Transcript Tips for Writing Theses for non

Tips for Writing Theses for
non-Native Speakers of
English
Dr. M. Kevin O Carroll
BDS, MSD
Fellow, American Academy of Oral and Maxillofacial Radiology
Diplomate, American Board of Oral and Maxillofacial Radiology
Professor Emeritus, University of Mississippi School of
Dentistry
International Consultant, Chiang Mai University Faculty of
Dentistry
Getting Started
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Blank sheet of paper
Where do I begin?
How am I going to write a book?
Get organized
Divide thesis into chapters
University instructions
Outline
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Chapter Headings
Sub-headings
Figure Titles
References
Notes
Comments
Etc.
Get Organized
• Create files for each chapter of the
thesis
• Computer and paper files
• Copies
• Develop a timetable
• Work with advisor
• Deadlines
• Starting dates
Get Organized
• Starting dates
• “Look afar and see the end from
the beginning.”
Start Writing
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First thing may not be in thesis
But write something
You will revise almost everything
As you write you will improve
Woodrow Wilson
• Sorry for long letter
• No time to write short one
Things to remember
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You are the expert
Examine unanswered question
Committee will be interested
Other scientists and academics
Even people outside your field
People without good English
You must provide detail
Others may want to repeat study
Consult Advisor
• Details on Thesis structure
• Style
• Etc.
Personal Background
• Irish - Born in Ireland
• Dentist
• Specialist in Oral and Maxillofacial
Radiology
• Academic career mostly in USA
Professor Emeritus, University of
Mississippi
• Now International Consultant,
Faculty of Dentistry, CMU
Language Background
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Irish – Celtic – 24 years
English – Saxon – 53 years
Latin – Roman– 5 years
French – Romance – 4 years
Thai – Indian & Sanskrit – 4 months
Lao, Khmer, Vietnamese, Korean - ??
Chinese, Japanese - pictographs
Caveat
• Caveat
• – Latin v. cavere, to beware
• Caveat- let him beware
• I am not an English teacher
• I may make mistakes
English
• Very precise language
• Very difficult to learn
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Many irregular verbs
Very little left to be understood
Almost everything must be stated
Many synonyms
Differences in meaning important
English
Constraints
• Your backgrounds may vary
• Time problem
• Two sessions of three hours
• Thesis
• Manuscripts
Books
• Academic Writing for Graduate Students
• Swales JM, Feak CB
• University of Michigan Press 1994
• Essentials of Writing Biomedical Research Papers
• Zeiger M
• McGraw-Hill 2000
• How To Write and publish a Scientific Paper. 4th ed
• Day RA
• The Oryx Press 1994
Writing
• No single right way to write
scientifically
• The books I mentioned take different
approaches
• The books may suit you differently
Goal of Writing
• Tell a story that readers can
understand?
• Quintillian, a Roman
rhetoritician c 100 AD:
• Clear writing is incapable of
being misunderstood
• That is the standard to use
Writing
• Thesis
• Chapters
• Paragraphs
− Sentences
– Words
Writing
• Thesis
• Chapters
• Paragraphs
− Sentences
– Words
Words
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Vocabulary
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Parts of speech
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I must assume you have a good vocabulary
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I am going to assume you know these
But we will be discussing them as we go along
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Nouns
Verbs
Adjectives
Adverbs
Prepositions
Conjunctions
Clauses
Phrases
Etc.
Word Choice
• Guidelines
• Words in research papers should be:
• Precise
• Simple
• Necessary
• Use few if any abbreviations
• Do not interchange words with similar
but different meanings
Word Choice
• Guidelines
• Words in research papers should be:
• Precise
• Simple
• Necessary
• Use few if any abbreviations
• Do not interchange words with similar
but different meanings
Word Choice
Precise words
• Renal blood flow was drastically
compromised when the aorta
was obstructed.
Word Choice
Precise words
• Renal blood flow was drastically
compromised when the aorta
was obstructed.
Word Choice
Precise words
• Renal blood flow was drastically
compromised when the aorta
was obstructed.
• Compromise: to place at risk
• Blood flow can be measured: it
decreases or increases
Word Choice
Precise words
• Renal blood flow was drastically
compromised when the aorta
was obstructed.
• Renal blood flow was drastically
decreased when the aorta was
obstructed.
Word Choice
Precise words
• Renal blood flow was drastically
decreased when the aorta was
obstructed.
• “Drastically” is imprecise
• Blood flow can be measured
• Show how much it was
decreased
Word Choice
Precise words
• Renal blood flow was drastically
decreased when the aorta was
obstructed.
• Renal blood flow was decreased
by 80 % when the aorta was
obstructed.
Word Choice
Precise words
• Renal blood flow was drastically
compromised when the aorta
was obstructed.
• Renal blood flow was decreased
by 80 % when the aorta was
obstructed.
Word Choice
Precise words
• The short-circuit current
remained increased for several
hours.
Word Choice
Precise words
• The short-circuit current
remained increased for several
hours.
Word Choice
Precise words
• The short-circuit current remained
increased for several hours.
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“Several” is imprecise
How many is “several”?
Hours can be counted or calculated
Give the number of hours, the mean,
or a range of hours
Word Choice
Precise words
• The short-circuit current
remained increased for several
hours.
• The short-circuit current
remained increased for five
hours.
Word Choice
Precise words
• The change in short-circuit current
produced by 10-5 M major basic
protein was 85% of the maximal
response to isoproterenol. A higher
concentration of major basic protein
would therefore probably have
produced only a minimal further
increase in the short-circuit current.
Word Choice
Precise words
• The change in short-circuit current
produced by 10-5 M major basic
protein was 85% of the maximal
response to isoproterenol. A higher
concentration of major basic protein
would therefore probably have
produced only a minimal further
increase in the short-circuit current.
Word Choice
Precise words
• The increase in short-circuit current
produced by 10-5 M major basic
protein was 85% of the maximal
response to isoproterenol. A higher
concentration of major basic protein
would therefore probably have
produced only a minimal further
increase in the short-circuit current.
Word Choice
Precise words
• The cells were exposed to
lipoprotein-deficient serum for
48 hours.
Word Choice
Precise words
• The cells were exposed to
lipoprotein-deficient serum for
48 hours.
Word Choice
Precise words
• The cells were exposed to
lipoprotein-deficient serum for
48 hours.
• “Exposed to” is imprecise
• How were they exposed?
• Put in? Bathed in? Grown in?
Word Choice
Precise words
• The cells were exposed to
lipoprotein-deficient serum for 48
hours.
• “Put in” is not right because what is
the mental image? Am I putting cells
in the solution continuously for 48
hours? Not likely.
Word Choice
Precise words
• The cells were exposed to
lipoprotein-deficient serum for
48 hours.
• The cells were bathed in (or
placed in) lipoprotein-deficient
serum for 48 hours.
Word Choice
• Guidelines
• Words in research papers should be:
• Precise
• Simple
• Necessary
• Use few if any abbreviations
• Do not interchange words with similar
but different meanings
Word Choice
Simple words
• “Simple” can be looked at in
different ways.
• “Put in” was too simple as well
as imprecise
• “Placed in” was still simple but
more precise
• “Bathed in” was still simple, but
more formal or scientific.
Word Choice
Simple words
• Blood samples were drawn from
the 5 female and 3 male
children at 0.5, 1, 2, 3, and 4 h
following the initiation of
dialysis.
Word Choice
Simple words
• Blood samples were drawn from
the 5 female and 3 male
children at 0.5, 1, 2, 3, and 4 h
following the initiation of
dialysis.
Word Choice
Simple words
• Blood samples were drawn from the
5 female and 3 male children at 0.5,
1, 2, 3, and 4 h following the
initiation of dialysis.
• Blood samples were drawn from the
5 girls and 3 boys at 0.5, 1, 2, 3, and
4 h after the beginning of dialysis.
Word Choice
Simple words
• Blood samples were drawn from the
5 girls and 3 boys at 0.5, 1, 2, 3, and
4 h after the beginning of dialysis.
• Single digit numbers should be
spelled out, except for values.
• Sentences should not begin with
numerals, no matter how many digits
Word Choice
Simple words
• Blood samples were drawn from the
5 female and 3 male children at 0.5,
1, 2, 3, and 4 h following the
initiation of dialysis.
• Blood samples were drawn from the
five girls and three boys at 0.5, 1, 2,
3, and 4 h after the beginning of
dialysis.
Word Choice
Simple words
• Blood samples were drawn from the
five girls and three boys at 0.5, 1, 2,
3, and 4 h after the beginning of
dialysis.
• Blood samples were drawn from the
five girls and three boys at 0.5, 1, 2,
3, and 4 hours after the beginning of
dialysis.
Word Choice
Simple words
• Blood samples were drawn from the
5 female and 3 male children at 0.5,
1, 2, 3, and 4 h following the
initiation of dialysis.
• Blood samples were drawn from the
five girls and three boys at 0.5, 1, 2,
3, and 4 hours after the beginning of
dialysis.
Word Choice
Simple words
• In the somatosensory system, for
example, the different somatic
sensory submodalities (touch,
proprioception, nociception, and
thermoregulation) result from the
activation of distinct sensory cells
that project to the specific regions
of the brain via topographically
segregated pathways.
Word Choice
Simple words
• In the somatosensory system, for
example, the different somatic
sensory submodalities (touch,
proprioception, nociception, and
thermoregulation) result from the
activation of distinct sensory cells
that project to the specific regions
of the brain via topographically
segregated pathways.
Word Choice
Simple words
• Big words are not bad. Indeed, they
can add character to good writing.
• BUT scientific words, which we must
use, tend to be big and heavy.
• SO, to keep the writing from being
too heavy, use small words for the
rest of the sentence.
Word Choice
Simple words
• In the somatosensory system, for
example, the different somatic
sensory subtypes (touch,
proprioception, nociception, and
thermoregulation) result from the
activation of distinct sensory cells
that project to the specific regions
of the brain via topographically
segregated pathways.
Word Choice
Simple words
• In the somatosensory system, for
example, the different somatic
senses (touch, proprioception,
nociception, and thermoregulation)
result from the activation of distinct
sensory cells that project to the
specific regions of the brain via
topographically segregated
pathways.
Word Choice
Simple words
• For the list of senses (touch,
proprioception, nociception, and
thermoregulation) we have an
interesting problem.
• There are simple words for three of
them, but not for proprioception.
• There are complex words for three
of them, but not for touch.
Word Choice
Simple words
• It would be nice if there were
simple words for all four.
• But since there are not, use as
many simple words as possible
Word Choice
Simple words
• In the somatosensory system, for
example, the different somatic
senses (touch, proprioception,
nociception, and thermoregulation)
result from the activation of distinct
sensory cells that project to the
specific regions of the brain via
topographically segregated
pathways.
Word Choice
Simple words
• In the somatosensory system, for
example, the different somatic
senses (touch, proprioception,
nociception, and thermoregulation)
result from the activation of distinct
sensory cells that project to the
specific regions of the brain via
topographically segregated
pathways.
Word Choice
Simple words
• In the somatosensory system,
for example, the different
somatic senses (touch,
proprioception, pain, and heat)
result from the activation of
distinct sensory cells that
project to the specific regions
of the brain via topographically
segregated pathways.
Word Choice
• Guidelines
• Words in research papers should be:
• Precise
• Simple
• Necessary
• Use few if any abbreviations
• Do not interchange words with similar
but different meanings
Word Choice
Necessary words
• After 4h of haemodialysis, we
abruptly ended the
haemodialysis.
Word Choice
Necessary words
• After 4h of haemodialysis, we
abruptly ended the
haemodialysis.
• After 4h of haemodialysis, we
abruptly ended the
haemodialysis.
Word Choice
Necessary words
• After 4h of haemodialysis, we
abruptly ended the
haemodialysis.
• After 4h, we abruptly ended the
haemodialysis procedure.
Word Choice
Necessary words
• Oxygen uptake in response to
drugs was examined and found
to vary considerably.
Word Choice
Necessary words
• Oxygen uptake in response to drugs was
examined and found to vary considerably.
• It is not necessary to say you examined a
response. If you found the response, you
must have examined it. This is an example
of where something is understood from the
context.
• First revision:
• Oxgen uptake was found to vary
considerably.
Word Choice
Necessary words
• Oxygen uptake in response to drugs was examined
and found to vary considerably.
First revision:
• Oxgen uptake was found to vary considerably.
• However, it is also not necessary to say that you
found the response. If you say what the response
was, then you must have found it.
• Second revision:
• Oxygen uptake varied considerably.
Word Choice
Necessary words
• Oxygen uptake in response to drugs was examined
and found to vary considerably.
First revision:
• Oxgen uptake was found to vary considerably.
Second revision:
• Oxygen uptake varied considerably.
• It would be even better if you could say how much
it varied
Word Choice
Necessary words
So you can see repeated
revisions can improve the
quality of writing, even in terms
of word choice.
Word Choice
• Guidelines
• Words in research papers should be:
• Precise
• Simple
• Necessary
• Use few if any abbreviations
• Do not interchange words with similar
but different meanings
Word Choice
Abbreviations
This study measured the response of forearm blood flow (FBF) and
forearm vascular resistance (FVR) after isometric handgrip exercise
(IHE) and related them to plasma norepinephrine (NE) and
epinephrine (E) in 12 normotensives (N) and 14 primary
hypertensives (PH). IHE was performed at 30% of maximum
voluntary contraction using a calibrated dynamometer. Systolic
blood pressure (SBP), diastolic blood pressure (DBP), heart rate
(HR), FBF, FVR, NE, and E were measured in the resting arm
before and after IHE. Pre-exercise SBP and DBP were higher in PH
than in N. FVR was similar in PH and N. NE was higher in PH
compared to other matched normotensives. After IHE, SBP and
DBP were increased 18% and 19%, respectively, in PH and 16% and
25% in N.
Word Choice
Abbreviations
• Abbreviations are deceptive
• They make reading easier if the
reader knows what they mean
• They make reading more
difficult if the reader does not
know what they mean.
Word Choice
Abbreviations
This study measured the response of forearm blood flow (FBF) and
forearm vascular resistance (FVR) after isometric handgrip exercise
(IHE) and related them to plasma norepinephrine (NE) and
epinephrine (E) in 12 normotensives (N) and 14 primary
hypertensives (PH). IHE was performed at 30% of maximum
voluntary contraction using a calibrated dynamometer. Systolic
blood pressure (SBP), diastolic blood pressure (DBP), heart rate
(HR), FBF, FVR, NE, and E were measured in the resting arm
before and after IHE. Pre-exercise SBP and DBP were higher in PH
than in N. FVR was similar in PH and N. Ne was higher in PH
compared to other matched normotensives. After IHE, SBP and
DBP were increased 18% and 19%, respectively, in PH and 16% and
25% in N.
Guidelines for Using
Abbreviations
• These guidelines are for the
following kinds of abbreviations
• Abbreviations made of the first letters of
each word or of each important syllable,
such as DNA for deoxyribonucleic acid,
and are recognized internationally.
• Standard abbreviations for units of
measurement, such as SI units, like kg,
ml, min, sec, etc.
Guidelines for Using
Abbreviations
• When to use abbreviations
• To replace a term that is long or
unwieldy AND that appears a great
many times in the paper.
Word Choice
Abbreviations
This study measured the response of forearm blood flow (FBF) and
forearm vascular resistance (FVR) after isometric handgrip exercise
(IHE) and related them to plasma norepinephrine (NE) and
epinephrine (E) in 12 normotensives (N) and 14 primary
hypertensives (PH). IHE was performed at 30% of maximum
voluntary contraction using a calibrated dynamometer. Systolic
blood pressure (SBP), diastolic blood pressure (DBP), heart rate
(HR), FBF, FVR, NE, and E were measured in the resting arm
before and after IHE. Pre-exercise SBP and DBP were higher in PH
than in N. FVR was similar in PH and N. Ne was higher in PH
compared to other matched normotensives. After IHE, SBP and
DBP were increased 18% and 19%, respectively, in PH and 16% and
25% in N.
Guidelines for Using
Abbreviations
• Most of these terms are not long or
unwieldy.
• Most are used five times or less.
That is not too many. Ten times in a
paper is not too many.
• If an abbreviation is used ten times
or less in a paper, the reader has to
keep looking up what it means.
• An abbreviation should be used often
enough that the reader does not
forget its meaning.
Guidelines for Using
Abbreviations
• Exceptions
• Long terms, such as
tetradecanoylphorbol acetate (TPA)
should be abreviated even if it is
used only once or twice more in a
paper
• An abbreviation that is more familiar
to the reader than the term for which
it stands, for example, DNA. These
can be used freely.
How to Avoid
Abbreviations
• Use one word from a long term
• Instead of “IHE” for “isometric handgrip
exercise” (a non-standard abbreviation),
use “exercise” after the first use,
especially if this is the only exercise
mentioned.
• To avoid terms like “group A,” use a
characteristic to name the group,
such as “the diabetic group.”
Word Choice
• Guidelines
• Words in research papers should be:
• Precise
• Simple
• Necessary
• Use few if any abbreviations
• Do not interchange words with similar
but different meanings
Word Choice
Words Carelessly
Interchanged
• This response was blocked by
phentolamine but was not
(affected, effected) by
propanolol.
Word Choice
Words Carelessly
Interchanged
• This response was blocked by
phentolamine but was not
(affected, effected) by
propanolol.
• Affected - influenced
• Effected - caused to happen
Word Choice
Words Carelessly
Interchanged
• This response was blocked by
phentolamine but was not
(affected, effected) by
propanolol.
• Affected - influenced
• Effected - caused to happen
Word Choice
Words Carelessly
Interchanged
• This response was blocked by
phentolamine but was not
(affected, effected) by
propanolol.
• This response was blocked by
phentolamine but was not
affected by propanolol.
Word Choice
Words Carelessly
Interchanged
• The digoxin (amount,
concentration, content, level)
was increased from 0.5 to 2.5
ng/ml.
Word Choice
Words Carelessly
Interchanged
• The digoxin (amount, concentration,
content, level) was increased from 0.5 to
2.5 ng/ml.
• “Level” is more general than “amount,”
“contration,” and “content.”
• “Level” is OK if there is only one kind of
level in your paper
• But, if you have both amounts and
concentrations, or if you use “level” to
mean “horizontal state or line,” use the
most specific term.
Word Choice
Words Carelessly
Interchanged
• The digoxin (amount,
concentration, content, level)
was increased from 0.5 to 2.5
ng/ml.
• The digoxin concentration was
increased from 0.5 to 2.5 ng/ml.
Word Choice
Words Carelessly
Interchanged
• Pre-ganglionic stimulation
(enhances, increases) norepinephrine release from
terminals within the superior
cervical ganglion.
Word Choice
Words Carelessly
Interchanged
• Pre-ganglionic stimulation
(enhances, increases) norepinephrine release from terminals
within the superior cervical
ganglion.
• Enhances – improves (imprecise, not
easily measurable)
• Increases – a larger amount,
measurable, and precise)
Word Choice
Words Carelessly
Interchanged
• Pre-ganglionic stimulation
(enhances, increases) norepinephrine release from terminals
within the superior cervical
ganglion.
• Pre-ganglionic stimulation increases
nor-epinephrine release from
terminals within the superior
cervical ganglion.
Word Choice
Words Carelessly
Interchanged
• At frequent (intervals, periods)
we measured pH, PO2 and PCO2
in arterial blood, and during
each (interval, period) of study
we measured pulmonary flow
two or three times.
Word Choice
Words Carelessly
Interchanged
• At frequent (intervals, periods) we
mesured pH, PO2 and PCO2 in arterial
blood, and during each (interval,
period) of study we measured
pulmonary flow two or three times.
• Interval – the time between two
specific events.
• Period – the time during which
events occur
Word Choice
Words Carelessly
Interchanged
• At frequent (intervals, periods) we
measured pH, PO2 and PCO2 in arterial
blood, and during each (interval,
period) of study we measured
pulmonary flow two or three times.
• At frequent intervals we measured
pH, PO2 and PCO2 in arterial blood,
and during each period of study we
measured pulmonary flow two or
three times.
Word Choice
Summary
• Words in research papers should be:
• Precise
• Simple
• Necessary
• Use few if any abbreviations
• Do not interchange words with similar but
different meanings
Word Choice
• How Do I Choose Words?
• Dictionary
• Collins CoBUILD English
Dictionary for Advanced Learners
(3rd edition)
• 4th Ed not as good
• Longman Activator
Word Choice
• How Do I Choose Words?
• Thesaurus
• Roget’s Thesaurus of the English
Language
If you have a long or unwieldy word it can
help you find a simpler one.
Word Choice
• How Do I Choose Words?
• Academic Word List
• http://www.vuw.ac.nz/lals/research/awl/index.html
Contains headwords of the 570 word families used most
often in academic writing
Account for 10% of all words in scientific papers
Grouped into 10 groups according the degree of use.
Writing
• Thesis
• Chapters
• Paragraphs
− Sentences
– Words
Sentences
• A sentence is a complete
thought (or idea) expressed in
words
• Subject, predicate and object
• Subject, verb and completer
Sentence Structure
• Clearest, easiest to understand
if simple and direct
• Five techniques to ensure
sentneces are simple and direct
• Five writing flaws to avoid
Sentence Structure
• Five writing techniques
• Express core of message in subject,
verb and completer
• Avoid noun clusters
• Write short sentences
• Use clear pronouns
• Put parallel ideas in parallel form
Sentence Structure
• Express core of message in
subject, verb and completer
• Avoid noun clusters
• Write short sentences
• Use clear pronouns
• Put parallel ideas in parallel form
Sentence Structure
Message in subject,
verb & completer
• Make the topic the subject
• Put the action in the verb
Sentence Structure
Make the topic the subject
• The children with arteriovenous
shunts had the shunts opened, heparin
injected, and the arterial and venous
sides of the shunt clamped.
Sentence Structure
Make the topic the subject
• The children with arteriovenous
shunts had the shunts opened, heparin
injected, and the arterial and venous
sides of the shunt clamped.
Sentence Structure
Make the topic the subject
• The children with arteriovenous
shunts had the shunts opened, heparin
injected, and the arterial and venous
sides of the shunt clamped.
• Topic is not children
• Message is not children having
Sentence Structure
Make the topic the subject
• The children with arteriovenous shunts had
the shunts opened, heparin injected, and the
arterial and venous sides of the shunt
clamped.
• Topics are shunts, heparin & sides of the
shunt
• Message is what happened to them
Sentence Structure
Make the topic the subject
• The children with arteriovenous shunts had
the shunts opened, heparin injected, and the
arterial and venous sides of the shunt
clamped.
• Revision:
• In the children who had arteriovenous
shunts, the shunts were opened, heparin
was injected, and the arterial and venous
sides of the shunt were clamped.
Sentence Structure
Make the topic the subject
• Ask yourself what is the topic of
each sentence.
• Put that topic in the subject.
Sentence Structure
Put the action in the verb
• An increase in heart rate
occurred.
Sentence Structure
Put the action in the verb
• An increase in heart rate occurred.
• The action is in the subject, increase
• The verb, occurred, does not express
the action.
• Sentence is complicated and indirect
Sentence Structure
Put the action in the verb
• An increase in heart rate occurred.
• The subject is heart rate
• The action is increased
Sentence Structure
Put the action in the verb
• An increase in heart rate occurred.
• Revision:
• Heart rate increased.
• Simple and direct
Sentence Structure
Put the action in the verb
• The new drug caused a decrease
in heart rate.
Sentence Structure
Put the action in the verb
• The new drug caused a decrease in
heart rate.
• The action is in the object, decrease
• The verb, caused, does not express
the action.
• Sentence is complicated and indirect
Sentence Structure
Put the action in the verb
• The new drug caused a decrease
in heart rate.
• The subject is drug
• The action is decreased
• The object is heart rate
Sentence Structure
Put the action in the verb
• The new drug caused a decrease in
heart rate.
• Revision:
• The new drug decreased heart rate.
• Simple and direct
Sentence Structure
Put the action in the verb
• With bilateral leg vessel
congestion, the compliance of
forearm vessels increased
significantly.
Sentence Structure
Put the action in the verb
• With bilateral leg vessel congestion, the compliance
of forearm vessels increased significantly.
• Two issues here, real action and prepositional
phrase.
• Real action is increased and is in the right place.
• Another action, congestion, is in a prepositional
phrase, with bilateral leg vessel congestion
Sentence Structure
Put the action in the verb
• With bilateral leg vessel congestion, the
compliance of forearm vessels increased
significantly.
• But the sentence can be improved by putting
the secondary action in a verb.
• Revision:
• When the vessels in both legs were
congested, the compliance of forearm
vessels increased significantly
Sentence Structure
Put the action in the verb
• With bilateral leg vessel congestion, the
compliance of forearm vessels increased
significantly.
• But the sentence can be improved by putting
the secondary action in a verb.
• Revision:
• When the vessels in both legs were
congested, the compliance of forearm
vessels increased significantly.
Sentence Structure
Put the action in the verb
• With hypoxia of longer duration
or severer degree, the shortening
phase may get progressively
briefer.
Sentence Structure
Put the action in the verb
• With hypoxia of longer duration or
severer degree, the shortening phase
may get progressively briefer.
• Revision:
• When hypoxia lasts longer or is more
severe, the shortening phase may get
progressively briefer.
Sentence Structure
Put the action in the verb
• I tested the hypothesis that there
is an alteration of phospholipid
metabolites in lipid of white
matter signal hyperintensities.
Sentence Structure
Put the action in the verb
• I tested the hypothesis that there is
an alteration of phospholipid
metabolites in lipid of white matter
signal hyperintensities.
• The action is in a noun, alteration,
introduced by “there is”
• The verb, is, does not express the
action
Sentence Structure
Put the action in the verb
• I tested the hypothesis that there is an
alteration of phospholipid metabolites in
lipid of white matter signal hyperintensities.
• Revision:
• I tested the hypothesis that phospholipid
metabolites in lipid of white matter signal
hyperintensities are altered.
Sentence Structure
Put the action in the verb
• Ask yourself what action you
want each sentence to express
• Put that action in a verb.
Sentence Structure
Message in subject,
verb & completer
• The adults ended dialysis with a
plasma acetate concentration
almost double that of the
children.
Sentence Structure
Message in subject,
verb & completer
• The adults ended dialysis with a plasma
acetate concentration almost double that of
the children.
• Revision 1:
• At the end of dialysis, the plasma acetate
concentrtion of the adults was almost
double that of the children.
• Revision 2:
• After dialysis . . .
Sentence Structure
Message in subject,
verb & completer
• The patient showed no change in
symptoms.
Sentence Structure
Message in subject,
verb & completer
• The patient showed no change in symptoms.
• Revision 1:
• The patient’s symptoms did not change.
• Revision 2:
• The patient’s symptoms were unchanged.
Sentence Structure
• Express core of message in
subject, verb and completer
• Avoid noun clusters
• Write short sentences
• Use clear pronouns
• Put parallel ideas in parallel form
Sentence Structure
Avoid Noun Clusters
• Nouns are usually modified by adjectives
• However, one noun is often modified by
another noun in English
• “blood flow,” “protein metabolism,”
• But adding more nouns is confusing
• filament length variability
• Air spaces phospholipid pool
Sentence Structure
Avoid Noun Clusters
• Untangling noun clusters
• Start from the end and work your way to the
beginning inserting the appropriate
prepositions
Sentence Structure
Avoid Noun Clusters
• Untangling noun clusters
• filament length variability
• variability of the length of the filaments
• Variability of filament length
• air spaces phospholipid pool
• pool of phospholipids in the air spaces
• Phospholipid pool in the air spaces
Sentence Structure
Avoid Noun Clusters
• The prepositions indicate how the nouns are
related to each other
• It can be difficult to figure out the
relationships in noun clusters
Sentence Structure
Avoid Noun Clusters
• The precipitate was further purified by
sucrose density gradient centrifugation.
Sentence Structure
Avoid Noun Clusters
• The precipitate was further purified by sucrose
density gradient centrigugation.
• Revision 1:
The precipitate was further purified by being
centrifuged on density gradients made of sucrose.
• Revision 2:
The precipitate was further purified by being
centrifuged on sucrose density gradients.
Sentence Structure
Avoid Noun Clusters
• The problem is compounded when an
adjective is added to a noun cluster
• “chronic sheep experiments”
• What is chronic, the sheep or the
experiments?
Sentence Structure
Avoid Noun Clusters
• First untangle the noun cluster
• Then place the adjective in front of the
appropriate noun
• “chronic sheep experiments”
• What are sheep experiments?
• Experiments that sheep are conducting in
their lab?
• Experiments that are being conducted on or
in sheep?
Sentence Structure
Avoid Noun Clusters
• “chronic sheep experiments”
• What are sheep experiments?
• Experiments that sheep are conducting in
their lab?
• Experiments that are being conducted on or
in sheep?
Sentence Structure
Avoid Noun Clusters
• First untangle the noun cluster
• Then place the adjective in front of the
appropriate noun
• chronic sheep experiments
• Revision:
• “chronic experiments in sheep”
Sentence Structure
Avoid Noun Clusters
• peripheral chemoreceptor stimulation
• What is peripheral?
• The chemoreceptors or the stimulation?
• Revision:
• stimulation of the peripheral chemoreceptors
• peripheral stimulation of the chemoreceptors
Sentence Structure
Avoid Noun Clusters
• Even more confusion occurs when the noun
that the adjective modifies is omitted from
the cluster altogether
• To assess zero drift, we checked each
catheter in saline at 38C.
Sentence Structure
Avoid Noun Clusters
• To assess zero drift, we checked each
catheter in saline at 38C.
• What is zero drift?
• No drift?
• Drift of the zero point?
Sentence Structure
Avoid Noun Clusters
• To assess zero drift, we checked each
catheter in saline at 38C.
• Revision:
• To assess for drift of the zero point, we
checked each catheter in saline at 38C.
• Longer, but clearer
Sentence Structure
Avoid Noun Clusters
• Treat noun clusters like abbreviations
• Do not use them if you can possibly avoid
them
• If you are forced to use them, write them the
long way the first time; then use the cluster
Sentence Structure
• Express core of message in
subject, verb and completer
• Avoid noun clusters
• Write short sentences
• Use clear pronouns
• Put parallel ideas in parallel form
Sentence Structure
Write Short Sentences
• Complete thought (or idea) expressed in
words
• A sentence with two or more ideas is
difficult to follow
• Do not string ideas together
• Talk about one thing at a time
Sentence Structure
Write Short Sentences
• Complete thought (or idea) expressed in
words
• A sentence with two or more ideas is
difficult to follow
• Do not string ideas together
• Talk about one thing at a time
Sentence Structure
Write Short Sentences
• Do not string ideas together
• In one patient who had numerous lesions,
the echocardiogram correctly detected a
large lesion (15mm) attached to the right
coronary cusp but failed to detect the 4- to
5-mm lesions found at surgery on the
remaining two cusps, whereas in another
patient, the echocardiogram correctly
detected lesions on all three cusps.
Sentence Structure
Do not string ideas together
• Revision 1:
• In one patient who had numerous lesions, the
echocardiogram correctly detected a large lesion
(15mm) attached to the right coronary cusp but failed
to detect the 4- to 5-mm lesions found at surgery on
the remaining two cusps. whereas However, in
another patient, the echocardiogram correctly
detected lesions on all three cusps.
Sentence Structure
Do not string ideas together
• Revision 2:
• In one patient who had numerous lesions, the
echocardiogram correctly detected a large lesion
(15mm) attached to the right coronary cusp. but It
failed to detect the 4- to 5-mm lesions found at
surgery on the remaining two cusps. whereas
However, in another patient, the echocardiogram
correctly detected lesions on all three cusps.
Sentence Structure
Write Short Sentences
• Complete thought (or idea) expressed in
words
• A sentence with two or more ideas is
difficult to follow
• Do not string ideas together
• Talk about one thing at a time
Sentence Structure
Write Short Sentences
• Talk about one thing at a time
• Even more difficult is a sentence that talks
about two ideas at once or has one idea
nested inside another.
Sentence Structure
Talk about one thing at a time
• The eleutian order and extent of separation
of these two isoenzymes are quite different
from those achieved on DEAE-cellulose
chromatography of alpha-chymotrypticdigested S1, where light chain 1 emerges
first, followed by a well-resolved second
peak of light chain 3.
Sentence Structure
Talk about one thing at a time
• The eleutian order and extent of separation of these
two isoenzymes are quite different from those
achieved on DEAE-cellulose chromatography of alphachymotryptic-digested S1, where light chain 1
emerges first, followed by a well-resolved second
peak of light chain 3.
• Revision:
• The eleutian order of these two isoenzymes, light
chain 3 followed by light chain 1, is the reverse of
that achieved by DEAE-cellulose chromatography of
alpha-chymotryptic-digested S1. Similarly, the extent
of separation is reversed, the peak of light chain 1
being much better resolved than the peak of light
chain 3.
Sentence Structure
Talk about one thing at a time
• In the next example three ideas are presented in one
sentence: the purpose of the experiment, how the
experiment was done and a description of the
patients.
• To study the mechanisms involved in the beneficial
effects of hydralazine on ventricular function in
patients who have chronic aortic insufficiency, a
radionuclide assessment of ventricular function was
performed in 15 patients with pure aortic
insufficiency, functional capacity I or II, at rest and
during supine exercise.
Sentence Structure
Talk about one thing at a time
• Revision 1:
• To study the mechanisms involved in the
beneficial effects of hydralazine on
ventricular function in patients who have
chronic aortic insufficiency, a radionuclide
assessment of ventricular function was
performed in 15 patients at rest and during
supine exercise. All patients had pure aortic
insufficiency and were in functional capacity
I or II.
Sentence Structure
Talk about one thing at a time
• Revision 2:
• Our aim was to assess the mechanisms
involved in the beneficial effects of
hydralazine on ventricular function in
patients who have chronic aortic
insufficiency. For this assessment we did a
radionuclide study of ventricular function in
15 patients at rest and during supine
exercise. All patients had pure aortic
insufficiency and were in functional capacity
I or II.
Sentence Structure
Write Short Sentences
• Keep sentences as short as possible
• Mean length of 22 words per sentence
• If you have two or three long sentences,
balance them with a short one
• The harder the science, the simpler the
writing should be
Sentence Structure
• Express core of message in
subject, verb and completer
• Avoid noun clusters
• Write short sentences
• Use clear pronouns
• Put parallel ideas in parallel form
Sentence Structure
Use Clear Pronouns
• Problems with pronouns
• More than one possible noun
• No possible nouns
Sentence Structure
Use Clear Pronouns
• More than one possible noun
• The presence of disulphide bonds in
oligopeptides may restrict the formation of
ordered structures in sodium dodecyl
sulphate solution. Once they are reduced,
the predicted conformations can be fully
induced.
Sentence Structure
Use Clear Pronouns
• The presence of disulphide bonds in
oligopeptides may restrict the formation of
ordered structures in sodium dodecyl
sulphate solution. Once they are reduced,
the predicted conformations can be fully
induced.
• To what does “they” refer?
• Either repeat the noun to which “they” refers
• Or revise the sentence structure
Sentence Structure
Use Clear Pronouns
• Easier to repeat the noun
• Revision:
• The presence of disulphide bonds in
oligopeptides may restrict the formation of
ordered structures in sodium dodecyl
sulphate solution. Once the bonds are
reduced, the predicted conformations can be
fully induced.
Sentence Structure
Use Clear Pronouns
• More than one possible noun
• Laboratory animals are not
susceptible to these diseases, so
research on them is hampered.
Sentence Structure
Use Clear Pronouns
• Laboratory animals are not susceptible to these
diseases, so research on them is hampered.
• Revision 1: Repeat the noun
• Laboratory animals are not susceptible to these
diseases, so research on these diseases is hampered.
• Revision 2: Revise the sentence structure
• Research on these diseases is hampered because
laboratory animals are not susceptible to them.
Sentence Structure
Use Clear Pronouns
• No possible nouns
• Tyson et al. abruptly occluded the
venae cavae before analyzing the
heart beats. As a result of this, the
volume of the right heart rapidly
decreased.
Sentence Structure
Use Clear Pronouns
• Tyson et al. abruptly occluded the venae
cavae before analyzing the heart beats. As a
result of this, the volume of the right heart
rapidly decreased.
• There is no noun to which “this” can refer.
• “This” must refer to what Tyson did
• So we have to provide the noun “occlusion”
Sentence Structure
Use Clear Pronouns
• Tyson et al. abruptly occluded the
venae cavae before analyzing the
heart beats. As a result of this
occlusion, the volume of the right
heart rapidly decreased.
Sentence Structure
Use Clear Pronouns
• No possible nouns
• Hearts.
Those used for this study were taken from 13 litters
of new-born hamsters.
Nouns to which pronouns refer should be part of the
text. Headings and words in parentheses are not part
of the text.
Revision:
Hearts.
The hearts used for this study were taken from 13
litters of new-born hamsters.
Sentence Structure
Use Clear Pronouns
• No possible nouns
• In previous studies, fetal sheep
responded to asphyxia with immediate
femoral vasoconstriction (8). However,
delayed vasoconstriction occurred,
and they speculated that . . .
Sentence Structure
Use Clear Pronouns
• In previous studies, fetal sheep
responded to asphyxia with immediate
femoral vasoconstriction (8). However,
delayed vasoconstriction occurred,
and they speculated that . . .
• Who are “they?” The sheep?
Sentence Structure
Use Clear Pronouns
• In previous studies, fetal sheep responded to
asphyxia with immediate femoral
vasoconstriction (8). However, delayed
vasoconstriction occurred, and they
speculated that . . .
• Revision:
• In previous studies, fetal sheep responded to
asphyxia with immediate femoral
vasoconstriction (8). However, delayed
vasoconstriction occurred, and the
investigators speculated that . . .
Sentence Structure
Use Clear Pronouns
• The text should make sense even if all
subheadings and all items in
parentheses are omitted
• This is because it is reasonable for
people to read sentences without
looking at the headings or items in
parentheses
Sentence Structure
• Express core of message in
subject, verb and completer
• Avoid noun clusters
• Write short sentences
• Use clear pronouns
• Put parallel ideas in parallel form
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Parallel Ideas
• Ideas that are equal in logic nd
importance
• Ideas that are being compared
• Usually joined by “and,” “or,” or “but.”
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Parallel Form
• Use of the same grammatical
structures for two or more parallel
ideas
• Grammatical structures include
clauses, phrases (prepositional or
infinitive), and single words such as
nouns or adjectives
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Types of parallel form
• Pairs
• Series
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Pairs
• Pairs of ideas - two ideas joined by
“and” or “but” should be written in
poarallel form:
• Cardiac output decreased by 40% but
blood pressure decreased by only 10%.
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Pairs
• The value of writing in parallel form is
that the form of the first idea prepares
the reader for the form of the next idea.
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Pairs
• The lack of response could have been
due to damage of a cell surface
receptor by the isolation procedure, but
it could also be that isolated cells do
not respond normally because the cells
are isolated.
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• The lack of response could have been
due to damage of a cell surface
receptor by the isolation procedure, but
it could also be that isolated cells do
not respond normally because the cells
are isolated.
• The forms in front of and after “but” are
not parallel
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• The lack of response could have been due to
damage of a cell surface receptor by the
isolation procedure, but it could also be that
isolated cells do not respond normally
because the cells are isolated.
• Revision:
• The lack of response could have been due to
damage of a cell surface receptor by the
isolation procedure, but it could also be due
to the fact that isolated cells do not respond
normally because the cells are isolated.
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• The lack of response could have been
due to damage of a cell surface
receptor by the isolation procedure, but
it could also be due to the fact that
isolated cells do not respond normally
because the cells are isolated.
• But this makes the sentence longer and
has some repetition.
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• The lack of response could have been due to
damage of a cell surface receptor by the
isolation procedure, but it could also be due
to the fact that isolated cells do not respond
normally because the cells are isolated.
• Revision 2:
• The lack of response could have been due to
damage of a cell surface receptor by the
isolation procedure, or simply to the fact of
isolation, which could alter cell response.
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Revision 2:
• The lack of response could have been due to
damage of a cell surface receptor by the
isolation procedure, or simply to the fact of
isolation, which could alter normal cell
responses.
• The ideas are easier to understand because
the repetition of “could be due to” and
“isolated” have been eliminated.
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Three problems with comparisons
• Overuse of “compared to”
• Comparison of unlike things
• Absolute statements disguised as
comparisons
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Overuse of “compared to”
•
•
•
•
Greater than (not “compared to”)
Less than
Higher than
Lower than
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Overuse of “compared to”
• We found a higher KD at 37C compared
to 25C.
• Revision:
We found a higher KD at 37C than at 25C
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Overuse of “compared to”
• Experimental rabbits had a 28% decrease in alveolar
phospholipid as compared to control rabbits during
normal ventilation.
• Did alveolar phospholipid decrease in
A) both experimental and control groups?
B) only in experimental rabbits?
C) neither group?
From the above sentence, it cannot be determined
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Overuse of “compared to”
• Experimental rabbits had a 28%
decrease in alveolar phospholipid as
compared to control rabbits during
normal ventilation.
• This sentence can be re-written to show
any of the three possibilities
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Overuse of “compared to”
• Experimental rabbits had a 28% greater
decrease in alveolar phospholipid than did
control rabbits during normal ventilation.
• This means there was a decrease in both
groups. The decrease was 28% greater in the
experimental rabbits than the in the control
rabbits
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Overuse of “compared to”
• Experimental rabbits had a 28%
decrease in alveolar phospholipid but
control rabbits had no decrease during
normal ventilation.
• This means there was a decrease only in
the experimental rabbits and the level
was 28% lower than before.
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Overuse of “compared to”
• Experimental rabbits had 28% less alveolar
phospholipid than did control rabbits during
normal ventilation.
• This means there was no decrease in either
group. It says only that the experimental
rabbits had 28% less phospholipid than did the
control rabbits.
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Overuse of “compared to”
• “Decrease” means that the value is now lower
than it was before.
• “Decrease compared to” has at least three
possible interpretations
• Therefore, “compared to” should not be used
with “decreased” (or “increased”).
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Three problems with comparisons
• Overuse of “compared to”
• Comparison of unlike things
• Absolute statements disguised as
comparisons
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Comparison of unlike things
• These results are similar to previous
studies
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Comparison of unlike things
• These results are similar to previous studies
• Revision 1:
• These results are similar to the results of
previous studies
• Revision 2:
• These results are similar to those of previous
studies
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Comparison of unlike things
• Activation-controlled relaxation in
these membrane-deprived cells
resembled intact myocardium from
frogs.
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Comparison of unlike things
• Activation-controlled relaxation in these
membrane-deprived cells resembled intact
myocardium from frogs.
• Revision:
• Activation-controlled relaxation in these
membrane-deprived cells resembled that in
intact myocardium from frogs.
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Three problems with comparisons
• Overuse of “compared to”
• Comparison of unlike things
• Absolute statements disguised as
comparisons
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Absolute statements disguised as
comparisons
• “This medium contains 4 – 5 mM phosphate
compared to Schneider’s medium.”
• In fact this medium contains 4 – 5 mM
regardless of the concentration of phosphate
in Schneider’s medium. The concentration is
an absolute value and does nor depend on any
other concentration.
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Absolute statements disguised as
comparisons
• “This medium contains 4 – 5 mM phosphate
compared to Schneider’s medium.”
• Revision:
• “This medium contains 4 – 5 mM phosphate;
Schneider’s medium contains 9 – 10 mM
phosphate.”
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Absolute statements disguised as
comparisons
• If you want to compare the two
concentrations:
• “In this medium the concentration of
phosphate (4 – 5 mM) is about half that
in Schneider’s medium (9 – 10 mM).”
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Types of parallel form
• Pairs
• Series
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Series
• More than two ideas in parallel form
• We washed out the lungs five times with Solution
I, instilled 8 – 10 ml of the fluorocarbon-albumin
emulsion into the trachea, and incubated the
lungs in 154 nM NaCl at 37C for 20 min.
verb
object
completer
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Series
• The best way of removing the non-adherent cells
was
to tip the plate at a 45-degree angle,
to flood the top edge of the plate with 3 – 4 ml of
medium,
to remove the medium, and
to repeat this procedure until almost all the
floating cells were removed.
infinitive
object
completer
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Series
• In a series, as in a pair, the form of all the
parallel items must be the same
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Two problems with parallelism
• Hybrids
• Paired conjunctions
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Hybrids
• Confusion between a pair and a series
• The D225 modification contains 12.5 mg
of cysteine HCl, 50 mg of methionine and
has a final volume of 115 ml.
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Hybrids
• The D225 modification contains 12.5 mg
of cysteine HCl, 50 mg of methionine and
has a final volume of 115 ml.
• We are expecting a third value to match
12.5 and 50, but we get a verb, “has.”
• The “and” is in the wrong place
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Hybrids
• The D225 modification contains 12.5 mg
of cysteine HCl, 50 mg of methionine and
has a final volume of 115 ml.
• Revision 1:
• The D225 modification contains 12.5 mg
of cysteine HCl and 50 mg of methionine
and has a final volume of 115 ml.
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Hybrids
• Revision 1:
• The D225 modification contains 12.5 mg
of cysteine HCl and 50 mg of methionine
and has a final volume of 115 ml.
• However, the two “and”s are inelegant.
We can substitute a semicolon for the
second “and.”
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Hybrids
• Revision 1:
• The D225 modification contains 12.5 mg of
cysteine HCl and 50 mg of methionine and has a
final volume of 115 ml.
• Revision 2:
• The D225 modification contains 12.5 mg of
cysteine HCl and 50 mg of methionine; its final
volume is 115 ml.
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Two problems with parallelism
• Hybrids
• Paired conjunctions
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Paired conjunctions
• “both” . . . “and” . . .
• “either” . . . “or” . . .
• “not only” . . .”but also” . . .
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Paired conjunctions
• The mechanical response of the heart
muscle depends on both the absolute
osmolal increase and on the species
studied.
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Paired conjunctions
• The mechanical response of the heart
muscle depends on both the absolute
osmolal increase and on the species
studied.
• Not parallel
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Paired conjunctions
• The mechanical response of the heart muscle
depends on both the absolute osmolal increase
and on the species studied.
• Revision:
• The mechanical response of the heart muscle
depends both on the absolute osmolal increase
and on the species studied.
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Paired conjunctions
•
Look at the relative position of the conjunctions and the
prepositions
•
on
both
and on
•
•
•
Something is wrong. Either both conjunctions must come before
the preposition:
both on x
and on y
•
•
Or the preposition must come only before the first conjunction:
on
both x
and
x
y
y
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• An extra advantage of parallelism
• Omitting repetition
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Omitting repetition
• Pulse rate decreased by 40 beats/min,
systolic blood pressure declined by 50mm
Hg and cardiac output fell by 18%.
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Omitting Pulse rate decreased by 40 beats/min,
systolic blood pressure declined by 50mm Hg
and cardiac output fell by 18%.
• The authors thought repeating “decreased”
would be boring, so they changed the verb. But
this detracts from the items that actually are
different.
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Omitting repetition
• Pulse rate decreased by 40 beats/min, systolic
blood pressure declined by 50mm Hg and cardiac
output fell by 18%.
• To avoid repetition without using distracting
variations, omit the second and third verbs
Sentence Structure
Parallel ideas in parallel form
• Omitting re[petition
• Pulse rate decreased by 40 beats/min, systolic
blood pressure declined by 50mm Hg and cardiac
output fell by 18%.
• Revision:
• Pulse rate decreased by 40 beats/min, systolic
blood pressure by 50mm Hg and cardiac output
by 18%.
Sentence Structure
• Clearest, easiest to understand
if simple and direct
• Five techniques to ensure they
are simple and direct
• Five writing flaws to avoid
Sentence Structure
• Five writing flaws to avoid
• Make sure the subject and verb make
sense together
• Make sure the subject and verb agree
• Do not omit helping verbs
• Avoid dangling modifiers
• Make sure sentences containing
parentheses make sense
Sentence Structure
• Five writing flaws to avoid
• Make sure the subject and verb make
sense together
• Make sure the subject and verb agree
• Do not omit helping verbs
• Avoid dangling modifiers
• Make sure sentences containing
parentheses make sense
Sentence Structure
Subject and Verb Make Sense
• The appearance of non-dialyzable
35S in the luminal bath was
measured.
Sentence Structure
Subject and Verb Make Sense
• The appearance of non-dialyzable
35S in the luminal bath was
measured.
• Can you measure appearance?
Sentence Structure
Subject and Verb Make Sense
• The appearance of non-dialyzable
35S in the luminal bath was
measured.
• Revision1:
• The amount of non-dialyzable 35S in
the luminal bath was measured.
Sentence Structure
Subject and Verb Make Sense
• The appearance of non-dialyzable
35S in the luminal bath was
measured.
• Revision2:
• The appearance of non-dialyzable
35S in the luminal bath was noted.
Sentence Structure
• Five writing flaws to avoid
• Make sure the subject and verb make
sense together
• Make sure the subject and verb agree
• Do not omit helping verbs
• Avoid dangling modifiers
• Make sure sentences containing
parentheses make sense
Sentence Structure
Subject and Verb Agree
• The oesophagus, stomach and
intestine of each rabbit was
examined.
Sentence Structure
Subject and Verb Agree
• The oesophagus, stomach and intestine
of each rabbit was examined.
• Revision:
• The oesophagus, stomach and intestine
of each rabbit were examined.
Sentence Structure
• Five writing flaws to avoid
• Make sure the subject and verb make
sense together
• Make sure the subject and verb agree
• Do not omit helping verbs
• Avoid dangling modifiers
• Make sure sentences containing
parentheses make sense
Sentence Structure
Helping Verbs
• The tissue was minced and the
samples incubated.
Sentence Structure
Helping Verbs
• The tissue was minced and the
samples incubated.
• Revision:
• The tissue was minced and the
samples were incubated.
Sentence Structure
Helping Verbs
• Contrast medium was infused at a
steady rate into the injection port,
and the flow calculated from the
observed change in the CT number
at equilibrium.
Sentence Structure
Helping Verbs
• Contrast medium was infused at a steady rate
into the injection port, and the flow calculated
from the observed change in the CT number at
equilibrium.
• “Calculated” could be misinterpreted as an
adjective (the flow that was calculated). The
reader could get to the end of the sentence and
still be waiting for the verb (What about the flow
that was calculated?)
Sentence Structure
Helping Verbs
• Contrast medium was infused at a steady rate
into the injection port, and the flow calculated
from the observed change in the CT number at
equilibrium.
• Revision:
• Contrast medium was infused at a steady rate
into the injection port, and the flow was
calculated from the observed change in the CT
number at equilibrium.
Sentence Structure
• Five writing flaws to avoid
• Make sure the subject and verb make
sense together
• Make sure the subject and verb agree
• Do not omit helping verbs
• Avoid dangling modifiers
• Make sure sentences containing
parentheses make sense
Sentence Structure
Avoid Dangling Modifiers
• Blood flow was allowed to return to
baseline before proceeding with the
next occlusion.
Sentence Structure
Avoid Dangling Modifiers
• Blood flow was allowed to return to
baseline before proceeding with the next
occlusion.
• The first part of the sentence is passive
(was allowed), whereas the second is
active (proceeding). “Proceeding”
dangles; it has no noun to modify.
Sentence Structure
Avoid Dangling Modifiers
• Blood flow was allowed to return to
baseline before proceeding with the next
occlusion.
• Two options:
• Make both parts active
• Make both parts passive
Sentence Structure
Avoid Dangling Modifiers
• Blood flow was allowed to return to baseline before
proceeding with the next occlusion.
• Revision1 (Active):
• We allowed blood flow to return to baseline before
proceeding with the next occlusion.
• Revision 2 (Passive):
• Blood flow was allowed to return to baseline before
proceeding with the next occlusion was begun.
Sentence Structure
• Five writing flaws to avoid
• Make sure the subject and verb make
sense together
• Make sure the subject and verb agree
• Do not omit helping verbs
• Avoid dangling modifiers
• Make sure sentences containing
parentheses make sense
Sentence Structure
Sense Without Parentheses
• Pentobarbital (10-6M) had no effect,
10-5M slightly depressed the
response, and at 5x10-5M it almost
abolished the response.
Sentence Structure
Sense Without Parentheses
• Pentobarbital (10-6M) had no effect, 10-5M slightly
depressed the response, and at 5x10-5M it almost
abolished the response.
• If the information within the parentheses is
omitted, the sentence does not make sense
• The point of the sentence is that a certain
concentration of pentobarbital had no effect, not
that pentobarbital had no effect.
Sentence Structure
Sense Without Parentheses
• Pentobarbital (10-6M) had no effect, 10-5M
slightly depressed the response, and at
5x10-5M it almost abolished the response.
• Revision:
• At 10-6M pentobarbital had no effect, at
10-5M it slightly depressed the response,
and at 5x10-5M it almost abolished the
response
Sentence Structure
Sense Without Parentheses
• Pentobarbital (10-6M) had no effect, 10-5M slightly
depressed the response, and at 5x10-5M it almost
abolished the response.
• Revision:
• At 10-6M pentobarbital had no effect, at 10-5M it
slightly depressed the response, and at 5x10-5M
it almost abolished the response
• Note the parallel form for the series of three
items
Sentence Structure
Summary
• Five writing techniques
• Express core of message in subject, verb and
completer
• Avoid noun clusters
• Write short sentences
• Use clear pronouns
• Put parallel ideas in parallel form
Sentence Structure
Summary
• Five writing flaws to avoid
• Make sure the subject and verb make sense
together
• Make sure the subject and verb agree
• Do not omit helping verbs
• Avoid dangling modifiers
• Make sure sentences containing parentheses
make sense
Writing
• Thesis
• Chapters
• Paragraphs
− Sentences
– Words
Paragraph Structure
• A paragraph is a number of
sentences on a single topic
• To tell a clear story
• The ideas must be organized
• The continuity must be clear
• Important ideas must be
emphasised
Paragraph Structure
• A paragraph is a number of
sentences on a single topic
• To tell a clear story
• The ideas must be organized
• The continuity must be clear
• Important ideas must be
emphasised
Paragraph Structure
Organisation
• Topic Sentences and Supporting
Sentences
• No missing steps
Paragraph Structure
Organisation
• Topic Sentences and Supporting
Sentences
• No missing steps
Paragraph Structure
Organisation
• Topic Sentences and Supporting
Sentences
• General approach: Overview first, then
details
• Create expectation, then fulfill it
Or, sometimes in scientific writing
• Details first, then meaning
• But sometimes details take over
Paragraph Structure
Organisation
• Topic Sentences and Supporting
Sentences
• A topic sentence states the topic or
message of the paragraph
• The topic is what the paragraph is
about
• Have only one message per
paragraph
Paragraph Structure
Organisation
• Topic Sentences and Supporting
Sentences
• Details that support the topic
sentence are written in the
supporting sentences
• Supporting sentences are arranged
logically to explain the message
stated in the topic sentence
Paragraph Structure
Organisation
Topic Sentences and Supporting
Sentences
•
There are three different theories put forward for the very slow relaxation of
catch muscles in molluscs. One theory holds that catch is due to some unusual
property of myosin in these muscles that produces a slow rate of detachment
(12). In this theory, paramyosin would have no special role beyond that of
providing the long scaffolding on which the myosin is positioned as well as the
mechanical strength for the large tensions developed. The second theory holds
that tension is developed by actin-myosin interaction but is maintained by
paramyocin interactions (13, 14). Because the thick filaments are of limited
length, interaction would have to occur through fusion of thick filaments (15).
A third theory, to which I subscribe, pictures a structural change in the
paramyosin core affecting the rate of breaking of myosin-actin links at the
filament surface (5, 16).
Topic Sentences and
Supporting Sentences
• There are three different theories put forward for the very slow
relaxation of catch muscles in molluscs. One theory holds that
catch is due to some unusual property of myosin in these
muscles that produces a slow rate of detachment (12). In this
theory, paramyosin would have no special role beyond that of
providing the long scaffolding on which the myosin is positioned
as well as the mechanical strength for the large tensions
developed. The second theory holds that tension is developed
by actin-myosin interaction but is maintained by paramyocin
interactions (13, 14). Because the thick filaments are of limited
length, interaction would have to occur through fusion of thick
filaments (15). A third theory, to which I subscribe, pictures a
structural change in the paramyosin core affecting the rate of
breaking of myosin-actin links at the filament surface (5, 16).
Topic Sentences and
Supporting Sentences
• The pattern of organization of the
supporting sentences is logical
• In this example the order is
• Least to most important
• But there are many logical orders
•
•
•
•
•
Most to least important
Announced order
Pro-con
Problem-solution
Solution-problem
Topic Sentences and
Supporting Sentences
• Length of topic sentences
• Best if short and simple
Topic Sentences and
Supporting Sentences
• Number and placement of topic
sentences
• If more than one, two can be placed
together at the beginning, one
stating the topic the other the
message.
• Or topic and message can be split,
one at the beginning, the other at
the end
• Or the one at the end can re-state
the message to reinforce it
Topic Sentences and
Supporting Sentences
• If a paragraph has three or more
topic sentences, further
combinations are possible
• Maybe a topic sentence in the
middle to give an overview of a subtopic
Paragraph Structure
Organisation
• Topic Sentences and Supporting
Sentences
• No missing steps
Paragraph Structure
Organisation
• No missing steps
• All steps in the logic of a
paragraph must be presented
• If a step is missing, the story will
be difficult to follow
Paragraph Structure
Organisation
• No missing steps
• As expected, serum glucose decreased to about 800
mg/dl by the sixth hour of insulin infusion. It was
elected to stabilise serum glucose at this level to allow
for osmotic equilibration. An estimate of net loss of
total body glucose was made as follows . . .
Paragraph Structure
Organisation
• No missing steps
• As expected, serum glucose decreased to about 800
mg/dl by the sixth hour of insulin infusion. It was
elected to stabilise serum glucose at this level to allow
for osmotic equilibration. An estimate of net loss of
total body glucose was made as follows . . .
• We know what this means, but why the
sudden change to total body glucose?
Paragraph Structure
Organisation
• No missing steps
• As expected, serum glucose decreased to about 800 mg/dl by the
sixth hour of insulin infusion. It was elected to stabilise serum
glucose at this level to allow for osmotic equilibration. An estimate
of net loss of total body glucose was made as follows . . .
• Revision:
• As expected, serum glucose decreased to about 800 mg/dl by the
sixth hour of insulin infusion. It was elected to stabilise serum
glucose at this level to allow for osmotic equilibration. To allow
for osmotic equilibration, we stabilised serum glucose at this level
by adding to the fluid infusion an amount of glucose equivalent to
the net loss of total body glucose. An estimate of We estimated net
loss of total body glucose was made as follows . . .
Paragraph Structure
Organisation
• No missing steps
• As expected, serum glucose decreased to about 800 mg/dl by the
sixth hour of insulin infusion. It was elected to stabilise serum
glucose at this level to allow for osmotic equilibration. An estimate
of net loss of total body glucose was made as follows . . .
• Revision:
• As expected, serum glucose decreased to about 800 mg/dl by the
sixth hour of insulin infusion. To allow for osmotic equilibration,
we stabilised serum glucose at this level by adding to the fluid
infusion an amount of glucose equivalent to the net loss of total
body glucose. We estimated net loss of total body glucose as
follows . . .
Paragraph Structure
Organisation
• No missing steps
• We often omit steps because we
are very familiar with the topic and
we can supply the missing step as
we read
• However, we must not expect
every reader to know the topic as
well as we do ourselves
Paragraph Structure
Organisation
• No missing steps
• Two easy ways to avoid omitting steps
• Read the manuscript after a few weeks, when
you do not have everything fresh in your mind
• Ask a colleague outside your field to read the
manuscript
Paragraph Structure
• A paragraph is a number of
sentences on a single topic
• To tell a clear story
• The ideas must be organized
• The continuity must be clear
• Important ideas must be
emphasised
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Even if a paragraph is well
organised (has a topic sentence
and logically arranged
supporting sentences and is not
missing any steps in the logic),
the story can still be difficult to
follow if the paragraph does not
have continuity
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Continuity
A clear relationship between
every sentence and the
sentence before it
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Six techniques for creating continuity
• Repeating key terms
• Using transitions to indicate relationships
between ideas
• Keeping consistent order
• Keeping a consistent point of view
• Putting parallel ideas in parallel form
• Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Six techniques for creating continuity
• Repeating key terms
• Key terms are terms that name important ideas
in a paper
• In the last example the terms “serum glucose”
and “net loss of total body glucose” were
repeated to hold the paragraph together
Paragraph Structure
Organisation
• No missing steps
• As expected, serum glucose decreased to about 800 mg/dl by the
sixth hour of insulin infusion. It was elected to stabilise serum
glucose at this level to allow for osmotic equilibration. An estimate
of net loss of total body glucose was made as follows . . .
• Revision:
• As expected, serum glucose decreased to about 800 mg/dl by the
sixth hour of insulin infusion. To allow for osmotic equilibration,
we stabilised serum glucose at this level by adding to the fluid
infusion an amount of glucose equivalent to the net loss of total
body glucose. We estiamted net loss of total body glucose as
follows . . .
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Six techniques for creating
continuity
• Repeating key terms
• Repeat key terms exactly
• Repeat key terms early
• Link key terms
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Six techniques for creating
continuity
• Repeating key terms
• Repeat key terms exactly
• Repeat key terms early
• Link key terms
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Repeat key terms exactly
• A) For clarity
• Digitalis increases the contractility of the mammalian heart. This
change in intropic state is a result of changes in calcium flux
through the muscle cell membrane
• What is “intropic state” and what
does it have to do with the
previous sentence?
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Repeat key terms exactly
• Digitalis increases the contractility of the mammalian heart. This
change in intropic state is a result of changes in calcium flux
through the muscle cell membrane
• The answer is “contractility” and
“intropic state” mean the same
thing. So why use different terms
and risk confusing the reader?
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Repeat key terms exactly
• Digitalis increases the contractility of the mammalian heart. This
change in intropic state is a result of changes in calcium flux
through the muscle cell membrane
• Revision:
• Digitalis increases the contractility of the mammalian heart. This
increased contractility is a result of changes in calcium flux
through the muscle cell membrane
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Repeat key terms exactly
• Two paragraphs:
• The extent of digestion of the liver was determined empirically, on
the basis of the softness of the liver in response to gentle scratches
applied with sterile tweezers. When these scratches broke the
surface of the liver, digestion was considered complete.
The key enzyme in hepatocyte isolation is collagenase, but there is
surprisingly little definitive information about what constitutes a
good enzyme preparation for efficacy of cell yield and viability.
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• If we repeat the terms “digestion” and
“liver” in the second paragraph. It makes
the relationship between the paragraphs
clear
• The extent of digestion of the liver was determined empirically, on the
basis of the softness of the liver in response to gentle scratches applied
with sterile tweezers. When these scratches broke the surface of the liver,
digestion was considered complete.
The key enzyme used to digest liver is collagenase, but there is
surprisingly little definitive information about what constitutes a good
enzyme preparation for efficacy of cell yield and viability.
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Repeat key terms exactly
• B) For accuracy
• Sometimes changing key terms can
make the meaning scientifically
inaccurate
• To determine which collagenase concentration is the most appropriate for
our purposes, we tested collagenase B (Boehringer Mannheim,
Indianapolis, IN) dissolved at different concentrations in the perfusion
medium. First we perfused mouse liver with a medium containing the
same quantity of collagenase B as the medium used to perfuse rat liver (70
mg enzyme per litre of perfusion medium).
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Repeat key terms exactly
• B) For accuracy
• Sometimes changing key terms can
make the meaning scientifically
inaccurate
Revision:
• To determine which collagenase concentration is the most appropriate for
our purposes, we tested collanenase B (Boehringer Mannheim,
Indianapolis, IN) dissolved at different concentrations in the perfusion
medium. First we perfused mouse liver with a medium containing the
same concentration of collagenase B as the medium used to perfuse rat
liver (70 mg enzyme per litre of perfusion medium).
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Repeat key terms exactly
• C) To avoid “noise”
• In humans, apo-B100, mainly synthesised in the liver, and apoB48, mainly synthesised in the intestine, are the products of a
single apo-B gene (ref.) The production of apo-B48 in the human
intestine is the result of an RNA-editing process that changes a
glutamine codon (CAA) of the mRNA for apo-B100 into a
translational stop codon (UAA). This apo-B mRNA editing process
does not occur in human livers, so apo-B48 is not synthesised in
human livers. However, the mRNA-editing process, and thus apoB48 formation, occurs in mouse and rat livers.
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Repeat key terms exactly
• If “production” and “formation” mean
“synthesis,” why not use “synthesis” each
time?
• We usually do not like repeating the same
word in a sentence or paragraph
• But the reason is to create an elegant rather
than a boring style
• However, the last paragraph is not elegant.
• Changing the key terms creates ‘noise”
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Repeat key terms exactly
• There is a lot of other material in the
paragraph that is difficult to follow; repeating
“synthesis” gets rid of some “noise” and
makes the whole easier to understand
• In humans, apo-B100, mainly synthesised in the liver, and apoB48, mainly synthesised in the intestine, are the products of a
single apo-B gene (ref.) The synthesis of apo-B48 in the human
intestine is the result of an RNA-editing process that changes a
glutamine codon (CAA) of the mRNA for apo-B100 into a
translational stop codon (UAA). This apo-B mRNA editing process
does not occur in human livers, so apo-B48 is not synthesised in
human livers. However, the mRNA-editing process, and thus apoB48 synthesis, occurs in mouse and rat livers.
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Repeat key terms exactly
• D) A corollary: Do not use one key
term for two meanings
“ . . . Reduction of reduced glutathione . . .”
• In chemistry, “reduced” means “deoxidised”
• In this phrase “reduction” cannot also mean
“deoxidised”, but probably “decreased”
• It is clearest to write “decrease in reduced glutathione”
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Six techniques for creating
continuity
• Repeating key terms
• Repeat key terms exactly
• Repeat key terms early
• Link key terms
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Repeat key terms early
• Continuity is clearest if the key
term is repeated early in the
sentence
• If the key term is delayed the
reader is kept in suspense and
continuity is lost
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Repeat key terms early
• either as the subject or as an aspect of
the subject
• Subject
• Digitalis increases the contractility of the mammalian heart. Changes in
the calcium flux through the muscle cell membrane cause this increased
contractility.
• Revision:
• Digitalis increases the contractility of the mammalian heart. This
increased contractility results from changes in calcium flux through the
muscle cell membrane.
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Repeat key terms early
• either as the subject or as an
aspect of the subject
• Aspect of the subject
• Signals that confer localisation to the endoplasmic reticulum (ER)
have been characterised in the cytoplasmic domain of many
mammalian type I transmembrane proteins that reside in the ER
and in the ER-Golgi intermediate compartment. One common
feature of these signals is the presence of two lysine residues at
positions -3 and -4 from the C-terminal end of the cytoplasmic
domain (refs.)
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Repeat key terms early
• The important point is that
repeating the key term early in the
next sentence is that the reader
knows the relationship between
the two sentences is clear early in
the second sentence
• The reader is not kept guessing
until later in the sentence
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Repeat key terms early
• If each new sentence starts with a
new key term and the old key
terms are repeated late, the story
is difficult to follow
• Here is an example
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Repeat key terms early
• The ability to perform high-resolution genotyping for
the purpose of genetic mapping depends on the
availability of polymorphic markers at very high
density. Single-base variations, reported on average at
every 1 kb of the human genome, provide an attractive
reservoir of polymorphisms. Mismatch repair detection
is an in vivo method for the detection of DNA sequence
variations.
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Repeat key terms early
• Revision:
• The ability to perform high-resolution genotyping for
the purpose of genetic mapping depends on the
availability of polymorphic markers at very high
density. An attractive reservoir of polymorphic markers
is single-base variations, reported on average at every 1
kb of the human genome. An in vivo method for
detecting single-base variations is mismatch repair
detection.
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Six techniques for creating
continuity
• Repeating key terms
• Repeat key terms exactly
• Repeat key terms early
• Link key terms
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Link key terms when you shift from a
specif term to a category term and vice
versa
• Use the category term to define the
specific term
• Place the definition either right after or
right before the term to be defined
• Set off the item in the “after” position by
commas
• Check that the definition repeats a key term
from the previous sentence or prepares for one
in the next sentence
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Link key terms
• “The v-erbB gene is related to the neu
oncogene. Both oncogenes have . . .”
• Both oncogenes?
• Clearly, the neu oncogene is one
oncogene
• What is the other one?
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Link key terms
• To link a specific term to a category
term, use a suppressed “which is”
clause
• “The v-erbB gene is related to the neu oncogene. Both
oncogenes have . . .”
• Revision:
• “The v-erbB gene, (which is) an oncogene of the avian
erythroblastosis virus, is related to the neu oncogene.
Both oncogenes have . . .”
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Link key terms
• To link a specific term to a category
term, use a suppressed “which is”
clause
• “The v-erbB gene is related to the neu oncogene. Both
oncogenes have . . .”
• Revision:
• “The v-erbB gene, an oncogene of the avian
erythroblastosis virus, is related to the neu oncogene.
Both oncogenes have . . .”
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Link key terms
• “The v-erbB gene is related to the neu
oncogene. Both oncogenes have . . .”
• Revision:
• “The v-erbB oncogene, is an oncogene of the
avian erythroblastosis virus, related to the neu
oncogene. Both oncogenes have . . .”
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Link key terms
• “The v-erbB gene is related to the neu
oncogene. Both oncogenes have . . .”
• Revision:
• “The v-erbB oncogene, is related to the neu
oncogene. Both oncogenes have . . .”
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Link key terms
• To link a specific term to a
category term, use a suppressed
“which is” clause
• However, this short form is not
always possible
• We cannot say:
• The mouse rodent . . .
• We have to say:
• The mouse, a rodent, . . .
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Link key terms
• To link a category term to a specific
term, use a suppressed “namely” phrase
• The family of TGF-signaling molecules play inductive
roles in various developmental contexts.1 One member
of this family, (namely,) Drosophila Decapentaplegic
(Dpp),2 serves as a morphogen that patterns both the
embryo2,3 and adult 4,5.
• If the “namely” phrase “One member of this
family” were omitted, the continuity
between the two sentences would be
broken
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Link key terms
• To link a category term to a specific
term, use a suppressed “namely” phrase
• The family of TGF-signaling molecules play inductive
roles in various developmental contexts.1 One member
of this family, Drosophila Decapentaplegic (Dpp),2
serves as a morphogen that patterns both the embryo2,3
and adult 4,5.
• In this example the “namely phrase”
appears right before the specific term
Drosophila Decapentaplegic (Dpp)
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Link key terms
• To link a category term to a specific
term, use a suppressed “namely” phrase
• The family of TGF-signaling molecules play inductive
roles in various developmental contexts.1 Drosophila
Decapentaplegic (Dpp),2 one member of this family,
serves as a morphogen that patterns both the embryo2,3
and adult 4,5.
• But here it appears right after the
specific term Drosophila Decapentaplegic (Dpp)
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Six techniques for creating continuity
• Repeating key terms
• Using transitions to indicate relationships
between ideas
• Keeping consistent order
• Keeping a consistent point of view
• Putting parallel ideas in parallel form
• Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Using transitions
• For a paragraph to have continuity,
the reader must understand not
merely what each sentence says,
but why the author is writing each
sentence, and why at this particular
point in the paragraph; how does the
sentence relate to the story?
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Using transitions
• Lasers have found widespread application in medicine. Lasers play an
important role in the treatment of eye disease and the prevention of
blindness. The eye is ideally suited for laser surgery. Most of the eye
tissue is transparent. The frequency and focus of the laser beam can be
adjusted according to the absorption of the tissue. The beam ‘cuts”
inside the eye with minimal damage to the surrounding tissue – even
the tissue between the laser and the incision. Lasers are effective in
treating some causes of blindness. Other treatments are not. The
interaction between laser light and eye tissue is not fully understood.
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Using transitions
•
Lasers have found widespread application in medicine. For example, Lasers
they play an important role in the treatment of eye disease and the prevention
of blindness. The eye is ideally suited for laser surgery. because most of the
eye tissue is transparent. Because of this transparency the frequency and focus
of the laser beam can be adjusted according to the absorption of the tissue. so
that the beam ‘cuts” inside the eye with minimal damage to the surrounding
tissue – even the tissue between the laser and the incision. Lasers are also more
effective than other methods in treating some causes of blindness. Other
treatments are not. However, the interaction between laser light and eye tissue
is not fully understood.
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Using transitions
• Examples of transition words or phrases
•
•
•
•
•
•
“therefore,” “thus “ (conclusions)
“for example” (example)
“first” (sequence)
“in addition” (addition)
“in contrast” (contrast)
“however,” “on the other hand” ( difference)
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Six techniques for creating continuity
• Repeating key terms
• Using transitions to indicate relationships
between ideas
• Keeping consistent order
• Keeping a consistent point of view
• Putting parallel ideas in parallel form
• Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Keeping consistent order
• If you list two or more items in a topic sentence
and then go on to describe or explain them, keep
the same order.
• If the sequence in the topic sentence was A, B, C,
the supporting sentences should explain first A, the
B and last C. Thus, the reader’s expectation is
fulfilled
• The supporting sentences should include all the
items in the topic sentence
• Do not include in the supporting sentences items
that were not mentioned in the topic sentence
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Six techniques for creating continuity
• Repeating key terms
• Using transitions to indicate relationships
between ideas
• Keeping consistent order
• Keeping a consistent point of view
• Putting parallel ideas in parallel form
• Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Keeping a consistent point of
view
• If the topic of two or more sentences is the same,
the subjects of all of those sentences should be the
same
• Having the same subject in sentences that deal
with the same topic is called keeping a consistent
point of view
• Use the same term or category of term
• Using an inconsistent point of view disorients the
reader
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Keeping a consistent point of
view
• Same term
• Propanolol had variable effects on the hypoxaemiainduced changes in regional blood flow. In the cerebrum,
the increase in blood flow caused by hypoxaemia was not
significantly altered by propanolol. However, in other
organs, such as the gut and kidneys, and in the peripheral
circulation, propanolol caused a more severe decrease in
blood flow than did hypoxaemia alone.
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Keeping a consistent point of
view
• Same term
• Propanolol had variable effects on the hypoxaemiainduced changes in regional blood flow. In the cerebrum,
the increase in blood flow caused by hypoxaemia was not
significantly altered by propanolol. However, in other
organs, such as the gut and kidneys, and in the peripheral
circulation, propanolol caused a more severe decrease in
blood flow than did hypoxaemia alone.
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Keeping a consistent point of view
• Same term
• Revision:
• Propanolol had variable effects on the hypoxaemia-induced changes in
regional blood flow. In the cerebrum, propanolol did not significantly
alter the increase in blood flow caused by hypoxaemia. However, in
other organs, such as the gut and kidneys, and in the peripheral
circulation, propanolol caused a more severe decrease in blood flow
than did hypoxaemia alone.
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Keeping a consistent point of view
• Same category of term
• The control injection of naloxone produced no significant changes in
arterial blood pressure or heart rate. The arterial blood pressures and
heart rates measured after 34 hours of morphine infusion did not
change significantly.
• The subject of the first sentence is the cause, that
of the second, the effect
• Point of view is inconsistent
• Similarity is not easy to see
• Both sentences should begin with the same
category of term – the cause
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Keeping a consistent point of
view
• Same category of term
• Revision 1:
• The control injection of naloxone produced no significant
changes in arterial blood pressure or heart rate. Twenty
four hours of morphione infusion produced no significant
changes in the arterial blood pressure or heart rate.
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Keeping a consistent point of view
• The control injection of naloxone produced no significant
changes in arterial blood pressure or heart rate. Twenty
four hours of morphine infusion produced no significant
changes in the arterial blood pressure or heart rate.
• Now that we can see the similarity, we can
combine the two sentences:
• Neither the control injection of naloxone nor the 24h
infusion morphine significantly altered arterial blood
pressure or heart rate.
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Six techniques for creating continuity
• Repeating key terms
• Using transitions to indicate relationships
between ideas
• Keeping consistent order
• Keeping a consistent point of view
• Putting parallel ideas in parallel form
• Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Putting parallel ideas in parallel
form
• This is an extension of
consistent point of view
• For sentences to have
consistent form, only the
subjects must be the same
• To be parallel they need to have
the same grammatical form
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Putting parallel ideas in parallel
form
• Parallel form is more effective
than consistent point of view
for
• Contrasting ideas
• Highlighting similarities
• Vary the variable and keep the
constant constant to make
differences easy to see
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Putting parallel ideas in parallel form
•
The log10 function eliminated some waves. The factor that determined whether
a wave was eliminated or amplified was the divisor. When the divisor was
greater than the absolute value of the peak of a wave, the wave was eliminated.
When the divisor was less than the absolute value of the peak of a wave, the
wave was amplified.
•
The last two sentences are parallel sentences that
support the point made in the second topic sentence
The sentence patterns are the same: subject, verb,
completer
Furthermore, most of the words are the same; only the
contrasts are different
•
•
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Putting parallel ideas in parallel
form
• Corollary: Do not use parallel form for non-parallel
ideas
• To determine whether cholinergic or adrenergic nerves mediate
secretion of fluids from tracheal submucosal glands, we did
experiments on glands excised from ferrets. To induce secretion, we
stimulated the tissue both electrically and pharmacologically. To inhibit
secretion, we added XXXX to the bathing solution.
• All three sentences are in parallel form, infinitive +
object, subject + verb + object
• But the ideas are not parallel
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Putting parallel ideas in parallel form
•
•
•
•
•
Corollary: Do not use parallel form for non-parallel ideas
To determine whether cholinergic or adrenergic nerves mediate secretion of
fluids from tracheal submucosal glands, we did experiments on glands excised
from ferrets. To induce secretion, we stimulated the tissue both electrically and
pharmacologically. To inhibit secretion, we added XXXX to the bathing
solution.
The first sentence gives the overall purpose and the
general type of experiments done
The second and third give specific purposes and
procedures
Therefore, the ideas in the second and third sentences
should be expressed in a different form
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Putting parallel ideas in parallel form
•
•
•
•
•
•
Corollary: Do not use parallel form for non-parallel ideas
To determine whether cholinergic or adrenergic nerves mediate secretion of
fluids from tracheal submucosal glands, we did experiments on glands excised
from ferrets. To induce secretion, we stimulated the tissue both electrically and
pharmacologically. To inhibit secretion, we added XXXX to the bathing
solution.
Revision:
To determine whether cholinergic or adrenergic nerves mediate secretion of
fluids from tracheal submucosal glands, we did experiments on glands excised
from ferrets. We induced secretion by stimulating the tissue both electrically
and pharmacologically. We inhibited secretion adding XXXX to the bathing
solution.
The last two sentences have been changed
But since they express similar ideas they are still in
parallel form to each other, but not to the first sentence
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Six techniques for creating continuity
• Repeating key terms
• Using transitions to indicate relationships
between ideas
• Keeping consistent order
• Keeping a consistent point of view
• Putting parallel ideas in parallel form
• Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Signaling the sub-topics of a
paragraph
• We saw earlier that a paragraph should start with a
topic sentence
• Each subtopic within a paragraph should be
signaled as soon as that sub-topic begins
• So readers will know what it is before they start
reading about it
• Signals should be both visual and verbal
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Signaling the sub-topics of a
paragraph
• A new topic is signaled visually by a new paragraph
and verbally by a topic sentence
• A new sub-topic within a paragraph is signaled
visually by a new sentence and verbally by putting
the name of the sub-topic in a key term at the
beginning of the sentence
• The key term can be the subject of the sentence or
the object in a transition phrase or clause
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Signaling the sub-topics of a
paragraph
• Samples of inspired, end-tidal and mixed-expired gases were taken
during the 2-hour wash-in period. Inspired gas samples were collected
proximal to the non-rebreathing valve. End-tidal gas samples were
collected through a catheter, the tip of which was placed near the
tracheal end of the endotracheal tube. The endotracheal tube was
connected to the non-rebreathing valve with flexible tubing, whose . . .
Mixed-expired gas samples were collected distal to the aluminium
mixing chamber. All gas samples were colelcted in 50ml glass syringes
that were stored upright to . . .
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Signaling the sub-topics of a
paragraph
• Sub-topics announced in topic sentence
• Key term as the subject of a sentence
•
Samples of inspired, end-tidal and mixed-expired gases were taken during the
2-hour wash-in period. Inspired gas samples were collected proximal to the
non-rebreathing valve. End-tidal gas samples were collected through a
catheter, the tip of which was placed near the tracheal end of the endotracheal
tube. The endotracheal tube was connected to the non-rebreathing valve with
flexible tubing, whose . . .
Mixed-expired gas samples were collected distal to the aluminium mixing
chamber. All gas samples were colelcted in 50ml glass syringes that were
stored upright to . . .
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Signaling the sub-topics of a
paragraph
• Sub-topics announced in topic sentence
• Key term in a transition phrase
• Propanolol had variable effects on the hypoxaemia-induced changes in
regional blood flow. In the cerebrum, propanolol did not significantly
alter the increase in blood flow caused by hypoxaemia. However, in
other organs, such as the gut and kidneys, and in the peripheral
circulation, propanolol caused a more severe decrease in blood flow
than did hypoxaemia alone.
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Signaling the sub-topics of a
paragraph
•
Signaling parallel sub-topics
•
When sub-topics are parallel, the signals should also be
parallel
If a key term as the subject of the sentence signals the
first topic, a key term as the subject of the sentence
should also signal the second and all other sub-topics
Similarly, if a key term in a transition phrase signals the
first sub-topic, a key term in a transitional phrase should
signal the secnd and all other sub-topics.
•
•
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Signaling the sub-topics of a
paragraph
• Signaling sub-topics = signaling the
organization
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• The topic sentence here implies that the paragraph
will be organized by type of gas
• And, the following sentences fulfill that expectation
• Samples of inspired, end-tidal and mixed-expired gases were taken
during the 2-hour wash-in period. Inspired gas samples were collected
proximal to the non-rebreathing valve. End-tidal gas samples were
collected through a catheter, the tip of which was placed near the
tracheal end of the endotracheal tube. The endotracheal tube was
connected to the non-rebreathing valve with flexible tubing, whose . . .
Mixed-expired gas samples were collected distal to the aluminium
mixing chamber. All gas samples were colelcted in 50ml glass syringes
that were stored upright to . . .
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Here, the topic sentence suggests that the
paragraph will be organized by the region
of blood flow, and again the expectation is
fulfilled
• Propanolol had variable effects on the hypoxaemiainduced changes in regional blood flow. In the cerebrum,
propanolol did not significantly alter the increase in blood
flow caused by hypoxaemia. However, in other organs,
such as the gut and kidneys, and in the peripheral
circulation, propanolol caused a more severe decrease in
blood flow than did hypoxaemia alone.
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Signaling the sub-topics of a
paragraph
• Sub-topics not announced in the topic
sentence
•
•
•
Even if the topic sentence does not name more than one
topic, the paragraph might contain a sub-topic
Especially important to signal the sub-topic by naming it
at the beginning of the sentence
Remember, the reader is not prepared for a subtopic,
since it was not in the topic sentence
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Signaling the sub-topics of a
paragraph
• Sub-topics not announced in the topic sentence
•
Pulmonary nerve endings were relatively insensitive to phenyl diguanide. Of
25 pulmonary nerve endings tested, only 10 were stimulated when this drug
was injected into the right atrium, and in only one of these did firing exceed
2.2 impulses/s. If the latter ending is excluded, the average peak frequency of
the endings stimulated was only 1.7 impulses/s. The exception, which fired
with an average frequency of 17.4 impulses/s at the peak of the response, was
encountered in the only dog in which right atrial injection of phenyl diguanide
evoked reflex bradycardia within the pulmonary circulation time. . . .
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Signaling the sub-topics of a
paragraph
• Sub-topics not announced in the topic sentence
•
Pulmonary nerve endings were relatively insensitive to phenyl diguanide. Of
25 pulmonary nerve endings tested, only 10 were stimulated when this drug
was injected into the right atrium, and in only one of these did firing exceed
2.2 impulses/s. If the latter ending is excluded, the average peak frequency of
the endings stimulated was only 1.7 impulses/s. The exception, which fired
with an average frequency of 17.4 impulses/s at the peak of the response, was
encountered in the only dog in which right atrial injection of phenyl diguanide
evoked reflex bradycardia within the pulmonary circulation time. . . .
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Signaling the sub-topics of a
paragraph
• Duration of a signal
• When a sub-topic is signaled at the
beginning of a sentence, the signal holds
until you change it
• The sub-topic carries over into the next
sentence
• We saw that in the paragraph about blood
gases
Paragraph Structure
Continuity
• Signaling the sub-topics of a
paragraph
• Duration of a signal
• Samples of inspired, end-tidal and mixed-expired gases were taken
during the 2-hour wash-in period. Inspired gas samples were collected
proximal to the non-rebreathing valve. End-tidal gas samples were
collected through a catheter, the tip of which was placed near the
tracheal end of the endotracheal tube. The endotracheal tube was
connected to the non-rebreathing valve with flexible tubing, whose . . .
Mixed-expired gas samples were collected distal to the aluminium
mixing chamber. All gas samples were colelcted in 50ml glass syringes
that were stored upright to . . .
Paragraph Structure
• A paragraph is a number of
sentences on a single topic
• To tell a clear story
• The ideas must be organized
• The continuity must be clear
• Important ideas must be
emphasised
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• The reader needs to know what
is important
• Not all information in a
paragraph, or in a paper, is
equally important
• Emphasize important information
• De-emphasize the less important
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Six Techniques of Emphasis
• Condensing or omitting less important
information
• Subordinating less important information
• Placing important information in a power
position
• Labeling important information
• Repeating important information
• Stating rather than implying important
information
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Six Techniques of Emphasis
• Condensing or omitting less important
information
• Subordinating less important information
• Placing important information in a power
position
• Labeling important information
• Repeating important information
• Stating rather than implying important
information
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Condensing or Omitting
• In many published papers the
unimportant information outweighs
the important information, so we
cannot “see the forest for the trees.”
• Find a balance between telling
everything you know and getting a
message across to the reader
• The more “noise,” the less message
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Condensing or Omitting
• Omitting is easy
• Just do not put it in the paper
• Condensing is often
accomplished in combination
with the other five
techniques
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Six Techniques of Emphasis
• Condensing or omitting less important
information
• Subordinating less important information
• Placing important information in a power
position
• Labeling important information
• Repeating important information
• Stating rather than implying important
information
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Subordinating
• Place less important information
in a subordinate clause
•
We chose a period equal to three times the time constant because 96% of the
change in anaesthetic concentration within a compartment, and likewise 95% of
the recovery from a compartment, should occur during this period. These
percentages are rough estimates of the amount distributed to and subsequently
recovered from each compartment. However, the distinct separation of these
compartments means that most anaesthetic eliminated from each compartment
should occur during the periods we chose.
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Subordinating
• Place less important information
in a subordinate clause
•
We chose a period equal to three times the time constant because 95% of the
change in anaesthetic concentration within a compartment, and likewise 95% of
the recovery from a compartment, should occur during this period. These
percentages are rough estimates of the amount distributed to and subsequently
recovered from each compartment. However, the distinct separation of these
compartments means that most anaesthetic eliminated from each compartment
should occur during the periods we chose.
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Subordinating
• Place less important information
in a subordinate clause
• Revision:
•
We chose a period equal to three times the time constant because 95% of the
change in anaesthetic concentration within a compartment, and likewise 95% of
the recovery from a compartment, should occur during this period. Although
these percentages are rough estimates of the amount distributed to and
subsequently recovered from each compartment. However, the distinct separation
of these compartments means that most anaesthetic eliminated from each
compartment should occur during the periods we chose.
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Subordinating
• Place less important information
in a subordinate clause
• Revision:
•
We chose a period equal to three times the time constant because 95% of the
change in anaesthetic concentration within a compartment, and likewise 95% of
the recovery from a compartment, should occur during this period. Although
these percentages are rough estimates, the distinct separation of these
compartments means that most anaesthetic eliminated from each compartment
should occur during the periods we chose.
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Six Techniques of Emphasis
• Condensing or omitting less important
information
• Subordinating less important information
• Placing important information in a power
position
• Labeling important information
• Repeating important information
• Stating rather than implying important
information
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Power Position
• Power positions in a paragraph
are first and last
• Middle position is the “burial
ground”
• An important point in the middle
of several sentences of results is
almost invisible
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Power Position
• Mean pulmonary artery pressure and cardiac output did not change after
installation of serum alone or serum with epinephrine or terbutaline
(Table 1). Laft arterial pressure fell slightly below the baseline after all
three treatments, but the decrease was statistically significant only after
epinephrine (Table 1). Peak airway pressure increased slightly after all
three treatments, but the increase was statistically significant only for
epinephrine and terbutaline (Table 1). There was a significant increase in
lung lymph flow and a significant decrease in the lymph-to-plasma
protein concentration ratio after all three treatments. Both the rise in
lymph flow and the decrease in the lymph-to-plasma proteing
concentration ratio were greater after terbutaline and epinephrine than
after serum alone (Table 2). Arterial oxygen tension decreased after all
three treatments, although it was greater than 85 mmHg.
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Power Position
• AARRRGGGHH!!!
• How can I tell what is important in that
paragraph?
• The most important sentence is buried in
the middle
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Power Position
• Mean pulmonary artery pressure and cardiac output did not change after
instillation of serum alone or serum with epinephrine or terbutaline
(Table 1). Left arterial pressure fell slightly below the baseline after all
three treatments, but the decrease was statistically significant only after
epinephrine (Table 1). Peak airway pressure increased slightly after all
three treatments, but the increase was statistically significant only for
epinephrine and terbutaline (Table 1). There was a significant increase in
lung lymph flow and a significant decrease in the lymph-to-plasma
protein concentration ratio after all three treatments. Both the rise in
lymph flow and the decrease in the lymph-to-plasma proteing
concentration ratio were greater after terbutaline and epinephrine than
after serum alone (Table 2). Arterial oxygen tension decreased after all
three treatments, although it was greater than 85 mmHg.
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Power Position
• The most important sentence is buried in
the middle
• It should be the first sentence in the
paragraph
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Power Position
• Revision:
• Assuming that earlier paragraphs included the
identification and explanation of some of the terms,
we can combine parts of the first sentence with the
important one
•
Mean pulmonary artery pressure and cardiac output did not change after
instillation of serum alone or serum with epinephrine or terbutaline (Table 1).
Laft arterial pressure fell slightly below the baseline after all three treatments, but
the decrease was statistically significant only after epinephrine (Table 1). Peak
airway pressure increased slightly after all three treatments, but the increase was
statistically significant only for epinephrine and terbutaline (Table 1). There was
a significant increase in lung lymph flow and a significant decrease in the lymphto-plasma protein concentration ratio after all three treatments. Both the rise in
lymph flow and the decrease in the lymph-to-plasma proteing concentration ratio
were greater after terbutaline and epinephrine than after serum alone (Table 2).
Arterial oxygen tension decreased after all three treatments, although it was
greater than 85 mmHg.
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Power Position
• Revision:
• Assuming that earlier paragraphs included the
identification and explanation of some of the terms,
we can combine parts of the first sentence with the
important one and place it at the beginning of the
paragraph. We can then condense the three
sentences of least important results into one
sentence, placed at the end
• Mean pulmonary artery pressure and cardiac output did not change after
serum was instilled, either alone or with one of the two beta-adrenergic
agonists, lung lymph flow increased and the lymph-to-plasma protein
concentration ratio decreased. Both of these changes were greater after
terbutaline and epinephrine than after serum alone (Table 2). Arterial
oxygen tension decreased, although it was always greater than 85 mmHg.
There were no important changes in haemodynamics or peak airway
pressure (Table 1).
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Power Position
• Revision:
• In addition, two other techniques of condensing are
used
• The treatments are named at the beginning of the
paragraph so they do not need to be repeated
• A category term, “changes” is used to avoid
repeating what increased and deacreased
• Mean pulmonary artery pressure and cardiac output did not change after
serum was instilled, either alone or with one of the two beta-adrenergic
agonists, lung lymph flow increased and the lymph-to-plasma protein
concentration ratio decreased. Both of these changes were greater after
terbutaline and epinephrine than after serum alone (Table 2). Arterial
oxygen tension decreased, although it was always greater than 85 mmHg.
There were no important changes in haemodynamics or peak airway
pressure (Table 1).
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Six Techniques of Emphasis
• Condensing or omitting less important
information
• Subordinating less important information
• Placing important information in a power
position
• Labeling important information
• Repeating important information
• Stating rather than implying important
information
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Labeling
• “The most important finding
of this study is . . .”
• Or
• “The most unusual aspect of
the Odr-7 sequence is . . .”
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Labeling
• Similarly, less important
information can be labeled
• “There were no important
changes in . . .”
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Six Techniques of Emphasis
• Condensing or omitting less important
information
• Subordinating less important information
• Placing important information in a power
position
• Labeling important information
• Repeating important information
• Stating rather than implying important
information
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Repeating
• The most important information in a
paper is the message
• It can be stated in the Results
• It can be repeated in the Abstract and
in the Discussion
• It can be repeated in the Discussion
by being stated both at the beginning
and at the end
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Repeating
• Similarly, in individual paragraphs,
the message of the paragraph can be
emphasised by being stated in a topic
sentence at the beginning of the
paragraph and again in a topic
sentence at the end
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Six Techniques of Emphasis
• Condensing or omitting less important
information
• Subordinating less important information
• Placing important information in a power
position
• Labeling important information
• Repeating important information
• Stating rather than implying important
information
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Stating rather than implying
• Do not make the reader
figure out what is important.
• State it
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Stating rather than implying
•
The final variable that can shift the pressure-dimension curve acutely is change
in temperature. Rectal temperature was monitored in many dogs and tended to
drift downward from 38 to 36C. The greatest shift in temperature (to 36C)
occurred during the thoracotomy and then the temperature usually remained
stable. Templeton et al. (38) reported greater cardiac muscle stiffness and greater
diastolic pressure consistent with a leftward shift in the pressure-dimension curve
at 33C (PLVED, 6.6 mmHg) than at 37C ((PLVED, 1.8 mmHg). The major increase
in diastolic pressure came at temperatures below 35C. The authors believed that
the elevation in diastolic pressure was mediated by changes in viscous rather than
elastic properties. However, 1) all recorded temperatures in the present study
were greater than 35C, 2) temperature was usually stable during the experimental
protocol at 37C, and 3) there was no evidence that viscous factors changed
during maximal coronary blood flow.
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Stating rather than implying
• Again, AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!
• When we get half way through this paragraph, our
eyes begin to glaze over and we are lost.
• Although we can understand what many of the
sentences in the second half of the paragraph are
saying (maybe), we wonder why we are ‘hearing”
them
• What is the message of all this detail?
Paragraph Structure
Emphasis
• Stating rather than implying
• Revision:
•
The final variable that can shift the pressure-dimension curve acutely is change
in temperature. Rectal temperature was monitored in many dogs and tended to
drift downward from 38 to 36C. The greatest shift in temperature (to 36C)
occurred during the thoracotomy and then the temperature usually remained
stable. Templeton et al. (38) reported greater cardiac muscle stiffness and greater
diastolic pressure consistent with a leftward shift in the pressure-dimension curve
at 33C (PLVED, 6.6 mmHg) than at 37C ((PLVED, 1.8 mmHg). The major increase
in diastolic pressure came at temperatures below 35C. The authors believed that
the elevation in diastolic pressure was mediated by changes in viscous rather than
elastic properties. However, 1) all recorded temperatures in the present study
were greater than 35C, 2) temperature was usually stable during the experimental
protocol at 37C, and 3) there was no evidence that viscous factors changed
during maximal coronary blood flow. This change in temperature probably did
not shift the pressure-dimension curve, since a leftward shift has been reported
only at temperatures below 35C (38).
Paragraph Structure
• Summary
• To tell a clear story a paragraph
must have
• Organisation
• Continuity
• Emphasis
Paragraph Structure
• Summary
• Organisation
• Topic Sentences and Supporting
Sentences
• No missing steps in logic
Paragraph Structure
• Summary
• Continuity
• Repeating key terms
• Using transitions to indicate relationships
between ideas
• Keeping consistent order
• Keeping a consistent point of view
• Putting parallel ideas in parallel form
• Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph
Paragraph Structure
• Summary
• Emphasis
• Condensing or omitting less important
information
• Subordinating less important information
• Placing important information in a power
position
• Labeling important information
• Repeating important information
• Stating rather than implying important
information
Writing
• Thesis
• Chapters
• Paragraphs
− Sentences
– Words
Writing
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Chapters
Introduction
Materials and Methods
Results
Discussion
References
Tables
Illustrations
Acknowledgements
Etc.
Consult Advisor
• Details on Thesis structure
• Style
• Etc.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION