Transcript 01 - RCCG The King`s Palace

Family Life Ministry
First Quarter of 2014:
Achieving Effective Family Communication
January - Laws of Communication (Part 1)
COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY THROUGH/DESPITE
GENDER DIFFERENCES
February - Parents-Youth Forum (Online Survey Results Review)
Understanding The Dynamics of Effective Parent/Child Communication
March - Laws of Communication (Part 2)
The Power & Influence of Choices in Effective Communication
Reminder: Please Respond!
February Parent-Youth Forum Survey
Parents
Youths
35
19
95
59
37%
32%
Communication!
• This quarter we will be examining the subject
of communication effectiveness in the family
setting
• We will explore questions such as:
– What principles guide good communication?
– On the other hand, what are elements to watch for to
avoid poor/bad communication?
– What are the consequences of poor/bad communication?
– What amounts to positive or negative communication
patterns?
The Power of the Tongue!
• Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in
the power of the tongue: and they
that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
– If there is a fruit, then there was a seed
– We are sowing seeds everyday with our words
– When those seeds germinate, they will produce
fruits
– We must watch the seeds you are sowing!
Bible Text
• Proverbs 15:2 2The tongue of the wise
useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of
fools poureth out foolishness.
• Proverbs 18:6-7 A fool's lips enter into
contention, and his mouth calleth for
strokes. A fool's mouth is his destruction,
and his lips are the snare of his soul.
Communication!
• People say communication can make or mar a
relationship...
• Some say that the foundation of marriage failure
is communication failure...
• Statistics shows that one of the principal
predictors of marital problems is poor
communication!
• What really then is this communication that we
here about so often in relationship?
Question #1
•What is
communication?
Question #2
•Does communication
happen only when we
speak?
Question #3
• If not, can you give some
other examples of how
else we communicate
apart from speaking or
talking?
What is Communication?
• Communication is defined as
the exchange of information
and transmission of meaning!
Dictionary Definition - Transmit
verb (used with object), trans·mit·ted,
trans·mit·ting.
• 1. to send or forward, as to a recipient or
destination; dispatch; convey.
• 2. to pass or spread (disease, infection, etc.) to
another. (many are spreading dis-ease in their
own home through poor communicaiton)
Physics.
• 1. to convey or pass along (an impulse, force,
motion, etc.).
Dictionary Definition - Meaning
noun
• 1. what is intended to be, or actually is, expressed
or indicated; signification; import…(importance)
• 2. the end, purpose, or significance of something:
• 3. the nonlinguistic cultural correlate, reference,
or denotation of a linguistic form; expression.
adjective
• 1. intentioned
What is Communication?
• Transmission of Meaning!
• We can then define communication
as the art or act of conveying intent
to a recipient either by words or
impulse.
The Communication Cycle!
@ The Family Retreat – Dr. Mrs. Fadele
It has been said that communication is to
relationship what blood is to human body.
• As a medical doctor she knew what she was
saying!
• Leviticus 17:11 - For the life of the flesh is in the
blood…
• Without the blood, the flesh is lifeless, useless,
ineffective, dead!
– Without good communication in a family the quality
of life “blood” in the family will be poor…and the
family is headed for the rock (disaster)!
Why do we Communicate?
• We communicate to:
– Exchange information
– Build trust
– Establish intent
– Direct action
– Foster acceptance
The Goal of Communication
• The primary goal of communication is
to foster understanding between the
sender and the receiver
• When the receiver does not
understand the sender it is called
miscommunication or misconception
and leads to misunderstanding
Noise!
• The role of noise is to distort the
message from the sender before it
gets to the receiver!
• That is why we make statements
like: “That is not what I meant”
• The other person responds “that’s
what I thought you said”
Noise
• Noise distorts what is meant by the
sender before the message reaches
the receiver
• One of your principal goals in
communication is to minimize noise
or its impact in your communication
cycle
Law of Communication #1
• Men & women are fundamentally
different and communicate
differently!
–Our differences is a source of “noise”
–It therefore can affect communication if
not understood and correctly managed!
Gender Differences…
• What are examples of such gender
differences which can impact our
communication patterns?
Basic Gender Differences
Male
Female
• Functions on Logic
(Logical Thinker)
• Functions on Emotions &
Feelings
• He expresses what
he is thinking when
communicating
• She is expressing what
she is feeling when
communicating
• She doesn’t want you to
hear just her words, she
wants you to hear her
feelings!
Basic Gender Differences
Male
Female
• Words are only
information
• The Information does
not affect his emotion…
• It is only fact or figures
to him!
• She does not only hear
the words, she feels
the words
• Never tell a woman
what you don’t want
her to feel
• NB: Be careful how you
talk to a woman who is
not your wife
Basic Gender Differences
Male
Female
• To him everything is
impersonal
• She takes everything
personally
• Negative words have
little impact on the
man
• She takes everything
you say personal!
Basic Gender Differences
Male
Female
• He is interested in
the principle
• She is interested in
the details
• He is only interested
in the gist of things?
• What, when, where?
Basic Gender Differences
Male
Female
• He quickly analyzes • She is not asking you
to solve the problem
the words and
begins to propose
solution alternatives
• Uses words like “the • She is simply
expressing how she
fact of the matter is”
feels
Basic Gender Differences
Male
Female
• Men are like filing
cabinets!
• Women are like a
computer disk!
• She never forgets
• You put the information anything!
there and forget it!
• Never say to a woman
what you don’t want
• They say it and forget it!
her to remember!
Basic Gender Differences
Male
Female
• Have to be told
• She never forgets!
things over & over
again
• He only remembers • Have you ever
the gist of things
wondered how she
remembers the details
of what you said or the
cloth you wore to a
wedding 10 years ago?
Basic Gender Differences
Male
Female
• His work is an
extension of his
personality
• Her home is an
extension of her
personality
• It is her domain!
• She needs to feel you
care about things
• God gave work to man
around the house
before He gave her
that bother her
the woman (Gen 2:15)
Basic Gender Differences
Male
Female
• Can function in the • She needs stability &
midst on an
security
unstable situation or
environment
• She needs to know she
can trust you
completely
• This is why she needs
to hear from you “I
Love You” everyday!
Basic Gender Differences
Male
Female
• Tend to be resentful • Tends to be guilt prone
when corrected
• She walks with the weight
of a guilt..men please
take the weight of guilt
off her shoulders!
• She thinks: what did I do
wrong?
Basic Gender Differences
Male
Female
• Evaluates the
situation before
getting involved
• Tends to get involved
in things easily
• “if it feels good, it has
to be good!”
Gender Differences…
• How can you ensure that the your
gender differences don’t obscure the
perception/reception of your message
resulting in misunderstanding
contention in the home?
Steps to Effectively Communicate
Despite Differences
1. Make concerted effort to learn and
understand these basic gender differences
and their effect on communication
2. Identify your part/role in the
communication cycle and minimize the
impact of perception based on your God
given differences from your spouse
Steps to Effectively Communicate
Despite Differences
3. Seek to understand things from your
spouse’s perspective (know that you will
always be clouded by your point of view)
4. As the “receiver” ask questions to clarify
your understanding of what your “sender”
is relating (verbal or non-verbal)
Steps to Effectively Communicate
Despite Differences
5. As the “sender” take time to “decode” your
message to ensure understanding of what
you are relating (verbal or non-verbal) to your
“receiver”
6. Don’t jump to conclusion based on what
you see, hear, or perceive…always ask for
clarification!
Steps to Effectively Communicate
Despite Differences
7. Understand that the following three
components of communication must be
complementary to be effective
 Content (could be verbal or non-verbal)
 Tone (verbal – how it is said)
 Non-Verbal (body language, gestures, timing,
etc.)
Steps to Effectively Communicate
Despite Differences
8. Prayerfully deal with anger…it will cloud
your reasoning & judgment, and affect your
tone and body language!
9. Practice ACTIVE LISTENING…
 Listen to facts and feelings
Men should listen for feelings
o How is what I am saying/doing making her feel?
Women should listen for facts
o What really is the point he is making?
Steps to Effectively Communicate
Despite Differences
10. Seek to understand first then understood!
11. Apologize for misconceptions and forgive if
misunderstood!
12. Pray Together!
• Praying together constantly keeps God at the center
of your communication cycle, making it difficult for
the devil to build a barrier between you by
misrepresenting to you independently your spouse’s
intent.
Summary…In Closing…
• It has been said that communication is to relationship
what blood is to human body.
– Leviticus 17:11 - For the life of the flesh is in the blood…
– Without good communication in a family the quality of life
“blood” in the family will be poor…and the family is headed
for the rock (disaster)!
– Every word that comes out of our mouth is consequential in
a disproportionate way
• Proverbs 15:2 2The tongue of the wise useth
knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out
foolishness.
– Please meditates on these knowledge (information) and use
it aright and God will expand your wisdom in this important
aspect of the family life!
Q&A + Prayer
• What questions do you have?
• Let us all pray for our families:
• Pray that God will stay at the center of the
communication cycle in your home
• Pray that every barrier that has been built in
your family through misrepresentation by the
devil & misinterpretation of each other be
removed by God
• Pray that God will use your mouth positively to
build and not tear down your spouse or children!