Transcript ANGER

How to Calm Your Anger
Adapted from
When Chicken Soup Isn’t Enough,
by Bradley P. Barris
(Scroll down to move through the
presentation.)
Imagine an event where you reacted
with anger.
Did the event itself
cause your anger?
ANGER
Imagine an event where you reacted
with anger.
Would 100 different
people in the same
situation all react
with anger?
ANGER
Imagine an event where you reacted
with anger.
If not, it can’t be a
cause and effect
relationship.
ANGER
Imagine an event where you reacted
with anger.
Something else must
be occurring
between the event
and your anger.
ANGER
Event
What did you say to
yourself in response
to the event?
ANGER
Event
He / She should /
shouldn’t have . . . !
Did you use a
rule word, such as
should?
ANGER
Event
He / She should /
shouldn’t have . . . !
Using rule words is
like pouring gasoline
on a fire.
ANGER
Event
He / She should /
shouldn’t have . . . !
It increases the
intensity of emotion
in response to an
event.
ANGER
Event
He / She should /
shouldn’t have . . . !
Some other rule
words are ought,
have to, and must.
ANGER
Event
He / She should /
shouldn’t have . . . !
To calm your anger,
try replacing your
rule words with
preference words.
ANGER
Event
For example:
I’d rather. . .
I’d prefer. . .
It would be nice. . .
ANGER
Event
It would be nice if
he / she . . . , but I don’t
have control over that.
ANGER
Event
It would be nice if
he / she . . . , but I don’t
have control over that.
Preference words
cool your anger. . .
ANGER
Event
It would be nice if
he / she . . . , but I don’t
have control over that.
. . .and replace it with
irritation. . .
ANGER
IRRITATION
Event
. . .which is much
more manageable
than anger.
IRRITATION
Summary
So. . .
The next time you feel angry,
Change your rule word
to a preference,
And replace your anger
with
IRRITATION.