Transcript Counseling the Family - Rio Hondo Community College Faculty

Counseling the Family
Of the Addicted Person
Addicted to Love
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3p8Hgr
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Codependence
• Codependence is a pattern of
detrimental, behavioral interactions within
a dysfunctional relationship which is
regarded as an emotional disorder, and by
some as a psychological disease.[1] In the
relationship, the codependent person is
controlled or manipulated by another who
is affected with a pathological condition,
such as drug addiction.[2]
• The codependent's life gets more and more out
of hand and at the end, they might become as
sick as the one they are codependent on.[3]
• In general, the codependent is understood to be
a person who perpetuates the addiction or
pathological condition of someone close to them
in a way that hampers recovery. This can be
done through direct control over the dependent,
by making excuses for their dysfunctional
behavior or relieving them of the consequences
of the dependence.
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7meE5t
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• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N5R_7
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Enabling
• This is called enabling, which can have
negative social and health consequences
for both parties. A codependent may feel
shame about, or try to change, their most
private thoughts and feelings if they
conflict with those of another person.
Enabling is a term with a double
meaning
• As a positive term, it references patterns
of interaction which allow individuals to
develop and grow. These may be on any
scale, for example within the family,[1] or
in wider society as "Enabling acts"
designed to empower some group, or
create a new authority for a (usually
governmental) body.
In a negative sense,
• enabling is also used in the context of problematic
behavior, to signify dysfunctional approaches that are
intended to help but in fact may perpetuate a
problem.[1][2] A common theme of enabling in this latter
sense is that third parties take responsibility, blame, or
make accommodations for a person's harmful conduct
(often with the best of intentions, or from fear or
insecurity which inhibits action). The practical effect is
that the person themselves does not have to do so, and
is shielded from awareness of the harm it may do, and
the need or pressure to change. It is a major
environmental cause of addiction.[3]
• A common example of enabling can be
observed in the relationship between the
alcoholic and a codependent spouse. The
spouse believes incorrectly that he or she is
helping the alcoholic by calling into work for
them, making excuses that prevent others from
holding them accountable, and generally
cleaning up the mess that occurs in the wake of
their impaired judgment. In reality what the
spouse is doing is hurting, not helping. Enabling
prevents psychological growth in the person
being enabled and can contribute to negative
symptoms in the enabler.
Generally, individuals who enable others
have weak boundaries, low self-esteem
• and have difficulty being assertive when
they communicate with others. Imagine
how these characteristics could play out in
parenting. A young child wants candy early
in the morning. The parent understands
that this will not be a good habit to begin
and tells the child "no." The child proceeds
to throw a fit and the parent has a choice to give in or hold firm. The effect of giving
in is profound.
• . The child would learn that throwing a fit works,
to manipulate others, would not learn how to
delay gratification, would have less tolerance to
structure such as boundaries in relationships,
etc. The short term gain of getting the child to
cease his or her fit would not be worth the long
term consequences that this experience would
mean for their development. Likewise, feeling
needed as an enabler is not worth the long term
ramifications created by the enabling. The
person being enabled will have some difficult
short term consequences if the enabling stops,
but these experiences are vital to their growth
and psychosocial functioning.