Transcript Chap_005 The 4th Step

4 Steps in Essay Writing
• Step 1: Begin with a Point (Thesis)
• Step 2: Support Thesis with Specific
Evidence
• Step 3: Organize & Connect the Specific
Evidence
• Step 4: Revising Sentences
Chapter Five
The Fourth Step in Essay
Writing
College Writing Skills with Readings
Step 4
Revise and Edit Your Work
Strategies for revising sentences::
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Use parallelism.
Use a consistent point of view.
Use specific words.
Use active verbs.
Use concise words.
Vary your sentences.
Use Parallelism
By balancing the items in a sentence,
you will make the sentence clearer
and easier to read.
Ex.: My job includes checking
inventory, initialing orders, and
to call the suppliers.
calling
Use a Consistent Point of View:
Verbs
Do not shift verb tenses
unnecessarily.
Ex.: Jean punched down the risen dough.
dumped
Then she dumps it onto the worktable.
Use a Consistent Point of View:
Pronouns
Do not shift point of view
unnecessarily.
Ex.: One of the fringe benefits of
my job is that you I can use a
company credit card for gasoline.
Use Specific Words
To be an effective writer, you
must use specific words
rather than general words.
General: The dog ran down the street.
Specific: The mangy stray loped down
Broadway, dodging cars and startled
pedestrians.
Specific Sentences
1: Use exact names. (Not
“Vince.”)
“the boy,” but
2: Use lively verbs. (Not “ate,” but “slurped.”)
3: Use descriptive words. (Not “the car,” but
“the rickety old Buick.”)
4: Use sense descriptions.
(“Vince slurped his
ice-cold chocolate milkshake while sitting on the
squeaking front seat of his rickety old Buick.”)
Use Active Verbs
Prefer the active voice.
When the subject receives the action, the verb is in the
passive voice.
The computer was bought by George.
When the subject of a sentence performs the action of the
verb, the verb is in the active voice.
George bought the computer.
Use Concise Words
Prefer concision.
Wordiness -- using more words than necessary -- is
often a sign of lazy or careless writing.
In this paper, I am planning to describe the
hobby that I enjoy of collecting old comic
books.
Revision: I enjoy collecting old comic books.
Vary Your Sentences
Effective writing is writing that is
varied and interesting.
Vary your sentences by:
1: Adding a second complete thought.
2: Adding a dependent thought.
3: Beginning with an opening word or
phrase.
4: Placing adjectives or verbs in a series.
Adding a Second Complete
Thought
Transform simple sentences (which
can be monotonous) -Greg worked on the engine.
The car still wouldn’t start.
into compound sentences:
Greg worked on the engine,
but the car still wouldn’t start.
Adding a Dependent Thought
Transform simple sentences (which
can be monotonous) -The library was very quiet. I
couldn’t concentrate.
into complex sentences:
Although the library was very quiet,
I couldn’t concentrate.
Beginning with an Opening Word or
Phrase
...transforms simple sentences
(which can be monotonous) --
Paul was concerned about his daughter’s
fever. Paul called a doctor.
into varied sentences:
Concerned about his daughter’s fever,
Paul called a doctor.
Placing Adjectives or Verbs in a
Series
...transforms simple sentences (which
can be monotonous) -The truck bounced off a guardrail. It
sideswiped a tree. It plunged into the
ditch.
into varied sentences:
The truck bounced off a guardrail,
sideswiped a tree, and plunged into the
ditch.
Editing Sentences
After revising, check for mistakes in
grammar, punctuation, mechanics,
usage, and spelling.
Edit according to the conventions of
written English, aka sentence skills.
Proofreading
Check the edited draft of
your paper for typos and
other other careless
errors.
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Activity 1, p 112
Activity 3, p 115
Activity 6, p 120-121
Activity 12, p 132-133
A unique object in my family’s living room is an ashtray, which I
made in second grade. I can still remember the pride I felt when I
presented it to my mother. Now, I’m amazed that my parents didn’t
hide it away at the back of a shelf; it is a remarkably ugly object.
The ashtray is made out of brown clay I had tried to mold into a
perfect circle. Unfortunately, my class was only forty-five minutes
long. The best I could do was to shape it into a lopsided oval. Its
most distinctive feature, though, is the grooves carved into its rim.
I had theorized that each groove could hold a cigarette or cigar, so I
made at least fifty of them. I somehow failed to consider that the
only person who smoked in my family was my father who smoked
about five cigars a year. Further, although our living room is
decorated in sedate tans and blues, my ashtray is bright purple, my
favorite color at the time. For variety, it has stripes around its rim;
they are colored neon green. My parents have proudly displayed
my little masterpiece on their coffee table for the past ten years. If I
ever wonder if my parents love me, I look at that ugly ashtray; the
answer is plain to see.