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Painting Pictures with Words: “Dress-up your Writing” By C. Wardman – Adapted from Kathleen B. Scales Ozarks Writing Project A Comparison Which one would you rather create? A Comparison The amateur writes: “Bill was nervous.” The pro writes: “Bill sat in a dentist’s waiting room, peeling the skin at the edge of his thumb, until the raw red flesh began to show. Biting the torn cuticle, he ripped it away, and sucked at the warm sweetness of his own blood.” (Robert Newton Peck as quoted in Noden, 1998, “Image Grammar,” p. 157) Research “I discovered I could stop using labels without stopping grammar. Students created images with their sentences, and they didn’t even know they were …writing complex sentences…these playful forays into label-less grammar ended up in students’ essays, enriching them with concrete details and craft—a grammar instruction that actually improved writing” (Anderson, 2006, p. 29). Dress-ups – 6 in all 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) Who/Which Clause Strong Verb (4) Adverb (2) Because Clause Awesome Adjectives 6) When, where, while, since, as, if, although clauses Now lets look at “The car went into the lot” and dress this sentence up! You do yours with me on your worksheet. Dressup #1 – Who/Which • Adds information about a person or thing Example: The car went into the lot. Becomes The car, which was a 1957 Edsel, went into the lot. Dressup #2 – Strong Verb • Creates a heightened, more accurate sense of action and purpose Example: • The car, which was a 1957 Edsel, went into the lot. Becomes • Skidding, the car, which was a 1957 Edsel, screeched into the lot. Dressup #3 – Adverbs • Spices up an action Example: • Skidding, the car, which was a 1957 Edsel, screeched into the lot. Becomes • Skidding wildly, the car, which was a 1957 Edsel, screeched violently into the lot. Dressup #4 – Because Clause • Gives cause and effect Example: • Skidding wildly, the car, which was a 1957 Edsel, screeched violently into the lot. Becomes • Skidding wildly because of the gravel on the road, the car, which was a 1957 Edsel, screeched violently into the lot. Dressup #5 – Adjectives • Creates distinct and unique pictures of nouns Example: • Skidding wildly because of the gravel on the road, the car, which was a 1957 Edsel, screeched violently into the lot. Becomes • Skidding wildly because of the loose gravel on the rutted, dirt road, the car, which was a 1957 Edsel, screeched violently into the parking lot. Dressup #6 – Clauses • Adds dimension Example: • Skidding wildly because of the loose gravel on the rutted, dirt road, the car, which was a 1957 Edsel, screeched violently into the parking lot. Becomes • Skidding wildly because of the loose gravel on the rutted, dirt road, the car, which was a 1957 Edsel, screeched violently into the parking lot as a tumbleweed slowly moseyed along, hardly noticing the excitement. “Gessi the Great” Copyedit Activity The famous escape artist was hanging upside down above a parking lot in a straight jacket as he suspended from a crane. His name was “Gessi the Great.” He twisted and twirled in the wind as a large crowd of about 50 watched silently. Finally, Gessi wiggled out of the jacket and tossed it aside. He was lowered to the ground by the crane operator and greeted by cheers. Rainy Summer Sky Rolling, draping, folding Clouds hang like icing borders on a cake glazed smooth with gray Edges congealing, a summer front, moist and cool, slides over my street. Dripping, sighing, sagging Air, heavy and suspended, rain settles in for the day. Dress-Up Practice • You will have a variety of pictures to look at and you are to select one to describe in detail. This is a free write so we are really just trying to play with the words. Structure is important, using effective dress-ups is more important. The most effective image writing will: • Use each dress-up at least once. May be used more than once or in combinations • Demonstrate that the writer is able to “zoom in” and capture some significant detail or details of the photo • Shows the reader instead of tells the reader Zooming In Ask: How does it feel? What does it look like? How does it sound? How does it taste? How does it smell? Observation Impression Application Cat, branch, dangle, A cat in trouble, struggling, feet kicking Claws digging, feet kicking, the cat clung to the branch. Paint with Adjectives and verbs Brush Stroke Paint with clauses, adjectives and verbs The sun rose over the lake. Practice Zooming In http://www.solarnavigator.net/sport/surfing.htm I’d like to know… • What ways can you think of to present the mini lessons on brush strokes that would be effective? • If this was your first time to paint words with brush strokes, how was that experience for you? Like? Dislike? Why? SIGHT SOUND SMELL Imagery TOUCH TASTE