Transcript - Parenting for Peace

Parenting for Peace
COMMUNICATION SKILLS
Dr.Sushma Desai
Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
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Communication
•
Communication (the way we interact with our children )
is an important art which every parent should learn
•
Helps children to become confident and lovable adults
with high self esteem.
•
Strengthens the parent – child bonding.
•
Protective factor which prevents high risk behaviours like
running away from home, substance abuse, violence and
self harm ( e.g. suicidal attempts )
Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
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Components of communication
(1)
Verbal
(2)
Nonverbal
: Use of words for the interaction
Softness of voice are also very important,
Tone, volume.
: Our body language while we communicate, i.e.
facial expression, eye contact and movements of hands, arms &
legs posture.
93% of our communication is nonverbal and has a great
impact on child’s emotions and memory.
The child listens less and imitates more. whatever we
say in whichever manner will be directly reflected in their way of
communication.
They may forget what you said but they will never forget how
you made them feel
Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
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Components of communication
(3) Written : Expression of the ideas feelings etc.
through writing.
Important way of communication esp. with
adolescents.
They
are
impulsive
and
argumentative. So, to avoid un-pleasant episodes,
we can express ourselves through
writing /
encourage them to write down their thoughts &
feelings.
Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
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Components of communication
(4)
Active listening : the most important part of
communication esp. with children,
It includes showing interest, paying undivided
attention ,reflecting the emotions# and adopting a “non
interruption” attitude*. Let them complete their version
without jumping to the opinions, conclusions and solutions.
The best way to understand people is to listen to them Ralph Nichols
(5)
Humour : becoming a child with a child is the best way of
entering into the inner world of the child. **
Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
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Methods of communication
(1) During Pregnancy :
• A cool & calm happy mother will give birth to
healthy and cheerful baby.
• A loving talk form both- father and mother with
the unborn baby together with feeling the parts
of baby or gentle strokes to the baby will
strengthen the bond.
• Quarrelsome atmosphere in the surrounding ,
disturbed and stressed out mother will give
birth to cranky, irritable child and this
personality trait will last for ever.
Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
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Methods of communication
(2) New born baby :
 Gentleness in handling, eye contact, soft
tone of the voice, convey positive bonding.

Provide close personal contact whenever
baby is awake. This will keep your baby
happy & healthy with positive mental &
emotional health.
A mother understands what a child doesn’t say
Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
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Methods of communication
(3) Toddler (1-3 years) :
• This is the period when children develop trust &
confidence in parents.
• Give positive instruction about what to do
instead of giving negative signals *
• Promises
have to be
kept to ensure
development of trust on parents. Be honest with
the reason if you are not able to keep your
promise.
• This is the period when children watch and
imitate (aping) us. So be very careful about
choice of words, manner in which they are
spoken and your body language. esp. when
parents are interacting with each other.
Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
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Methods of communication
(4) School going children :
Sharing of the thoughts and emotions starts
from this age
•
Always try to attend the child when he / she
comes from the school. It’s important to
hear the immediate emotions from school
when children are eager to share
Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
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Methods of communication
(4) School going children :
•
Ask open ended question (which doesn’t
have answer as “yes/no”. It generates
discussion – it begins with what, when, how,
why etc.( e.g. don’t ask “did you eat you
snack today ? ” instead- “what did you eat
in your snacks today ?”)
• Use humour to encourage disclosure.
Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
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Methods of communication
(4) School going children ( contd):
• Do not limit conversation to mundane
realities like feeding, academics and
preparations for the next day etc.
• If you want your child to improve, let
him/her overhear the nice things you say
about them to others.
Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
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Methods of communication
5) Adolescents :
Most difficult period to establish the communication*
but most amazing and fascinating.
Issues that can affect communication with adolescents :


Pre occupation of adolescents in their own world.
Failure to identify clicking point to get into
conversation (e.g. asking about their hobbies
favourite sport, film stars etc. will help to initiate
conversation ).
Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
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Methods of communication
5) Adolescents (contd.)

Adolescence do not believe /do not know that
their parents have more experience in life.
Hence do not value their advice/ wisdom and
directions .

They spend majority of their time in school,
with friends (who are more imp. than family at
this stage ) and for their sports / coaching class
& other activities. This decreases opportunity
for communication with their parents.
Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
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Methods of communication
5) Adolescents(contd.) :


They don’t confide readily & don’t share their
feelings as much as they do when they are
younger.
At times they are confused in expression
of their ideas / feelings / thoughts.
Parents in their attempt to steer their
adolescent in the right pathway always try to
correct or teach something, They pay more
attention to the mistakes, misbehaviour and
failure rather than their success and
accomplishment.
Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
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Methods of communication
5) Adolescents(contd.) :
 These all result in negative communication,
resulting into an arrogant, rebellious,
frustrated and disoriented youth. (reacting
and snapping at every occasion without
listening anything )*
 such teenagers indulge more into violence
and are prone to high risk behaviour like
sub-abuse, rash driving, date violence etc.
Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
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Methods of communication
Adolescence(contd.) :
What parents must do to enhance the communication
with their adolescents ?
 Listen more than speak: let them complete their
version. Listen with full attention without making
impatient gestures (like looking at the watch
talking on phone gesture of arms & legs etc. ).

Created time / create opportunities to talk to your
teen: e.g. during breakfast / dinner, offering to
pick-up / drop to & fro school / tuition class,
watching their favourite sport together (with a
friendly discussion in between), going for a walk
together, family
picnics etc.
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Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
Methods of communication
Adolescents(contd.) :

Keep up with their interest :like sports,
hobbies, films, arts, music etc.
This gives a subject to talk about and then we
can generate a feeling of “friendliness” which
can help adolescents to talk more about their
feeling in times of their needs / distress

Avoid all negative communications like
nagging, harsh criticism , yelling to force
compliance etc.
This will lead to permanent conflicts and will
push our teen to self harm, depression, poor
self esteem etc.
Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
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Methods of communication
Adolescence(contd.) :
 Turn negative incidences into positive
communication: try to give constructive
criticism.*
 Try to acknowledge
achievements.
and celebrate their
Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
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Methods of communication
Adolescent(contd.) :


Rights and freedom for adolescents :
There should be clearly set house rules
for everyone which should be consistently
followed by parents as well as children.
Keep their desire for privacy and
watchful independence in case of adolescents
when we set the rules.
Try to apologise for our own mistakes honestly,
this sets an example and our teen will also
reflect the same without hesitation ( they have
a very strong ego ).
Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
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Methods of communication


Adolescence(contd.) :
Whenever there is necessity to say “no”, we
must explain the reason (why they are denied
a particular thing ), which is honest and true.
This gives a very strong positive parenting
signal for character building.
These adolescents will understand the
feelings of parents correctly and will never
demand / desire unrealistic things.
Above all “ BE A LOVING PARENT, parents
must be able to convey that the love showered
on him/ her is “unconditional ”i.e. They value
them & love them in the way they are and will
support them in the time of need.
Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
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Methods of communication
Adolescence(contd.) :


Don’t miss a single opportunity to show your
love to them (a loving pat, hug, kisses ), as the
same moment will never come again.
Expression of love and genuine appreciation of
their smallest good deed will make our teens
feel that they are very important and valuable
at least to their parents. Such adolescents will
never fall prey of behaviours like self harm,
depression or running away from home.
Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
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In nutshell
To put in nutshell attentive communication is
essential for parents & teachers to deal with
children & adolescents for :
1. It’s key element in inter – personal
relationship
2. It contributes to character building of our
children & adolescents- the future citizens
3. Lack of effective communication results in
unresolved conflicts & stress and will push
our youth to high risk behaviour like violence.
substance abuse, self harm, depression and
running away from home etc.
Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
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Thank you
Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
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