Transcript 1 week to go!

Homecoming
Deployment & Separation
www.youngdiggers.com.au
© Young Diggers 2010
1
Deployment or separation
cycle
Pre-deployment or separation
Preparation
Readjustment
Post tour or exercise
Expectation & anticipation
End of tour or exercise
R&R
Rest & relaxation
Deployment or separation
Departure
Tour or exercise
Adjustment
www.youngdiggers.com.au
© Young Diggers 2010
2
Share your feelings
Reunion is the start of a new phase in relationships – most are
successful.








Happy
Mixed
Uncertain
Excited
Nervous
Relieved
Proud
Worried
It’s natural to feel anxious as well as excited.
www.youngdiggers.com.au
© Young Diggers 2010
3
Common thoughts include…
How much have they changed?
Will they still recognise me?
Will they still need me?
Did they cope better without me?
The best thing about being away is coming home.
www.youngdiggers.com.au
© Young Diggers 2010
4
Thoughts from home…
How much has he changed?
Will he like the way I’ve changed?
Will we still have things to talk about?
How will he think I have managed?
‘He has to remember we have
been through things too’.
www.youngdiggers.com.au
© Young Diggers 2010
5
Children’s thoughts…
Will mum notice I’ve changed?
When will mum go away again?
Will the rules change?
Will mum know what I did while she
was away?
‘Sometimes it’s scary because she doesn’t seem to be the same
person she was when she left…’
www.youngdiggers.com.au
© Young Diggers 2010
6
Everyone changes
Many children will have matured and become more independent.
It’s only natural for people to change with time. They may have:




www.youngdiggers.com.au
© Young Diggers 2010
Grown physically and emotionally
Become more independent
Changed tastes in clothes, music, friends
Altered political and/or religious beliefs
7
Communicate
Share





Your feelings
How you have changed
Your routines
New friendship groups
Hopes and dreams
Discuss how you as a family want to
celebrate your reunion, consider:






The official plans
The possibility of delays
Time together
Other commitments
How the extended family and friends can be involved
What others are doing – but avoid competition
Plan a special – but not too hectic – family day.
www.youngdiggers.com.au
© Young Diggers 2010
8
Share information
Dear ........
We are very  glad  happy  excited  relieved you are coming
home.
We have missed you  a whole lot  more than we can say  even
more than last time.
This letter is to tell you  what has changed  what has stayed the
same.
The house is  where you left it  redecorated  okay, except for the
window I blew out doing a science project  ……………..............……
My room is  the tidiest you will have ever seen it  hasn’t been
cleaned since you left  inhabited by aliens  …................…………….
Our family  is the coolest  could use a maid and butler  has got
a maid and butler  still likes your corny jokes  ………..........………
The car  is still running  misses your driving expertise  was
driven into a lake and smells of fish  ……....................................……
Since you left, I have  grown lazier  worn your sweater every day
 learnt to love/hate/tolerate/find my way to – school  ……………….
I have got  a new friend  taller  green and yellow hair  …………
I am now  intelligent  six foot six  a TV presenter  …........…….
I can  ride my bike  tie my shoe laces  catch the bus to school
 sing like Madonna  …......................................................…………….
When you get home, I would very much like to  take a walk with you
 have a big hug  listen to your awful music  do what ever you
would like to do  ……………...............................................................…
Once you have unpacked maybe we can  get rid of the fish smell
out of the car  fix the window I blew out  ………………………
Love ………..
www.youngdiggers.com.au
© Young Diggers 2010
9
Prepare
Be prepared for excitement similar to
that prior to a birthday.
Try to maintain routines and sleep
patterns.
Prepare the children:
 for possible differences
 share photographs, video clips
 probable tiredness
Prepare to celebrate the homecoming.
Remind the homecoming parent of the
possible reactions on first meeting.
www.youngdiggers.com.au
© Young Diggers 2010
10
Possible reactions
At the reunion
Excited, but self-conscious—not cool to let it show—likely to
have changed most—uncertain—rebellious—independent—
mature
12+
Runs to—dominates conversation—might worry—excitable
www.youngdiggers.com.au
© Young Diggers 2010
5
Attention seeking—pushes the boundaries—tests for and needs
reassurance
3
Unsure—tend to cling to those they know—but returning parent
‘feels’ familiar
1
Unsure—may react to parent as a stranger—may become
distressed
11
Adjust
The returning parent needs to:
 Go slowly
 Adapt to the rules and routines already in place
 Let the child set the pace for getting to know you again
 Learn from how the partner managed the children
 Be available to the child, both with time and emotions
 Make individual time for each child and your partner
 Support good things the family has done
www.youngdiggers.com.au
© Young Diggers 2010
12
Homecoming
Things that can make a difference
 Accept that changes have occurred
 Make time for each other
 Work as a team and adjust slowly
 Be proud of, and celebrate, each others successes
www.youngdiggers.com.au
© Young Diggers 2010
13
Re-adjusting
Re-adjusting takes time and patience.
Those at home need to:
 Make the returning partner feel welcome and valued
 Accept that the returning parent may:
Miss the adrenaline of the deployment or exercise
Find family life mundane
Feel redundant
Feel an outsider
Needs time alone
Everyone needs to:
 Expect some disruption
 Be patient
 Change routines slowly
 Expect surprises…people are unpredictable
 Enjoy being together and celebrating the new relationship
www.youngdiggers.com.au
© Young Diggers 2010
14
Things to do
 Inform the school that a member of the family is returning
from a deployment or periods of separation on exercise.
 Take notes of the school diary – particularly exams and trips
your child may be involved in – try to avoid taking leave
during these dates.
 Inform the school of planned leave dates and discuss any
requests for absences.
 Involve and talk to your child.
 Share your feelings with friends.
www.youngdiggers.com.au
© Young Diggers 2010
15
Look after yourself
If you look after your well-being, physical and emotional, your
child will benefit.
How you deal with your feelings will affect how your children will
deal with theirs.
and keep to it
Make time for yourself
www.youngdiggers.com.au
© Young Diggers 2010
16
Working together
Commanding Officer
Adjutant
Unit Welfare Officer
Padre
Teacher
Teacher’s Assistant
Head Teacher (Principle)
School Support Staff
Education
Military
Welfare
Health
Doctor
Nurse
Health visitor
School Nurse
Midwife
Medical centre staff
Young Diggers
www.youngdiggers.com.au
www.youngdiggers.com.au
© Young Diggers 2010
17
It’s about YOU
www.youngdiggers.com.au
© Young Diggers 2010
18