Transcript Families, Lifestyles & Parenting

The Family as a System
 Marital relationships
 Parenting relationships
 Sibling relationships
 Interactive relationships
Family: Building Block of Civilization
 Family is a vertical connector
 Grandparents, grandchildren
 Family is a horizontal connector
 Siblings
 Extended family
 Aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews
 Extended family leads to tribes, clans
 These lead to nations and ethnic groups
Functions of the Family
 Producing children
 Protected environment for the rearing of children
 Training/socialization of children
 Material provision for children
Benefits of the Functional Family
 Identity – knowing your place in the world
 Stability – emotional , financial
 Security – someone always there for you
 Sense of belonging
 Learning social skills, relationships
What compromises family functions?
 Failure to form a family
 Poor marital relationships
 Irresponsible parenting
 Lack of understanding of what spouses/children need
 Failure to commit, give sufficient priority to family
 Threats to stability
 Failure to form a family
 Divorce
 Changing the family structure
Family Negatives
 From the standpoint of utilitarian morality, those things
that alter or compromised the “standard” family pattern
are negatives for the individuals involved.
 The standard family pattern is a married couple with
their biological (or adopted) children.
Historical Sociocultural Changes that
have affected the family.
 Movement to urban areas – mobility affects extended families
 Industrial revolution
 Economic depression/war demoralizes & destabilizes families.
 U.S. Great Depression, WW I and WW II
 Decrease in family size changes parenting & role structure
 Divorce – creates hodgepodge of family structures
 Media & technology – distractions to family life
 Dual-earner family, mothers going to work
Socio-cultural Value Changes Affecting
the Family
 Belief that marriage is for personal fulfillment rather than a social
contract (or religious covenant)
 Belief that a stable environment is not required to provide the security
needed for adult psychological function. (Later added children to this.)
Socio-cultural Value Changes
 Belief that parenting is gender neutral.
 Change in sexual morals and mores.
 Belief in the importance of pursuing personal fulfillment.
Myths, Attitudes, & Values Regarding
Marriage
Loss of Relationship Uniqueness
Survey Results
 Is chastity important in selecting a marriage partner?
 Not important in the U.S., Sweden, Finland, Norway, Netherlands,
Germany
 Somewhat important in Japan & Ireland
 Most important in China, India, Indonesia, Iran, Taiwan, Palestine
Myths, Attitudes, & Values
Regarding Marriage
 What is important in selection of a marital partner in the U.S.?
 Housekeeping is not.
 Emotional sensitivity is somewhat
 Finding our soul-mates
Is being in love the only
reason to marry?
 Yes, in the United States
 What is being in love?
 Is it infatuation?
 How are mates chosen in other cultures?
 How is love regarded in other cultures?
 Dependency on the other
 Companionship and practical matters
 Autonomy, appreciation of the other, intense emotion (our
culture)
Timing of Leaving Home
and Marriage
 Nearly half of young adults return home after leaving
 Many ethnic single adults tend to live at home
 In the U.S. in 2000, average age of marriage was 25 for women
and 27 for men.
 90% of North Americans marry at least once, and 59-60% are
living as married couples.
Cohabiting Adults
 In 2000, 60% of couples were cohabiting
 1/3 of these relationships last less than a year
 Less than 10% of them last 5 years
 They are more egalitarian than marital relationships
(Other than sex, you may be living as roommates.)
Cohabiting Adults
 Disadvantages of cohabitation
 Social disapproval
 Emotional strain
 Legalities of joint property
 Potential problems of child custody
 Older cohabiters may be more depressed
 The experience of cohabitation changes attitudes and the
nature of the relationship.
 Not a good “trial” marriage
Cohabitation before Marriage
 Most studies show that it leads to:
Lower marital satisfaction
Lower happiness
Lower levels of commitment
Higher divorce rate
 Some show no difference from noncohabitors
Sternberg‘s Theory of Love
 Triangular – passion, intimacy, commitment
 Consummate love – all the elements
 Companionate love – low passion
 Passionate love
 Commitment may be the element that insures
that the relationship survives
The Mythical Image of Marital Bliss
Unrealistic Expectations
 Satisfaction increases through the first year
of marriage.
 The best single predictor of marital
satisfaction is the quality of the couple’s sex
life.
 If my spouse loves me, he or she should
instinctively know what will make me happy.
 No matter how I behave, my spouse should
love me simply because he or she is my
spouse.
Marital Expectations
 Unrealistic expectations are probably a factor in divorce.
 Young people with a religious view of marriage as
sacred are less likely to have unrealistic expectations
and are better able to cope.
 Couples spend little time reflecting on the decision to
marry.
Dual-Earner Marriage
 Role overload - conflict between work and family responsibilities
 Role conflict – being torn by the desire to excel at work and spend
time with the family
 These are greater for women
Dual-Earner Marriage
 Usually the housework that is sacrificed
 Career moves can be problematic
 Can provide a better standard of living (not the same thing as
quality of life)
 Marital inequity is likely a factor in divorce.
 Second Shift
 Unequal division of responsibility
Working Parents
 Over 50% of moms are employed
 Small children in daycare may suffer in cognitive development,
attachment, & social skills.
 Being a latchkey child is associated with delinquency, school
problems & drug & alcohol use.
 Does this just take the time formerly devoted to housework &
more kids?
 Would parents overinvest in their kids?
Many moms who can
afford it are going home.
 Ivy league schools have found that only 38% of
their female graduates of childbearing age are
actually in the workforce.
And why do we get divorces?
 Poor conflict-resolution skills
 Poor communication patterns
 Not attending religious services
 Parental divorce
 Multiple life stresses
 Women‘s independence
 No-fault divorce laws
 Divorce is usually initiated by women (inequity)
 Wrong expectations
And then what happens?
Single Parenting
 Custodial Parents
 Overwhelmed
 Suffer financial decline (women)
 Go into poverty
 Non-custodial Parents
 Have too little time with children
 Feel alienated
Sociocultural Influences
Who is Poor?
 Women — feminization of poverty
 1/3 of single mothers; 10% of single fathers
 Families and poverty
 Economic pressure linked with parenting
 Benefits to parents help children
What happens to the kids?
 Loss of a parent
 Protection of remaining parent
 Loss of identity
 Poverty
 Change of schools/neighborhoods/friends
 Change of extended family relationships
 Vulnerability to future parent relationships
 Lack of having a successful marriage modeled/taught
What are the results?
 Lack of security
 Emotional vulnerability
 Emotional baggage
 Maintaining awkward relationships
 Problems with holidays and special occasions
What happens to the adults?
– Exiting Divorce
 Having trouble trusting everyone
 Hetherington's Categories
 Enhancers 20% - better off
 Good enough's – end up about the same
 Seekers – 40% of men; 38% of women
 Libertines – series of relationships
 Competent loners – don’t remarry
 Defeated – worse off
Remarriage
 On average, people remarry within 4 years.
 Practical matters figure into this decision
 Financial help
 Childrearing help
 loneliness
 The divorce rate is higher for second marriages. Only about 1/3
stay remarried.
 Negative patterns transferred
 View divorce as acceptable
 Stepfamily situations
Staying Married
 Most unhappy marriages dissolve between the 5th and 10th
year
 One study shows that if people with marital problems will
stay together for five years they will have returned to
marital happiness
 72% of people at midlife say their marriages are very good
or excellent
 The majority of older married adults say that their
marriages are happy
 Four times as many widows as widowers
Marital Satisfaction Is Good for
Your Health
 More men than women report being happily married
 Being married is associated with gains in mental and physical
health for men
 Relationship quality has a greater impact on mental health for
women
 Women are dissatisfied when the demands of family and
career are overwhelming.
Marital Satisfaction Is Good for
Your Health
 One study of married women ages 42-50
 Happily married women had lower BMI
(weight), hypertension, cholesterol,
depression
 Overall, being happily married means being
less stressed
 Being unhappily married is associated with
higher rates of illness and earlier death.
Never Married Single Parents
 Largest group is African-American young women (70% of births)
 Why?
 Tap the extended family
 One-third marry later
 Still have problems of poverty, poor school achievement of
children and antisocial behavior.
Childless Couples
 DINKs - double-income, no kids
 How many couples are voluntarily childless?
 3-6% or 10-15%
 Often has to do with career commitment
Unintended Childlessness
 Career Women (Hewlett, 2002)
 33% were childless at age 40
 42% who worked in corporations were childless
 49% of (6-figure) ultra-achievers were childless
 25% of high achievers age 41-55 (&31% of ultra-achievers)
would like to have a child
 No high achiever had a child after age 39 and no ultraachiever after age 36
What is Child Maltreatment?
 Physical Abuse
 Sexual Abuse
 Neglect (physical, educational, emotional)
 Emotional/psychological Abuse
Profile of Maltreatment
 Most common offender is a young, poor, single mother who is
overwhelmed and engages in neglect and psychological abuse
 Factors are social isolation, unrealistic expectations of the child,
substance abuse, depression, poverty, sickly or difficult child,
other life stresses
Consequences of Maltreatment
 Physiological – stress hormones, abnormal brain wave
patterns
 Emotional – rejection, anxiety, self-blame, psychological
pain
 Social – discipline problems at school, poor peer relations
 Eventually serious learning and adjustment problems,
depression, substance abuse, academic failure,
delinquency
Preventing Child Maltreatment
 Research indicates that a trusting relationship with
another person is the most important factor is
preventing mothers with childhood histories of abuse
from repeating the cycle.
 Parents Anonymous
Grandparenthood
 Many people become grandparents in their 40s.
 They like being a valued elder, child indulger, having a form of
immortality, and being able to transmit family history and values.
 Grandparents may offer childcare, and even greater support to a
custodial parent of their grandchildren.
 Grandparents of the non-custodial parent often have to negotiate
for visitation rights.
Skipped-Generation Families
 Surrogate parenting: grandparents take custody of their own
grandchildren because the parent is not functioning due to such
factors as drug abuse, mental illness, incarceration, adolescent
pregnancy, divorce.
 Includes about 5.6 million children
Skipped-Generation Families
 Grandparents may be tired and emotionally drained, but joyful at
being of help to the children.
 Children tend to fare better in school that those from singleparent or blended homes.