Transcript PPT - Ms. Erb

7 Ways to Avoid
Wordiness
1. AVOID FILLER WORDS
It was really important to be on time.
It was important to be on time.
1. AVOID FILLER WORDS
► The
essay was very helpful in forming my
ideas and concepts on the topic.
► The
essay was helpful in forming my ideas
on the topic.
2. AVOID PASSIVE TENSE
► He
was hit by another player during the
seventh inning.
► Another
inning.
player hit him during the seventh
**Passive voice is when the subject is acted on – and active voice is when the subject does
the acting. DO NOT shift abruptly from one voice to the other.
**There is nothing inherently wrong with the passive voice, but if you can say the same
thing in the active mode, do so. Your text will have more pizzazz as a result, since
passive verb constructions tend to lie about in their pajamas and avoid actual work.
2. AVOID PASSIVE TENSE
► The
►A
article was written by a senator.
senator wrote the article.
3. AVOID EXPLETIVE
CONSTRUCTIONS –
IT IS, THERE IS, THERE ARE
► There
are four rules that should be
observed.
► Four
rules should be observed.
**Try to avoid using them, since these constructions merely obscure the main subject and action of a sentence
.
3. AVOID EXPLETIVE
CONSTRUCTIONS –
IT IS, THERE IS, THERE ARE
► It
is the teacher who grades the papers.
► The
teacher grades the papers.
4. AVOID REPETITIVE WORDING
► My
future plans are unclear.
► My
plans are unclear.
past memories
various differences
each individual _______
basic fundamentals
true facts
important essentials
future plans
terrible tragedy
end result
final outcome
free gift
past history
unexpected surprise
sudden crisis
4. AVOID REPETITIVE WORDING
► The
birthday party was an unexpected
surprise.
► The
birthday party was a surprise.
5. CHANGE UNNECESSARY
THAT, WHICH, WHO CLAUSES
► The
material that was new was beautiful.
► The
new material was beautiful.
5. CHANGE UNNECESSARY
THAT, WHICH, WHO CLAUSES
► The
boy who is tall sits in the back row.
► The
tall boy sits in the back row.
6. AVOID NOMINALIZATIONS
►I
do not have the intention of visiting here
again.
►I
do not intend to visit here again.
**A “nominalized” sentence is one in which abstract nouns perform most of the work. Abstract nouns are
things you can’t touch or easily visualize (such as “analysis” or “solution”). These vague nouns contain
within them a hidden verb (“analyze” or “solve”); the process of turning a word from a verb into a noun is
called “nominalization.” Don’t nominalize. People tend to think writing is more clear and direct when it
relies on verbs rather than abstract nouns formed from verbs. Revise your sentences in order to make
your verbs do the work.
6. AVOID NOMINALIZATIONS
► We
will use persistence.
► We
will persist.
7. AVOID CIRCUMLOCUTIONS
► At
this point in time, the store must be
closed.
► Now
the store must be closed.
► In
light of the fact = because
► On the occasion of = when
► In regards to = about
► It is necessary that = must
**The use of unnecessarily wordy and indirect language to avoid getting to the point.
Contrast with conciseness.
7. AVOID CIRCUMLOCUTIONS
► In
relation to Keith’s song, response was
mixed.
► Response
to Keith’s song was mixed.
HANDOUT
Review the handout.
Keep it as a reminder.
PRACTICE
Review the following examples &
revisions.
Make sure you know WHY they
are revised.
The performance was planned by
the music teacher who works at the
elementary school.
► The
elementary school music teacher
planned the performance.
It is the responsibility of the nurse
who works at night to check the
patients.
► The
night nurse is responsible for checking
the patients.
We really should move inside in light
of the fact that a thunderstorm is
approaching.
► We
should move inside because a
thunderstorm is approaching.
She has the ability to influence the
end result.
► She
can influence the result.
Now You Try…
► Revise
the following 10 sentences so they
are correct. (Are any of them already
correct?)
► Make
sure you know which “issue” the
sentence had that you had to correct.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
The final outcome was influenced by the weather.
The shelves were stocked by the attendant who works at
night.
There are definitely keys in the drawer.
The tax forms really should have been completed by the
accountant.
There are books from the library that she checked out.
Without some kind of extra help, balancing the budget is
really going to be difficult.
In light of the fact that I haven’t had a cigarette for so
long, I am very grumpy.
The employee with ambition suggested we install a wing
that will be cardiac oriented.
An account, which was new, was opened by Ms. Simms.
The function of this department is to deal with complaints
that are made by customers.
1. The final outcome was influenced
by the weather.
►
The weather influenced the
outcome.
2. The shelves were stocked by the
attendant who works at night.
►
The night attendant stocked the
shelves.
3. There are definitely keys in the
drawer.
►
The keys are in the drawer.
4. The tax forms really should have been
completed by the accountant.
►The
accountant should have
completed the tax forms.
5. There are books from the library that she
checked out.
►She
checked out library books.
6. Without some kind of extra help, balancing
the budget is really going to be difficult.
►Without
help, balancing the budget
will be difficult.
7. In light of the fact that I haven’t had a
cigarette for so long, I am very grumpy.
►Because
I haven’t had a cigarette
for so long, I am grumpy.
8. The employee with ambition suggested we
install a wing that will be cardiac oriented.
►The
ambitious employee suggested
we install a cardiac wing.
9. An account, which was new, was opened
by Ms. Simms.
►Ms.
Simms opened a new account.
10. The function of this department is to deal
with complaints that are made by
customers.
►This
department deals with
customer complaints.