Transcript ppt
Oil on the Waters: Practical Techniques for Calming Difficult Library Users An Infopeople Workshop Spring/ Summer 2005 Presented by: Edmond Otis, M.S., M.F.T. [email protected] Our Agenda AWARENESS: Identifying Dangerous Interpersonal Dynamics ATTITUDE - HOW TO ACT: Controlling for the “Predator or Prey Reality” COMMUNICATION: Avoiding the “Head in the Sand Syndrome” TRAINING: Practice Makes Perfect—Learned Reactions for Personal Safety Our Goal Reduce your risk of being caught off guard or of being unable to cope with potentially explosive interactions. Redirect danger and irrationality before it escalates. Increase your persuasiveness to interrupt and divert the flow of heated emotions, words and events. Effectively control conflict and facilitate productive resolutions. Who Are We Dealing With? Angry or entitled guests Vandals Gangsters Mentally ill – emotionally disturbed Substance abusers Homeless Entitled parents Non-English speakers Teenagers or small children Elderly or developmentally disabled GROUP EXERCISE #1 SKILL ASSESSMENT The risk of violence is especially great in situations where we are actively involved in problem solving, negotiating, and/or confronting angry, agitated and potentially violent library users. Know Your tools! Personal Interpersonal ORGANIZATIONAL! The broken window theory… Don’t wait – act quickly. Rule # 1 – It’s Not Personal ! It’s exhausting to try to change people. Keep your emotional distance. JUST OFFER CHOICES! AWARENESS: Identifying Dangerous Interpersonal Dynamics Danger cues – see handout The “Assault Cycle” Reacting to the most common types of assault The motivations for conflict & violence Instinct: Trust your intuition! Human beings are the only creatures who override their intuition. You Choose… Personal Gas to fire or Professional A little baking soda 1. Apathy 2. The Brush-off 3. Coldness 1. Empathy 4. Condescension 5. Robotism 6. The Rulebook 7. The Runaround 4. 5. 6. 7. 2. Attentiveness 3. Warmth Respect Engaging Flexibility Responsive The Assault Cycle 1. Event Trigger 2. Escalation 3. Violence or violent outburst Recovery 5. Psyching up or gaining momentum Crisis Point 4. The event that “justifies” the violent outburst Decrease of vigilance (may be temporary) Post-crisis Depression Fatigue, depression or guilt for some (Smith, 1983) …what do you do if? Motivators Of Violent Behavior Fear Frustration Manipulation Intimidation Watch for the Warning Signs! GROUP EXERCISE #2 DON’T PULL THE TRIGGER! What guest + what behavior = what event trigger ATTITUDE: Controlling for the “Predator or Prey Reality” I’ve got the power! Projecting a professional, competent attitude to avoid being a target Using the SELF to gain cooperation and avoid or defuse explosive situations The Predator Or Prey Reality How you project yourself onto the social environment has a direct impact upon how others will relate to you ... … as do expectations and stereotypes. 65% of Communication is non-verbal. The percentage increases as emotions rise. Know Your “Attitude” Tools Body Language Posture, Movements, Gestures & Stances Positioning, Distance, Proximity & Barriers Space Eye contact Voice Attitude Appearance GROUP EXERCISE Face-to-face “Know Your Tools” – checklist skill practice #3 COMMUNICATION: Avoiding the “Head-in-the-Sand Syndrome” Clear perceptions and non-defensive responses positively impact on our social environment Verbal communication skills Verbal formulas for gaining compliance Control the course of verbal confrontation Good communication often depends more on what people hear than on what they say... How To Communicate 1. Listen 2. Watch 3. Listen 4. Talk 5. Continue as needed. To Really Communicate You Need To… Make psychological contact Be calm - use relaxed breathing Be empathetic and authentic Respect people’s feelings, beliefs and emotions - we are concerned with behaviors Use mimesis make yourself similar WHY DO PEOPLE YELL? More On How To Communicate Demonstrate that you hear what is being said Speak the person’s language Reflect feelings and facts Clarify and paraphrase Ask open-ended questions Rule #2 Never ever tell ANYONE to “CALM DOWN” Use the Magic Phrase “... I can see that you’re upset.” Use the “Formula For Compliance” Current behavior = consequences New behavior = benefits If your intent is on having them do something specific – or, “obey you”, then you are too involved! When Dealing with a Group Follow The Leader! Respect the rules of the group When dealing with groups - Negotiate with individuals Find and follow the leader! Share a confidence Separate angry individuals from each other and the crowd Triangle The Problem Allow people to be responsible for their own actions – and to make choices Rule #3 You are there to help! Passing The Buck (correctly!) … … can help everyone. 1. 2. 3. 4. Walk together to supervisor Repeat the story Hand off to supervisor Leave You can do the same on the phone… TRAINING: Practice Makes Perfect Maintaining emotional balance and mental focus while under stress Leaving and/or calling for assistance Skills: demonstration and practice GROUP EXERCISE #4 Face-to-face “Communication Strategies” skills practice # Rule 4 Only say what you mean. Always mean what you say. How To React – Emotional Awareness: Have a goal - don’t be emotionally, mentally, or physically passive or arrogant Trust what your emotions tell you - use them as sensors ... However, your emotions are not thoughts don’t be trapped by expectations, hopes or patterns # Rule 5 It is irrational to rationalize with someone who is irrational. Interacting With the Police Calling 911 or 9-911 from a facility phone. Interacting with the dispatcher: What will they ask? What information is critical? “Code” words? Expected police response: Non-emergency versus emergency Motivators Of Violent Behavior Fear Frustration Manipulation Intimidation Match Your Reaction to the Immediate Problem ! GROUP EXERCISE #5 Assessment and Response Strategies Recognize and respond appropriately to difficult people’s motivation and actions Adapt appropriate response persona (emotional common sense – verbal and non-verbal communication skills) Respond to remove yourself from danger If necessary initiate appropriate departmental policy DON’T FORGET… Please fill out an evaluation before you leave. Thank you, and be safe!