Transcript Mindful Listening

CHAPTER 1
A FIRST LOOK AT INTERPERSONAL
WHY WE COMMUNICATE
• Psychologist William Schutz: Basic Needs
• Affection-desire to give & receive love & liking
• Inclusion-desire to be social & be included
• Control-desire to influence people & events
THE INTERPERSONAL IMPERATIVE
• Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs:
• Physical Needs
Survival-air, food, sex
• Safety Needs
Shelter, authorities, key master,
Medical, pay check
• Belonging Needs
Inclusion, fun, groups
• Self-Esteem Need
Intelligence, abilities
• Self-Actualization Needs
Full development of unique talents
PARTICIPATING EFFECTIVELY IN A
DIVERSE SOCIETY
• Depends on:
• ability to participate effectively in a
diverse society-2012
CA-12%-+65 yrs, Latino-38%, Asian-14%
• Understanding & learning from others who
different from us
MODELS
• One-Way model
• Exercise
• Feedback models
• Interactive
• transactional
ONE-WAY
• Linear – one acts
on another
“Clean the kitchen!”
(encode)
Sender
(noise)
*Shortcomings:
Not passive receivers
Complicated messages
(decode)
Receiver
INTERACTIVE
Give feedback
Create & interpret messages
(encode)
Sender-message
(noise)
(decode)
Receiver
Feedback loop-Do you realize that we’re actually having a quiet
moment together? So how do we start?”
“I was hoping you’d remember?” (parents!)
Shortcomings: still perceived as sequential
Does not capture dynamism
TRANSACTIONAL
• Emphasizes dynamism & multiple roles
• Varies over time, affecting our broadened relationships
(encoding/
decoding)
Sender/
Receiver message sent
-Simultaneous
-Ongoing
-More realistic
Noise
(decoding/
encoding)
Receiver/Sender
TRANSACTIONAL
• Newish parents:
“Tired?”
“I’m exhausted. She was up 4 times last & wouldn’t go back
to sleep. I think she has a new tooth coming in, & it’s keeping
her up.”
“Well, I have tomorrow off. I’ll get up with her, and you can
sleep in.”
“Thanks.”
“You seem a little distant tonight. What is it?”
“Oh, there’s a lot happening at work that I’m missing—things
I’d like to be involved with, but since I’m part-time now, I
can’t really take them on.”
“Man, we really need to watch our spending this month.
We’re pretty tight here.”
RESOURCE PACKAGE
• Related to encoding & decoding
• Each of us carries this package around making us unique
individuals
• It is made of a variety of factors:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Past experiences
Education/Knowledge-formal & informal
Culture
Values
Beliefs
Feelings/emotions
Expectations
Relationship knowledge
Assumptions
BUBER
FIRST DEFINITION OF INTERPERSONAL
COMMUNICATION
• “between people”
• Not always personal
• I/It relationships: treat others almost as objects, not as unique
people, but as their role, i.e.,
• Salespeople, servers, gas station attendants, bank tellers, dog walkers,
homeless
• I/You relationships: more personal, affirm the existence of others,
beyond the role, no deep conversation, majority of our
relationships, i.e.,
• Work colleagues, teammates, classmates, perhaps instructors
• I/Thou relationships: rarest, regarded as highest form of human
dialogue, affirm other as cherished & unique, accept in totality,
open ourselves, trusting, i.e.,
• Best friends, lovers, etc.
FEATURES OF INTERPERSONAL
COMMUNICATION
• Communication is:
• Selective-we choose to communicate
• Systemic-takes place in various systems, i.e.,
Costa Mesa
OCC
Comm Studies class-affects how
we all communicate with one another (Note how the package
of resources enters into this factor)
• Interdependent systems & they affect one another
• Noise is also part of systems-4 types of noise that can distort the
message as it passes through the “system” or channel
•
•
•
•
Physiological- how we feel
Physical- environment
Psychological- interpretation of messages
Semantic- language not mutually understood
FEATURES CONTINUED
• Individual
• Trust
• Self-disclosing-2-way
• Unique
• Irreplaceable
• Establish rules
• Processual
• Continuous & ongoing
• No discrete beginning or
ending
• Interwoven past, present,
future
• Irreversible
FEATURES CONT.
• Transactional
• Communication between two people is continual &
simultaneous
• Share responsibility for effectiveness-use of
metacommunication, ie, I did not hear you-please speak
up.
• Technology & communication
• Personal knowledge
• Communication fosters\
communication &
• Creates personal
knowledge
FEATURE-FINAL ONE
• Meaning Creating
• Shared meaning between people using the resource
package
• Develop vocabularies that are for them, ie, my family uses lines
from favorite films
• Meanings
• Content meaning-literal meaning, ie, “Clean your room now”
means the room is to be cleaned immediately
• Relationship meaning-between the communicators, ie, the
parent has the right to order the child due to unequal power
relationship
3 DIMENSIONS OF RELATIONSHIPLEVEL MEANINGS
• Responsiveness-how aware of others & how
involved with them we are, ie, you are chatting &
the friend is texting…
• Low context culture-Western world, uses little eye contact
when preoccupied
• High context culture-Eastern world, uses eye contact,
nodding, feedback demonstrating involvement
• Liking or affection-degree of positive or negative
feelings communicated; use tone of voice, facial
expressions, how close we sit to them…
• Power or control-balance of power, how is it
distributed, ie, parent/child, friend/friend, significant
other
MORE ON POWER
• One-up/One-down=Dominant/Submissive
• Parent/child
• Husband/wife
• Symmetrical=equality
• Roommates
• Partners
• Friends
• Parallel=choice of one above
• Couple will make a choice has to how they can operate for
a time period
PRINCIPLES OF INTERPERSONAL
COMMUNICATION
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
We cannot not communicate
Irreversible
Involves ethical choices
Construct meanings
Metacommunication affects meanings
Develops & sustains relationships
Not a panacea
Can be learned
GUIDELINES FOR COMPETENCE
•
•
•
•
•
Develop a range of skills
Adapt
Engage in dual perspective
Monitor your communication
Commit to ethical & effective communication
YOUTUBE VIDEO
•
•
•
•
•
“I Forgot my Phone”-( 2 min.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OINa46HeWg8
Are we addicted?
Have we gone too far?
What can we do about it?