Transcript presentation - UCSB Writing Program


Provide specific detail – answer
the reporter’s questions

Use easily understandable
words

Limit sentence, word, and
paragraph length

Build coherent paragraphs
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Vague word
Unclear:
“Put enough air in your tires.”
(How much air is “enough”?)
Clear:
“Fill your tires to 32 pounds per square inch.”
Specific detail
2
Reporter’s Questions = who, what, when,
where, why, and how
Unclear:
“We bought a new machine to solve the
problem.”
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Who is “we”?
What is the “new machine”?
When was the purchase made?
Where was the machine located?
Why was the purchase made—what was the problem?
How much did the machine cost?
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More clear:
The marketing department bought a new
AABco laser printer ($595) on June 10 for our
production room. This printer will produce
double-side, color copies unlike our prior
printer.
Unclear:
The man asked for a raise.
More clear:
Jeff Jones asked for a 10 percent salary increase.
Unclear :
An employee presented a proposal.
More clear:
Kelly Jones, production manager, presented a plan to
stagger working hours.
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NOTE:
Unclear:
“We are cognizant of your
need for issuance of citations
pursuant to code 18-B1 CPR
violations.”
Write to express,
not to impress!
Use words that are
easy to understand.
Define
abbreviations
like “CPR.”
6
More clear:
“We know you need to send citations because
of code 18-B1 Continuing Property Record
(CPB) violations. ”
• Know instead of cognizant
• Send instead of issuance
• Because in stead of pursuant
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Sentence length = 20 or fewer words
Word length = 1-2 syllables average
Sentence Length
8 words
15 words
19 words
28 words
Comprehension Rate
100%
90%
80%
50%
Source: American Press Institute
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NOTE:
This sentence is 23
Not concise
words long, and it uses
five words over two
“During the month of July, I
syllables (underlined).
made a decision to positively
impact my writing inabilities
by having a meeting with an instructional
advisor.”
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More concise
“In July, I decided to improve
my writing by meeting with a
teacher.”
NOTE:
This sentence is 13
words long, and it uses
one word over two
syllables (underlined).
All words cannot be 1-2 syllables! You cannot shorten words
like “telecommunications,” “engineer,” or “accountant.”
Change the words you can; leave other words alone.
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What are you trying to say?
 Position the most important idea at the beginning of
the sentence.
 Make sure the most important idea is the subject of
the sentence.
 Place the main idea in a short sentence.
All production and
administrative
personnel will meet at
2pm on May 23 in the
main conference
room, at which time
we will announce a
new plan of salary
incentives.
At 2pm on May 23, in
the main conference
room, all personnel will
meet to learn about
salary incentives.
11
What’s your reaction? Hard to read.
Please prepare to supply a readout of your finding and
recommendations to the officer of the Southwest Group at
the completion of your study period. As we discussed, the
undertaking of this project implies no currently known
incidences of impropriety in the Southwest Group, nor is it
designed to find any. Rather, it is to assure ourselves of
sufficient caution, control, and impartiality when dealing
with an area laden with such potential vulnerability. I am
confident that we will be better served as a company as a
result of this effort.
General Guideline
Paragraph length = 6 to 8 lines average (less is OK)
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Easier to read
NOTE:
Please prepare to supply a readout of your findings and
recommendations to the officer of the Southwest Group
at the completion of your study period.
Shorter
paragraphs are
easier to read.
As we discussed, the undertaking of this project implies
no currently known incidences of impropriety in the
Southwest Group, nor is it designed to find any. Rather, it is
to assure ourselves of sufficient caution, control, and
impartiality when dealing with an area laden with such
potential vulnerability.
Spacing gives
readers a chance
to stop, breathe,
and digest the
information.
I am confident that we will be better served
as a company as a result of this effort.
These paragraphs
are still hard to
read, due to the
sentence and word
length.
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
Use a topic sentence to summarize the main idea of
the paragraph
 All support sentences in the paragraph should relate to
the topic sentence.

Repeat a key idea using the same expression
 Example: Employees treat guests as VIPs. These VIPs are
never told what they can or cannot do.

Use pronouns to refer to previous nouns
 Example: All new employees receive orientation. They learn …..

Use transitional expressions to show connections
 Examples include: however, as a result, consequently,
meanwhile, etc.
Continuation
Pause
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Also
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Moreover
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First... Second...
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For that reason,
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Therefore,
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Additionally
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and
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For instance
For example,
Strictly speaking,
In other words,
In effect,
As a result,
or
Reversal
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However,
On the other
hand,
Conversely,
Nevertheless,
Otherwise,
but
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