Transcript Communication and Conflict Resolution

Communication and Conflict
Resolution
Introduction
Verbal and Non-Verbal Communication
Gender Differences in Communication
Developing Communication Skills
Power, Conflict, and Intimacy
Intimacy and Conflict
Experiencing and Managing Conflict
Introduction
• Intimacy and communication are inextricably
connected.
• Communication for its own sake involves the
pleasure of being in each other’s company, the
excitement of conversation, the exchange of
touches and smiles, and loving silence.
Verbal and Non-Verbal
Communication
• There is no such thing as not communicating.
• The functions of non-verbal communication
include conveying interpersonal attitudes,
expressing emotions and handling the ongoing
interactions.
• A relationship exists between verbal and nonverbal messages.
• Three of the most important forms of nonverbal
communication are proximity, eye contact, and
touch.
• ~ Making eye contact with another person, if only
for a second Is a signal of interest.
• ~ Touch is the most basic of all senses: It is
extremely important in human development,
health and sexuality.
Gender Differences in Communication
• Premarital communication patterns are related to
marital satisfaction.
• 1. How well a couple communicates before
marriage can be an important predictor of later
marital satisfaction.
• 2. Self-disclosure, the revelation of deeply
personal information about one’s self, prior to
marriage is related to relationship satisfaction.
• 3. A couple’s negative or positive communication
pattern has little effect on marital satisfaction the
first year of marriage—this quality is known as the
honeymoon effect.
• Gender differences in partner communication are
influenced by gender differences in general
communication patterns.
• 1. Wives send clearer messages to their husbands
than vice-versa and tend to be more sensitive and
responsive to their husband’s messages, both
during conversation and conflict.
• 2. Husbands tend to give more neutral messages
or to withdraw.
• 3. Although communication differences in
arguments between husbands and wives are
usually small, they nevertheless follow a typical
pattern and wives tend to set the emotional tone of
the argument.
• Studies suggest that poor communication skills
precede the outset of marital problems.
Developing Communication Skills
• We can learn to communicate but it is not always
easy.
• ~ Traditional sex roles encourage men to be strong
and silent, to talk about things instead of feelings.
• ~ Personal reasons such as inadequacy,
vulnerability, or guilt may restrict communication.
• ~ Fear of conflict due to expressing real feelings
and desires may lead to their suppression.
• Before we can communicate with others we must
first know how we feel.
• ~ Feelings serve as valuable guides for action.
• Communication which reveals ourselves to others
is self-disclosure, an important aspect to intimacy.
• ~ In the process of revealing ourselves to others,
we discover who we ourselves are and selfdisclosure is often reciprocal.
• Trust is the belief in the reliability and integrity of
a person.
• Three conditions must be met for trust to develop.
• ~ a relationship must exist and have the likelihood
of continuing;
• ~ we must be able to predict how the other person
will likely behave; and
• ~ the other person must have other acceptable
options available to him or her.
• Trust is important in close relationships because it
is vital to self- disclosure, and it influences the
way in which ambiguous or unexpected messages
are interpreted.
• Giving feedback, the ongoing process in which
participants and their messages create a given
result and are subsequently modified by the result,
is a critical element in communication.
• We can engage in dialogue and feedback by:
• ~ focusing on behavior rather than the person,
• ~ focusing feedback in terms of its value to the
recipient,
• ~ focusing feedback on the amount the recipient
can process, and
• ~ offering feedback at an appropriate time and
place.
• Mutual affirmation, along with self-awareness,
self-disclosure, trust and feedback, are essential to
communication in close relationships.
• ~ Mutual affirmation is made up of three
elements: mutual acceptance; liking each other;
and expressing liking in both words and actions.
Power, Conflict and Intimacy
• The more intimate two people become, the more
likely they may be to experience conflict: It is not
conflict itself that is dangerous to intimate
relationships; it is the manner in which the conflict
is handled.
• Conflict is natural in intimacy and does not
necessarily represent a crisis in the relationship.
• Power conflicts within families over who decides
and does what are both complex and explosive.
• Traditional roles supported the subordination of
the wife to the husband, but these roles are
changing with women working and egalitarian
standards emerging.
• There are six bases of marital power, according to
French and Raven: coercive power, reward power,
expert power, legitimate power, referent power,
and informational power.
• Power vs. Intimacy may reflect mutually exclusive
traits: For genuine intimacy to exist, there must be
equality in the power relationships.
• Power is the ability to or potential ability to
influence another person or group.
Intimacy and Conflict
• Conflicts may be basic or non-basic.
• ~ Basic conflicts challenge the fundamental
assumptions of rules of a relationship, and may
offer no room for compromise.
• ~ Non-basic conflicts are disagreements that do
not strike at the " heart” of a relationship and
resolution is possible.
• Conflicts may occur because of a situation or
because of the personalities of the partners.
• ~ Situational conflicts or realistic conflicts occur
because of a need to make changes in a
relationship.
• ~ Personality conflicts arise because of
personality, such as the needs to vent aggression,
dominate or overpower: They are not directed
toward making changes, but simply toward
releasing pent-up tensions.
• Conflict in natural intimate relationships.
Handling conflicts in a healthy way is the task.
Experiencing and Managing Conflict
• Dealing with anger takes skill and sensitivity and
may require negotiation.
• ~ Differences between people may lead to anger,
which transforms differences into fights and
creates tension, distrust, division and fear.
• ~ Most people have learned to handle anger by
either venting or suppressing it.
• ~ Many couples experience a love/anger cycle
involving anger at the point a couple become most
intimate with each other.
• ~ Suppressed anger ultimately leads to resentment
and low-level hostility.
• ~ Anger can be recognized as a symptom of
something that needs to be changed, leading to
negotiation.
• The way in which a couple deals with conflict
resolution both reflects and contributes to their
marital happiness.
• ~ Happily married couples display distinctive
communication behaviors including:
• - summarizing of what the other person says into
his or her own words,
• - paraphrasing to put what the other person ways
into one’s own words,
• - validating the other’s feelings and,
• - clarifying the communication it there is
uncertainty
• ~ Unhappy couples display the following patterns:
• - confrontation rather than trying to understand,
• - confrontation and defensiveness as alternating
patterns,
• - complaining and defensiveness as alternating
patterns.
• Fighting about sex involves issues that are sexual
as well as using sex as a scapegoat for underlying
issues, which are unresolved. Couples disagree or
fight over money for a number of reasons, one of
the most important being power.
• ~ Money issues tend to support male dominance.
• ~ Financial priorities are a major source of
disagreement.
• ~ Talking about money is often taboo, although
our society is obsessed with money.
• ~ There are three major ways conflict can be
resolved through negotiation:
• - Agreement as a gift occurs when a person agrees
without coercion, threats, or resentment: It is a gift
of love.
• ~ Bargaining involves making compromises,
seeking the most equitable deal for each partner.
• ~ Co-existence involves living with the
differences without undermining the basic ties.
• Communication is the basis for good relationships.
• Communication and intimacy are reciprocal.