Transcript Brushstroke ppt-2014 REV - Miss Williams

The Five+1
“Brushstrokes”
Compare the following images, the first written by a high
school student…
It was winter. Everything was
frozen and white. Snow had fallen
from the sky for days. The
weather was horrible.
The second by well-known novelist Brian Jacques…
Mossflower lay deep in the grip of midwinter beneath a
sky of leaden gray that showed tinges of scarlet and
orange on the horizon. A cold mantle of snow draped the
landscape, covering the flatlands to the west. Snow was
everywhere, filling the ditches, drifting high against the
hedgerows, making paths invisible, smoothing the
contours of earth in its white embrace.
Participle
– An –ing or –ed word (usually) that acts
as an adjective.
– Adds more action to a description.
The snake attacked its prey.
Hissing, slithering, and coiling, the snake
attacked its prey.
The dog ran to his owner.
Write a sentence with a PARTICIPLE PHRASE.
Participles Painted
by Ernest Hemingway
Shifting the weight of the line to his left shoulder and kneeling
carefully, he washed his hand in the ocean and held it there,
submerged for more than a minute, watching the blood trail
away and the steady movement of the water against his hand
as the boat moved.
--- Old Man and the Sea
by Ernest Hemingway
Appositive
– A noun or noun phrase that adds a
second image to a preceding noun.
– It expands details in the imagination.
The raccoon enjoys eating turtle eggs.
The raccoon, a midnight scavenger, enjoys
eating turtle eggs.
The zebras turned to face the noise.
Write a sentence with
an appositive phrase…
watch your punctuation!
Appositives
Painted by Cornelius Ryan
Plowing through the choppy gray waters, a phalanx of ships
bore down on Hitler's Europe: fast new attack transports,
slow rust-scarred freighters, small ocean liners, channel
steamers, hospital ships, weather-beaten tankers, and
swarms of fussing tugs. Barrage balloons flew above the
ships. Squadrons of fighter planes weaved below the clouds.
And surrounding this cavalcade of ships packed with men,
guns, tanks, and motor vehicles, and supplies came a
formidable array of 702 warships.
--- June 6, 1944: The Longest Day
by Cornelius Ryan
Adjectives Out of Order
– Placing adjectives in a different order can
be effective.
– Do not use too many “lists” of adjectives.
– Amplify the details of an image.
The large, red-eyed, angry moose charged the intruder.
The large moose, red-eyed and angry, charged
the intruder.
The bunnies devour the plant.
Adjectives Out of Order
Painted by Doyle, Carr, and Peck
And then, suddenly, in the very dead of the night, there
came a sound to my ears, clear, resonant, and
unmistakable.
--- The Hound of the Baskervilles by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
The Pavilion was a simple city, long and rectangular.
--- Alienist by Caleb Carr
I could smell Mama, crisp and starched, plumping my
pillow, and the cool muslin pillowcase touched both my ears
as the back of my head sank into all those feathers.
--- A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck
Varying Sentence Beginnings
• Allows the writing to flow more effectively
• Move a phrase or clause to the
beginning of the sentence — instead of
always beginning the sentence with the
subject.
The cat climbed the tree with great caution.
With great caution, the cat climbed the tree.
The red-tailed hawk looked powerful
when it spread its wings.
When it spread its wings, the
red-tailed hawk looked powerful.
The startled frog grasped the
leaf at the last moment.
The walrus lounged upon the sand
when he finished breakfast.
Rather than starting with the subject:
• Begin with a prepositional phraseThe children played with their puppy before they ate dinner.
Before they ate dinner, the children played with the
puppy.
• Begin with a subordinate clause•
Billy aced the test even though he didn’t have time to study.
Even though he didn’t have time to study, Billy aced the test.
• Begin with an adjective/participles or an adverbSpirited and enthusiastic, the students began the the project.
Quickly and quietly, the students began their science test.
The bear confidently sauntered into the
cabin uninvited and unannounced.
(1)
(2)
Using Precise Language
- Make your writing more energetic with
action verbs. (avoid passive voice)
- Use precise nouns, adjectives, and
adverbs to make your ideas stand out.
Being Verb: The gravel road is on the right side of the
barn.
Action Verb: The gravel road curls around the right
side of the barn.
Snow was on the leaves.
The snow covered the leaves. (active)
The leaves were covered by the snow.
(passive)
The girl was covered in Nutella.
Passive Voice:
1. Mistakes were made during the battle.
2. Lemon squares are loved by most children.
3. Strange noises were heard through the wall.
Active Voice:
1. ___________________________________
2. ___________________________________
3. ___________________________________
Action Verbs
Painted by Annie Dillard
A baseball weighted your hand just so, and fit it. Its red stitches,
its good leather and hardness like skin over bone, seemed to call
forth a skill both easy and precise. On the catch---the grounder,
the fly, the line drive---you could snag a baseball in your mitt,
where it stayed, snap, like a mouse locked in its trap, not like some
pumpkin of a softball you merely halted, with a terrible sound like
a splat. You could curl your fingers around a baseball, and throw
it in a straight line. When you hit it with a bat, it cracked---and
your heart cracked, too, at the sound. It took a grass stain nicely,
stayed round and smelled good and lived lashed in your mitt all
winter, hibernating.
--- An American Childhood by Annie Dillard
Long before the first rays of the sun proclaimed yet another
brilliant day on the Monterey Peninsula, Ted lay awake thinking
about the weeks ahead. The courtroom. The defendant's table where
he would sit, feeling the eyes of the spectators on him, trying to get
a sense of the impact of the testimony on the jurors. The verdict:
Guilty of Murder in the Second Degree. Why Second Degree? he
had asked his first lawyer. "Because in New York State, First
Degree is reserved for killing a peace officer. For what it's worth, it
amounts to about the same, as far as sentencing goes." Life, he told
himself. A life in prison. (167)
--- Weep No More My Lady by Mary Higgins Clark