Transcript Writing Workshop

The 4-Step Writing Process
Planning
Arranging
Analyze Your Purpose
Identify Your Audience
Brainstorm for Things to Say
Put Ideas in Logical
Containers
Make an Outline
Edit
Re-Write
Proof
Fill in the Gaps
of the Outline
Come up with Rough Draft
Revising
Drafting
Clustering
Creative
Hand/Mind
Fast
2 minutes
Spelling,
punctuation
grammar
don’t matter
Why
Cluster
?
No lost
thoughts
No
mistakes
Easy
Not
logical
All ideas
at once
A Technical Cluster Sketch
Methods
Pollution
Potentially
High
Criteria
Introduction
City
Water
Study
Pine
Valley
Results
Recommendation
Bruce’s
Basin
Expensive
to Drill
Local
Opposition
Large Factory
Plans to Drill
Wells
A Legal Cluster Sketch
This year’s
trouble
Ambiguities
Statute
Income tax
reporting
3 recent
cases
Client’s
failure to
report 2008
No state
income tax
New quarterly
reporting
An Idea Tree
City Water Study
Introduction
Criteria
Results
Recommendation
Methods
Bruce’s Basin
Pine Valley
Aquifer
Pollution
potentially
high
Local
opposition
Aquifer
slow to
change
Large factory
plant to drill
wells
Expensive to
drill
Building Better
Paragraphs
Introductory Paragraphs
Like roadmaps,
they give your
readers an
overview of your
document.
They do this by
answering 3 questions:
1.What is this?
2.Why am I reading it?
3.What do you want me to do?
You answer by doing the
following:
1.Set the context
2.State why the main idea is
important
3.State your thesis/claim
Forecasting Your Opening
First, I will define key terms for my argument,
and then I will provide some background of
the situation. Next, I will outline the
important positions of the argument and
explain why I support one of these positions.
Lastly, I will consider opposing positions
and discuss why these positions are
outdated. I will conclude with some ideas for
taking action and possible directions for
future research.
Forecasting Your Opening
In deciding this case, a court will
consider three issues. First, a court
will determine whether the statute
applies. If it does not, the court will
then determine whether the Oregon
Wilderness Watchers had an easement.
If the court determines that an
easement had been created, the court
will then decide the scope of the
easement.
Other Effective Ways of Opening
With a quotation
With an anecdote
With a question
With a startling statement
Elements of Good Paragraphs
Unity
Coherence
Adequate Development
Paragraph Unity
 Includes a clearly stated topic
sentence.
 Creates unity by making all the
other sentences logically related
to the topic sentence.
Announcing Main idea in Topic
Sentence
Our friendship was the source of much happiness
and many memories. We danced and snapped
our fingers simultaneously to the tunes of Lenny
Kravitz and Sheryl Crow. We sweated together in
the sweltering summer sun, trying to win the
championship for our softball team. I recall the
taste of pepperoni and sausage pizza as we
discussed the highlights of our team’s victory.
Once we even became attracted to the same
person, but luckily we were able to share his
friendship.
Paragraph Coherence
Or getting your sentences to
hold hands with each other by:
Repeating Key Terms
 Restating or repeating key words
helps make paragraphs coherent by
reminding the reader what the topic is.
 Repetition is not redundancy, which is
the unnecessary, unconscious and
distracting repetition of material.
An Example of Repetition
In deciding this case, a court will consider
three issues. First, a court will determine
whether the statute applies. If it does not, the
court will then determine whether the Oregon
Wilderness Watchers had an easement. If
the court determines that an easement had
been created, the court will then decide the
scope of the easement.
Using Pronouns and
Synonyms
In deciding this case, a court will
consider three issues. First, a court will
determine whether the statute applies. If
it does not, the court will then determine
whether the Oregon Wilderness
Watchers had an easement. If the court
determines that an easement had been
created, the court will then decide its
scope.
Pronouns as Cohesive Devices
A weasel is wild. Who knows what he
thinks? He sleeps in his underground
den, his tail draped over his nose.
Sometimes he lives in his den for two days
without leaving. Outside, he stalks rabbits,
mice, muskrats, and birds, killing more
bodies than he can eat warm, and often
dragging the carcasses home.
Annie Dillard
Using Parallel Grammatical
Construction
In deciding this case, a court will consider
three issues. First, a court will determine
whether the statute applies. If it does not, the
court will then determine whether the Oregon
Wilderness Watchers had an easement. If the
court determines that an easement had been
created, the court will then decide the scope of
the easement.
Use Transitional Words and
Phrases
Expressions like however,
therefore, in contrast, meanwhile,
indeed, at first, finally, and so forth
create specific connections
between sentences.
Paragraph Development:
Moving from general to specific information
General Information: topic sentence
Focusing direction of paper:
telling
Getting more specific:
showing
Supporting details: data
Conclusions & Brief Wrap Up
Also called warrant
Revising for Clarity,
Conciseness, and
Emphasis
Use Active Voice
Sentences:
Subject
Verb
Object
Active Voice: Actor --->Action--->Acted Upon
Sidney Lumet
I
I
I
directed
wrote
am writing
will write
The Verdict.
the essay.
the essay.
the essay.
Passive Voice
Sentences:
Subject
Verb
Passive Voice:
Acted Upon
The Verdict
The essay
The essay
The essay
was directed
was written
is being written
will be written
<---Action
Object
<---Actor
by Sidney Lumet.
by me.
by me.
by me.
Why Avoid the Passive?
Passive takes more
words.
Passive is not the
way we normally
speak.
Passive is harder to
remember and follow.
Passive is impersonal
and hides the actor of
the sentence.
When You Want the Passive
1. When the agent is clear from the
context.
Students are required to
take both writing courses.
When You Want the Passive
2. When the agent is unknown.
2. The comet was first referred to in
an ancient Egyptian text.
(We don’t know who wrote the text.)
When You Want the Passive
3. When the agent is less
important than the action.
3. The documents were handdelivered this morning.
3. The crystals were mixed in
the lab.
When You Want the Passive
4. When a reference to the agent is
embarrassing, dangerous, or
inappropriate.
4. Incorrect data were recorded for
the flow rate.
When You Want the Passive
5. When you want to help your readers move
smoothly from one sentence to the next.
5. We must decide whether to improve
business writing across the whole curriculum.
This decision familiar information will be influenced
passive verb by the value we give to better
communication.
BE LEERY OF FORMS OF THE VERB
“TO BE.”
Avoid the Hamlet syndrome:
using too many forms of “to
be.”
Use active verbs instead of
“is.”
Examples
of “To Be”:
The surgeon is in vigorous
opposition to the procedure.
The surgeon vigorously
opposes the procedure.
More Examples of “To Be”
They are still of the firm belief
that the advertising is
misleading to consumers.
They remain convinced that the
advertising misleads
consumers.
Avoid Nominalizations
Nominalizations are verbs made into
nouns and adjectives ending in:
ion, ence, ance, ity, ure, ery:
There was an affirmative decision for
program expansion.
The director decided to expand the
program.
Avoid Nominalizations for 3
Reasons
1) They create surplus words.
2) They require a form of “to be”—an empty
verb.
3) They make your writing abstract, indirect,
and difficult.
More Nominalizations
The success of the project
depends on the effectiveness of
cost controls.
Feels passive. Why?
We will succeed with this
project if we can control
costs.
More Nominalizations
Weak: One requirement for the
installation of a new gate will be the
relocation of the security office.
Improved: To install the new gate,
we will have to relocate the security
office.
More Nominalizations
Weak: Proper protection for fiber is
essential due to the difficulty of
splicing the cable.
Improved: Fiber must be protected
due to the difficulty of splicing the
cable.
Use Subjects to Name the
Characters in Your Story.
Here’s a fairy tale with a moral:
1a) Once upon a time, as a walk through the
woods was taking place on the part of
Little Red Riding Hood, the Wolf’s jump
out from behind a tree occurred, causing
her fright.
Use Subjects to Name the
Characters in Your Story.
1b) Once upon a time, Little Red Riding
Hood was walking through the woods,
when the Wolf jumped out from behind a
tree and frightened her.
What’s Wrong with this Sentence?
Subject
Verb
a walk through the
woods
was taking place
the wolf’s jump out
from behind a tree
occurred
Improved
Subject
Verb
Little Red Riding
Hood
was walking
The Wolf
jumped
The 7 Word Rule
1. Ignoring introductory phrases, underline
the first 7 words in each sentence.
2. Look for 2 things:


Those underlined words contain abstract
nouns
You have to read at least six or seven
words before you get to a verb.
The 7 Word Rule
3. If you find sentences like that:




Decide who your cast of characters really
are, particularly flesh and blood ones
Find the actions those characters perform
If the actions are nominalizations, change
them back into verbs.
Make the characters the subjects of those
verbs.
Do exercises on applying 7-word
rule and passive voice
Keeping Identical Ideas Parallel
Poor
The First
Amendment
protects freedom of
speech, freedom of
assembly, and the
press is required to
be unfettered.
Improved
The First
Amendment
protects freedom of
speech, freedom of
assembly, and
freedom of the
press.
Parallel Structure
Unparallel:
Our present system is costing us profits
and reduces our productivity.
Parallel:
Our present system is costing us profits
and reducing our productivity
Eliminating Surplus Words and
Phrases
Be on the lookout for:
Meaningless Words
• Inefficient Phrases
• Strings of Prepositional
Phrases
•
Delete Meaningless Words
Some words are verbal tics that we use
like throat clearing.
Kind of
basically
Actually
generally
Really
practically
Certain
incredible
Various
awesome
Virtually
Delete Meaningless Words
Productivity actually depends on
certain factors that basically involve
psychology more than any particular
technology.
Productivity depends on psychology
more than on technology.
Delete Meaningless Words
In my personal opinion, it is
necessary that we should not
ignore the opportunity to think
over each and every suggestion
offered.
We should consider each
suggestion.
There are many difficult and demanding
scenes in this film by Lina Wertmuller,
Swept Away (1975), which give the movie
an operatic quality.
Lina Wertmuller’s Swept Away (1975) is a
demanding, operatic film.
INEFFICIENT PHRASES
Inefficient Phrases
for the sum of
in the event that
prior to the start of
Consensus of opinion
at this point in time
due to the fact that
at an early date
at the present time
in view of the fact that
until such time as
we are of the opinion
with reference to
as a result of
Efficient Equivalents
for
if
before
consensus
now
because
soon (or a specific date)
now
since, because
when
we believe
about
because
Strings of Prepositional Phrases
Too many prepositional phrases
obscure the point of the sentence
or force the reader to absorb too
many points.
Working Words vs. Glue Words
Working Words 
Carry the meaning of sentence
Glue Words

hold working words together to form
proper, grammatical sentence.
Working Words vs. Glue Words
Example:
The working words carry the meaning of
the sentence.
Working, words, carry, meaning, sentence
 working words
The, the, of , the  glue words
1
A Method to Excise Too
Many Glue Words
1. Circle the prepositions
2. Circle the “is” forms
3. Ask where’s the action? Who is kicking
whom?
4. Put the kicking action into a simple active
verb.
5. Mark off the sentence’s basic rhythmic
units with a slash (/)
1
Lanham, Richard. Revising Prose
Example
In response to the issue of equality
for educational and occupational
mobility, it is my belief that a system
of inequality exists in the school
system.
The Sentence Diagrammed
In response/
to the issue/
of equality/
for educational and occupational mobility/
it is my belief that a system
of gender inequality exists/
in the school system.
Revised After Excising Prepositional
Strings and Finding Active Verb
I believe that gender inequality
exists in the schools.
(9 words instead of 26)