Transcript UNIT FOUR: MAKING YOUR WRITING EASY TO READ

Midterm Best
1. Ecem Simsek
7. Elifnur Dundar
2. Dila Erdurak
8. Hasan Olguner
3. Dicle Cakiroglu
9. Begum Keskin
4. Mert Sandiraz
10. Cansu Bagcivan
5. Aigerim Nurgalieva
11. Sahin Cicek
6. Damla Sayna
12. Caner Tanriseven
UNIT FOUR:
MAKING
YOUR WRITING
EASY TO READ
agenda
A.
Good Style in Business and Administrative Writing
B.
C.
D.
E.
Half-Truths about Style
Evaluating Rules about Writing
Building a Better Style
Ten Ways to Make Your Writing Easy to Read
agenda
A.
Good Style in Business and Administrative Writing
B.
C.
D.
E.
Half-Truths about Style
Evaluating Rules about Writing
Building a Better Style
Ten Ways to Make Your Writing Easy to Read
• Good business and administrative writing is closer to
conversation and less formal than the style of writing that has
traditionally earned high marks in college essays and term
papers.
• Good writing is:
• tight
• complete
• easy to understand
Business Writing Style
Casual
• Conversational
• Note to a friend
• Instant message
Business
Formal
• Personal
• Direct
• Legal
document
• Contract
• Term Paper
Choosing the level of formality
•
Use a friendly, informal style to someone you've talked with.
•
Avoid contractions, slang in paper documents to people you don't know.
• Abbreviations are OK in e-mail messages if they're part of the group's culture.
• Haven’t is a contraction of HAVE NOT
• Prep is an abbreviation of Preparatory
• Ad is an abbreviation of Advertisement
•
Pay particular attention to your style when you have to write uncomfortable
messages when you write to people you fear or when you must give bad news.
Confident people are more direct. Edit your writing so that you sound confident,
whether you feel that way or not.
Good Report Style
• Tend to be more formal than letters and memos, since they may be
read many years in the future by audiences the writer can barely
imagine.
• Avoid contractions, spell out acronyms [PTT is an acronym, WHO is an
acronym] and abbreviations the first time you use them, and avoid
personal pronouns.
• Since so many people read reports, you doesn’t have much meaning.
Email
•
The least formal of all business documents
•
Closest to speech. Nevertheless, readers know that they are reading, not
hearing, the message and are likely to apply some of the same standards
they use for letters and memos.
•
To create good e-mail messages, put the most important point in the
subject line and the first sentence.
Writer-Centered Memo
MEMORANDUM
To: Division Heads
From: Fiona Barnes, CEO
Subject: Proposed Move
Date: 8/30/09
The facilities people have been working on consolidating HQ marketing functions into
the new building at Newmarket. As currently planned, Marketing Research will remain
in its current location but be provided with additional space for expansion. The
following functions will be moved into the new facility: Business Analysis, Special
Applications, and Market Planning. It is expected that Public Sector will be relocated in
a satellite location. The above moves will consolidate all of Marketing into the
Newmarket location with the exception noted above.
Attached is a preliminary outline of the new building by floor and whom it will house. I
am interested in knowing if this approach is in agreement with your thoughts.
Reader-Friendly Memo
MEMORANDUM
To: Division Heads
From:
Fiona Barnes, CEO
Date:
August 30, 2009
Subject: Your Feedback on Proposed Newmarket Move
I would like your feedback on the proposed organizational plans for the Newmarket move.
Attached is a preliminary floor-by-floor outline of the new building and a list of divisions to
be housed there.
We are proposing the following changes:
• Business Analysis, Special Applications, and Market Planning will be
moved into the new facility to improve consolidation of most marketing
divisions.
• Public Sector will be relocated into a satellite location.
• Marketing Research will remain in its current location but be provided
with additional space for expansion.
Guidelines for email messages
Contractions, abbreviations, and jargon are acceptable when you write to people you
know well.
• Use regular capitalization. Full capitals look like SHOUTING;
• Write out anything important on your word processor, reread, and then
paste the message into your e-mail screen.
• Most readers will tolerate an occasional typo (writing mistake), but if your message is
full of typos and other errors, you'll look unprofessional. If your e-mail system has a
spell checker, use it.
• Be considerate. Not all e-mail systems have the same capabilities. Check with your
correspondent before sending attachments, and images.
• Be professional. Assume that anything you write can end up in your personnel file.
• A message criticizing a third person can be forwarded to that person without your
knowledge or permission.
• A message you erase can be retrieved.
•
The Curse of E-mail?
•
A Hewlett-Packard study found that excessive day-to-day use
of technology…can be more distracting and harmful to the IQ
than smoking marijuana…The IQ decline was the equivalent of
missing a whole night’s sleep.
•
62% of adults are addicted to checking e-mail and textmessages. Half of the workers would respond to an e-mail
immediately or within sixty minutes. One in five is “happy to
interrupt a business or social meeting to respond to an e-mail”
San Francisco Chronicle, May 4, 2005
E-Mail Provides a Middle Ground
Key Advantages
•
Written record
•
Fast
•
“Written conversation”
•
•
Less formal
Reduces hierarchy
“E-mail is a party to which
English teachers have not
been invited.”
Source: Dr. R. Craig Hogan, Director
of Business Writing Center, Illinois
Key Disadvantages
•
Message is PUBLIC
•
•
An electronic postcard
“deleted email”=oxymoron
•
Tone difficult to discern
•
Contributes to “information
overload”
•
E(rror)-mail
•
E(gregious)-mail
•
E(scalation)-mail
Termination for Computer Misuse
• Employers terminate employees for misuse of electronic
communication:
•
26% for misusing company email
•
(21% increase since 2001)
2% for inappropriate IM
• 2% for posting offensive Web log content
•
•
(even home-based)
• 24% have had employee emails subpoenaed
• 15% have defended employee email legally
One CEO commits to only e-mail information
he can envision himself being deposed on
two years later.
2006 ePolicy Institute
survey of nearly 500 companies
Research on Tone
• People are correct in interpreting tone half the time
• They think they are correct 90% of the time
• The reason for this disparity is egocentrism
•
In other words, people aren't that good at imagining how a
message might be understood from another person's
perspective
Source: 2007, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
Guidelines for E-mail: Tone
•
Short e-mails can sound blunt or rude: always include a
salutation and closing
•
First e-mail should be fairly formal
•
Follow the tone of the responses
COMPARE
Send me the graphics file by Monday. And report your quarterly results to Edwards
in Accounting on Friday at 1pm.
Versus
Please send me the graphics file by Monday so I can present them to the boss on
Tuesday. And report your quarterly results…
Stylistically Between E-Mail and Letter
•
•
In the Header: Create Informative Subject Line
In the Body: Format as a Letter (keep it short!)
•
•
•
Salutation (Dear Professor Smith)
Closing(conventions??)
Address block (Job title, organization, mailing address, phone, fax)
Treat as Formal Business Correspondence
•
Use standard capitalization, punctuation, Etc.
•
Create a professional user name
•
No smiley faces (emoticons) 
•
No “cute” sayings or quotations in address block
•
Make sure your reader can open attachments
E-mail Disasters
• How ofen do yoo get e-mails ritten like this?!
• Subject: Meeting canceled
• I AM AN OBNOXIOUS PERSON WHO THINKS SHE
IS VERY IMPORTANT!
• Sorry, but you are one of those employees being laid
off this month .
Abbrev, IMHO
•
Restrict abbreviations to those
understood by virtually everyone:
•
FYI, CYA, OBO, LOL
•
What do these suckers mean,
anyway?
• TNSTAAFL
• FWIW
• RTFM
• TTFN
International Emoticons
Western
Japanese
•
 smiling
•
^-^
smile
•
 frowning
•
^.^
girl’s smile
•
:-D
•
^o^ happy
•
%-) confused but happy
•
^o^;> excuse me?
delighted
Newer versions:
:@
“I just ate a lemon.”
:-x
“After my nose surgery.”
:-#
“I just got braces.”
%-) “I’m a cubist painter.”
:-X
“Before my nose surgery.”
{:-) “How do you like my new toupee?”
Check out Dave Barry’s Guide to Emoticons:
http://www.lovedungeon.net/humor/dave/home.html
The 10 Common Mistakes of Business E-mail
And five more…
1.
Unclear subject line
2.
Poor greeting (or none at all)
1.
Address goofs
3.
Unfamiliar abbreviations
2.
4.
Unnecessary copies (CCs)
Lengthy messages or
attachments
5.
Sloppy grammar, spelling, and
punctuation
3.
Inappropriate content (such as
delivering bad . . . news)
4.
Instant indiscretions (angry or
thoughtless . . . . . Statements)
6.
All caps in the message
7.
No closing or sign-off
8.
Rambling, unformatted message
9.
Unfriendly tone
10.
No clear request for action
The Other Side of E-Mail
The Other Side of E-Mail
“If anything will bring about the downfall of a
company, or even a country, it is blind copies of
e-mails that should never have been sent in the
first place. . . Every fight that goes on [in
Disney] seems to start with a misunderstanding
over an e-mail.”
Source: Michael Eisner, Disney CEO
Costly to self and shareholders
• Cerner CEO Neal Patterson emails 400 managers
• Employee posted on an Internet message board
• Stock falls from $44/share to $34 in 3 days
To: All Managers
From: Neal Patterson, CEO
Subject: Fix it or changes will be made
We are getting less than 40 hours of work from our K.C.-based
EMPLOYEES. The parking lot is sparsely used at 8am; likewise at
5pm. As managers—you either do not know what your
EMPLOYEES are doing; or you do not CARE. You have created
expectations on the work effort which allows this to happen
inside Cerner, creating a very unhealthy environment. In either
case, you have a problem and you will fix it or I will replace
you…..
NEVER in my career have I allowed a team which worked for me
to think they had a 40-hour job. I have allowed YOU to create a
culture which is permitting this. NO LONGER…….
You have two weeks. Tick tock.
Questions
Does this e-mail clearly state the business problem? Can you make a guess about the
actual business problem?
How will Mr. Patterson determine if the “problem” is resolved (what outcome measure
does he list in the e-mail)? As a businessperson, how would you explain the problem?
What outcomes would you seek?
What sort of problems did Mr. Patterson create for himself when he chose e-mail as his
communication medium?
agenda
A.
Good Style in Business and Administrative Writing
B.
C.
D.
E.
Half-Truths about Style
Evaluating Rules about Writing
Building a Better Style
Ten Ways to Make Your Writing Easy to Read
Half-Truth 1: "Write as You Talk."
• Read what you've written out loud to someone sitting about
three feet away
• If a passage sounds stiff and overly formal when you read it out
loud, revise it; almost certainly it will sound stiff and perhaps
even rude to the reader.
• If you wouldn't say something, don't write it.
Half-Truth 2: “Never Use I”
• Using “I” too often can make your writing sound self-
centered; using it unnecessarily will make your ideas
seem tentative [not certain].
• However, when you write about things you've done or
said or seen, using “I” is both appropriate and smoother
than using awkward passives or phrases like this writer.
Half-Truth 3: "Never Begin a Sentence with
And, Also or But"
• Beginning a sentence with and or also makes the idea that
follows seem like an afterthought.
• That's OK when you want the effect of spontaneous speech in a
written document, as you may in a sales letter. If you want to sound
as though you have thought about what you are saying, use another
transition: moreover, furthermore.
• But tells the reader that you are shifting gears and that the point
which follows not only contrasts with but also is more important
than the preceding ideas. Beginning a sentence with but is fine if
doing so makes your paragraph read smoothly.
Half-Truth 4: "Never End a Sentence with a
Preposition."
• Prepositions are those useful little words that indicate
relationships: with, in, under, at. The prohibition
against ending sentences with them is probably based
on two facts:
•
1. The end of a sentence (like the beginning) is a
position of emphasis. A preposition may not be worth
emphasizing.
•
2. When the reader sees a preposition, he or she
expects something to follow it.
Half-Truth 5: "Big Words Impress People."
• Learning an academic discipline requires that you master its
vocabulary. After you get out of school, however, no one will ask you
to write just to prove that you understand something.
• Instead, you'll be asked to write or speak to people who need the
information you have. Sometimes you may want the sense of
formality or technical expertise that big words create.
• But much of the time, big words just distance you from your
audience and increase the risk of miscommunication.
• When people misuse big words, they look foolish. If you're going to
use big words, make sure you use them correctly.
agenda
A.
Good Style in Business and Administrative Writing
B.
C.
D.
E.
Half-Truths about Style
Evaluating Rules about Writing
Building a Better Style
Ten Ways to Make Your Writing Easy to Read
•
Some "rules" are grammatical conventions. For example, standard English
requires that each sentence have a subject and verb, and that the subject and verb
agree.
•
Business writing normally demands standard grammar, but exceptions exist.
•
Promotional materials such as brochures, advertisements, and sales and fundraising letters may use sentence fragments to gain the effect of speech.
•
Other "rules" may be conventions adopted by an organization so that its
documents will be suitable.
•
For example, a company might decide to capitalize job titles (e.g., Production
Manager) even though standard grammar doesn't require the capitals, or always
to use a comma before and in a series, even though a sentence can be
grammatical without the comma. A different company might make different
choices.
•
To evaluate these "rules” you must consider: your audience, the community, organizational culture, your purposes, the situation.
agenda
A.
Good Style in Business and Administrative Writing
B.
C.
D.
E.
Half-Truths about Style
Evaluating Rules about Writing
Building a Better Style
Ten Ways to Make Your Writing Easy to Read
1. Use words that are accurate, appropriate,
and familiar.
• Accurate (correct) words mean what you want to say.
• Appropriate (suitable) words convey the attitudes you
want and fit well with the other words in your document.
• Familiar (known) words are easy to read and
understand.
Denotation
• Accurate denotations: To be accurate, a word's
denotation must match the meaning the writer wishes
to convey.
•
Denotation is a word's literal or dictionary meaning.
Most common words in English have more than one
denotation.
• “pound” means, or denotes, a unit of weight, a place
where stray animals are kept, a unit of money in the
British system, and the verb to hit.
Connotation
•
Appropriate connotations: Words are appropriate when their
connotations, that is, their emotional associations or colorings, convey the
attitude you want.
•
Many words carry connotations of approval or disapproval, disgust or
delight.
• The word Lady has a positive connotation.
• However the name Natasha has negative connotation in Turkey.
•
Advertisers carefully choose words with positive connotations. Expensive
cars are never used; instead, they're pre-owned, second hand.
•
Words may also connote status. Both salesperson and sales
representative are nonsexist job titles. But the first sounds like a clerk in a
store; the second suggests someone selling important items to corporate
[collective] customers.
Familiarity
• Familiar words: words that are in almost everyone’s vocabulary.
• Use the word that most exactly conveys your meaning, but
whenever you can choose between two words that mean the
same thing, use the shorter, more common one. Try to use
specific, concrete words. They are easier to understand and
remember.
Simplify
• ameliorate→
•
commence→
• compel→
•
finalize→
end
•
initiate→
begin
• optimal→
•
comprises→
•
prioritize→
•
employ→
• proceed→
•
endeavor→
•
•
fabricate→
•
•
facilitate→
procure→
best
rank
go
get
rendezvous→ meet
end
• terminate→
use
• utilize→
Affectation
• Poor: “It is the policy of the company to provide internet access to
enable employees to conduct the online communication
necessary to discharge their responsibilities; such should not be
utilized for personal communications or non-business activities.”
• Effective: “Employee internet access should be used only for
appropriate company business.”
• A series of long abstract terms makes writing less
interesting, less forceful, and less memorable.
• There are four exceptions to the general rule that
“shorter is better”.
1.
Use a long word if it is the only word that expresses
your meaning exactly.
2.
Use a long word if it is more familiar than a short word.
Send out is better than emit.
3.
Use a long word if its connotations are more
appropriate.
4.
Use a long word if the community prefers it.
2. Use technical jargon sparingly
(economically); eliminate business jargon.
• If you are writing to a group of people with the
same technical background, using technical
jargon may be okay. But if you are addressing
people from different origins, you mustn’t use
technical or business jargon.
• If a technical term has a "plain English"
equivalent, use the simpler term.
Jargon
• Highly specialized slang that is
unique to an occupational or
professional group
• Investors
Public
???
Dividend
• ROI
• P/E ratio
•
• Tourism
RevPAR
• Fam Trip
• Incentive Tour
•
Insiders
3. Use active verbs most of the time
• "Who does what" sentences with active
verbs make your writing more forceful.
Active Construction
Actor  Action Object / effect
• Action flows from front of sentence to back
• Represent the chronological order of events
• “The state agencies implemented the program.”
Passive Constructions
Object/Effect  Action  Actor
Action flows from back of sentence to front
“The program was implemented by the state agencies.”
Vs
“The state agencies implemented the program.”
Passive Constructions
• Generally avoid it, but can be useful
1.
To conceal the doer, subordinate unpleasant news, or
soften refusals
•
Authorization for your leave was denied.
•
Examination of our accounting procedures cannot be permitted
because of security reasons
•
The order was damaged during shipment.
•
An active verb would require the writer to specify who damaged
the order. The passive here is more tactful.
• 2. Use passives to emphasize the action, not the
agent.
• Your order was shipped in November.
• (In this sentence the customer's order, not the shipping
clerk is important.)
• The data have been compiled by our research
department
• 3.
Use passives to provide coherence (understanding)
within a paragraph.
•
A sentence is easier to read if "old" information comes at
the beginning of a sentence. When you have been
discussing a topic, use the word again as your subject even
if that requires a passive verb.
• The bank made several risky loan scans in the early 1990s.
•
These loans were written off as “uncollectible" in 1998.
• Using loans as the subject of the second sentence provides
a link between the two sentences, making the paragraph as
a whole easier to read.
4. Use strong verbs—not nouns—to carry
the weight of your sentence
•
Put the weight of your sentence in the verb. Strong verbs make sentences more
forceful and up to 25% easier to read.
•
Weak: The financial advantage of owning this equipment instead of leasing it is
10% after taxes.
•
Better: Owning this equipment rather than leasing it will save us 10% after taxes.
Nominalizations
• A weak verb combined with a noun
• Usually a version of to make, do, conduct, perform, etc
• Weak: “The staff should perform an evaluation of the new
software.”
• Better: “The staff should evaluate the new software.”
• Weak: “There has been effective staff information dissemination
control on the part of management.”
• Better: “Management has effectively controlled how staff
disseminate information.”
• Nouns ending in – ment, -ion, and -al often hide
verbs.
• make an adjustment
Adjust
• make a payment
Pay
• make a decision
Decide
• reach a conclusion
Conclude
• take into consideration
Consider
• make a referral
Refer
• provide assistance
•
Assist
5. Tighten your writing: Eliminate Wordiness
a. Use gerunds and infinitives to make sentences shorter and
smoother
•
A gerund is the -ing form of a verb; grammatically, it is
a verb used as a noun.
•
In the sentence, "Running is my favorite activity,"
running is the subject of the sentence.
•
An infinitive is the form of the verb that is preceded by
to: to run is the infinitive.
• In the revision below, a gerund (purchasing) and an
infinitive (to transmit) tighten the revision.
• Wordy: A plant suggestion has been made where they
would purchase a QWIP machine for the purpose of
transmitting test reports between plants.
• Tighter: The plant suggests purchasing a QWIP machine
to transmit test reports between plants.
• Even when gerunds and infinitives do not greatly affect
length, they often make sentences smoother and more
conversational.
b. Combine sentences to eliminate unnecessary words.
•
In addition to saving words, combining sentences focuses the reader's attention on
key points, makes your writing sound more sophisticated, and sharpens the
relationship between ideas, thus making your writing more coherent.
•
Wordy: I conducted this survey by telephone on Sunday, April 21.I questioned two
groups of upperclassmen -male and female—who, according to the Student
Directory, were still living in the dorms. The purpose of this survey was to find out
why some upperclassmen continue to live in the dorms even though they are no
longer required by the University to do so. I also wanted to find out if there were any
differences between male and female upperclassmen in their reasons for choosing
to remain in the dorms.
•
Tighter: On Sunday April 21, I phoned upperclassmen and women living in the
dorms to find out why they continue to live in the dorms even though they are no
longer required to do so, and whether men and women had the same reasons for
staying in the dorms.
Wordiness Causes
• Modifiers that repeat an idea implicit in the word
modified Redundancy
• Basic essentials
• Final outcome
• Completely finished
• Remove them and the meaning is the same
being
Wordiness Causes
Expletive: word that fills the position of another word
• relative pronouns and relative adjectives are often unnecessary
• Wordy: There are many Web designers who are planning to attend the conference,
which is scheduled for May 13-15.
• Concise: Many Web designers plan to attend the conference scheduled for May 1315.
• Wordy: It is certain that he will be promoted
• Concise: He will be promoted.
• Wordy: There are three reasons for the success of the project.
• Concise: Three reasons explain the project’s success.
• Wordy: It is the case that college graduates advance more quickly in the company.
• Tighter: College graduates advance more quickly in the company
Words to cut
c. Put the meaning of your sentence into the subject and verb to
cut the number of words.
• Put the core of your meaning into the subject and verb of your main
clause. Think about what you mean and try saying the same thing in
several different ways. Some alternatives will be tighter than
others. Choose the tightest one.
• Wordy:
The reason we are recommending the computerization of
this process is because it will reduce the time required to obtain
data and will give us more accurate data.
• Better:
We are recommending the computerization of this
process because it will save time and give us more accurate data.
• Tight:
Computerizing the process will give us more accurate data
more quickly.
6. Vary sentence length and sentence
structure
• Readable prose mixes sentence lengths and varies sentence
structure.
• A really short sentence (under 10 words) can add strength to
your prose.
• Really long sentences (over 30 or 40 words) are danger signs.
1. mix simple, compound, and complex
sentences.
Simple sentences have one main clause:
• We will open a new store this month.
Compound sentences have two main clauses joined with
and, but, or, or another conjunction. Compound sentences
work best when the ideas in the two clauses are closely
related.
• We have hired staff, and they will complete their training
next week.
• We wanted to have a local radio station broadcast from
the store during its grand opening, but the DJs were
already booked.
Complex sentences have one main and one subordinate
clause; they are good for showing logical relationships.
• When the stores open, we will have balloons and
specials in every department.
• Because we already have a strong customer base in the
northwest, we expect the new store to be just as
successful as the store in the City Center Mali.
2. Change the order of elements.
• We will survey customers later in the year to see
whether there is a demand for a third store on
campus.
• Later in the year, we will survey customers to see
whether there is a demand for a third store on
campus.
• To see whether there is a demand for a third store on
campus, we will survey customers later in the year.
a. Use these guidelines for sentence length and structure:
1.
Always edit sentences for conciseness. Even a short sentence
can be wordy.
2.
When your subject matter is complicated or full of numbers,
make a special effort to keep sentences short.
3.
Use longer sentences to show how ideas are linked to each
other, to avoid a series of short, choppy sentences, and to
reduce repetition.
4.
Group the words in long and medium-length sentences into
chunks that the reader can process quickly.
5.
When you use a long sentence, keep the subject and verb close
together
3. Use longer sentences to show how ideas are linked to each
other, to avoid a series of short, choppy sentences, and to
reduce repetition.
• Too Long: It should also be noted in the historical patterns presented in the
summary, that though there were delays in January and February which we
realized were occurring, we are now back where we were about a year ago,
and that we are not off line in our collect receivables as compared to last
year at this time, but we do show a considerable over-budget figure
because of an ultra conservative goal on the receivable investment.
• Too Choppy: There were delays in January and February. We knew about
them at the time. We are now back where we were about a year ago. The
summary shows this. Our present collect receivables are in line with last
year’s. However, they exceed the budget. The reason they exceed the
budget is that our goal for receivable investment was very conservative
• Choppy:
There were delays in January and February. We knew
about them at the time. We are now back where we were about a
year ago. The summary shows this. Our present collect receivables
are in line with last years. However, they exceed the budget. The
reason they exceed the budget is that our goal for receivable
investment was very conservative,
• Better:
As the summary shows, although there were delays in
January and February (of which we were aware), we have now
regained our position of a year ago. Our present collect receivables
are in line with last year's, but they exceed the budget because our
goal for receivable investment was very conservative.
4. Group the words in long and medium-length
sentences into chunks (parts).
•
The "better" revision above has seven chunks. In the list below, the chunks
starting immediately after the numbers are main clauses.
•
1. As the summary shows
•
2. although there were delays in January and February
•
3. (of which we were aware),
•
4. we have now regained our position of a year ago.
•
5. Our present collect receivables are in line with last year's,
•
6. but they exceed the budget
•
7. because our goal for receivable investment was very conservative.
5. When you use a long sentence, keep the
subject and verb close together
• Often you can move the subject and verb closer together if you put
the modifying material in a list at the end of the sentence. For
maximum readability, present the list vertically.
• Hard to read: Movements resulting from termination, layoffs and
leaves, recalls and reinstates, transfers in, transfers out,
promotions in, promotions out, and promotions within are
presently documented through the Payroll Authorization Form.
• Smoother:
The following movements are documented on the
Payroll Authorization Form: termination, layoffs and leaves, recalls
and reinstates. Transfers in and out, and promotions in, out, and
within.
• Smoother:
The following movements are documented on the
Payroll Authorization Form: termination, layoffs and leaves, recalls
and reinstates. Transfers in and out, and promotions in, out, and
within.
• Still better:
The following movements are documented on the
Payroll Authorization Form:
• Termination.
• Layoffs and leaves,(giving workers sacks)
• Recalls and reinstates.(calling workers back to job)
• Transfers in and out.
• Promotions in, out, and within
7. Use parallel structure
• Parallelism puts words, phrases, or clauses in the same grammatical
and logical form.
• Powerful device for making your writing smoother and more forceful.
• Faulty:
Errors can be checked by reviewing the daily exception
report or note the number of errors you uncover when you match the
lading copy with the file copy of the invoice.
• Parallel:
Errors can be checked by reviewing the daily exception
report or by noting the number of errors you uncover when you
match the lading copy with the file copy of the invoice.
•
Faulty: The following suggestions can help employers avoid bias in job
interviews:
• 1. Base questions on the job description.
• 2. Questioning techniques.
• 3. Selection and training of interviewers.
•
Parallel: The following suggestions can help employers avoid bias in job
interviews:
• 1. Base questions on the job description.
• 2. Ask the same questions of all applicants.
• 3. Select and train interviewers carefully.
•
Also parallel: Employers can avoid bias in job interviews by
• 1. Basing questions on the job description.
• 2. Asking the same questions of all applicants.
• 3. Selecting and training interviewers carefully.
• Words must also be logically parallel. In the following
faulty example, juniors, seniors, and athletes are not
three separate groups. The revision groups words into
nonoverlapping categories.
• Faulty: I interviewed juniors and seniors and athletes.
• Parallel: I interviewed juniors and seniors. In each rank, I
interviewed athletes and nonathletes.
8. Put your readers in your sentences
• Use second-person pronouns (you) rather than third-person (he, she,
one) to give your writing more impact.
• “You” is both singular and plural; it can refer to a single person or to every
member of your organization.
• Third-person:
Funds in a participating employee's account at the end of
each six months will automatically be used to buy more stock unless a
"Notice of Election Not to Exercise Purchase Rights" form is received from
the employee,
• Second-person:
Once you begin to participate, funds in your account at
the end of each six months will automatically be used to buy more stock
unless you turn in a "Notice of Election Not to Exercise Purchase Rights"
form,
• Be careful to use you only when it refers to your
reader.
•
Incorrect: My visit with the outside sales rep. showed
me that your schedule can change quickly.
• Correct:
My visit with the outside sales rep showed
me that schedules can change quickly.
9. Begin most paragraphs with topic
sentences
• A good paragraph has unity: it is about only one idea, or
topic.
• Topic sentence states the main idea and provides a
scaffold to structure your document.
• Make the topic sentence explicit (clear) and put it at the
beginning of the paragraph.
Hard to read:
(no topic sentence)
• Some people go to big cities to find jobs. Some of them don’t
want to live in their villages or towns anymore. A lot of them are
not as happy as they hoped to be.
Better:
(paragraph starts with a topic sentence)
• There are many reasons why a lot of people move to bigger
cities. Some people go to big cities to find jobs. Some of them
are bored with living in a small village but a lot of them are not as
happy in the big city as they hoped to be.
Notes on Topic sentences
• A good topic sentence forecasts the structure and content of the
paragraph.
• When the first sentence of a paragraph is not the topic sentence,
readers who skim may miss the main point.
•
If the paragraph does not have a topic sentence, you will need to
write one.
• If you can't think of a single sentence that serves as an
"umbrella" to cover every sentence, the paragraph lacks unity. To
solve the problem, either split the paragraph into two or
eliminate the sentence that digresses from the main point.
10. Use transitions to link ideas
• Transition words and sentences signal the connections between
ideas to the reader. Transitions tell whether the next sentence
continues the previous thought or starts a new idea; they can tell
whether the idea that comes next is more or less important than
the previous thought.
• Poor: It was hot. We went swimming.
• Better: It was hot, therefore we went swimming.
Transitions
• Use transitional words or phrases between sentences and
between paragraphs
•
Transitional expressions emphasize the relationships between
ideas, so they help readers follow your train of thought or see
connections that they might otherwise miss or misunderstand.
Example: Weak Paragraph
In fiscal 1999, the company filed claims for refund of
federal income taxes of $3,199,000 and interest of
$969,000 paid as a result of an examination of the
company’s federal income tax returns by the IRS for
the years 1995 through 1998. We are uncertain what
amount, if any, may ultimately be recovered.
Example: Stronger Paragraph
Issue or Topic…
The company and the IRS disagree about whether the
company is liable for back taxes. In fiscal 1999, the company
filed claims for refund of federal income taxes of $3,199,000
and interest of $969,000 paid as a result of an examination of
the company’s federal income tax returns by the IRS for the
years 1995 through 1998. We are uncertain what amount, if
any, may ultimately be recovered.
Discussion or supporting details...
The company and the IRS disagree about whether the
company is liable for back taxes. In fiscal 1999, the company
filed claims for refund of federal income taxes of $3,199,000
and interest of $969,000 paid as a result of an examination of
the company’s federal income tax returns by the IRS for the
years 1995 through 1998. We are uncertain what amount, if
any, may ultimately be recovered.
Resolution or transition…
The company and the IRS disagree about whether the
company is liable for back taxes. In fiscal 1999, the
company filed claims for refund of federal income
taxes of $3,199,000 and interest of $969,000 paid as a
result of an examination of the company’s federal
income tax returns by the IRS for the years 1995
through 1998. We are uncertain what amount, if any,
may ultimately be recovered.
Signposts/Cues for the Reader
Chronology
Soon
Immediately
Afterwards
Next
Finally
Formerly
Then
Previously
Conclusion
Therefore
Thus
In conclusion
Consequently
On the whole
As a result
Hence
In brief
Additional Info
And
Further
Moreover
Again
Next
What’s more
Also
In addition
Equally important
Contrast
However
But
Although
Nonetheless
In contrast
Meanwhile
Yet
On the other hand
Conversely
Details/Emphasis
In fact
In other words
For example In short
For instance Obviously
To illustrate Indeed
Transition Words and Phrases
Transitions
• I don’t wish to deny that the flattened, minuscule head of the largebodied
“stegosaurus” houses little brain from our subjective, topheavy perspective, but I
do wish to assert that we should not expect more of the beast. First of all, large
animals have relatively smaller brains than related, smaller animals. The
correlation of brain size with body size among kindred animals (all reptiles or all
mammals, for example) is remarkably regular. As we move from small to large
animals, from mice to elephants or small lizards to Komodo dragons, brain size
increases, but not so fast as body size. In other words, bodies grow faster than
brains, and large animals have low ratios of brain weight to body weight. In fact,
brains grow only about two-thirds as fast as bodies. Since we have no reason to
believe that large animals are consistently stupider than their smaller relatives,
we must conclude that large animals require relatively less brain to function as
well as smaller animals. If we do not recognise this relationship, we are likely to
underestimate the mental power of very large animals, particularly dinosaurs.
Transitional Words and Phrases
We will not meet our target date for
implementing the new system. The two
departments have failed to co-ordinate
with one another. Our vendors failed to
ship equipment on time. We can be
operational by March 15 if we take three
steps immediately.
We will not meet our target date for
implementing the new system
because the two departments have
failed to co-ordinate with one
another. Also, our vendors failed to
ship equipment on time. However,
we can be operational by March 15 if
we take the following three steps
immediately.
Transitions and Cohesion
The massive layoffs of the early 1990s have, in many cases, backfired, leaving
companies in worse shape than ever. One recent study of large companies
showed that while the profits of nearly all these companies fell between 1989
and 1991, the profits of companies that had layoffs fell much more. Another
study showed that nearly two-thirds of managers saw no productivity gains for
layoff programs during the late 1980s. When a company announces a massive
layoff, employees turn paranoid. These threatened employees may begin
immediately looking for other opportunities, and they may spend significant
portions of their workdays on the phone, following leads and checking out
rumors. Consequently, the morale and self-esteem of the employees fall and
their productivity goes down.
In addition, many companies find that their best employees are the first to leave
under layoff programs.