Transcript BEFORE YOU SAY, “I DO”

BEFORE YOU SAY, “I DO”
Courtship: Preparation for Marriage
Humboldt Summer Series
INTRODUCTION
• I can not pick who you will marry.
• Marriage is one of those “life changing”
choices that we make.
• Did you make the right choice?
• How can we help young people date the
right person? Marry the right person?
INTRODUCTION
• I will try to offer some suggestions about
dating and getting ready for marriage.
• I do some pre-marriage counseling before
performing a wedding ceremony.
• I will give you 5 keys to a
SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE
GOD, FAITH, RELIGION
• Several studies have been done –
following those who marry Christians, and
those who don’t marry a Christian.
• Source: Jacksonville Student Center,
Jacksonville, AL
• In each study the findings are close
enough to see a distinct pattern.
• Wynne, AR – 19 yr. study – marry a nonChristian – 80% leave the church
GOD, FAITH, RELIGION
• Miami, OK – 20 year study
– Marry a non-Christian – 72% leave the church
– Marry a Christian – 92% remain faithful
• Truth in Love – in OK
– Marry a non-Christian – 70% leave the church
– Marry a Christian – 94% remain faithful
• Summary – of the 3 studies
– Marry a non-Christian – 80%, 72%, 70% leave
– Marry a Christian – 92%, 94% remain faithful
GOD, FAITH, RELIGION
• Our faith must be the binder (glue) that
holds the relationship together.
• NOT:
– Good looks, muscles, hair style
– Sports car, plays football, cheerleader
• Genesis 1:24 – Therefore a man shall leave
his father and mother and be joined to his
wife.
• KJV – LEAVE and CLEAVE
COMMUNICATION
• Communication is the #1 problem seen by
marriage counselors; Finances = #2
• I have handed out these 10 rules to many
dating couples and many married couples
I have worked with.
• Arguing will happen.
• When a married man says he never had
an argument with his wife – he will lie
about other things, too.
COMMUNICATION
10 RULES FOR ARGUING
1. ONLY ONE ARGUMENT PER DAY
2. ONLY ONE SUBJECT IN ANY ONE
ARGUMENT
3. NO ARGUMENT CAN LAST MORE THAN
30 MINUTES
COMMUNICATION
10 RULES FOR ARGUING
4. THE ONE WHO STARTS THE ARGUMENT
CAN NOT WALK OUT OF THE ROOM
5. NOTHING MORE THAN 2 WEEKS OLD
CAN BE BROUGHT UP
6. NO ARGUING WITHIN 1 HOUR OF
RISING OR 2 HOURS BEFORE BEDTIME
COMMUNICATION
10 RULES FOR ARGUING
7. NO VIOLENCE
8. NO PROFANITY
9. YOU MAY HOLLER AS LONG AS IT CAN
NOT BE HEARD BY ANYONE EXCEPT
YOUR SPOUSE (DATE)
10.THE ARGUMENT CAN NOT BE AT MEAL
TIME
COMMUNICATION
• James 1:19 – So then my beloved
brethren, let every man be swift
to hear, slow to speak, slow to
wrath.
• Marriage counselor suggested
some ways to improve
communication – man resisted
COMMITMENT
• For a marriage relationship to last – there
MUST BE COMMITMENT
– Commitment to God
– Commitment to each other
– Commitment to the relationship
• Ephesians 5:31 – LEAVE – CLEAVE
• Matthew 19:5 – LEAVE – CLEAVE
• NOTE: Greek word for “cleave” = GLUE
DATING & PRE-MARITAL SEX
• FORNICATION (“sexual immorality” in
many translations) = any sexual activity
outside of marriage
• 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 - 3 For this is the will
of God, your sanctification: that you
should abstain from sexual immorality;
4 that each of you should know how to
possess his own vessel in sanctification and
honor,
DATING & PRE-MARITAL SEX
• 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 9 Do you not know
that the unrighteous will not inherit the
kingdom of God? Do not be deceived.
Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor
adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor
sodomites, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous,
nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor
extortioners will inherit the kingdom of
God.
DATING & PRE-MARITAL SEX
• Another statistic for you – Those who are
NOT sexually active before marriage – the
divorce rate is 2%
• Those who live together before marriage –
the divorce rate is 50% (above the
national average of about 30%)
DATING & PRE-MARITAL SEX
• I challenge all who might be
tempted to engage in fornication
before marriage – learn to say
what Joseph said.
• Genesis 39:9b - How then can I do
this great wickedness, and sin
against God?“
DATING AGE
• Source: Oak Hills Church of Christ,
San Antonio, TX
– Start dating at 12 – 91% divorce rate
– Start dating at 13 – 56% divorce rate
– Start dating at 14 – 53% divorce rate
– Start dating at 15 – 40% divorce rate
– Start dating at 16 – 20% divorce rate
DATING AGE
• ONE FINAL TRUTH:
YOU ONLY MARRY A PERSON
THAT YOU DATED!
• Be cautious who you date – you
might marry them.