Transcript Powerpoint
CT 410 Advanced Interpersonal Communication Struggling in Relationships gardening metaphor for relationship Miller: assertive message • concrete behavior • interpretation • feelings • consequences Do interests converge or diverge? Negotiations (Steve’s version) • Competitive bargaining • Collaborative bargaining • Interpersonal bargaining Goals • to win • mutual benefit • greater good, transformation Bargaining Approach • competitive • outcomes interdependent • cooperative, ecologically interdependent What Counts as Evidence? • what we want/need • objective criteria • emotions, reason, empirical evidence, community values Communication Style • formal, no trust, hostility • collegial, substantial trust • dialogic, significant trust & vulnerability, caring Assumptions about Communication • communication as container of meaning • communication as linkage • communication as performance, voice, narrative Assumptions about Structure • hierarchical, authority based • hierarchical, input encouraged • egalitarian, democratic Leadership Behaviors • directive • participative • flexible, servant leadership Standpoint or Location • traditional self-interest • enlightened self-interest • feminist, communitarian Perspective on Bargaining • discrete event • processual during bargaining process • processual, continuously ongoing Question Pious Assumptions use a perspective by incongruity Become aware of your illusions johari window known to others not known to others known to self open not known to self blind hidden unknown Bochner: self disclosure is a highly overrated activity. personal values - Magritte Bochner: long term relationships are maintained by illusions of truth, exaggerations of goodness, and less than full communication Kaminer: we live in a cult of victimage Are we entitled to be happy? . . . life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. relationships need a spirit of improvisation. When might we not be direct, honest and straightforward? • hurt feelings • cause anger • damage relationship • lose face equivocation operates under conditions of uncertainty. Julia Wood #2 constructive voice loyalty assertive yielding exit neglect destructive Gender differences in conflict • females talk to maintain relationships • males become aggressive • females enable conversation • males get higher blood pressure • females are trained to be sensitive • males use exit and neglect strategies • females use loyalty and voice strategies Harriet Lerner Who is responsible Kilmann and Thomas Conflict Management Model for what???? assertion compete concern for self collaborate compromise non-assertion avoid non-cooperation accomodate cooperation concern for other identify personal preferences for fight patterns, and discuss this in relationships. • avoid • accommodate • compete • compromise • collaborate • avoid - avoid • avoid - accommodate • avoid - compete • avoid - compromise • avoid - collaborate • accommodate - accommodate • accommodate - compete • accommodate - compromise • accommodate - collaborate • compete - compete • compete - compromise • compete - collaborate • compromise - compromise • compromise - collaborate • collaborate - collaborate We place responsibility for what happens in a relationship either in ourselves, the other person, or perhaps in the luck of the situation. ponder these: your parent calls and asks how you are doing in your classes. You don’t think you are doing as well as he/she would like you to do. your roommate asks what you think of the bright posters they’ve just put up around the room. You think they are a bit tacky. Your romantic partner asks how many other people you’ve really loved before you met her/him. You don’t want to be truthful. Your boss at work wants to know what your plans for the future are. You plan to leave as soon as you find a better job. Your mother asks you about what your brother/sister has been up to lately. They have been doing something she wouldn’t be happy to hear. Your romantic partner wants to know why you are spending so much time with your other friends. You have been bored with the relationship lately. Gottman - two marriages: his and hers • men have a harder time recovering from being upset - blood pressure & heart rate rise higher and stay high longer. • physiologically men don’t need to relate to people as much as women . . . a relation ship . . . who tends to be in-charge? In order to keep a man engaged in a difficult discussion, a woman often raises the intensity to keep the man responsive.