Transcript Appendixes A.1-A.10

Lessons in Style
Appendix A.1-A.10
Appendix A.1: Active Sentences
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The writer sent the letter through the mail.
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Sentence: Subject, verb, complete thought
Active Sentence
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The writer sent the letter through the mail.
Subject—writer
 Actor in sentence
 Performs action of verb
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Passive Sentence
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The letter was sent by the writer through the
mail.
Subject—Letter
 Acted upon in the sentence
 Receives the action of the verb
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Another Example
The company sold stock.
 Stock was sold by the company.
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Which is clearer and more concise, active or
passive voice?
Exceptions
Ken Park decided that we should go on
strike.
 A decision was made to go on strike.
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Farmers grew this corn in Illinois.
 This corn was grown in Illinois.
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Additional Examples
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All the necessary forms have been received
by the social worker.
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A dosage of 150 mg. of Imipramine is taken
by the patient daily.
Appendix A.2: Keeping Subject
and Verb Together
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Generally, the most important relationship
in a sentence is between subject and verb.
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For that reason, they should be kept as close
together as possible.
Examples
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John, because he has done such good work
this year, has been promoted.
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The computer, which is out of hard drive
space because of the new program,
malfunctions frequently.
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The policy, unfair because of its emphasis
on overtime, angered the employees.
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Because he has done such a good job this
year, Bob has been promoted.
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The computer malfunctions frequently
because the new program has exceeded the
hard drive space.
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The policy angered the employees because
of its unfair emphasis on overtime.
Appendix A.3: Put Modifiers
Next to What They Modify
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A modifier is a word or a phrase that makes
another word or phrase more specific by limiting
or qualifying its sense
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Examples:
red car, blue flower
Bill wrote a very important report.
The letter that was sent explains the details.
Modifier Errors
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Dangling Modifier—word or phrase that
modifies a word not clearly stated in the
sentence
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Misplaced Modifier—modifiers placed too
far from the words they are modifying
General Rule

Put modifiers next to what they modify (or
at least as close as possible)
The company indicated that I would receive
a refund in the letter.
 The company indicated in the letter that I
would receive a refund.
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Examples
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Sometimes it is profitable to buy an older home in
a nice neighborhood that needs a lot of repairs.
While welding a butt joint, several rules must be
remembered.
Looking through last week’s reports, inventory was
down.
Placed in a window opening, office workers can be
kept comfortable by an air conditioning unit of
even moderate size.
Appendix A.4: Adjust Long
Sentences
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The more you pack into a sentence, the
harder it is for the reader to process.

Maintain an average of no more than twenty
words per sentence.
Methods for Adjusting Long
Sentences

Separate long sentences into shorter
sentences.
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Incorporate a list, using bullets or numbers.
Example
Used extensively and considered a generalpurpose welding rod, RG-65 gas welding
rods are of low-alloy composition and may
be used to weld pipes for power plants, for
process piping, and under severe service
conditions, and produce very good welds
(50,000 to 65,000 psi) in such materials as
carbon steels, low-alloy steels, and wrought
iron.
OR . . . .
The RG-65 is a general-purpose gas welding
rod made of low-alloy composition. It
functions under severe service conditions
and is used extensively in welding pipes for
power plants and in process piping. It
produces very good welds (50,000 to
65,000 psi) in such materials as carbon
steels, low-alloy steels, and wrought iron.
Lack of fusion in welding may be caused by
an incorrect current adjustment, an
improper electrode size or type, dirty plate
surfaces, failure to raise to the melting point
the temperature of the base metal or the
previously deposited weld metal, or
improper fluxing, which fails to dissolve the
oxide and other foreign material from
surfaces to which the deposited metal is
intended to fuse.
OR . . . .
Lack of fusion in welding may be caused by the
following:
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incorrect current adjustment,
improper electrode size or type,
dirty plate surfaces,
failure to raise the temperature of the base metal or the
previously deposited weld metal to the melting point, or
improper fluxing, which fails to dissolve the oxide and
other foreign material from surfaces to which the
deposited metal is intended to fuse.
Parallel Structure—consistent construction or
words, phrases, or sentences
Lack of fusion in welding may be caused by the
following:
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incorrectly adjusting current,
improper electrode size or type,
having dirty plate surfaces,
failure to raise the temperature of the base metal or the
previously deposited weld metal to the melting point, or
you have improper fluxing, which fails to dissolve the
oxide and other foreign material from surfaces to which
the deposited metal is intended to fuse.
Appendix A.5: Use Transitions
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Transitions—words or phrases that serve as
links between sentence parts, whole
sentences, or paragraphs
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Purpose: to clarify the direction of your
train of thought
Types of Transitions
(Conjunctive Adverbs)
 Additional
 Contrast
Information
 Exemplification
 Explanation
 Similarity
 Cause
and Effect
 Emphasis
 Summary
Example
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Wilson Brothers Plumbing submitted a bid
of $10,000 for the project. Therefore, we
hired the company to install new pipes.
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Wilson Brothers Plumbing submitted a bid
of $10,000 for the project. Nevertheless,
we hired the company to install new pipes.
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Amid much controversy, war with Iraq
seems imminent. ___________, it is
important that we support our troops.
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Oswald studied late last night for his big
test. ____________, he did not do well.
Punctuating Transitions
Between Sentences
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This is a major obstacle to continued growth
and product development. It is the single
biggest problem facing the company.
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This is a major obstacle to continued growth
and product development, in fact, it is the
single biggest problem facing the company.
Coordinating Conjunctions
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And
But
Or
Nor
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For
So
Yet
Punctuating Between Sentences
with Coordinating Conjunctions
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We have been covering summaries in class
this week, but your summary is not due
until next week.
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You may resubmit your assignments for a
higher grade, or you may choose to keep the
first grade you earn.
Appendix A.6: Eliminating Clutter
The bottom line:
Use no more words than necessary.
“I have made this letter longer than usual
because I lack the time to make it shorter.”
--Blaise Pascal
Unnecessary Introductions
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As I look back on what I have said in this memo,
it seems as if we have the potential to succeed.
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For all practical purposes, we cannot continue to
operate.
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In this day and age, we cannot afford
complacency.
Submerged Verbs
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Verbs that have been hidden as another part
of speech, usually a noun (nominalization).
Conduct an investigation
 Bring about an end
 Initiate contact
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Long-Winded Phrases
At this point in time =
 In many instances =
 Upon the condition =
 Enclosed herein =
 In this day an age =
 With the exception of =
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Obvious Modifiers
Red in color
 Past history
 Future prospects
 Few in number
 Annual fundraiser each year
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Repetitious Wording
Our business must earn a profit this quarter.
In addition, our business needs to conduct
research into new products. We also should
implement an investigation of new markets.
 Our business must earn a profit this quarter,
research new products, and investigate new
markets.
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Examples
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4.
5.
In the event that the conductor becomes hot, shut
down the unit.
This airbrush has a tendency to leak.
Fire drills are important because fire drills
provide students with practice in emergency
evacuation procedures that they will have to
know in the event of an actual fire.
The Desert Storm war was relatively brief in
duration.
Prior to entering the factory, please sign the
visitors’ log book.
Appendix 7: Use Simple Language
In general, don’t use big, fancy words when
short, common ones will do the job.
 Advantages: understood more quickly by
more readers; less chance of misuse or
misspelling
 But, choose your words with the reader in
mind (e.g. technical terms).
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Examples
Remunerate =
 Endeavor =
 Terminate =
 Customary =
 Germane =
 Solicit =
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Appendix 8: Avoid Clichés
Clichés are overused expressions.
 Once catchy and clever, clichés have lost
their effectiveness through overuse.
 Clichés should be avoided in writing
because they may strike the reader as
shallow and predictable and they may not
be taken seriously.
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Examples
Between a rock and a hard place
 Beyond the shadow of a doubt
 Few and far between
 In the final analysis
 Let bygones be bygones
 Needless to say
 A rude awakening
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Appendix A:9 Using Numbers
Correctly
Use words for zero to nine.
 Use words or numerals for numbers that can
be expressed in one or two words (45 or
forty-five).
 Use numerals for numbers that would
require more than two words (127 instead of
one hundred twenty-seven).
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Never begin a sentence with a numeral
(spell out the number or move it in the
sentence).
 For very large numbers, combine numerals
and words (100 million).
 Combine numbers and words to prevent
misreading (three 6-inch screws instead of
3 6 inch screws).
 Be consistent in how you use numbers.
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Use numerals for all statistical data.
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Ages and addresses
Dates and times
Exact amounts of money
Fractions and decimals
Identification numbers
Measurements
Page numbers
Percentages, ratios, proportions
Scores
A test of thirty one control valves at a major
factory revealed more than seventy
significant operating deficiencies, and in
another series of tests conducted on a
random sample of 60 control valves, 88
percent exhibited substandard performance.
This machine offers a calculated mean time
between failures (MTBF) above one
hundred thousand hours, or more than
eleven years if used twenty-four hours per
day, three hundred and sixty five days per
year.
In nineteen ninety three, a one hundred and
eighty foot long, three hundred and twenty
eight ton replacement span for the historic
Grosse Island Bridge in Michigan was set in
place in one piece, using the “sinking
bridge” method.
The population of the United States is now
more than two hundred fifty billion.
The temperature in Death Valley often
exceeds one hundred degrees.
Appendix 10: Revise Sexist
Language
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Sexist Language (Gender-Biased Language)—
language that unfairly or inaccurately stereotypes
men’s and women’s roles.
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Principles:
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Language should reflect social realities.
Language should reflect an awareness of audience.
Guidelines
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Avoid using the generic “he.”
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Every welder must sign his name on the log-in
sheet before beginning his shift.
Avoid language that unnecessarily identifies
or emphasizes gender.
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Mr. Jones, Miss Gomez, and Mrs. Ching will be
assigned to the budget committees.
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Avoid language that assumes traditional
male and female roles.
Lollipop Nursery School requests that each
child’s mother help out at the school at least
one lunch hour per month.
 It will take twelve workmen to complete this
job on time.
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Methods for Avoiding GenderBiased Language
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Eliminate the gender reference
Each welder must sign the log-in sheet before
beginning work.
 Ching, Gomez, and Jones will be assigned to
the budget committee.
 Lollipop Nursery School requests that at least
one parent of each child help out at the school
at least one lunch hour per month.
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Use a plural reference
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Use gender-neutral job titles
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Welders must sign the log-in sheet before
beginning their shifts.
Mail carriers, police officer, firefighter, etc.
Use he or she
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Each welder must sign the log-in sheet before
beginning his or her shift.