Transcript Verb Nominalization

Editing
Joe Moxley, Professor of English
University of South Florida
http://joemoxley.org
Overview
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Avoid Vagueness
Use the Active Voice
Limit Nominalizations
Use the First Person
Eliminate to be Verbs
Select an Appropriate
Sentence Pattern
Enhance Cohesion
Edit Strings of Prepositional
Phrases
Edit for Economy
Use Tools to Facilitate Editing
Avoid Vagueness
As you read through your document, question
whether language is as specific and exact as
necessary.
Avoid Vagueness
If you say, "Research
suggests that drinking
grape juice lowers
cholesterol," readers
will ask, "What
research? How was
the research
conducted? Who
conducted the
research? Did the
results appear in a
credible source?"
Avoid Vagueness > Use
Characters as Subjects
Express main characters as subjects.
Express their actions as verbs.
Avoid Vagueness > Example
Once upon a time, as a walk through the
woods was taking place on the part of Little
Red Riding Hood, the Wolf’s jump out from
behind a tree occurred, causing fright in
Little Red Riding hood.
Once upon a time, Little Red Riding Hood
was walking through the woods, when the
Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and
frightened her.
Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams
The cause of our educational system’s failure at
teaching basic skills to children is not
understanding the influence of their cultural
background on learning.
-complex, abstract, wordy
Our educational system has failed to teach children
basics skills because we don’t understand how
their cultural background influences the way they
learn.
-clearer and direct
Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams
Use the Active Voice
Make your writing more
persuasive, clear, and
concise by using the active
voice rather than the
passive voice.
A verb is passive when its
subject is acted upon by an
outside agent rather than
doing the action.
Use the Active Voice
Identify passive voice by finding a
sentence that uses some form of
the verb to be (am, is, was, were,
being, been) along with a past
participle (a verb form ending in ed, -en), or some other verb form.
Passive: I was made a better
scholarly author by writing
regularly.
Active: Writing regularly has
made me a better scholarly
author.
Passive Verbs
The passive differs from the active in three
ways:
The subject expresses the goal of the
action.
A form of be precedes a verb in its past
participle form.
The agent of action appears after the verb
in a by-phrase, but it may also be
dropped.
Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams
Passive Verbs > Examples
• I was made a better writer
by taking the writing
course.
• The data were confirmed.
• She was had by the con
artist.
• The money was lost by
me.
• Those who are found
guilty can be fined.
Choose between active and
passive
Must your readers know
who is responsible for
the action?
Because the inspection
was not done, the flaw
was left uncorrected, a
fact that was known
months before it was
leaked to the press.
Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams
Choose between active and
passive
Would the active or passive voice let you
arrange words in an order that helps your
readers move smoothly from one sentence to
the next?
This decision will be influenced by the weight we
give to two factors, industrial competitiveness
and the value we attach to the liberal arts
Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams
Choose between active and
passive
Would the active or passive create a consistent
and appropriate sequence of subjects
representing characters that you want your
reader to focus on?
By early 1945, Germany had essentially been
defeated; all that remained was a bloody climax.
Its borders had been breached, and it was being
bombed around the clock.
Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams
Limit Nominalizations
Create a persuasive, dynamic voice by
packing your sentences with verbs rather
than nominalizations.
Verb
Nominalization
discover
discovery
resist
resistance
react
reaction
feel
feeling
introduce
introduction
Limit Nominalizations
A nominalization follows a verb with little specific
meaning
The agency conducted an investigation into the
matter.
The agency investigated the matter.
Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams
Limit Nominalizations
A nominalization follows there is or there are
There is no need for our further study of this
problem.
We need not study this problem further.
Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams
Limit Nominalizations
The nominalization is the subject of an empty
verb
The intention of the committee is to audit the
records.
The committee intends to audit the records.
Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams
Limit Nominalizations
Two or three nominalizations in a row are joined
by prepositions
There was first a review of the evolution of the
dorsal fin.
First, she reviewed how the dorsal fin evolved.
Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams
Limit Nominalizations
Often, one nominalization appears in a subject
and a second in the complement of a verb or
phrase
Their increase in revenues was a result of their
expansion of outlets.
They increased revenues because they
expanded outlets.
Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams
Maintain a High Verb-to-Noun
Ratio
When editing, consider changing Latinated
nouns--that is, nouns that end with ance,
ing, ion, tion, or ment-- into verbs.
For example, transform introduction into
introduce; commitment, commit; feeling,
feel.
Maintain a High Verb-to-Noun
Ratio
Changing nouns into verbs can result in a more
concise and vigorous passage, as illustrated
below:
Sample: The assumption that creative ability has a
relationship to intelligence warrants further examination.
Revision: We must examine how creative ability relates
to intelligence.
Use the First Person
"Do not use the first
person" is perhaps the most
unfortunate writing myth
that handicaps
inexperienced writers.
When you remove all
personal references from
your writing, you can suck
the life out of your prose.
Eliminate to be Verbs
The verb "to be" is unlike
any other verb because it is
inert--that is, it doesn't show
any action.
Because you diminish the
vigor of a document by
using "is" and "are"
constructions, you should
try to limit their frequency.
Eliminate to be Verbs
Sample: According to the
certification theory, there
is no intrinsic relation
between creativity and
IQ.
Revision: Certification
theory posits no intrinsic
relation between
creativity and IQ.
Select an Appropriate Sentence
Pattern
When assessing whether your sentences
are too long or complex, consider your
audience.
Limit the number of words that come
between the beginning of the sentence
and its subject.
Don't clutter the beginning of the sentence
with unnecessary transitional words
or phrases.
Select an Appropriate Sentence
Pattern
Notice in this example, how you need to juggle all
of the opening conditions in your mind before you
finally come to the subject of this sentence:
If you write every morning for at least fifteen
minutes, if you set aside the urge to criticize early
drafts and ideas, if you analyze your rhetorical
situation for a document, if you ask critical
questions of your drafts, if you share drafts with
colleagues, then you will improve quickly as a
writer.
Select an Appropriate Sentence
Pattern
Avoid Throat Clearing
Using several metadiscourse at the beginning of
the sentence
And therefore, politically speaking, in Eastern
states since 1980, acid rain has become a
serious problem
Since 1980, therefore, acid rain in Eastern
states has become a serious political problem
Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams
Select an Appropriate Sentence
Pattern
Avoid alleged monotony
If several consecutive sentences begin with
the same words, revise the sentences by
using pronouns, paraphrase the topic and
move it to prepositional phrase
Avoid illusory cohesion
Avoid using logical conjunctions like thus,
therefore, however, and so on, if the logical
conjunctions are meaningless
Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams
Select an Appropriate Sentence
Pattern
Fortunately, most sentences with long
introductory clauses can be easily improved; all
you need to do is move the concluding words-that is, the independent clause--to the beginning
of the sentence, as in the following revision:
You will improve quickly as a writer if you write
every morning for at least fifteen minutes, etc.
Enhance Cohesion
Balance the principles that makes individual
sentences clear and the principles that gives a
sequence a sense of cohesive flow.
Readers must understand individual
sentences
Readers must see the sentences “hang
together”
Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams
Enhance Cohesion
It is also called “ Old-ToNew”
Begin the sentence with
information familiar to
the reader
End sentences with
information that the
reader does not
anticipate
Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams
Enhance Cohesion > Example
Some astonishing questions
about the nature of the
universe have been raised by
scientists studying black holes
in space. A black hole is
created by the collapse of a
dead star into a point perhaps
no longer than a marble. So
much matter compressed
into so little volume changes
the fabric of space around it in
a puzzling way.
Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams
Edit Strings of Prepositional
Phrases
Prepositions work as
connecting words: they
link the object of the
preposition to a word
that appears earlier in
the sentence.
Prepositions do not
convey action, nor do
they subordinate one
thought to another.
Edit Strings of Prepositional
Phrases
When used excessively, as demonstrated by
the following example, prepositional phrases
create a choppy, list-like style:
The major objective of this study was to
determine the perceived effects of the union on
monetary and on non-monetary aspects of
compensation over the period in which
respondents to the survey had been union
members.
Edit for Economy
People love conciseness.
By evaluating the content in
light of your audience and
the tone that you hope to
establish, you can find ways
to eliminate unnecessary
transitions, definitions,
references, examples.
In your search for precision and
persuasive appeal, you
should delete unnecessary
repetitions--redundant
adjectives, repeated phrases,
and synonyms.
Edit for Economy
Delete unnecessary
repetitions--redundant
adjectives, repeated phrases,
and synonyms.
Use Tools to Facilitate Editing
Use Tools to Facilitate Editing
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