Transcript Positive Communication

Positive Communication:
Defusing Challenging
Situations
Presented by:
MCPS Employee Assistance Program
240-314-1040
Outcomes

Learn the STARR model for defusing challenging
situations

Understand the physiological impact of stress

Know effective listening and speaking skills

Experience stress management techniques to
cope more effectively with conflict
Agenda
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Opening

Understanding Conflict

STARR Model
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Active Listening Skills
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Break
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Speaking Skills

Closing
What Do We Mean by
Defusing?
Small Group Exercise


How was conflict handled in
your family?
How was conflict defused?
STARR Power

STOP
and breathe

THINK
through your options

ACT
with positive communication

RESPECT
yourself and the other person

REWARD
take care of yourself
Stop
Take a Deep Breath
Think Before You Act
 Is this important ?
 Are you ready to listen ?
 Are you labeling the person ?
 How would you feel if you were
in the other person’s shoes ?
Act with Positive Communication
Active Listening Skills combine
listening and talking skills so that
the other person feels understood
LISTEN
SILENT
Pop Quiz

Most of us are distracted about _____% of the
time we think we are listening.

Right after we listen to someone, we recall about
______% of what he or she has said.

Long-term we recall ____% of what we hear.

_____ % of our communication is conveyed nonverbally.

*International Listening Association
Answers

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

Most of us are distracted about _75% of the
time we think we are listening.
Right after we listen to someone, we recall about
_50% of what he or she has said.
Long-term, we recall 20% of what we hear.
70% of our communication is conveyed nonverbally
*International Listening Association
Listening Exercise
Active Listening Skills

Body Language

Door Openers

Paraphrasing

Reflecting

Summarizing
BREAK
How do you start the
conversation ?
You know, the conversations you
worry about and put off?
“I” Messages vs “You” Messages

I hear . . .

Why did you…?

I feel . . .


I assume . . .

I want . . .

Yea, but you . . .
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I need . . .
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It’s your fault!

I don’t understand
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How come you…?

Do you mean . . .?

You made me angry
You always or
never . . .
Use “I” Messages
I feel or think ___________________
when __________________________
because _________________________.
I feel frustrated when plans are made without
checking with me because I may have something
else I want to do.
“You” Statements
1. Why did you cut me off in the meeting?
2. You are always asking me do extra
projects and are making me fall behind.
3. You complain about every little thing I do and
never seem satisfied with my work.
4. You make me so mad because you never
do anything around the house to help me.
Red Flag
Why, but
 Problem,
 You have to
 You should have done X earlier,
 Unfortunately, there is really
nothing I can do
 What they told you was incorrect

The Top Ten Things to Say to
Make an Angry Person Angrier
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Calm down.
That's not my problem.
You're too sensitive.
Just shut up for a minute.
You’ve got to be kidding!
I just have to think of myself right now.
Don’t you think you’re overreacting?
You’re making a big deal out of nothing.
That’s what YOU think!
Like YOU’RE perfect!
Stick to the Facts
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Focus on the issue
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Be specific about what you have
observed

Describe behaviors, not personal
characteristics
Green Flag

“Is this a good time for you?”
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What, how

Let’s, we

I am sorry/ I apologize…

Let me find someone who
Respect
Respect Yourself and
the Other Person
Reward!
Yourself . . .
DEEP BREATHING
Stress Squares Color Key
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More Relaxed
Less Relaxed
MCPS EAP




Assessment, short term counseling,
and referral
Confidentiality/records
Other services: workshops, crisis
response
Access point for mediation
Alternative Dispute
Resolution

Mediation as an option

CRCMC

MCPS Dispute Resolution
Program
Thanks for coming!
For more information about the EAP,
contact us at
240-314-1040
or visit our website at
www.montgomeryschoolsmd.org/departments/eap
Biodot Color Key
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