Transcript REvision - DevelopmentalStudiesWriting014

REVISION
Weston
DS 014 Writing
Today’s Agenda
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Sign-In
Oops!
What is Revising?
Unity
Coherence
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Language
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Transition
Organization
Specifics
Conciseness
Reader Assessment of Paragraphs
Proofreading Checklist
Peer Assignment
Coming Up…
Oops!—more bad opening lines
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"Somewhere in this cemetery, the vampyre lies
hidden," the grave-looking man with the stake said
cryptically.
"" gasped the mime as I emptied the clip of .38
shells into his black-clad chest.
Alas, Abigail adored Andy, and all Andy's ardor
and anticipation adhered achingly atop alternately
aloof and alluring Alicia--although acrimonious
Anton attracted Alicia's amour.
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From "Love Letters"--a romantic novel in twenty-six volumes
What is Revising?
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Revising is the act of reevaluating, reconsidering
and reworking a piece of writing.
In essence, it is “re-vision”—looking at the writing
again (preferably with a fresh set of eyes).
Three stages—
 Reassessing—identifying
what needs work.
 Redrafting—generating new material to fix the
problem areas.
 Editing— “streamlining” and proofreading for errors.
Evaluating Unity
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For a piece of writing to be unified, everything in it
should be related back to the topic sentence or
main idea.
Unity Exercise
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Adapted from The Names: A Memoir, by N. Scott Momaday.
Later in the dusky streets I walked among the Navajo camps, past
the doorways of the town, from which came the good smells of
cooking, the festive sounds of music, laughter, and talk. The
campfires rippled in the crisp wind that arose with evening and set a
soft yellow glow on the ground, low on the adobe walls. A natural
building material used for several thousand years, adobe is
composed of sand and straw, which is shaped into bricks on wooden
frames and dried in the sun. Mutton sizzled and smoked above the
fires; fat dripped into the flames; there were great black pots of
strong coffee and buckets full of fried bread; dogs crouched on the
rim of the light, the many circles of light; and old men sat hunched in
their blankets on the ground, in the cold shadows, smoking. . . . Long
into the night the fires cast a glare over the town, and I could hear
the singing, until it seemed that one by one the voices fell away, and
one remained, and then there was none. On the very edge of sleep I
heard coyotes in the hills.
Evaluating Coherence
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If your writing has coherence, that means it is easily
understood by the reader.
Coherence is built through—
 Having
enough support and details.
 Sufficient transitions (see pg. 39 in Paragraphs for
words that could be used to build transitions).
 Logical organization.
 Chronological/Linear
 Spatial
 Emphatic
Evaluating Language
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Word choice can have a great impact on the quality of
writing.
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“Fogged up window” analogy (p. 45)
Wording needs to be specific and concise.
Specifics—
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Are precise and helps your reader “see” what you want them to.
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Instead of “dog,” use “cocker spaniel”
Instead of “car,” use “red convertible Mazda Miata”
Conciseness—
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Is brief and to the point.
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Instead of “due to the fact that,” use “because”
Instead of “come to the realization that”, use “realize”
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More on pg. 46 of your text.
Reader Assessment Checklist
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Does the reader understand the point?
Do I stick with one point all the way through?
Are my ideas and examples connected and easy to
follow?
Are the words I’ve used specific and concise?
What changes should I make?
Proofreading Checklist
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Have I eliminated all sentence fragments?
Have I eliminated all comma splices?
Have I eliminated all run-on sentences?
Is the spelling correct throughout?
Is the verb tense correct throughout?
Do all subjects agree with their verbs?
Do all pronouns agree with their antecedents?
Peer Assignment
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Grab a buddy (or more than one).
Swap descriptive drafts.
Read through drafts.
Using the Reader Assessment Checklist and the
Rubric I’ve handed out, give feedback on what
you’ve read, suggesting ways to improve.
Coming Up…
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Monday
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Descriptive Paragraph Due
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Process Analysis
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Chapter 8 in Paragraphs
Have a great weekend!