Transcript Living Single: The Impact of Living Independently On Men`s

Gender & Family
Communication
Communication Is More Than
“JUST TALKING”
Communication is . . . . the process of sharing yourself verbally and nonverbally
with another person in such a way that both of you understand and accept what
you say.
COMM-U-NICATION
COMMUN-I-CATION
The Three V’s Of
Communication
Communication is . . . . the process of sharing yourself verbally and nonverbally
with another person in such a way that both of you understand and accept what
you say.
1
VERBALS
2
VOCALS
3
VISUALS
“I Am Going To The Mall.”
“Just Say What You Mean and
Mean What You Say”
Communication is . . . . the process of sharing yourself verbally and nonverbally
with another person in such a way that both of you understand and accept what
you say.
What he wants to get across
What he actually says
What she actually hears
What she thinks she heard
What she says she heard
What he thinks about what she said she heard
Cross-Gender Communication:
Venus and Mars?
RAPPORT REPORT
CONNECTIONS STATUS
INTERDEPENDENT INDEPENDENT
EXPRESSERS RESOLVERS
EXPANDERS CONDENSERS
FEELINGS FOCUS FACTS FOCUS
OUTCOMES & GOALS
Understanding Man-Talk
Issues:
“Men Don’t Listen”
We Socialize Boys To Focus On
Outcomes and Goals:
“Men Don’t Talk”
•Boys/Men Score In Games With Non-Negotiable Rules
“Men Don’t Express
Their Feelings”
•Boys/Men Are Capable, Powerful, and Don’t Need Help
•Boys/Men Build and Fix Things
OUTCOMES & GOALS
Understanding Man-Talk
Issues:
“Men Don’t Listen”
Men learn that problems are expressed ONLY when you
can’t solve them yourself.
“Men Don’t Talk”
He hears a NEED and offers a SOLUTION!
“Men Don’t Express
Their Feelings”
Men DO talk. In fact, they talk more than women do.
It’s how and when they talk that’s different.
He reserves his talking for when he has figured
things out and “knows” he’s right.
Men learn not to express the “weakness” emotions
publicly: fear, sadness, stress, sensitivity.
Men have caveman moments and should let their
partners know: “I’ll be back”.
PROCESS & RELATIONSHIP
Understanding Woman-Talk
Issues:
“Women Want To
Control Men”
“Women Talk Too
Much”
“Women Are Too
Emotional”
We Socialize Girls To Focus On
“The Process” and Relationships:
•Girls/Women Nurture and Care For Things
•Girls/Women Learn That Strong Interactions and
Relationships Are The Key To Problem Solving
•Girls/Women Play Games In Which The Big Picture Is More
Important Than The Details.
PROCESS & RELATIONSHIP
Understanding Woman-Talk
Issues:
“Women Want To
Control Men”
Some “criticism” is about nurturing and trying to make
men “be better”, “do better”, “feel better”.
“Women Talk Too
Much”
She is trying to communicate concern, interest, and
ownership to equals
“Women Are Too
Emotional”
He hears a lack of faith in his ability and lack of
acceptance of him.
When nurturing becomes nagging.
PROCESS & RELATIONSHIP
Understanding Woman-Talk
Issues:
“Women Want To
Control Men”
“Women Talk Too
Much”
“Women Are Too
Emotional”
When she’s stressed, she wants to talk about it
Her answers come by talking them out, not thinking
them out.
Women are expanders and men are condensers.
This requires men to listen and not just hear.
Listening takes practice.
We all think 5 times faster than we talk. Dangers?
Running ahead, wandering off, jumping in,
brushing away, and blocking out
PROCESS & RELATIONSHIP
Understanding Woman-Talk
Issues:
“Women Want To
Control Men”
“Women Talk Too
Much”
“Women Are Too
Emotional”
Because women are encouraged to see things in broad
strokes and big pictures, they also talk in superlatives,
metaphors, and overgeneralizations.
He believes she’s really experiencing this level of
“Anything”
hopelessness.
“Always”
“Never”
“No One”
Precision“Everything”
in questions asked
and statements made.
“Everyone”
“EveryGunnysacking.
time”
“Nothing”
Differences In Frame Of Reference
Vocal Differences
In Men-Talk & Women-Talk
Inflections
Use Of High-Rising Tones In Declarative Statements
Tag Questions
Questions Added To The End Of Declarative Statements
Discourse Particles
Segmentation Markers and Hesitation Markers
Shift Mechanisms
Conjunctions (“However”) and Interjections (“Listen”)
Hedge Words (e.g., “maybe”, “perhaps” “sort of”)
Politeness And Rapport Markers (e.g., “Would you mind?”)