Transcript Marital Quality

INTIMACY &
COMMITMENT
The Canadian Family Dynamic
Instructor: Gail McCabe PhD RSSW
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Intimacy & Commitment
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Intimacy: closely acquainted or associated; very
familiar on a fundamental or essential level
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Commitment: dedication to a long-term course
of action; engagement; involvement
Establishing Intimacy
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Homogamy (likeness or similarities of individuals)
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Endogamy (within groups)
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Exogamy (outside groups)
Establishing Intimacy
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Social or Structural Characteristics
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Social Status (123)
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Arranged Marriage vs. Free Choice
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Individualistic Explanations
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Sociocultural Explanations
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Sexualization and Sexual Scripts
Social Status
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Class endogamy
Occupational endogamy
Educational endogamy
Mesalliance: marriage with a person of a lower social
position
Hypergamy: female marries into a higher social class
Hypogamy: female marries into a lower social class
The “Marriage Squeeze”
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Imbalance in the sex ratio (# of males and females
available for marriage) if there is a shortage
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1950s; men faced a shortage of women
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1980s-90s, shortage of men and is predicted that there
will be a shortage of women
Race and Ethnicity
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Inter-racial marriage restricted in US until 1967
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Women tend to marry within their group
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Immigrants from China, India and Japan have higher
tendency to marry people from native country than
those from Greece, Italy, Africa or France
Arranged Marriage vs. Free
Choice
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Arranged marriages preserve family property, furthers
political linkages, protects economic and status
concerns, continuity and stability
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Based on dowry or size of bride’s price, reputation of
potential spouse’s kin group
Social Construction of Love
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At first sight? Fell in it? Made it? Have it? Would like to
find it?
What is it?
Dictionary: “intense affection for another based on
shared experiences or interests, and an intense
attraction to another person based largely on sexual
desire”
Individualistic Explanations of Partnering
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Instinctive and Biological Theory
Parental Image Theory-Freud
Complimentary Needs Theory- Winch
1. Instinct and Biological Theory
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What guides people to each other is
instinct
Based on genetic similarities
Parental Image Theory-Freud
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Tend to fall in love with a person similar
to opposite sex parent (so
unconscious?)
Oedipus Complex: mother is object of
love
Electra Complex
See p. 133
Complimentary Needs Theory
Robert Winch
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Mate selection complimentary rather
than homogamous
Psychological needs and individual
motivation
Sociocultural Explanations of Partnering
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Influenced by age, race, religion, class,
proximity
Value Theory
Role Theory
Exchange Theory
Sequential Theories
Value Theory
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Sharing similar values: what is good, worthwhile, moral
When people share similar values, they validate each
other promoting emotional satisfaction and enhances
the means of communication
If couples do not hold the same values or are attacked,
resentment may result
P. 135
Role Theory
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Expectations of their own behaviour and
that of their mates
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Would you marry someone who you
expect to do _________ rather than
someone who does not?
Exchange Theory
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Bargaining and transactions in mate selection
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Behaviour is purposive and goal oriented
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Goal is to get something positive out of it
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Presented with alternative to current relationship that is
perceived as superior/better  may see termination of
current relationship in pursuit of the better one
Sequential Theories  Murstein’s Stimulus-Value-Role
1. Stimulus
 drawn to another (attractiveness, intellect, voice), if mutual
2. Value comparison
 value compatibility thru verbal interaction ( i.e attitudes
towards life)
 if couple believes they share values, they will be attracted
to each other (an attractive choice)
3. Role stage
 must share role definitions as well as values (lover, parent)
Sequential Theories  Bert Adams
Mate selection priorities:
1. Conditions or barriers, proximity
2. Early attractions: physical qualities, similar interest
3. Deeper attractions: personality similarity
4. Defining the other as “the one” or the “best I can get”
Dating
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Dating came about because marriage became
based on love and sexual attraction
Dating is opportunity to know what is expected of self
and others
Computer match-ups, videotape selections, singles
clubs and groups, newspaper ads, singles bars
Dating cont.
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Dating came about because marriage
became based on love and sexual
attraction
Dating is opportunity to know what is
expected of self and others
Computer match-ups, videotape
selections, singles clubs and groups,
newspaper ads, singles bars
Engagement
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Exists in some form in all societies
Marriage is seldom taken lightly, societies
provide social structure or instill awareness in
the couple and community that the
relationship is to be taken seriously
Sexuality and Intimacy
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Sexual expression is regulated and controlled through
social norms, roles
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Expectations differ for males and females, in public and
private places, for married and singles etc
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Laws punish the prostitute, distributor of child
pornography or the rapist
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All societies control sexuality
Sexualization and Sexual Scripts
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Sexualization – sexual socialization
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process by which people learn and internalize their
sexual self-concepts, values, attitudes, behaviors
Symbolic interaction theory claims that people become
sexual beings trough social interaction
Sexual Scripts/Cultural Scripts
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Blueprint of what sexuality is and how it is practiced:
who, what when, where, why of sexuality
Scripts are the plans that we have in our heads
An script is a cognitive scheme that affects his or hers
actual conduct
According to Simon and Gagnon sexual scripting
occurs on three levels:
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Cultural scenarios
Interpersonal scripts
Intrapsychic
Sexual life cycles tend to be subsumed
under headings of premarital, marital,
extra-marital and post marital
experiences
Statistics
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1970: 57% of Canadians surveyed thought pre-marital sex was
wrong
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1991: 22% felt this way
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1980s: AIDs and awareness raising appears; High risk
behaviors
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Sexual permissiveness, incidence and prevalence
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Sexual revolution was real but restricted to premarital and
heterosexual behavior
Establishing Commitment
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Marriage as a social institution
Canadian Marriage and Cohabitation Trends
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Non-marital cohabitation
Cohabitation and marital stability
Variations in marriage rates
Power in Conjugal Relationships
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Characteristics of conjugal power
Conjugal power and decision making in intimate relationships
Theory of resources
Egalitarian ethic
Marital Quality
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Dimensions of marital or relationship quality
Marital conflict
Marital quality between generations
Marital quality over the lifecourse
Marital Status and Well Being
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Married men and women are:
• happier and less stressed
• less emotional and health problems than
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unmarried men and women
more likely to abstain from smoking, drink
moderately, avoid risk-taking behaviour
live longer
Marital Status and Well Being
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Married women have more economic
resources “safety net”
Men receive more emotional support in
marriage
Canadian Marriage & Cohabitation Trends
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Fewer the # of women to men, higher the # who marry
and at a younger age
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Marriage rates dropped during the Great Depression,
rose during and after the WWII and declined again over
the last two decades
Factors Contributing to Decline and
Delays in Marriage
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Increase in nonmarital sexual activity
Increase in the independence of young people
A reduction in fertility
Temporary shortage of males
Increase in divorce
Increase in nonmarital cohabitation
Cohabitation
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More common in Quebec
Among older couples with children (unlike rest of
Canada)
See p. 158 figure 6.1
Couples who cohabited before marriage reported lower
quality marriages, lower commitment to the institution
of marriage
More individualistic views of marriage and greater
likelihood of divorce
Egalitarian Ethic
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Husbands who were more progressive (less traditional)
were found to show increases in marital quality
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Wives who held non traditional gender role attitudes
reported increases in negative aspects of the marriage
(less happiness, more disagreements )
Marital Quality
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Social attachment is more important and a better predictor of
well-being than legal status of being married
Catherine Ross- 4 levels of marital status: no partner, partner
outside of the household, living with a partner and married
partner
Marital quality is essentially a relative agreement by partners on
what issues are important, sharing similar tasks and activities
and demonstration of affection
Newlyweds study: happiness, equity, competence and control
Conflict is natural and inevitable therefore the quality of
marriage is not based on whether the conflict exists, but on how
the conflict is measured
Evaluating Marital Quality
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Begins in the 1920s
Dyadic Adjustment Scale by Graham Spanier (32 items)
Satisfaction: Do you confide in your mate? Are you happy?
Cohesion: Exchange ideas and do things together?
Consensus: Agreement on finances, religion, friends, household
tasks
Showing love and affection
Susan Hendriks developed a seven-item relationship assessment
scale
Marital Alternatives
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Jessie Bernard: Marriage can be successful to the
extent that it provides the highest satisfaction possible,
not imaginable
Costs and rewards
How much better or worse they would be without their
present spouse and how easily that spouse could be
replaced
7% of intact marriages are stable but unhappy
Marital Quality Over the Life Course
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U shaped pattern
Marital satisfaction high at beginning
Declines when children born
Marital satisfaction increases when children
leave home and remains high through
retirement
What Keeps Long Term
Marriages Going?
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Survey of 100 couples married 45+years
• Mate is best friend
• Like mate as a person
• See marriage as a long term (sacred) commitment
• Agree on aims and goals
• Laugh together frequently
Survey Findings (1992)
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94% faithfulness is most important factor for a
successful marriage
63% happy sexual relationship
53% sharing chores
46% living away from in-laws
Marital quality, regardless of how it’s measured, is
remarkably stable phenomenon, unaffected by gender
or marital duration