Transcript Relationship Tools

Relationship Tools
VTURNER
July, 2003
3/30/2017
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Introduction
The degree of personal and professional
happiness, fulfillment and success we
feel often depends on the quality of our
interactions with others. Nothing
exhilarates, uplifts, irritates, angers, or
disappoints us the way the people in our
lives do.
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Introduction (cont’d)
• Explore Relationships
– What is a relationship?
– Types of relationships
• Relationship Tools
– Effective Communication Skills
– Conflict Resolution
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What is a Relationship?
• An association between people that involves
“give” and “take”.
• When 2 or more people are connected as being
or belonging or working together.
• The state of being mutually or reciprocally
interested.
• A continuing attachment between persons.
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Types of Relationships
• Family
• Friendship - Peer
• Romantic
• Professional
• Spiritual
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Types of Relationships (cont’d)
• Healthy
– Increase self-esteem
– Improve mental & emotional health
– Lead to a fuller life
• Unhealthy
– Lowers self-esteem
– Causes stress, can lead to mental, physical illness
– Dangerous, maybe even lethal
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Types of Relationships (cont’d)
• Healthy Relationship
– Based on RESPECT
• Unhealthy Relationship
– Based on Power & Control
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Healthy Relationship
• Characteristics
– Respect
– Trust and Support
– Honesty and Accountability
– Negotiation and Fairness
– Non-threatening
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Unhealthy Relationship
• Characteristics
– Intimidation
– Jealousy
– Domination, One-up Attitude – I’m in charge
here
– Combative
– Stressful
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Unhealthy Relationships
• Abuse – a pattern of hurtful behavior that a person
uses to control another
• It can occur:
– In homes as child abuse or domestic violence
– In workplaces as sexual or racial harassment
– In church organizations as manipulative power plays
– And in governments or institutions – needs of
disadvantaged people are disregarded
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Abuse
• Forms
– Physical Violence
– Sexual Violence
– Verbal Violence
– Emotional Violence
– Spiritual Violence
– Economical Violence
– Social Violence
• Abusers feel they have the right to control. Telling
others what to do and expecting obedience.
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Signs of Verbal & Child Abuse
• Verbal Abuse
– Name Calling
– Threats
– Intimidation
• Child Abuse
– No one telltale sign
– Nightmares or trouble sleeping
– Feel sad, passive, withdrawn or depressed
– Show fear of certain adults
– Avoid going home
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Reporting Child Abuse
• National Child Abuse Hotline
– 1-800-4-A-CHILD
• Michigan
– 1-800-942-4357 (Clergy mandated to report)
• Kentucky
– 1-800-752-6200
• Illinois
– 1-800-25-ABUSE (Clergy mandated to report)
• Ohio – Hamilton County
– 513-241-KIDS (Clergy mandated to report)
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Relationship Rights
• To be treated with respect – and define what respect is for
you.
• To decide what is important for you and set your priorities.
• To have and express your own feelings and opinions.
• To have a different view and not feel guilty.
• To be listened to and taken seriously.
• To make mistakes and be allowed to try again.
• To ask for what you want.
Each right has a responsibility – to behave in the same way
towards the other person.
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Relationship Tools
• Relationship Skills are a must to
effectively connect with others.
• Tools:
– Effective Communication Skills
– Conflict Resolution
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Effective Communication Skills
• Communication is successful if there is
shared understanding.
• Two (2) Parts
– Expressing ourselves clearly (Self-Expression)
– Listening and understanding what is
communicated to us.
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Effective Communication Skills
(cont’d)
• Self-Expression Strategies
– Overcome Barriers
– Use “I” statements
– Avoid Questions that aren’t Questions
• Use open ended questions (How, What, Why)
– Stroking
– Use Positive Language, Compliments – Watch out for
qualifiers such as “but”
– Ask for feedback
– Notice Non-verbal messages
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Effective Communication Skills
(cont’d)
• Listening
– Difference between hearing & listening
– Check your Perceptions
• What do I think is happening?
• What does the other person think is happening?
– Listening Skills involve:
•
•
•
•
Concentration
Reception
Suspending your ideas
Understanding another person’s perspective
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Effective Communication Skills
(cont’d)
• Active Listening Strategies
– Do not interrupt the speaker
– Stop talking!
– Focus
– Eliminate distractions
– Use positive body language
– Use paraphrasing
– Use summarizing
– Use inquiry
– Listen to how something is said
– Disarming technique
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Effective Communication Skills
Summary
• Effective Communication involves:
– Harmony between what is said and what is
done
– A willingness to listen
– A level of openness
– Respect for the other person
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Conflict Resolution
• Conflicts can arise whenever people
disagree
• Three (3) resolution types
– Fight (win-lose – Aggressive Behavior)
– Flight (win-lose – Passive Behavior)
– Flow (win-win – Assertive Behavior)
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Conflict Resolution (cont’d)
• Assertive Behavior
– Statement of preference that takes the other
person’s rights into consideration.
– It is not aggressiveness.
– Three parts:
• Validation
• Statement of the problem
• Statement of what you want
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Conflict Resolution (Cont’d)
• Rules for the Road
– Be respectful
– Check out your “hot buttons”
– Seek to understand the other person
– Separate the problem from the person
– Unite against the problem
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Conflict Resolution (cont’d)
• Fight Fair
– Defuse anger by simply agreeing.
– Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes
– State the problem and try to stick to the facts
– Each person should state their feelings (Use “I”
messages.
– Each person should listen actively to the other.
– Brainstorm solutions
– Discuss advantages and disadvantages
– Select a solution
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Conflict Do’s & Don'ts
DO
Don’t
• Be relaxed and calm
• Become self-righteous
• Understand - everyone
makes mistakes
• Attack the other
persons character
• Use positive and
constructive comments
• Use inflammatory
remarks, threats, or
generalizations
• Be willing to offer and
accept a resolution
• Use body language –
rolling your eyes
• Control your words,
tone of voice, and
nonverbal
communication
• Interrupt conversations
• Broaden the conflict
into other issues
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Final Thoughts
• We have many relationships
– Healthy - respect
– Unhealthy - abuse
• Tools for healthy relationships
– Effective Communication Skills
– Conflict Resolution
• Questions/Comments
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