Transcript Drafting and Revising Academic Writing

The Graduate Writing Center (GWC)
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One-on-one consultations
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All types of writing, all stages of the process.
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Hours for the coming week posted on Friday
afternoons.
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To schedule, see the Center’s website:
 https://composition.la.psu.edu/resources/graduate-writing-center/GWC
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Or go directly to the online schedule:
 https://secure.gradsch.psu.edu/wccal/studentview.cfm
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To help you develop a greater sensitivity to
audience in your writing.
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To help you develop sustainable, audiencecentered revision techniques.
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To help you develop collaborative revision
practices and ethics.
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Try to avoid anxiety:
 Set small goals.
 Write daily.
 Write when you feel inspired.
 Write what you can.
 Don’t expect perfection.
 Don’t think too much.
Write notes to yourself.
Write in a natural style.
Write the introduction last.
 Become familiar with the conventions.
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 Compare your work to models.
Get started with the big picture.
 Generate a working title and your critical
questions.
 Describe your exigency (why it matters).
 Write an outline or use other kinds of idea
generation.
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Freewrite
Outline
Cluster diagram
Use template-phrases
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VI.
Introduction/Why is this study important?
More women are working
More physicians are women
Issues
Physicians (mostly males, not much literature on females)
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Role Conflict
II.
Identity Issues
III.
Gender Attitudes
All working women
Strategies
Life
Workplace
Home
Juggling
Methods
Results/Discussion
Role Conflict
Identity Issues
Gender Attitudes
Conclusions
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In recent discussions of ___________, a
controversial issue has been whether
____________. On the one hand, some argue
that __________. From this perspective,
____________. On the other hand, however,
others argue that ____________. In the words of
one of this view's main proponents,
"_______________." According to this view,
___________. In sum, then, the issue is whether
____________ or ____________.
It has become common today to dismiss X's
contribution to the field of Y.
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When it comes to the topic of ___________,
many of us will readily agree that
____________. Where this agreement usually
ends, however, is on the question of
____________. Whereas some are convinced
that ____________, others maintain that
____________.
A number of scholars in the field of X have
recently suggested that Y's work has several
fundamental problems.
In their recent work, Y and Z have offered harsh critiques of Dr. X
for ____________.
 X's argument that ___________ is supported by new research
showing that __________.
 X acknowledges/agrees/argues/believes/denies/claims/
complains/concedes/demonstrates/emphasizes/insists/
observes/reports that _______________.
 X does not deny that/deplores the tendency to/celebrates the
fact that/questions whether/refutes the claim that/reminds us
that _________________.
 In conclusion, then, as I suggested earlier, defenders of
___________ can't have it both ways. Their assertion that
____________ is contradicted by their claim that __________.
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X overlooks what I consider an important point
about ___________.
 My own view is that what X insists is a ____________
is in fact a _____________.
 I wholeheartedly endorse what X calls
______________.
 These conclusions, which X discusses in
_______________, add weight to my argument that
_____________.
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Although I grant that ___________, I still maintain
that ______________.
 Proponents of X are right to argue that
____________. But they exaggerate when they
claim that _____________.
 While it is true that ____________, it does not
necessarily follow that ____________.
 On the one hand, I agree with X that
_____________. But on the other hand, I must insist
that _____________.
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 Work from higher-level concerns to
lower-level concerns.
 Read your paper aloud.
 Clarify your main point.
 Find and evaluate your thesis.
 Write an abstract and compare it
with your text.
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Tighten organization.
 Write a “scratch outline.”
 Consider post-outlining your draft.
 Describe the function of each paragraph.
Make your logic explicit.
 Check for topic sentences.
 “Foreshadow” your point at the beginning
of paragraphs and sections.
Who are my readers? What
“conversation” do I want to be a part of?
 What do I want my readers to know?
 What are my readers like? How will this
influence their reading?
 What do they already know? What do
they need to know?
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Look at the excerpts on p. 4-5 of your
packet.
 Which excerpt is from which publication?
How do you know? Note a few specific
characteristics of each sample.
 Think about what characteristics your
writing should have, for your chosen
audience.
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Meta-discourse provides cues to your
readers that help them follow your logic.
Three Parts:
 Authorial Contract
 Interpersonal functions
 Textual functions
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The author has an obligation to the reader to
keep them in familiar territory and prevent
them from being lost.
Consider readers’ needs and expectations as
you write.
Use appropriate signposts (thesis
statements, transitions, etc.) to help your
reader follow your argument.
Interpersonal functions reflect the presence of
the author in the text.
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Indicate the certainty of a particular
statement (perhaps, probably, likely).
Indicate authorial attitude (not surprisingly,
fortunately).
Provide commentary.
Textual functions place the idea in the broader context
of the argument.
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Explicit reminders and references.
Thesis, purpose statement, and topic sentences
Transitions and mapping words
Include section breaks and headings that create
expected generic patterns.
▪ Introduction, Methods, Results, Analysis,
Discussion, Conclusion, etc.
Only in the last decade has current scholarship finally
begun to reflect the significance bestowed on Mary
Baker Eddy by her contemporaries. In particular,
feminists have found a worthwhile subject in Eddy’s
theology and language. Such work has begun to
rewrite Eddy into the larger cultural context and
discourses of her day, particularly regarding the body
and science. However, two trends limit this scholarship.
First, Eddy and her individual writing tend to dominate
the work, which suggests an inability to divide the sect
from its leader. Second, the historical scholarship on
Eddy frequently secularizes the movement. Only a
handful of works place Christian Science in relationship
to mainstream American religious life.
Effective paragraphs are:
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Well-developed.
 They avoid making assumptions your
audience will not.
Cohesive.
 Ideas connect to one another.
Coherent.
 All ideas adhere to a central point.
Move from “old” to “new” information.
Use pronouns and/or recycling (“this +
noun”).
 Start sentences with short, easily
understood phrases.
 Keep subject and verb together.
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The power to create and communicate a new message
to fit a new experience is not a competence animals
have in their natural states. Their genetic code limits
the number and kind of messages that they can
communicate. Information about distance, direction,
source, and richness of pollen in flowers constitutes
the only information that can be communicated by
bees, for example. A limited repertoire of messages
delivered in the same way, for generation after
generation, is characteristic of animals of the same
species, in all significant respects.
Exercise borrowed from Joseph Williams, Style: Ten Lessons in Clarity and Grace.
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Eliminate unrelated information.
Rewrite topic sentences.
Separate ideas, and develop them in separate
paragraphs.
Use “stock” transitional phrases.
Put important information in the stress
position.
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The power to create and communicate a new
message to fit a new experience is not a
competence animals have in their natural states.
Their genetic code limits the number and kind of
messages that they can communicate. Information
about distance, direction, source, and richness of
pollen in flowers constitutes the only information
that can be communicated by bees, for example. A
limited repertoire of messages delivered in the
same way, for generation after generation, is
characteristic of animals of the same species, in all
significant respects.
Effective sentences:
 Build a hierarchy of ideas.
 Use active voice.
 Illustrate effective word choice.
The most important ideas are found in:
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The independent clause (the part of the sentence
that can stand alone).
 Subordinating conjunctions: after, although, as, as if,
because, before, even if, even though, if, if only, rather
than, since, that, though, unless, until, when, where,
whereas, wherever, whether, which, while
 Ex: Although they have declined, production costs are still
high.
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First and Last Positions.
 Place the most important words and phrases at the
beginning and end of clauses.
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Walden Pond was one praised by Thoreau for
its great natural beauty.
Now it is the site of many tourist stands.
 Walden Pond, which is now the site of many tourist
stands, was once praised by Thoreau for its great natural
beauty.
 Walden Pond, which was once praised by Thoreau for its
great natural beauty, is now the site of many tourist
stands.
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Use active language, unless passive voice is
necessary for cohesion or sentence rhythm.
Passive voice is often indicated by:
 Subject is also the goal/object of the sentence.
▪ The tree was hit.
 A “to be” verb precedes the verb in its past participle.
▪ “is hit,” “was hit,” “will be hit”
 The agent of the action follows the verb.
▪ The tree was hit by the car.
 The sentence includes frequent nominalizations.
▪ Evolution vs. evolve; immunity vs. immune
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Some astonishing questions about the nature of the
universe have been raised by scientists studying
black holes in space. [a or b] So much matter
compressed into so little volume changes the fabric
of space around it in puzzling ways.
 The collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger
than a marble creates a Black Hole.
 A Black Hole is created by the collapse of a dead star into a
point perhaps no larger than a marble.
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Avoid empty words.
 Use the charts on pg. 9 as a “cheat sheet” during your
revisions.
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Avoid unnecessary repetition.
 Use pronouns and synonyms to your advantage.
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Avoid nominalizations.
 Nominalizations transform verbs into nouns.
 Ex: The author’s analysis of our data omits any citation of
sources that would provide support for his criticism of our
argument.
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Avoid empty words.
 Use the charts on pg. 9 as a “cheat sheet” during your
revisions.
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Avoid unnecessary repetition.
 Use pronouns and synonyms to your advantage.
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Avoid nominalizations.
 Nominalizations transform verbs into nouns.
 Ex: The author’s analysis of our data omits any citation of
sources that would provide support for his criticism of our
argument.
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It is/was…
It seems…
There is/are…
…the fact that…
…one of those…
…is something
that…
This is…
…are some of the…
 …which/that means
that…
 …the concept/idea
of…
 …an example of…
 …was the one
who…
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Revise the sentences on p. 10 of your packet as
necessary.
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Try one or more of the following:
 Identify empty words and unnecessary repetition.
 Circle forms of the verb “to be” and check for
passive voice and nominalizations.
 Use transitions, subordination and parallel
structures where appropriate.
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Readers
 Ask questions about audience
 Look at overall argument, as well as paragraph
and sentence structure
 Be specific with criticism and praise
 Describe the effect of the writing on you
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Writers
 Ask for clarification
 Be open to suggestions
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