Transcript Career Creators Gender Differences in Communication

Gender Differences in Communication
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Gender Differences in Communication
“Stereotypical Masculine & Feminine Styles and
How to Effectively Use Both”
Prepared by Amber Travis-Ballinas, MBA
Career Consultant
Career Creators
1250 Capital of Texas Hwy South Building 3, Suite 400 Austin, TX 78746
Office Phone: (512) 788-2012
[email protected]
www.CareerCreators.Consulting
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What is Communication?
= the process of exchanging
ideas and information through
words or actions.
****See Basic Interpersonal Communication Model Slide
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Communication
the process of exchanging ideas and information through words or actions
• Communication is the basis / fundamental building block of all
human relationships.
• The ability to communicate skillfully and with confidence will help
each person develop supportive and cooperative work and personal
relationships.
• Improving interpersonal communication skills will improve all
relationships; which ultimately improves chances of success.
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Reflective Listening & Communication
• Good communication
includes active /
reflective listening
– Allows both the listener and
communicator / speaker to
build trust and
understanding
– Allows the listener to be
empathetic to the
communicator / speaker
– Saves time in the long-run
– Short-term takes a lot of
time & effort to do
• Steps to Active /
Reflective Listening:
– Clarify the communicator’s
point of view
– Paraphrase understanding
of the message
– Do not “parrot”
– Reflect core feelings back
to communicator to signal
understanding
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Types of Communication
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Verbal Communication = speaking
Non-verbal Communication = all
elements of communication that do not
involve speaking or words
– Written Communication = all written
language including symbols
– Technological Communication =
interacting with a machine = lacking
nonverbal cues
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Types of Communication
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Verbal Communication = speaking
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One-way Communication = no questions, feedback, or
interactions occur
Two-way Communication = both the communicator and
receiver interact
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Defensive Communication = communication that is aggressive,
attacking, & angry OR passive, withdrawn, & submissive
Non-defensive Communication = communication that is assertive,
direct, & powerful without being defensive
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Steps to Non-defensive Communication:
» Define the situation
» Clarify the communicator’s position (use active / reflective
listening)
» Acknowledge the communicator’s feelings (be empathetic)
» Bring the focus back to the facts
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Types of Communication
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Non-verbal Communication = all elements of communication
that do not involve speaking or words
“Body Language” =
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Perception of space and use of space
Body Language / Facial Expressions / Eye Movements
Pitch, cadence, volume, tempo, and tone of speech
Written Communication = all written language including symbols
Technological Communication = interacting with a machine = lacking
nonverbal cues
– Email
– Text messaging
– Voice messages / Voicemail
– Fax
– Internet Social Networking Sites
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Barriers to Communication
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Language / Pronunciation / Diction
Cultural Rules and Expectations
Socialization of males and females
Social Status / Educational Background
Gender
Method of communication (i.e. speaking versus writing)
Noise / Distractions
Incomplete communication
Context of the communication (situation)
Assumptions / Pre-conceived notions / Perceptual
Screens
• Personality / Personal Experiences
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Barriers to Communication
Gender differences cause
males and females to have
very different perspectives
which impacts
why and how we communicate.
This affects all aspects of communication.
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Stereotypical Differences in Masculine and
Feminine Characteristics
Masculine Traits:
Feminine Traits:
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Self-serving attitude
Direct use of power & authority
Phrase directives as orders
Task-oriented
Need to be respected and admired
Direct communication style
Communicate to solve or fix problems
Consciously tries to gain power & social status /
‘One-upmanship’ social hierarchy
Expresses self-confidence willingly / okay to be
boastful and proud of accomplishments
Demands credit for accomplishments
Less likely to ask questions in public or ask for help
or directions
Aggressive / dominant behavior
Straight-forward and blunt communication
Systematic rules
Likely to attempt to win at all costs
Negotiates specifically
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Concerned with other’s feelings
Indirect use of power & authority
Phrase directives as suggestions
Relationship-oriented
Need for acceptance and to be well-liked
Indirect communication style
Communicate to express feelings or to determine
feelings and thoughts
Consciously tries to keep relationships equal in
power / Egalitarian social structure
Does not express self-confidence willingly /
reluctant to ‘brag’ or ‘toot their own horn’
Likely to give credit to others for their own
accomplishments
More likely to ask questions / for help / for
assistance in public
Nurturing / passive behavior
Diplomatic / “beats around the bush” & ‘sugarcoats’ communication
Free-flow rules / no rules
Likely to play fair in negotiations
Negotiates vaguely and considers the competitors’
pleas and feelings as part of the negotiation
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Why do we communicate?
Women =
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to express feelings
to ‘think out loud’
to determine feelings
goal = want someone to listen and to understand their
feelings
Men =
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to communicate only the absolutely necessary information
to solve problems and to “fix things”
to give advice
goal = want to communicate information and to solve
problems
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How much do we communicate?
Women =
– speak approximately 3 times as many words
per day as men = approximately 5000 words
per day or more
Men =
– speak approximately one-third as many
words per day as women = approximately
1700 words per day or less
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Communication Styles
&
Conversation Rituals
Women =
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Men =
Maintaining an
appearance of equality
Taking into
consideration the
impact of the interaction
on the other person /
people’s feelings and
situation
Downplaying their
authority to get things
done without having to
be aggressive
Being diplomatic and
indirect
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• Using playful opposition
(joking, banter, teasing,
etc.)
• Avoiding the “one-down”
position in the interaction /
maintaining their status on
the hierarchy
• Playing up their status /
power / position of
authority
• Being blunt, direct, and
straight-forward
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Communication Styles & Conversation Rituals
Problem & Solution for the Female Communicator
Problem:
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Solution:
misunderstandings
are caused by
differences in style
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– blend both masculine and
feminine traits
Women may be
viewed as less
confident and
competent than they
really are
Men may be viewed
as hostile or arrogant
when they really are
not
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• Be diplomatic AND direct
and straight-forward.
• Say what you mean—do
not ‘beat around the
bush’ or ‘sugar-coat’
communication
• Use influence and
legitimate power /
authority to gain
understanding and
cooperation
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Asking Questions in Public
Asking for HELP
Saying “I Don’t Know!”
Women =
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Men =
Willing to admit that
they are not
knowledgeable
Not concerned about
creating a negative
impression
More likely than men
to ask questions in
public
Women who do ask
questions in public are
more focused on
gaining information
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• Less likely to admit that
they are not
knowledgeable
• Admitting that they do
not know / Asking for
help puts them in a
‘one-down’ position
and ruins their
reputation
• Men who do ask
questions in public are
more focused on the
interaction and about
positive impression
management
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Asking Questions in Public
Problem & Solution for the Female Communicator
Problem:
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Women are not aware that they
can be viewed as weak; asking
questions can be viewed as
negative and a sign of
incompetence
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Admitting ignorance or asking
for help makes a person appear
to be incompetent / creates a
negative impression / causes a
person to be judged as less
capable
Admitting ignorance or asking
for help can prevent major
problems and avert potential
catastrophes
Admitting ignorance or asking
for help can mean that a person
is searching for knowledge and
information—this is positive.
Solution:
– Understand and be aware of the
negative perception that does
exist.
– Do your research and educate
yourself, and then ask informed
questions sparingly.
– Clarify information on an as
needed basis
– Use reflective listening skills
– Find a mentor or guide that you
trust who can privately answer
your questions and clarify
information for you without judging
you negatively.
– ALWAYS ask for help whenever
the wrong outcome might lead to
disastrous consequences.
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Self-confidence--Are your SURE?
Women =
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More likely to downplay
their own certainty
Being certain = being
aggressive = being ‘unlady-like’
Females modify their
speech taking into account
the impact they have on the
other person’s feelings
Self-confidence is viewed
as a negative trait in
females therefore women
are reluctant to reveal the
confidence that they do
have.
Women are reluctant to
‘toot their own horns’ or
brag about their
accomplishments
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• More likely to downplay their
own doubts
• Being certain = being
aggressive = being a ‘man’
• Self-confidence is a positive
trait in males therefore men
are likely to boast and exhibit
self-confident behavior.
• Men are likely to ‘toot their
own horns’ and brag about
their accomplishments and
not be judged negatively for
this behavior by society.
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Self-confidence--Are your SURE?
Problem & Solution for the Female Communicator
Problem:
Women and men are judged by
different standards and there are
different social expectations for
each group.
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Social constraints against
women talking about their
positive accomplishments
are present in the USA.
Social inhibitions against
boasting can cause women
to be viewed as less
confident, therefore less
competent.
Women who do talk about
their accomplishments are
viewed as ‘over-confident’,
‘full-of-themselves’, etc.
and judged negatively by
society.
Solution:
– DO NOT be humble in your
professional life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
– Be able to be comfortable
sharing your accomplishments
and successes with others.
– Be able to ‘toot your own
horn’
– Take credit for your work and
do not allow others to take
credit for or ‘steal’ your work
or ideas
– If you are certain that you are
correct; state that you believe
that you are correct and back
it up with facts and information
– Stay calm and unemotional
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Negotiation Styles / Competition
Women =
• More likely to be fair
rather than try to win
• ‘Beating’ the
competition is not the
main objective
• Likely to begin vaguely
and work her way into
specifics
• Likely to invite others to
share their perspective
• Likely to consider the
competitors personal
feelings and pleas and
the impact that the
conclusion will have on
them
Men =
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• More likely to try to win or
beat the competitor at all
costs to avoid a ‘one-down’
position or damage to their
reputation
• Likely to begin specifically
and negotiate out from there
• Unlikely to invite others to
share perspective; rather
expect others to state their
issues, ideas, etc. if they
have any (part of the game)
• Unlikely to consider the
competitors feelings and
pleas or the impact that the
conclusion will have on them
• Usually expect balanced
negotiations / “give & take” or
‘tit for tat’--back and forth
negotiations
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Negotiation Styles / Competition
Problems & Solutions for the Female Communicator
Problem =
Women and men have
different expectations about
how a negotiation is
supposed to play out.
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A negotiation begun
vaguely may be viewed as
a sign of weakness and an
invitation for the competitor
to take control
A negotiation begun with a
specific claim may be
viewed as a nonnegotiable
demand and may end the
negotiation process
completely
Many women do not
understand that winning the
negotiation is the goal.
Solution =
• Understand that men EXPECT
you to negotiate.
• Understand that many / most
situations in life will require
negotiation skills.
• Be aware that a negotiation is
to be played like a ‘game’ and
the goal is to WIN the game!
• Be prepared to negotiate.
• Negotiate specifically, not
vaguely, & allow for flexibility.
• Be fair and kind but do not be
taken advantage of for being
kind and fair.
• Try to create a ‘win-win’ for all.
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Leadership
Women =
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• Social organization is
hierarchical for men /
someone is in the ‘one-up”
position and someone is in
the ‘one-down’ position on
the ladder ALL OF THE
TIME!
• Men are expected to give
directives and ‘boss’ the
other lower-status members
around
• More likely to state their
opinions strongly and create
an impression of confidence
• Less likely to be concerned
about being ‘liked’; rather
concerned about being
‘respected and admired’
• More likely to talk about their
positive accomplishments and
‘toot their own horn’ / be
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Social constraints against
females giving direction
exist in the USA.
Women who tell others
what to do are called
‘bossy’
More likely to phrase ideas
as ‘suggestions’ rather
than directives
More likely to explain
directives in terms of the
good they will do for the
group overall
More likely to be concerned
with being liked by the
group
More likely to allow
someone else to take credit
for their accomplishments
Leadership
Problems & Solutions for the Female Communicator
Problem =
Society in the USA expects
men and women to play by
different rules.
• Leaders are viewed
as less competent
and less self-assured
when phrasing
directives as
‘suggestions’
• Men are more likely to
behave in ways that
get them recognized
as “leaders” in the
workplace
Solution =
• Behave like a 24 / 7 professional
and adopt traits typical of leaders
– Be self-confident & certain
– Be caring / empathetic / fair
– Be charismatic
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DO NOT phrase directives as
suggestions—give directions /
orders as needed
State your opinions and back
them up with facts and
information.
Be more concerned with being
RESPECTED and less concerned
with being POPULAR and LIKED
by others.
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Summary
• Historically, the workplace has had men in positions of authority and
power. Therefore, male-style communication and interaction is the
norm in most workplaces, even today.
• Female-style communication and interaction are valid and relevant
and have an important function in the workplace. However, when
used as a singular communication style, it can be a disadvantage to
women.
• Women must recognize and understand that in order to be viewed
as a competent, confident leader in the workplace; they must
incorporate male-style communication skills into their everyday
interpersonal communications.
• If women adopted male-style communication skills and men adopted
female-style communication skills; the workplace would likely be a
much more productive and enjoyable environment.
• Blend both masculine and feminine traits AND hold on to the
uniquely feminine--stay true to what makes you a WOMAN!
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References
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Organizational Development, Chapter 3: Communication. South-Western Thomson Learning
Textbooks, 2000
“Active Listening” graduate research paper, James G. Clawson, Darden Graduate School of
Business Foundation, University of Virgnia, Charlottesville, VA., 1986
Talking 9 to 5, Deborah Tannen, Chapter One: “Women and Men Talking on the Job”, pgs. 143-154
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, John Gray, Ph.D, Chapter One, Quill / HarperCollins Publishers
Games Mother Never Taught You, The Classic Guide to Making it in a Man’s World
Corporate Gamesmanship for Women , by Betty Lehan Harragan. Mass Market Paperback, April
24, 1989
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Career & Image Consulting Services
www.CareerDesignSpecialists.biz
(512) 788-2012
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Thank You!
Prepared by Amber Travis-Ballinas, MBA
Career Consultant
Career Creators
“The Career Design Specialists”
Career & Image Consulting Services
www.CareerDesignSpecialists.biz
512 788-2012
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