Transcript Academic english iii

ACADEMIC ENGLISH III
December 5th 2012
Today
• Continue: Wordiness
Causes of Wordiness
W = wordy
C = concise
Use of vague words which need explanation instead of
precise words.
W: She talked to him in a loud angry voice.
C: She yelled at him.
W: The crime wave had some bad results that cost people a lot of money.
C: The crime wave had some costly results.
Causes of Wordiness
Use of long expressions instead of individual words
W: to come to the conclusion that
C: to decide
W: to put forward the idea that
C: to suggest
Causes of Wordiness
Under-use of listing
W: She went to the store and bought a loaf of bread. She also
picked up some milk. She also got a newspaper.
C: She bought a loaf of bread, some milk and a newspaper at
the store.
W: In the experiment, he poured water in a beaker. Then he
boiled the water for 5 minutes. Then he measured the water that
was left.
C: In the experiment, he poured water in a beaker, boiled the
water for 5 minutes, and measured the water that was left.
Causes of Wordiness
Over-use of “it” and “there” as meaningless subjects
W: It was exciting to go to the New Year celebrations.
C: The New Year celebrations were exciting.
W: There were thirty-four people in the room who were
waiting for the mayor.
C: Thirty-four people in the room were waiting for the
mayor.
Causes of Wordiness
Over-use of passive verbs
W: The criminal was caught by the police, and later the
passive
criminal was convicted by the courts.
passive
C: The police caught the criminal and the court convicted
active
active
him.
Causes of Wordiness
Over-use of clauses
W: After she had baked the bread, she cleaned up the kitchen.
clause
C: After baking the bread, she cleaned up the kitchen.
phrase
W: McKenzie, who was the first person to cross Canada by land, ended his trip in Bella
clause
Coola, B.C.
C: McKenzie, the first person to cross Canada by land, ended his trip in Bella Coola, B.C.
phrase
W: The girl who was talented gave a concert.
clause
C: The talented girl gave a concert.
word
Side note: Clause vs. Phrase
A clause = a group of related words that has both a subject
and a verb (similar to a sentence).
Independent clause: Presents a complete idea and can
stand alone as a sentence.
i.e., We will go to the cinema.
Dependent clause: not a complete idea (only part of a
sentence; it depends on the rest of the sentence).
i.e., After Ralph finishes work, we will go to the cinema.
Side note: Clause vs. Phrase
Phrase = a group of words that lacks either a subject or a
matching verb or both.
 Can never be a complete sentence.
i.e.,
Prepositional phrase: On the football field,
Adjective phrase: Alert and focused,
Noun phrase: the dog on the sofa
Adverb phrase: quickly and efficiently
Practice
Canada in Space
Canada does not send space shuttles and rockets into space, so for
that reason people tend to forget that Canada has made very significant
contributions to space exploration. Because of its large size, Canada has
specialized in satellite communications technology. In 1962, Canada became
the third country in the world to have a satellite in orbit when it launched
Alouette 1 in the early sixties. The Alouette 1 satellite was followed in 1972 by
the Anik A-1 satellite which provided coast-to-coast across Canada telephone
services. Furthermore, Canada has developed important tools for operating in
space like the Canadarm. It was developed first in 1981. The Canadarm is a
mechanical robotic arm used by astronauts on the American space shuttle.
Canada has also provided the space industry with people to go into space. The
first Canadian astronaut was Marc Garneau, who was an astronaut who did
research on the space shuttle. A more recent Canadian astronaut is Julie
Payette who went into space on the space shuttle in June of 1999. These
contributions to the world of the space industry are important ones and should
not be forgotten. (187 words)
Canada does not send space shuttles and rockets into
space, so for that reason people tend to forget that Canada
has made very significant contributions to space
exploration.
Canada does not launch spacecraft, so people often
forget Canada has made significant contributions…
Because of its size, Canada has specialized in satellite
communications technology.
In 1962, Canada became the third country in the world to
have a satellite in orbit when it launched Alouette 1 in the
early sixties.
In 1962, Canada became the third country to have a
satellite in orbit when it launched …DELETE: early sixties.
The Alouette 1 satellite was followed in 1972 by the Anik A1 satellite which provided coast-to-coast across Canada
telephone services.
 Anik-A1 followed Alouette 1 in 1972 providing coast-tocoast telephone services.
Furthermore, Canada has developed important tools for
operating in space like the Canadarm, developed in 1981.
It was developed first in 1981.
The Canadarm is a robotic arm used by astronauts on the
space shuttle.
Canada has also provided the space industry with
astronauts.
The first Canadian astronaut, Marc Garneau, did research
on the space shuttle.
A more recent Canadian astronaut, Julie Payette, went on
the space shuttle in June, 1999.
These contributions to the space industry are important and
should not be forgotten.
Paragraph revised
Canada does not launch spacecraft, so people often forget
Canada has made significant contributions to space exploration. Because
of its size, Canada has specialized in satellite communications technology.
In 1962, Canada became the third country to have a satellite in orbit when
it launched Alouette 1. Anik-A1 followed Alouette 1 in 1972 providing coastto-coast telephone services. Furthermore, Canada has developed
important tools for operating in space like the Canadarm, developed in
1981. The Canadarm is a robotic arm used by astronauts on the space
shuttle. Canada has also provided the space industry with astronauts. The
first Canadian astronaut, Marc Garneau, did research on the space shuttle.
A more recent Canadian astronaut, Julie Payette, went on the space
shuttle in June, 1999. These contributions to the space industry are
important and should not be forgotten. (134 words)
Beyond 5 paragraphs
- At first, this can seem a bit confusing.
- 5-paragraphs have been part of most of your essays so
far.
- However, this style is limited in the amount of information
you can convey in the essay.
Beyond 5 paragraphs
- What is more important:
- Building the structure of your essay around your ideas.
To do this requires a clear understanding of what the essay is.
Beyond 5 paragraphs
An essay is a written defense of a position (a thesis) on a topic.
Topic: It is important to sufficiently narrow down the topic so it is
defensible.
- The length of the body will depend on how much information is
needed to adequately defend your position.
Beyond 5 paragraphs
Essay structure may look like this, overall:
1. Intro
2. Major section
3. Major section
4. Major section
6. Conclusion
- Each major section will consist of paragraphs (maybe one,
maybe two, three, …).
Beyond 5 paragraphs
Thesis: “University students cannot afford any further tuition hikes.’
1. Situation now
A. Income
i. parents
iii. loans
B. Expenses
i. food
iii. tuition
ii. jobs
iv. other
ii. rent
iv. Other
2. Cause –– Tuition Increase
A. Why it is thought to be needed
B. How much it will be for each student
3. Effect of Proposed Increase on Students
A. Income of students will remain same but expenses will go up
B. Students will not be able to afford university
4. Suggested solution (conclusion).
Summary Assignment 4
OPTIONAL assignment:
- Write an abstract for Paper 4.
- Look at “Abstract” reading on the website (Homework
section).
- Submit with your final submission for Paper 4.