Transcript Showing vs Telling Writing Amlit 2014

Showing vs. Telling
WRITING WITH A DISCIPLINED EYE
AND CONTROLLED FOCUS
Writing to SHOW (SH/E)
 Writing that is very sensory allows the reader
to be in the moment; going somewhere vs.
being told about it.
 SHOW (SH) what you mean; Begin your first
sentence with images that the reader can see,
hear, smell, taste, touch.
 Extend the Elaboration (E) by staying on that
image or idea to develop your reader’s
understanding of it.
Tell vs. Show
He gets ready for the race by tying his
shoes. Feeling pretty nervous, he
examines his shoes. His ankle hurts.
He hears the announcer tell the
athletes to get ready. After he gets into
position, he hears the gun start the
race. All his limbs are moving
fast and his feet pound the
concrete.
The muscles in his left leg tense up as
he shifts the weight of his body to one
side while kneeling down to tie his
right shoe. Cross the first with the
second, pull. Loop across, bring
around, pull, braiding together the
frayed gray laces of his Adidas spikes
as skillfully as a seamstress weaves
with thread. With the pride of even
the fleet-footed Achilles, the athlete
inspects his sacred wings of land
attentively as he quickly brushes off a
few blades of grass and dirt collected
on the instep of his sneaker. His ankle
soon begins to throb with a lack of
blood circulation to his foot; in fact,
the knot of his shoe is so tightly laced
that he can hardly feel his toes
suffocating inside his shoe like
sardines packed in a tin can.
The SH/E Revision Process
 Maintain a tight focus from sentence to sentence
 Focus on a single action, emotion, person, or object
 Avoid plurals
 “Re-envision” your paper
 Emphasize what the person/thing is physically doing
 Include details you did not consider the first time or eliminate what does
not come across well
 Vivid verbs
 Is each verb in the present tense?
 Eliminate weak “be” verbs
(“be” verbs bring equality; some things must shine!)
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Kiss “is” goodbye
Make “am” into spam
Kick “are” very far
Turn “was” into fuzz
Give “were” a burr
Proving is better than bragging!
 Revising a “telling” image:
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A nervous man with a bag walks down the street at night.
“nervous” tells…how do you SHOW that instead?
 Replace vague details…the street? At night?
 ZOOM in on one object …the bag? The street?
 Now write…describe, don’t narrate!
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She drops her textbooks and quickly kneels to gather them
up.
“She” is very vague…how can you help the reader VISUALIZE her?
 Replace plural and vague with singular and specific…textbooks?
 ZOOM in on one action…drops? Kneels? Gather?
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Let’s try it together first…
 Write 3-4 sentences that show, rather than tell, the
following idea:
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The shirt is old.
Example for you to see: He is afraid
His brown greasy hair swats his scarred face with each galloping
stride. Gripping his Smith & Wesson in his left hand, he
plummets through a pants pocket with his right, in futile search
for an additional clip that does not exist. Instead, his bony index
finger protrudes through a hole to reach a sticky thin layer of
blood on his right quadriceps, where a single shotgun shell has
met its target.
Where to Begin? Make a Movie
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A hint…the telling writer often uses a wide lens, but the showing
writer starts in TIGHT focus.
Begin with images the reader can see, hear, smell, touch, taste – and
continue to use these images! Take time to stay within that image.
Sometimes it’s easier to start somewhere in the middle of the action
Show each specific detail as if filming frame by frame; give reader
time to take in the detail before moving on to next one.
Avoid a narrative (this happened, then this…) which can lead to
telling writing
Stay with the subject! Have you explored all its details?
Avoid WEAK verbs: is, are, was, were, be, being, am, been
Factor generic words (shoe or Nike running spike?)
Your Assignment: Due Friday 1/10
 Write a paragraph SHOWING the following:
The room is messy.
It must include:
 Between 175-250 word count ( about ½ page)
 proper MLA formatting!
- Heading, Header, Spacing, Font, Title
MLA Formatting
1” margins all around
Last Name, #
Student Name
Teacher Name
Class and Period
Due Date
Original Title
Double Spaced
Times New Roman
12 pt font