Transcript Audience-centered writing

Audience-centered
writing
Julie Reynolds
August 30, 2007
 Much of the
material from this
writing module can
be found in this
book, which I
recommend for a
fuller study of
these writing
issues
 Why say this?
 An understanding of the causal factors
involved in excessive drinking by students
could lead to their more effective treatment.
 When you could say this:
 We could more effectively treat students who
drink excessively if we understood why they
do it.
Writing fails for many reasons more
serious than unclear sentences,
including:
 Complex ideas that are not well organized
 Exclusionary language, including
excessive use of jargon
 Writers who ignoring reasonable questions
and objections to their claims
 Writers that “plump up” their prose in a
misguided attempt to impress those who
confuse a dense writing style with deep
thinking
But probably the biggest reason we
write unclearly is….
…Our own ignorance of what our readers
already know, what language they are
familiar with, and what their level of
interest in our topic is
“Our own writing always seems clearer to
us than it does to our readers, because
we read into it what we wanted to mean
when we wrote it, an advantage our
readers lack.”
-- Joseph Williams
Principle #1: Are the
subjects of your sentences
also the topics?
 Reader expectation theory indicates that
readers prefer the grammatical subject of
sentences to also be the topic of the
sentence.
 This is not always the case, however,
and sometimes we intentionally create
sentences in which the topic is not the
subject (in order to increase cohesion, for
example).
In the following passage, notice what the topic of
paragraph is, then notice what the grammatical subject of
each sentence is. How often does the subject of a
sentence differ from the topic of that sentence?

Vegetation covers the earth, except for those areas
continuously covered with ice or utterly scorched by
continual heat. Richly fertilized plains and river
valleys are places where plants grow most richly, but
also at the edge of perpetual snow in high
mountains. The ocean and its edges as well as in
and around lakes and swamps are densely
vegetated. The cracks of busy sidewalks have plants
in them as well as in seemingly barren cliffs. Before
humans existed, the earth was covered with
vegetation, and the earth will have vegetation long
after evolutionary history swallows us up.
I have put the topic of the sentences in bold and have
underlined the subject of the sentences. Notice that the
only place where the topic and the subject are the same is
in the first sentence of this paragraph. When this
happens, readers often judge writing to be incoherent.

Vegetation covers the earth, except for those areas
continuously covered with ice or utterly scorched by
continual heat. Richly fertilized plains and river
valleys are places where plants grow most richly, but
also at the edge of perpetual snow in high
mountains. The ocean and its edges as well as in
and around lakes and swamps are densely
vegetated. The cracks of busy sidewalks have
plants in them as well as in seemingly barren cliffs.
Before humans existed, the earth was covered with
vegetation, and the earth will have vegetation long
after evolutionary history swallows us up.
Now, let’s rewrite this paragraph to make the topics the
subjects of sentences more often. We probably don’t want
to have this always be the case, for that would lead to
monotonous writing.

Vegetation covers the earth, except for those areas
continuously covered with ice or utterly scorched by
continual heat. Plants grow most richly in fertilized
plains and river valleys, but they also grow at the
edge of perpetual snow in high mountains, along the
ocean’s edges, as well as in and around lakes and
swamps. Plants even grow within the cracks of busy
sidewalks and in seemingly barren cliffs. Before
humans existed, the earth was covered with
vegetation, and the earth will have vegetation long
after evolutionary history swallows us up.
Principle #2: Put the
action in the verbs
 Readers also expect the action of the sentence
to be in verb, not in nouns or adverbs
 However, nominalizations (a noun created from
a verb or adverb) are fairly common in
professional and scholarly writing
 Writing that has excessive nominalizations tend
to be less clear since the action of the
sentence is hidden in a noun, when readers
expect actions to be in verbs.
Example of nominalization
 The noun discovery is derived from the verb
discover.
 Similarly, discussion is derived from the verb
discuss
 This sentence has the action in the noun
 “The problem was the topic of our discussion.”
 This sentence puts the action in the verb
 “We discussed the problem.”
In the following list of words, some are adverbs, some are
verbs, and some are nominalizations. Identify the part of
speech of each word, and then convert it from a
nominalization to an adverb/verb OR from an adverb/verb
to a nominalization. Remember that some verbs and
nominalizations have the same form (i.e., Poverty causes
social problems. Poverty is a cause of social problems.)
analysis
suggest
expression
decrease
emphasize
believe
approach
failure
improve
explanation
appearance
attempt
comparison
intelligent
increase
description
conclusion
define
thorough
accuracy
clear
evaluate discuss
Revise these sentences for nominalizations to increase
clarity. Try to be as concise as possible, but be sure that
you do not change the meaning of the sentence.
 The intention of the committee is to audit
the records.
 There is no need for our further study of
this problem .
 Their loss in sales was a result of their
competitors’ expansion of outlets
If you need a hint, I have identified the
nominalizaitons for you in bold.
 The intention of the committee is to audit
the records.
 There is no need for our further study of
this problem .
 Their loss in sales was a result of their
competitors’ expansion of outlets
Here are suggested revisions, with the verbs
underlined.
 The intention of the committee is to audit the records.
 The committee intends to audit the records
 There is no need for our further study of this problem.
 We need not study this problem further.
 Their loss in sales was a result of their competitors’
expansion of outlets.
 They lost sales because their competitors expanded
their outlets.
 Now, you can apply these principles to
your own writing.
 Try to make the topic of your sentences also
the grammatical subject.
 Put the action of your sentences in the verbs
 Remember, these are principles, not
rules, and need not be followed all the
time.
Perfection is the ideal,
but the enemy of done.
-- Joseph Williams