Transcript Charge of the Light Brigade

Elements of Writing
Elements of Writing
Objectives
• Write in the Army Writing Style
Communicate Effectively?
The Battle of Balaclava
The Charge
of the Light Brigade
by Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
"Forward, the Light Brigade!
"Charge for the guns!" he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
"Forward, the Light Brigade!"
Was there a man dismay'd?
Not tho' the soldier knew
Someone had blunder'd:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
The Order
“Lord Raglan wishes the cavalry to
advance rapidly to the front--follow
the enemy and try to prevent the
enemy carrying away the guns.
Troop Horse Artillery may
accompany. French cavalry is on
your left. Immediate.”
Into the Valley of Death
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Battle of Balaclava, 25 Oct 1854
“Charge of the Light Brigade”
About 700 charged
Only 195 returned
Charge of the Light Brigade
“Lord Raglan wishes the cavalry to
advance rapidly to the front--follow
the enemy and try to prevent the
enemy carrying away the guns.
Troop Horse Artillery may
accompany. French cavalry is on
your left. Immediate.”
Huh?
• Coming home, I drove into the wrong house
and collided with a tree I don’t have.
• I collided with a stationary truck.
• A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
• The other driver was all over the road. I had
to swerve several times before I hit him.
• I’d been driving my car for 40 years when I
fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
Huh?
• I was on the way to the doctor’s with rear end
trouble when my universal joint gave way,
causing me to have an accident.
• An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck
my automobile, and vanished.
• The telephone pole was approaching fast. I
was attempting to swerve out of its path when
it struck my front end.
?
• He is sometimes prone to take advice,
but has made great strides to overcome
this fault.
• He failed to demonstrate any great
weakness.
• This officer could put a cutting edge on
a marshmallow.
From a Joint Pub
Combatant command chaplains coordinate provide
religious support to forces assigned within the theater;
advise on the religious, cultural, and ideological issues
that affect the achievement of theater security objectives;
support combatant commanders’ time-sensitive planning,
operations, and execution regarding religion, as well as
cultural and ideological information; coordinate with IO
staff officers, to assist in the analysis and assessment of
military Courses of Action where there are religious,
cultural and ideological implications; and collaborate with
civil affairs to during pre- and post-crisis when there is a
religion, culture, and ideology equity.
TOP STUDENT QUOTES
After three attempts, they retreated their first try.
Portions of what he writes is hearsay but everything was researched for
authenticity
This book contains all the details that are missing...
Had the Germans been able to infiltrate ground forces as part of their
counterattacks, the gained information from these soldiers probably
would have allowed greater losses; ultimately seeking a greater
objective.
Now in the Spring of 1863, it was time for the North to move on to
destroying the south’s aggression against the states and the South
to move on to stopping the North from impeding it’s Northern ideas.
TOP STUDENT QUOTES
The American suffered over 1,000 soldiers killed in action, 260
soldiers captured, and hundreds of non-cambodian casualties...
The terrain offered man made obstacles such as streams, swamps,
and thick vegetation.
Arnold’s horse was shot shortly after, but continued to shout for the
troops to fight on! This motivates soldiers to continue to press the
fight.
When all hope seems to have disappeared, the only hope that
remains is the course of action to be taken.
They see the bridge still spawning the Rhine.
Army Writing Standard
Spelling
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Often overlooked by writers
Seldom overlooked by readers
Negative impression
When in doubt?
The evils of Spellcheck
Sound Alikes--Not Alikes
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Accept vs except
Ensure vs insure
Their vs they’re vs there
Its vs it’s
Too vs to
You’re vs your
More?
Most Important Ingredient of
Army Writing?
Target Your Audience
Word Choice
• Use conversational words, including
personal pronouns and contractions.
--We vs This company
--Won’t vs Will not
Word Choice
• Use shorter, simpler words whenever
you can.
--Start vs Initiate
--Do vs Accomplish
--Ask vs Query
--Use vs Utilize
--Cheap vs Inexpensive
If You Had A Choice
A . Due to the fact that most writers have
a tendency to be wordy, you can
probably cut approximately 30 percent
of the words in a first draft without really
affecting the meaning to any serious
extent.
B . You can cut about a third of a first draft
without affecting the meaning.
Too Wordy
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Your attention is invited to...
It must be remembered that...
I would like to take this opportunity...
It would appear that...
It is important to note that...
Extra Words
• I personally
believe...
• Currently
attending...
• Actual fact...
• Definite deadline...
• Genuine concern
• Exceptionally
Meritorious
• Definite Asset
• “Kills Bugs Dead”
Desirable?
• Sergeant Johnson did well on his PT
test.
• The team performed admirably on the
ARTEP.
• Several Soldiers are missing in action.
• He received numerous accolades from
higher.
Remember...
Simple Does Not Mean
Simple-Minded
Passive Voice
• Uses two verbs:
(1) Any form of the verb to be (am, is,
are, was, were, be, being, been), and
(2) The past participle of a main verb
(usually ending in ed, en, n, t, or d.
• Example: The Soldier was selected for
the detail.
Red Flags for Passive Voice
• Grammar rule.
• Where’s the “doer” of the action?
Passive Voice
• Specialist Green was counseled.
• Specialist Green was counseled by
Sergeant Parker.
• Sergeant Parker counseled Specialist
Green.
Bottom Line Up Front
• Putting your main point at the beginning
of your correspondence.
• Must be stated no later than first line of
second paragraph.
Blacklisted Words?
• Generally, no words are blacklisted
except for obvious exceptions like
profane, racial, sexual, sexist, or other
remarks in poor taste.
PE #1
(Word Choice)
PE #1 Solutions from
“What They Never Told You in
English 101”
By Lucie Barron Eggleston
A Few Army Style Rules
• Write out numbers less than 10.
• Exceptions:
--Dates & Addresses
--Measurement (time, length, width, weight)
(3 miles, 8 minutes, 7 pounds, 9 years)
--Decimals, percentages, fractions
--Vehicle/weapon systems designations
--Where space is much more critical
Style Rules
• Only capitalize specific names, places,
and things.
• Ranks: Capitalize only when used with
someone’s name.
• Units: Capitalize only when used with
the unit’s alphabetical or numerical
designation.
Style Rules
• Unless an abbreviation/acronym is well
known, spell it out the first time you use
it--followed by the abbreviation/acronym
in parentheses. Then use the
abbreviation/acronym in subsequent
references.
Style Rules
• Example: “The Soldier must calibrate
the automatic monitoring device (AMD)
before beginning the test. However, the
AMD is easy to calibrate.”
Style Rules
• Don’t begin a sentence with an
abbreviation or acronym, including
abbreviated ranks.
• Exceptions: Where space is much
more critical.
Style Rules
• Don’t put periods in between the letters
of abbreviations or acronyms.
• Exception: U.S.* (U.S. Army, U.S.
Armed Forces, U.S. military)
References
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Your boss
Your unit
Your post
AR 25-50
Style Manual (US Government)
PE #2
(Rewrite Sentences)
Possible Solutions (PE#2)
1) During a routine security inspection, I
found the Alpha Company weapons storage
facility door unlocked and open.
2) Thinking Private Jones had properly
cleared his weapon, SFC Butler declared the
firing line “dry.”
3) SGT Smith’s award can’t be approved
without additional information.
Possible Solutions
(PE#2, cont)
4) Some Soldiers being considered for
promotion haven’t completed their weapons
training due to range and ammunition
shortages.
5) John Wayne has been described as brilliant,
an American icon, and immortal.
6) Yesterday morning, SPC Jones completed
the company’s office supply inventory.
Possible Solutions
(PE#2, cont)
7) On 15 August, Mrs. Dolly Madison will start 3
months of maternity leave. I need computer
support during her leave. Please approve a
temporary secretary.
8) Do not hire civilians until we approve the
concept plan for the provisional agency. Hire
qualified programmers and accountants
quickly so financial programs are in place
when the next fiscal year starts.
Poor communication
kills Soldiers!!