Transcript File - BradleyOlson.net

THE SPIRIT OF MARRIAGE
Patience (note from last week)
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Makrothumia. This is the choice to refrain from
avenging oneself, at least immediately; it can
include either a delay or erasure of wrath. We
might call this "the patience motivated by
love.“
this is the patience Paul speaks of…
Heart (Character)
Reasons Mr. Rogers Was the
Best Neighbor Ever
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Even Koko Liked Him
Thieves Thot Twice
Genuinely Curious
Most Tolerant
Made People Sing
The Sweaters
Wrote Music
Hated TV
Kindness - Gentleness
What does it say that we often describe someone as a “really nice guy”?
Kindness
Test
Kindness - Gentleness
HEART (CHARACTER)…
IS DEFINED BY BEHAVIORS…
POINT 1
II. A Matter of the Heart
What is the “Heart”?
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Seat of the inner self (life, soul, mind, spirit)
Similar in meaning to soul, but with a focus on thinking
& understanding (Mk 2:8; Lk 1:51; 24:38)
Seat of feeling, impulse, affection, desire (Mt. 6:21;
22:37; Phil. 1:7)
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Seat of intellect (Mt. 13:15; Rom. 1:21)
The inner and mental frame (Mt. 5:8; Lk. 16:15; 1 Pet. 3:4)
The conscience (1 Jn. 3:20, 21)
The inner part, middle, center (Mt. 12:40)
II. A Matter of the Heart
What is the State of Your Heart?
“What is my heart towards my spouse?”
If we as Christians cannot live out our faith in our
marriages, then our faith is a show at best. And
yet, how can one tell if they have made their
faith in God a vital part of their marriage? It
will be evident, without question, because a
transformed heart is unmistakable.
II. A Matter of the Heart
A Transformed Heart is…
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A heart is one that has been utterly changed by the love,
grace, mercy, and the Spirit of God (Ephesians 2:1-10).
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It is one that has wholly acknowledged Christ as Lord
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It is one that recognizes that the old-destructive ways of the past are cast aside
(2 Corinthians 5:15-17)
A heart that is set on treating and loving one’s spouse with the
same love, kindness, and mercy that as God
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It is faithful, unselfish, willing to sacrifice and put aside oneself in order to listen,
understand, empathize, love, and cherish one’s spouse (Ephesians 5:2)
A heart is set on living by the Fruit of the Spirit- fundamental
to change and revitalization in your marriage
A Transformed Heart
Mends Marriages
POINT 2
III. Kindness - Gentleness
What Do You Think Of?
What is kindness really?
Kindness defined as “A compassionate act;
an act that shows consideration and
caring.”
This is an inadequate picture of NT
description though…
III. KINDNESS - GENTLENESS
Gentleness (praiotes) is
similar to meekness…
though more attitude than
action
Gentleness in Galatians Means…
III. KINDNESS - GENTLENESS
Meekness is not
weakness
Gentleness in Galatians Means…
III. Kindness - Gentleness
Power Under Control
Gentleness in Galatians
“Meekness” can
only exist
where great
strength is
under strict control!
III. Kindness - Gentleness
Gentleness in Galatians
Power Under
Control
… applies even
force in the
correct way
• Kindness (chrestotes)- sometimes
translated “Gentleness”
• 10x in the NT
• 9 of 10 related to word for “loving
kindness” – includes the idea of
mercy, grace, devotion, good, gentle
• Best translated as “Goodness
expressed in deeds” – but
descriptive of ones disposition
Kindness in Galatians Means…
III. KINDNESS - GENTLENESS
Kindness - What does it look like?
Kindness in Galatians Means…
IV. Kindness & Gentleness:
Following Jesus’s Example
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Submissiveness to the Will of God Philippians 2:5-8 (NLT)
You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. 6
Though he was God, he did not think of equality with
God as something to cling to. 7 Instead, he gave up his
divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave
and was born as a human being. When he appeared in
human form, 8 he humbled himself in obedience to God
and died a criminal’s death on a cross.
A Teachable Spirit James 1:21 (NLT)
So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and
humbly accept the word God has planted in your
hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.
The fruit of the Spirit is reflected
in my behaviors… which stem
from a heart characterized as
Gentle & Kind
POINT 3
V. SHOWING …
KINDNESS IN MARRIAGE
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By Speaking Kindly to Our Spouse
(This is kindness in words)
Soft Tone: First Sign: The Harsh Startup
Kindly Non-Verbals: Second Sign: "The Four Horsemen“
Criticism 2. Contempt 3. Defensiveness 4. Stonewalling
Play (Speak) by the rules
Don’t expect mind reading
Kindness
V. SHOWING …
KINDNESS IN MARRIAGE
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By Developing a Kind Attitude Toward Spouse
(This is kindness in heart)
• Choose a different attitude
"The Four Horsemen” #2 = Contempt
• Expect realistically- Don’t expect husband to
be girlfriend/Wife to be frat buddy
• Think relationally- Stop thinking that your way is
the “right” way- “right” is really control
Kindness
V. SHOWING …
KINDNESS IN MARRIAGE
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By Doing Kind Things for Spouse
(This is kindness in action)
• Love expressed in 1,000 little choices daily
• Maybe the secret to marital happiness is as
simple as making your spouse tea in the
morning- Turning down his side of the bedGiving her a back rub
Kindness
Kind/Gentle Actions
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Say "good morning."
Ask how he or she slept.
Make something for him or her to eat.
Help find something your spouse misplaced.
Check with your spouse to make sure they have
everything they need for the day (money, food,
information, etc.).
Call during the day to say hello.
Run an errand at the store.
Listen and comfort your spouse if he or she is upset.
Help your spouse with his or her tasks at home.
Do favors.
Spend time together before going to sleep.
V. SHOWING …
KINDNESS IN MARRIAGE
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By having a teachable spirit
By thinking before responding- not react
By responding in a calm manner
By responding with empathy
By responding with kindness
Gentleness
V. Showing …
Kindness in marriage
"Compassionate love" includes small, random
acts that add up to bigger happiness in
marriage. It's a skill set that increases marriage
longevity and satisfaction, studies say. And it
applies to both genders, because men and
women are a lot alike.
Kindness/Gentleness Works…
Even in a Marriage
POINT 4
What I Learned
in Kindergarten …
Share everything. Play fair.
Don't hit people. Put things back
Where you found them. Clean up
your own mess. Don't take things that
aren't yours. Say you're sorry when
you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat. Flush. Warm
cookies and cold milk are good for you. Live a balanced life Learn some and think some- And draw and paint and sing and
dance- And play and work everyday some. Take a nap every
afternoon. When you go out into the world, Watch out for traffic,
Hold hands and stick together.
Kindness works in a marriage.
Kind/Gentle Actions
Gottman:
Couples who accept, respect and honor
each other's feelings are less likely to
divorce (Love is expressed in a 1,000
little choices every day)
It’s the “Little” Things
that Make a Difference
POINT 5
10 Marriage Sweeteners
• Put your partner's goals first. Giving your husband the last
cupcake is easy. Spending your vacation—again—with his
family is hard.
• Try to understand your partner's thoughts and feelings. Not
sure what's going on? Ask.
• Accept, don't judge. Don't like your spouse's relatives, or his
taste in clothes or TV shows? Zip it.
• Be open to your partner's requests. Everyone is busy. If your
spouse asks for something, assume it's important.
• Modify your plans for your spouse's sake. Does she need a
night off from parenting, or a few hours to finish a work
project? Accommodate and earn relationship goodwill..
10 Marriage Sweeteners
• Do something special for your partner. Flowers are
nice, but so is making the bed or giving a massage.
• Express tenderness and caring. Not everyone likes
public displays of affection. But you can make a nice
cup of tea.
• Go out of your way to 'be there.' Pay attention when
your partner seems particularly stressed and try to
help.
• Show respect and admiration. Celebrate successes,
even little ones. Did your spouse handle a touchy
situation well, or make you laugh? Point it out.
• Show you value your partner. Two words: Thank you.
SHOWING … KINDNESS &
GENTLENESS IN MARRIAGE
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How well am I doing???
1. Do your spouse "feel loved by you"
2. Does your spouse "see Jesus in you"
Gentleness & Kindness
Do something
• Ask Jesus to help you give yourself wholeheartedly to
your marriage this week.
• Ask Jesus to help change your heart and attitudes
towards your spouse this week.
• What are the little choices you can begin making to
show your spouse you love them? Try to name five, just
as a way of getting yourself thinking about these
things.