Transcript Based on Dan`s “color,” what conversation tactics do you avoid

COMMUNICATION
KALEIDOSCOPE
Lori Belew
July 1, 2008
2008 SRTLC Planning Committee Meeting
Clyde York 4-H Center
Crossville, Tennessee
COMMUNICATION
KALEIDOSCOPE
Purpose:
1. To discover your personal
communication style.
2. To increase your awareness of
how communication works and its
variance from situation to
situation.
3. To understand that you can not
effectively communicate with each
other unless you can step into
someone else’s shoes and walk
around.
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COMMUNICATION
KALEIDOSCOPE
“The discoveries of how we can grow and the insights we need to have
really come from the inside out. To have genuine empathy, not as a
make-nice tool but as an understanding, is essential to the next step.”
Patricia Sun
Communication expert/Philosopher
COMMUNICATION
KALEIDOSCOPE
“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have selfawareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if
you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no
matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.”
Daniel Goleman
Psychologist/Author
“Emotional Intelligence and Social Intelligence”
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 Group Think
Irving Janis
The concurrence-seeking tendency of close-knit groups can cause them to
suspend critical thinking and make inferior decisions.
Example: JFK and the Bay of Pigs
 Attribution Theory
Fritz Heider
Attribution is the process of drawing inferences from behavior to understand
the situation and predict what to expect in the future.
Example: Gold chains, tattoos, shaved head = gang member … but not
necessarily … it’s an assumption based on experiences.
Resource: Griffin, E. (1991). A first look at communication theory. New York : McGraw-Hill.
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 Anxiety/Uncertainty Management Theory
William Gudykunst
All communication is intercultural communication. In each communication
situation one person is inevitably the stranger.
Example: Steele Magnolias -- Annelle Dupuy-DeSoto
 Genderlect Styles
Deborah Tannen
Masculine and feminine styles of discourse are best viewed as two distinct
cultural dialects rather than as inferior or superior ways of speaking. Men
naturally focus more on “report” talk; women use talk to establish “connection.”
Example: Ladies, you know this one … a kiss is different from a kiss-kiss …
implying that a kiss is on the cheek and a kiss-kiss is something different.
Resource: Griffin, E. (1991). A first look at communication theory. New York : McGraw-Hill.
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 Proxemic Theory
Edward Hall
The interrelated observations and theories of man’s use of space as a
specialized elaboration of culture; or in other words, perceived distance is
culturally conditioned.
Public (10 feet to infinity)
Personal (18 inches to 4 feet)
Social ( 4 to 10 feet)
Intimate (0 to 18 inches)
Example: In the U.S. only close friends and family can enter comfortably into
your intimate zone. However, in most South American and Latin countries, the
intimate zone does not exist.
Resource: Griffin, E. (1991). A first look at communication theory. New York : McGraw-Hill.
COMMUNICATION
CONUNDRUMS
Scenario #1:
Part A:
You have the privilege of working with Director Dan on an events committee.
Director Dan has been a organizing this specific 4-H event in your county for
the past ten years. Because of his years of experience, he has a
methodological system of doing things. He works under the premise of “if it ain’t
broken … don’t fix it.” It drives you crazy! You have all of these cool ideas and
better ways of doing things. He refuses to even consider implementing these
new ideas. You want to do it anyway.
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CONUNDRUMS
 Dan is “green.”
 The committee member is “yellow.”
Based on Dan’s “color,” what conversation tactics do you use?
 Compliment him for a well-designed plan that works.
 Present you ideas in a logical manner … don’t go crazy.
Based on Dan’s “color,” what conversation tactics do you avoid:
 Do not approach greens with condescension; Avoid making them feel
inferior.
COMMUNICATION
CONUNDRUMS
Scenario #1:
Part B: Approaching this situation from Director Dan’s position:
This year, you are working with a new 4-H youth committee to organize your
annual event. You appreciate their enthusiasm and creativity, but they are
driving you crazy with ideas of “better ways” of doing things. They are being
defiant and have been caught on two different occasions doing it “their way.”
You appreciate their well-thought-out ideas, and would love to implement them
… but you have other “fish to fry” and this simply can not be a priority right now.
COMMUNICATION
CONUNDRUMS
How should Dan approach his fellow co-worker:
 Establish rapport first ! Have a little fun.
Based on the committee member’s “color,” what conversation
tactics do you use?
 Praise! Praise! Praise! You don’t want to kill creativity.
 But stick to you guns… remember yellows have a tendency to be
“unstructured” … so planning details may not be one of their specialties.
Based on the committee member’s “color,” what conversation tactics
do you avoid:
 Do not approach yellow with a “demand.” Remember, yellows work off of
feelings more than logic.
COMMUNICATION
CONUNDRUMS
Scenario #2:
Part A:
You are experiencing some real challenges regarding job
responsibilities. It seems that Smoldering Sam has once again shucked
his bathroom responsibilities. Smoldering Sam is mad because he was
given the least favorite task of cleaning the bathrooms after the last
camp. He feels very strongly that the job should go to the first-year
leaders as they are the “low men on the totem pole.” As a matter of fact,
not only has Sam avoided cleaning, but has instructed you to clean them
and created a new cleaning schedule (without permission) as well as a
list of reasons why he should not have to clean the bathrooms this
summer. You certainly don’t want to make him mad or disappoint him.
So, once again, you go along.
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CONUNDRUMS
 Sam is “green.”
 The staff member is “blue.”
Based on Sam’s “color,” what conversation tactics do you use?
 Compliment him for a well-designed plan that works.
 Present you ideas in a logical manner … don’t go crazy.
Based on Sam’s “color,” what conversation tactics do you avoid:
 Do not approach greens with condescension; Avoid making them feel
inferior.
COMMUNICATION
CONUNDRUMS
Scenario #2:
Part B: Approaching this situation from Smoldering Sam’s position:
This is Sam’s second year on staff. As a matter of fact, he and Sarah are the
only two staffers from last year to return. He feels that he has “served his time”
doing certain task and learning the ropes. He feels that he is ready for more
challenging leadership roles and responsibilities. He is frustrated … and wants
to express this to you without coming out and directly saying it.
COMMUNICATION
CONUNDRUMS
How should Sam approach his fellow co-worker:
 Establish rapport first ! And show concern for blue.
Based on the staff member’s “color”, what conversation tactics do
you use?
 Express frustrations in terms of your personal feelings.
Based on the staff member’s “color”, what conversation tactics do you
avoid:
 It’s fine to “pick blue’s brain, but do not push for blue to take a side or
make a stand.
COMMUNICATION
CONUNDRUMS
Scenario #3:
Part A:
Raging Rosa is a new 4-H Honor Club member in your county.
Though she has only been a member for two months, she has
terrorized the rest of your harmonious Honor Club with her constant
complaints and criticisms. Simply stated, they are terrified of her.
She’s loud, loves confrontation, and would argue that the moon is
made of cheese just for the sake of having an argument. And she
really gets revved up during meetings by purposely taking unpopular
stands during discussions. Most of the other members just ignore
her. However, there is a group that takes her unrelentless charges
personally and avoid her like the plague.
COMMUNICATION
CONUNDRUMS
 Rosa is “red.”
 The 4-H Honor Club members are “blue.”
Based on Rosa’s “color,” what conversation tactics do you use?
 Be direct and to the point.
 Focus on the results and not the “how” and the “why”; Be aggressive in
looking for a solution.
Based on Rosa’s “color,” what conversation tactics do you avoid:
 Avoid over-analysis of the situation
COMMUNICATION
CONUNDRUMS
Scenario #2:
Part B: Approaching this situation from Raging Rosa’s position:
Rosa grew up in a family with four, older brothers. She is very much
accustomed to giving and taking direct orders, face-to-face confrontation and
standing up for herself. 4-H Honor Club is a very different atmosphere. The
relaxed, happy-go-lucky, oh-so-much-fun environment makes her nervous.
She’s on alert! She decides that it is to her advantage to establish herself as
the “alpha” counterpart from the very beginning. But, she is disturbed because
it seems that not everyone likes her … especially the quiet group that seems to
avoid her at all costs.
COMMUNICATION
CONUNDRUMS
How should Rosa approach her fellow honor club
members:
 Establish rapport first ! Show concern for blue. Be less
aggressive.
Based on the Honor Club members’ “color,” what conversation
tactics do you use?
 Move slowly; demonstrate “being nice”; find some common ground.
Based on the Honor Club members’ “color,” what conversation tactics
do you avoid:
 Do not attack with “why don’t you like me” questions.
COMMUNICATION
CONUNDRUMS
Scenario #4:
Part A:
Swanky Susie loves to flirt and thinks that all the boys are just so
sweet! Everyone is “ga-ga” for your friend, Susie! Her colorful and
fun-loving personality, wittiness, charm and outgoing nature make
her irresistible. As for Susie … well, she loves the attention! But for
her, it’s just flirting and nothing more. Your other friends have taken
notice. They are irritated, talking among themselves and
occasionally making quirky comments to you and the others about
her behavior.
COMMUNICATION
CONUNDRUMS
 Susie is “yellow.”
Based on Susie’s “color,” what conversation tactics do you use?
 Appeal to her feelings; not logic.
 Establish rapport first.
Based on Susie’s “color,” what conversation tactics do you avoid:
 Avoid being “direct” before establishing a relationship.
COMMUNICATION
CONUNDRUMS
Scenario #2:
Part B: Approaching this situation from Swanky Susie’s position:
While Susie appears to be extremely self-confident, she is really insecure.
However, she has watched her mother over the years use her sweet, southern
charm and bat her big, baby-blue eyes to get what she wants. Susie has much
success with this tactic as well. As a matter of fact, she notices that the guys
seem to really take to this style. She loves it because she can use her looks
and charm and no one has to know how painfully shy and uncomfortable she
really is around people. But she also knows that some people scowl at her
actions and pass her off as a “floozie.” She is beginning to suspect that her
friends are feeling the same way.
COMMUNICATION
CONUNDRUMS
Based on her friends “colors,” what conversation tactics should she
employ:
Red: Be direct.
Blue: Recognize that it will take time to change their opinions.
Yellow: Work on the relationship; Prepare for lots of conversation.
Green: Express importance of principles.
COMMUNICATION
CONUNDRUMS
Based on her co-workers “colors,” what conversation tactics should
she avoid?
Red: Lengthy explanations; avoid all the “whys”; just get to the point.
Blue: Approaching them head-on.
Yellow: Being direct without establishing rapport.
Green: Random conversation; present your argument logically; base your
argument on principle; do not expect a response.
COMMUNICATION
KALEIDOSCOPE
Important things to remember:
1. There is no one communication
style that is better than another;
each have their pros and cons.
2. To effectively communicate, one
must put him or herself in the
other person’s shoes.
3. It is to your advantage to have
people from all of the “color
groups” represented when
working as a team.
COMMUNICATION
KALEIDOSCOPE
Questions and Answers
… Personal examples?
… Suggestions and comments?
… Ideas or thoughts?