Transcript Lesson 8

Shaping Long sentences
 Definition
of long sentence – more than
20 words
 They are necessary for complex ideas (as
necessary as short sentences are for
emphasis)
 Considering shape is one way to help
you revise long sentences so they are
clear.
 Identify
sentences longer then two lines
(Williams suggests slashes)
 Read aloud, asking yourself if
• It takes too long to get to the main verb
• After the verb there is a sprawl of subordinate
clauses
• You stumble over interruptions
If yes, revise.
 Get
to simple subject quickly
 Get to main verb and object quickly
 Try
moving a long introductory clause to
the end or turning it into a sentence of its
own.
 If, since, when, although clauses go, by
convention, at the beginning of the
sentence. If you use these clauses keep
them short.
 Exception - piling on introductory
clauses can add suspense.
 Keep
whole subjects short
 Avoid interrupting subject verb
connection
 Avoid interrupting verb object
connection
Some dogs, because they were abused, bite.
We must develop, if we are to become
competitive with other companies, a core
knowledge regarding the state of the art in
effective industrial organizations.
(exception - unless the interruption is
shorter than the object)
 Begin
with the subject
 Make the subject short, concrete, and
already known to readers (ideally
characters, ideally the topic of the
sentence)
 Put a verb directly after it
 Make that verb communicate a specific
action
 Turn
subordinate clauses into sentences
(ultimately, make two or more shorter
sentences)
 Change clauses to modifying phrases
 Coordinate
 At
the end of long sentences (after main
verb and object), don’t add a one phrase
or clause after another. Particularly avoid
tacking one relative clause onto another.
Try extending the line of a sentence with
resumptive, summative ,and free
modifiers.
 Resumptive
modifiers repeat the noun,
adjective, or verb
Since writers often use resumptive modifiers to
extend a line of thought, we need a word to
name what I am about to do in this sentence, a
sentence that I could have ended at the comma
but that I extended to show you how resumptive
modifiers work.
 Resumptive
modifiers repeat the noun,
adjective, or verb
It was American writers who found a
voice that was both true and lyrical, true
to the rhythms of the workings man’s
speech and lyrical in its celebration of his
labor.
 Summative
modifiers repeat the entire
idea
Economic changes have reduced Russian
population to less then zero, a
demographic event that will have serious
social implications
 Rather
than repeat a key word or an entire idea,
free modifiers comment on the subject of the
nearest verb. They are “free” because they can
begin or end a sentence.
Cars are key to suburban life, offering citizens
both mobility and security.
De Vinci was a man of powerful intellect, driven
by curiosity and haunted by perfection
We began to assist German, aware we faced war.
 Link
clauses at the end of the sentence
through coordination (and, or)
 Put shorter elements first
 Make coordinated elements parallel
(108)