Transcript Slide 1
Light, Bright & Tight Service Descriptions May 2008 InformOntario Symposium Workshop Strategy Points to cover: • changing trends in information structure • Style Guide – recommended approach • structure of a service description • active verbs • problem areas – ID and fix • hands on samples • the conversion – issues and tips • Q&A Our Descriptions Now • traditional approach – prose / full sentences • lots of punctuation • lots of varied sentence structure, length and detail eg. Big Brothers Big Sisters is a registered charitable organization that provides positive adult role models to boys and girls, ages 6 to 16, through volunteer mentoring relationships that are based on Fun and Friendship. The Changing Landscape • information is everywhere – tv, advertising, Internet • buzz words, sound bits, browsing not reading • our data is no longer just for us • many audiences are not as familiar with services (local, regional or provincial) • technology allows flexibility and creativity • Style Guide taskforce recommending change to phrases/statements from prose New, Fresh Descriptions “Light, Bright and Tight” approach Look at the original description again… • Volunteer matching and mentoring service * Big Brothers Big Sisters screen volunteers who serve as adult role models for children 6-16 yrs * registered charity • From 34 words to 24 Phrases / Statements Building phrases or statements • group of words that are related and focus on an idea • could be without a subject, a verb or both eg. Materials include large print books and talking books WARNING: Don’t just chop off a few words and call it a phrase! Sentence Fragment • not to be confused with a sentence fragment… • it lacks a subject or lacks a verb or is not a complete idea eg. • Foot care (what service?) • Workshops (about what? For who?) • Known as Forever Young (huh?) Handout with examples Features of a Good Phrase • verb agreement - everything takes place in the same time zone - the present • use plain language not jargon or difficult to understand terminology Eg Breast, colon and sarcoma cancer centre Assists with job search, placement and training Promotes, implements and evaluates research-based programs Not jargon like ---ABA/IBI therapy ???? an acute schedule one facility ??? Features…cont’d • don’t make the reader guess about the service eg. Nontraditional, member driven agency * one-on-one and peer group support, education, advocacy and referrals * information seminars It’s for: Psychiatric survivors or persons who have had interaction with the mental health system It’s okay to repeat information from other fields (such eligibility). Features…cont’d • watch out for long phrases (more than two typed lines) - more difficult to process - many thoughts make it harder to grasp on first reading - might miss some of the content From busy list --Acute care hospital with emergency and ambulatory services, x-rays, diagnostic, CT scans and surgical services, fracture and diabetes clinics and spiritual care To organized listings -Acute care hospital * emergency and ambulatory services * diagnostics services including x-rays and CT scans * day surgery * fracture clinic * diabetes clinic * spiritual care Statement Elements • create a good topic phrase or opening statement in 6 words or less (mostly!) eg. Children’s mental health clinic eg. Bereavement support for families • tell the reader something new or important even if it sounds obvious eg. Cooperative child care eg. Emergency shelter for assaulted women eg. Assessment and psychogeriatric consultation Elements…cont’d • capitalize the opening statement only • avoid using all CAPITALS (consider splitting up large, multi-service listings with need such strong divisions between programs) • capitalize appropriate words (program name but NOT generic name) eg. Breaking Loose (name of program) vs foot care clinic (generic service) Elements…cont’d • opening statement, followed by asterisk followed by next statement; repeat eg. Walk in after hours medical clinic * provides after hours and weekend services * onsite laboratory and pharmacy • minimal punctuation – only where it’s needed; NEVER at the end of a statement Elements…cont’d • select strong, active, factual verbs (see list) • strengthen the verb by reduction – eg. “make an estimate” = estimate • avoiding “to be” verbs which generates excess – eg. "is responsible for monitoring" could be "monitors" Elements…cont’d • structure information so is easy to understand • put in order of importance / common thoughts together eg. (1) pre-employment training centre (3) childminding for clients (2) job search workshops (Note: the numbers are just to show order of relevance; do not include in Description) • clear, concise, 3rd party neutral Elements…cont’d • write precise words that carry specific information From: provides counselling To: - provides sexual health counselling - provides marital counselling - offers mental health counselling (Note: can combine into one phrase) Think about how this will be indexed! Elements…cont’d • be consistent – utilize phrases common within other similar services – users expect similar information in similar listings – good method for consistent data collection • build a collection of statements eg. walk in medical clinics eg. peanut free facility eg. XX-bed retirement home Elements…cont’d • limit HTML coding - avoid lists/bullets, mixed font sizes - minimize use of – bold – line breaks – hyperlinks • Consider impact with other softwares, publications Elements…cont’d • Check the spelling – Utilize spell checker (IE or FireFox or others) • Read aloud to detect awkwardness! “Your ear may know what your eye has missed” The Big No-Nos Words that should never appear in your Service Description Replace this…. With this…… please call ahead call ahead I, We, Ours, My third party neutral statements We welcome walk-in patients to use this service as well as our current patients if they are unable to schedule an appointment to meet their schedule. service for registered and nonregistered patients of the practice The Big No-Nos Statements that should never appear in your Service Description Mission statements We are committed to promoting the growth of midwifery in Ontario by providing learning opportunities for students of the Midwifery Education Program. Turn into an opening, summary statement Midwifery education and support services PR statements Real help, right now! This award-winning service delete it! Right now! licenced; accredited The Big No-Nos More words that should never appear in your Service Description Flowerly, over-descriptive, unqualifiable statements Just the facts…….. -we have bright, cheery rooms -we have friendly staff/highly qualified staff -we take great pride in giving the best possible quality of care -2-bed suites, shared rooms - licenced staff - delete, delete, delete!!!!! • Time to do samples Benefits/Rationale • publications smaller, more concise • can quickly browse through the details to capture key points • limited use of punctuation • don’t need to be an English major (no offense!) • assist with Taxonomy indexing Beginning the Shift • • • • can take up to 2 years to complete need to re-train agencies, staff, volunteers will be resistence from others best approach or combination of approaches? – Options: decide to do first, then get updated – Options: re-write following updating and obtain confirmation – Options: by sector • sector templates – provides checklist of items, phrase terminology • standard provides rationale for change End Results LIGHT • don’t need to write a novel on each service • leave the sales pitch behind • Clear, clean facts End Results BRIGHT • • • • • avoid the jargon avoid the slang use action words check spelling minimize punctuation End Results TIGHT • • • • eliminate unnecessary words consistent through similar sets of records order of importance remove the clutter Better Final Product Take control • you’re the editor • “right to edit for content and length” statement • benefit to services when others understand what they do • More appropriate referrals Thank you Q&A