Transcript Attending to Matters of the heart

Understanding God’s Gift of Emotions
Attending to Matters of the heart
Understanding God’s Gift of Emotions
Attending to matters of the heart
Understanding God’s Gift of Emotions
Attending to matters of the heart
Understanding God’s Gift of Emotions
Attending to matters of the heart
Understanding God’s Gift of Emotions
Attending to matters of the heart
Today’s themes
The value of awareness of our feelings
 The value of wise expression of our feelings

missionary experience
Change
 Loss
 Pressure – demands – difficulties
 Danger
 Conflict
 Joy of knowing God and living out his purposes

What are emotions?
 Sad
 Glad
 Mad
 Bad
 Afraid
Everyday experience OF Feelings

Feelings are instantly triggered by perception
¥
¥
Memory, event, or situation
Quicker than rational thought
Ò

For example, fight or flight response
Feelings can also follow thoughts
¥
In moments of reflection
Ò
¥
For example, embarrassment, gratitude, etc.
Influenced by rational thought
Everyday experience OF Feelings

Emotions by their nature focus on the present
¥
¥

Are influenced by the past…
¥

Color the present
Guide action toward immediate goals
Remembering generates emotion
And are influenced by anticipation of the future
¥
Concern for what might happen, worry
A definition

Emotion:
¥
¥
¥
A feeling and its thoughts;
mind and body states;
and the tendency to act.
Understanding emotion
belief/thought
behavior/motivation
physical state
feeling
Putting emotions into perspective
persona
lity
Fleeting
mood
emotio
nenduring
More
Everyday experience of feelings

Our emotions are like waves

Face into them and let them run their course
Everyday experience of feelings

Feelings are powerful
¥

Too powerful to stay bottled or stuffed
If clogged…
¥
Emotional pipes tend to leak or burst
Leaks and bursts
Body language
 Tone of voice
 Sarcasm
 Impatience
 Defensiveness
 Explosions of anger or tears
 “Walking on eggshells”

A Biblical perspective on emotions
Unbiblical view


Out of concern for sin, we may be wary of feelings
…
… and perhaps conclude we shouldn’t have
feelings.
Small groups

Discuss Bible verses
¥
¥
¥
¥

Group 1: Gen. 6:5-6, Ex. 34:14, I Kings 11:7-10, Ps. 149:4, Eph.
4:30, Heb. 12:2
Group 2: Mt. 26:37-38, Mark 3:5, 10:14, Jn. 11:34-35, Jn. 15:10-11
Group 3: Ps. 25:16-18, Ps. 43:5, 2 Cor. 1:7-9 2, Phil. 4:10-12, 3 Jn.
1:4
Group 4: Ps. 56:3; Ps.62:8; Lam. 2:19a; Ro. 12:9, 15; Phil. 4:4, 6-7
Why are these in the Bible? What might God want
us to learn about emotion?
Guarding your heart
Proverbs 4:23

“Guard your heart above all else, for it is the
source of life.” (Holman Christian Standard Bible)
¥
¥

What is your heart?
What are you guarding it from?
Discuss this in pairs or triads
Guarding your heart
Strategies for guarding your heart

Spiritual disciplines:
¥
¥
¥
¥
¥

Intake of the Word
Prayer
Fellowship and accountability
Desiring what God desires
Dealing with sin
These disciplines and others are critical to
emotionally-healthy spirituality.
Guarding your heart
… Does not mean becoming un-emotional

like Spock
 … But rather becoming fully human

like Jesus

Emotional intelligence
Improving your emotional intelligence
Strategies for getting smarter :
1.Hearing feelings
2.Heeding warning signs and managing stress
3.Expressing feelings constructively

1. Hear your feelings


An exercise to make sense of emotion
Check-in with yourself:
1. “(Today) I feel…”
2. “When I feel this way, the thoughts that go through
my head are…”
3. “When I feel this way and think these thoughts, what
I want to do is…” and/or “how I feel in my body is…”
Hear your feelings
Acknowledge those feelings

Acknowledging the reality of our feelings is the first
step in choosing a healthy response.
¥

“Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me
wisdom in the inmost place.”
Psalm 51:6
2. Heed warning signals

Some reactions to stress:
¥
Foot on the gas
Ò
¥
Foot on the brake
Ò
¥
Heated, angry, can’t sit still
Shut down, depressed, withdrawn
Foot on both gas and brake
Ò
Tense and frozen
Emotional intelligence

Feelings can feel like the whole of reality,
yet they are only a part of reality.
Reality
My feelings
Emotional intelligence

Manage “Foot on the gas”
¥
¥

Slow down
Calm and soothe
Manage “Foot on the brake”
¥
¥
Speed up to get unstuck
Physically move
Emotional Intelligence & community

God is relational and we are made in his image –
for relationships
¥

Provides support and feedback from others
¥

Honestly connect
Danger in isolating
Get help when needed
¥
Member care or counseling support
3. Express feelings constructively
How can we share our emotions with others?
 Consider your motive and purpose.

¥
¥
Don’t tear others down.
Do build others up.
3. Express feelings constructively

Don’t tear others down
¥
¥
Anger escalating
Blame
Ò
¥
Complaining
Ò
¥
Making others responsible for your feelings and actions
Stuck in misery
Defensiveness
Ò
Take responsibility for your feelings
3. Express feelings constructively

Do build others up in love
¥
¥
Share your feelings with skill
Own and work your feelings into conversation
Ò
Ò
¥
sad/mad/glad/bad/afraid
Not “I feel you are unreasonable”
Use “I” statements
Ò
Ò
Rather than “You make me mad”
Try “I feel angry because …”
XYZ formula

(X) When ______________ happens,

or When you ______________,


(Y) I feel ___________ .


(Z) I need ____________

or I want ___________.
Express feelings constructively

When responding to the sharing of feelings, give
the gift of ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
¥

You don’t have to agree!
Three levels of acknowledgement:
¥
¥
¥
“I can see how you think that way.”
“I can see how you feel that way.”
“You are right.” (Most powerful.)
Attending to matters of the heart

Benefits of awareness and wise expression
of our feelings
¥
¥
Authentic spirituality
Intimacy with others
Ò
¥
Effective communication and conflict resolution
Longevity in ministry
Ò
Ò
Averting burnout
Short accounts