication
High Context Communication
Native American words were used for with military terms they resembled
Navajo Code Talk
Navajo Word
English Word
Military Term
"chay-da-gahi"
Tortoise
Tank
"gini"
Chicken hawk
Dive-bomber
"besh-lo"
Iron fish
Submarine
"ne-he-mah"
Our mother
America
High Context Communication Problems
In a blind approach for landing through clouds, where the
co-pilot is convinced that the plane is heading against
solid mountain rock, he only says
“I am not sure if we have
established our gliding path
with necessary precision.”
And other incidents
of running out of
fuel, but not telling
the captain
Hierarchy
Malcolm Gladwell,
Outliers
Friendly Fire Casualties
Cuban Missile Crisis 1962
Cross cultural & non-verbal communication
Decoding Indirectness
Is the statement accurate, or are they saying something else?
If so, what else?
Assume you are at a meeting
That is a very
interesting viewpoint.
The majority of the world talks like this
High Context – Indirect Communication
http://wws.peacecorps.gov/wws/educators/enrichment/culturematters/Ch3/decoding.html
Decoding Indirectness
What they say What they might mean
That is a very
I don’t agree.
interesting viewpoint
We need to talk more
about this.
You are wrong.
The actual meaning of the words
may be a poor guide
to what an indirect communicator is saying.
Decoding Indirectness
What they say What they might mean?
This proposal
deserves further
consideration.
Decoding Indirectness
What they say What they might mean
This proposal
deserves further
consideration.
We don’t like it.
It needs work.
Propose
something else.
Decoding Indirectness
What they say What they might mean
We understand
your proposal
very well.
Decoding Indirectness
What they say What they might mean
We understand
your proposal
very well.
Do you have
another one?
We don’t like it.
Decoding Indirectness
I know very little about this,
but....
I’m something of an expert on
this but am too polite to
say so.
What I think we should do is...
We will try our best.
Don’t expect much to happen.
I heard another story about that I don’t agree with what you
project.
said about that project.
Can we move on to the next
topic?
We don’t want to talk about
this now.
We need to consult with people
not in the room before we
can decide.
Practicing Indirectness: Suggestions
Let’s try the opposite approach
Be more indirect?
What you say
Direct
I don’t think that’s
such a good idea.
What you could say?
Can you be more Indirect?
Practicing Indirectness: Suggestions
What you say
Direct
What you could say?
Can you be more Indirect?
I don’t think that’s Do you think that’s
such a good idea. a good idea?
Are there any other
ideas?
I like most parts of
that idea.
Practicing Indirectness: Suggestions
What you say
Direct
That information
is not accurate.
What you could say?
Can you be more
Indirect?
Practicing Indirectness: Suggestions
Direct
Can you be more
Indirect?
That information I have some other
is not accurate. information here.
That information
may be slightly
old.
Practicing Indirectness: Suggestions
Direct
I don’t agree.
Can you be more
Indirect?
Practicing Indirectness: Suggestions
Direct
I don’t agree.
Can you be more
Indirect?
I have another
idea.
What do you think
of this idea?
May I make a
suggestion?
Practicing Indirectness: Suggestions
Direct
Can you be more
Indirect?
That’s not the point.
That’s an interesting point.
That’s another good point.
I think we should....
I have one possible
suggestion.
What do you think of this
idea?
What do you think, Mr.
Barkai?
(Embarrassing Barkai?.
How can you find out
without directly asking
him?)
You’re doing that wrong.
Does anyone else have any
suggestions?
Have we heard all the
opinions?
I would do that like this.
Have you tried doing that this
way?
Cross Cultural Communication
High - low context communication
Monochronic or Polychronic Time
Body Space
Edward T. Hall
Power distance – (hierarchy)
Individualism v. collectivism
Competitive v. Cooperative
Uncertainty avoidance
Long-term v. short term orientation
(Masc v Fem)
Geert Hofstede’s Dimensions
Major Cross Cultural Factors in Communication
Hall, Hofstede, Aperian
Individual
Equality
Risk takers
Low context communicators
Universal
Collective
Hierarchy
Risk avoiders
High context communicators
Situational
117
Common Asian Groupings
High context communication
 Collective
 High Power Distance
 Long-Term Orientation

Africa, Middle East, and Latin America
are also high context
- some power distance - less collective than Asians
- seldom long-term orientation
American Stereotype
Low context communication
 Individualist
 Low Power Distance
 Short-Term Orientation

16 ways
Japanese avoid saying “No”
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
Vague “no”
Vague and ambiguous “yes” or “no”
Silence
Counter question
Lateral responses
Exiting (leaving)
Lying (equivocation or making an excuse—
sickness, previous obligation, etc.)
Criticizing the question itself
Refusing the question
Conditional “no”
“Yes, but . . .”
Delaying answer (e.g., “We will write you a letter.”)
Internally “yes,” externally “no”
Internally “no,” externally “yes”
Apology
The equivalent of the English “no”—
primarily used in filling out forms, not in conversation
No – Maybe Game
To evade a direct answer to any question
that you are asked.
Sample questions (make up your own):
What is your name?
Where do you live?
Where do you work or go to school?
Where did you get that shirt you are wearing?
Where did you go on your last vacation?
How much money do you have saved?
Do you like to eat Chinese food?
- make up other questions
No – Maybe Game
Examples.
Possible answers / ways of saying "no" without saying
"no.“
- vague and ambiguous answer
- ask a question back rather than answering their question
- say something that is not on point
- criticize the question
- active listen, paraphrase, or summarize the question
- make the "no" conditional
- saying "yes, but ..."
- delaying the answer
- making an apology
- silence
- tell a lie or make an excuse
- walking away
Kung Fu
Chinese martial art
emphasizing
internal
development to
defuse, disarm and
deflect
physical attack.
Tongue Fu
Martial art of
Verbal self-protection
&
Communication
to prevent conflicts
and resentment
when you have good
intentions.
The “System”
Words to Lose
Words to Use
Words to Lose
Fighting phrases
Words to Use
Friendly phrases
Avoid “trigger words,” creating resentment -> Rapport
"Mono ha ii you"
"Smooth words
make smooth ways"
Japanese Proverb
“A wound caused by fire
does heal,
but a wound caused by tongue
does not heal”
Tamil Proverb, Tamil Nadu, India
“But” out
I am sure you are all
really smart,
but…
No “Buts” about it
“But” Out!
Lose
“But…”
Cancels
Hurtful word
Anchors an argument
Use
“And…”
Acknowledges
Connects
Advances
“AND” instead of “BUT”
You did a good job, but
you get defensive when
someone gives you
constructive criticism.
AND instead of BUT
BUT
You did a good
job, but you get
defensive when
someone gives
you constructive
criticism.
AND
You did a good job,
and, when you can
learn to accept some
help, you’ll do even
better and be an
even more valuable
team member.
But someone near you
2-3x each
That’s a pretty good idea you had, but ….
I know you have thought about it for a long time, but…
You probably think you are working very hard, but…
Never say “No” or
“Can’t”
Words to Lose
“No”
“You can’t…”
“You can’t
because…”
Words to Use
“Sure, as soon as…”
“Yes, right after…”
Shuts the verbal door in the face
Dead-end words
Shifts the responsibility for getting what they want to you – not them
Don’t say “no”
to their request
2-3x each
Dad, can
I borrow
the car
tonight?
Can I
have the
weekend
off?
Can I
have a
raise?
You Should Have …
Don’t “SHOULD” on them
Lose
“You should have …”
“You need to …”
Can’t change past
Shames
Lose face
Resentment
Use
“Next time…”
“From now on…”
“In the future…”
Coaches
Respectful
Shapes
Coach instead of criticize
NEXT TIME
instead of SHOULD
SHOULD
You should have
had that
document
reviewed before
distributing it to
everyone.
NEXT TIME
.
NEXT TIME
instead of SHOULD
SHOULD
You should have
had that
document
reviewed before
distributing it to
everyone.
NEXT TIME
Next time, please
have another pair
of eyes review
the document
before sending it
out to everyone.
Should on someone near you
You should have …
…come to me earlier with this
You should have …
…gotten my approval before acting alone
You should have …
Then rephrase it with Tongue Fu
Avoid EXTREMES
be SPECIFIC
“EXTREMES”: NEVER,
ALWAYS, NO ONE
“SPECIFICS”
You never attend my
meetings.
You always tell me you’ll
be done on time, and
you never are.
Extremes & universals get the discussion off target
Avoid EXTREMES
be SPECIFIC
“EXTREMES”: NEVER,
ALWAYS, NO ONE
“SPECIFICS”
You never attend my
meetings.
This is the second time this
month you’ve missed. Is there
a problem? We need your
area to be represented.
You always tell me you’ll
be done on time, and
you never are.
Your work was late last week
too. Please let me know in
advance if you’re going to miss
the estimates.
Stop Defending
Yourself
You obviously don’t care
much about …
me
anyone other than yourself
Anyone other than your own kind
the little guys
Don’t know what to say
when you are accused?
Don’t really “say” anything.
Draw out the real issue with questions
Answer Accusations
with Questions
Lose
Defending or
denying
Use
Clarify first
– discover the issue
“What do you mean?”
“Why do you say that?”
“What makes you think that?
Careful about your tone of voice when you say these things
4 Magic Phrases
To Get Out of Any Jam
That’s interesting; tell me more.
That’s interesting; why would you ask that?
That’s interesting; why would you say that?
That’s interesting: why would you do that?
Dan O’Connor
Accuse someone
near you
then let them
“draw you out”
by asking questions
Who makes you mad?
No one can make you angry
without your consent
-
story of the employee and boss
9 am incident
fuming all day
told spouse that night
- who is making you mad?
- who did you give a ride home to?
- who did you set a place for at the table?
What to say
Graciously Exit
No-win Disputes
Let’s agree to disagree on this one.
You know what, we are both right.
Hey, we need to remember that we are on the same
side.
Just because we don’t see eye to eye doesn’t mean
Have some
we have to be enemies.
“stock” phrases
ready
This is a no-win. Next subject.
Tongue
Glue
This is important with kids. Adults hold their anger longer.
It’s 5 p.m. now
Talk to the wall
GROUND RULES
Ground Rules
• Courteous
• It’s ok to disagree
• Listen as a friend
• Everyone participates, no
one person dominates
– No one talks 1st, 3rd,
5th, etc.
– The first to raise a hand
will not always be first
to speak
• Honor time limits
Small Groups
What should someone know who is
going to your country know about the
communication patterns?
A book about
Conflicts
in
our closest relationships
Spouses
Family
Friends
Co-workers
Significant Others
At times,
we treat family, friends,
and people we live with
much worse
than total strangers
You simply say …
“I’m sorry I’m late.”
They have something more to say
“You are always late.”
You feel the need to answer back.
“I’m not always late.”
They respond to your response
“You are always late.”
You respond again, and so do they
You:
“You’re exaggerating.”
They: “No. What about last Thursday? What
about when you said you’d …
Long memory for your prior bad deeds
Guidelines
• Think: Stop talking if there is nothing to be gained
(and lots to be lost).
• Don't repeat yourself. Make your point once (and sit
down / shut up).
• Don't take their bait. Don’t get sidetracked.
Ignore it.
"You're just like your father" or "You always say that!"
• Or, if you are giving advice, give your advice just
once and move on. Don't require them to recognize it as
the most brilliant suggestion ever.
The most you can ever do with advice
is to give it.
You can’t be sure it’s taken.
So, simply
Shut Up!
Disengage. Stop. Leave it alone
The result?
Peace. Positive dialogue, and happier
relationships all around
even if, deep down, you know
You are right!
If you must get “the last word”
Do it the way introverts do,
…
in Your Own Head!
What has been most useful for you
in today’s class?
Bush
Friendly alien helped President
Negotiate with the attackers.
Bush
Professor Barkai, may I be excused?
My brain is full.