Transcript PPT
Communication Communication and Active Listening Communication ● Communication is not what you say... ➢ ● Communication is not just the words you use ➢ ● Words are only about 7% of the message It's not what you say, it's how you say it... ➢ ● It's what they hear. 38% of the message is volume, pitch, and timbre It's not even what you say, it's how you appear... ➢ 55% with body language and facial expressions Communication ● To your partner: “What's wrong?” Not a thing. ● nothing ● ● ● ● ● Nothing! Nothing Nothing Nothing Listening ● ● We spend about 1/2 our day listening. Speed of words/min ➢ ➢ ➢ ➢ ➢ ● writing speaking reading listening Thinking 25 ― 30 125 ― 200 240 ― 600 400 ― 600 600 ― 1200+ Attention is a most scarce and valuable resource ➢ Ironically, because the brain has too many spare cycles Remembering ● ● Remembering is just hard as listening. Memory improves with ➢ ➢ Emotional engagement Multi-modal processing: hear, see, talk, write, say Understanding ● Meaning Triangle ➢ Ogden & Richard (1923) Understanding ● Thought, Concept ● Referent ● Symbol: cat, “Tiger” domesticated cat Misunderstanding ● ● ● Oh, “Tiger” is your pet cat. Any disconnect between Concept, Referent, and Symbol causes misunderstanding ...or someone is deliberately lying. Getting the Message ● Sender's EXPRESSION ➢ Words, emotion, action must equal the ● Receiver's IMPRESSION ➢ ● ● ● Concept & Referent, colour/flavour, importance Colleague hands you the expected report with a smile, “And here it is.” Or throws it on your desk with “It's over and done with.” What do you say? Receiving the Message ● ● ● ● You think, “Oh, this will take some time.” Your reaction: I don't have time for this. As a leader, it is your job to be interrupted. 'Open the door' ➢ ➢ ● ● Body language first: close the laptop lid, put down your pen, close the file folder. Signal attention. “Tell me about it.” “How did it go for you?” Passive listening: Shut up and pay attention. Acknowledge listening: Oh. Really. Uh huh. Active Listening ● ● ● Sender usually encodes an emotional message in their Expression. Receiver tries to decode what it means to the Sender and reflect that back. Active Listening communicates ➢ ➢ ➢ ➢ “I hear what you are feeling.” It's neither agreement nor disagreement It's not judgement whether feelings are right/wrong Just that the feelings exist Active Listening Examples ● ● ● ● ● ● I don't know how I'm going to untangle this messy problem. Why can't the Network Architect deliver a complete response to the requirements? Please don't ask me about that right now. I thought today's meeting accomplished nothing! That guy thinks he knows everything! Why does Purchasing have me complete a two page form when I just want a paper clip? ➢ Pair up with your opposite type and try it. Active Listening ● ● ● ● ● Empathize and accept the way the other person is right now. The other feels heard and understood. You are interested, concerned and not going judge or change the other. They own their feelings, they own at least that part of the problem. Active Listening facilitates problem solving by satisfying the other's Belonging needs and moving them up to the Esteem level. Roadblocks to Communication Get rid of the person by solving their problem thereby making your problem (them) go away. When the sender owns the problem, don't... ● Order, direct, command ● Warn, admonish, threaten ● Moralize, preach, implore ● Advise, suggest, solve ● Persuade, Lecture, Argue Roadblocks to Communication ● ● ● ● ● ● ● Judge, critique, disagree, blame Praise, Agree, Flatter Name calling, ridicule, shame Interpret, Analyze, Diagnose Reassure, Sympathize, Console, Support Probe, Question, Interrogate Distract, Divert, Kid and Joke Active Listening is not... ● ● Acceptance is not agreement You don't need to feedback every message ➢ ➢ ● ● Sometimes Door Openers, Passive Listening, and Acknowledgement Responses are enough Don't try to actively listen until you understand “Roadblocks to Communication” can work in No Problem areas, i.e. When everyone's needs are being met. Usually, people know how to solve their own issues. The real problem is how they feel. Active Listening is not... ● ● ● Don't pretend to listen. You'll never get away with it. Be honest about your time pressure, your own emotional or health state. Make a commitment to meet later.