Transcript Technical Writing Seminar for Researchers and Graduate Students

Technical Writing
for Researchers
and Graduate Students
Spring 2003
Lincoln Campus
Instructor: Deborah Derrick
Unit 4: Style and Usage
OUTLINE OF TOPICS
1. Writing effective paragraphs
2. Breaking up long sentences
3. Making choppy writing flow
4. Emphasizing the active voice
5. Writing with economy
6. Being careful with modifiers
7. Making words agree with each other
1. Effective paragraphs
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Paragraphs are the main building blocks
of writing.
When they are written tightly, they
advance your thoughts in clear stages.
Effective paragraphs
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A well-structured paragraph has:
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A topic sentence or main idea
One or more supporting sentences that
develop the idea by means of description,
narration, exemplification, or analysis.
Effective paragraphs

The example in your handout, page 1,
shows a pair of paragraphs with topic
and supporting sentences that are
linked together by a series of keywords
(KW).
Effective paragraphs
Use these 3 organizing principles to write
paragraphs:
1. Unity
2. Development
3. Coherence
Effective paragraphs
1. Unity
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Focus on a topic that will unify the content
of the paragraph.
Do not shift to new topics in midparagraph!
Effective paragraphs
2. Development
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Advance the topic by means of some
expository strategy such as:
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Description
Narrative
Exemplification (giving examples)
Definition
Comparison and contrast
Analysis
Effective paragraphs
3. Coherence
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Make the paragraph sentences “hang”
together through various linking strategies:
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Keywords
Demonstrative pronouns
Transitions
2. Break up long sentences
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Long, dense sentences, often
amounting to more than 30 words, may
contain more information than a reader
can easily understand.
Determine the main actions of the
sentence.
Then sort these into two or more
shorter sentences.
Break up long sentences

Example of long, awkward sentence
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“In gasoline engines, designers leave a space
between the piston and its cylinder that
contributes to the exhaust emission problem,
because as the engine is started and begins to
heat up, the cylinder liner, which is directly cooled
by a surrounding coolant, expands more slowly
than the piston, which allows exhaust gases to
escape.” [Length: 54 words. This sentence is too
long and has too many clauses/ideas.]
Break up long sentences

Improved sentence
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“Gasoline engine designers leave a space between
the piston and its cylinder that contributes to the
exhaust emission problem. At startup, when the
engine begins to heat up, this space allows the
cylinder to expand rapidly without damaging the
more slowly expanding cylinder liner, which is
directly cooled by a surrounding coolant. The
space, however, also allows exhaust gases to
escape.” [Length: 61 words.]
3. Make choppy writing flow
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Choppy sentences interrupt the smooth flow
of thought, and they can be repetitious.
Combine overly short sentences by using:
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Transitional words
Coordinating conjunctions (e.g., and, yet, but, nor,
or)
Subordinating conjunctions (e.g., unless, since,
because, if, when)
Make choppy writing flow

See your handout, page 3, for an
example of choppy writing and how to
improve it.
4. Emphasize the active voice
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Overusing the passive voice can lead to
indirect, wordy prose.
The passive voice inverts the straight
agent-action-thing acted upon (i.e.,
subject-verb-direct object) sequence of
the sentence. The thing acted upon
becomes the subject of the sentence.
Emphasize the active voice
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Example
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Enzymes break down proteins. (active)
Proteins are broken down by enzymes. (passive)
Both sentences are grammatically correct, but
the active verb break down is more direct and
simple than the passive verb is broken down.
Thus, the word order of the direct sentence is
easier to process.
Emphasize the active voice
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Passive/indirect writing
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Different types of protein are broken down by
different enzymes, and starch is dismantled by still
other enzymes into its constituent sugar
molecules.
Active/direct writing
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Different enzymes break down different types of
protein, and still other enzymes dismantle starch
into its constituent sugar molecules.
Emphasize the active voice
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The question of using the passive voice is
often a matter of emphasis.
The writer of the sentence we just looked at
who is discussing proteins and wants to keep
protein as the subject will choose the passive
form.
The writer who wants to maintain sentence
focus on enzymes will choose the active form,
which makes enzymes the subject.
Emphasize the active voice
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Here are some examples in which the
passive voice leads to awkward, wordy,
or ambiguous expressions.
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Awkward passive
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“A heat barrier installation has been carried out
by the plant maintenance crew.”
Improved
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“The plant maintenance crew installed a heat
barrier.”
Emphasize the active voice
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Wordy passive
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“The cost of the filtration system was found by the
research team to be justified, because a greater
efficiency in the performance of the instrument
was obtained.” [27 words]
Improved
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“The research team justified the cost of the
filtration system with the instrument’s greater
efficiency.” [15 words]
Emphasize the active voice
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Ambiguous passive
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“Sensing information must be provided
manually when the device is in the manual
mode.” [Not clear who is doing what here.]
Improved
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“The shift operator must provide sensing
information manually when the device is in
the manual mode.”
5. Write with economy
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Writers often draft wordy, convoluted
prose that needs to be condensed.
Cutting unnecessary words and phrases
improves the clarity and impact of your
writing.
Write with economy
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Wordy writing
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“The cooling of the thermal unit is accomplished
by using electric fans which are run every other
hour during the day.” [The “empty” verbs
accomplish and run may be eliminated without
loss of meaning.]
Improved
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“The thermal unit is cooled with electric fans every
other hour during the day.”
Write with economy
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Wordy
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“An increase in water volume would have the
effect of reducing the stability of the slope along
the north wall of the power plant.” [The phrase
“have the effect of” contributes nothing to the
sentence meaning.]
Better
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“Increased water volume would reduce slope
stability along the power plant’s north wall.”
Write with economy
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Wordy
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“There was a secondary stress that was identified
with the stress caused by constrained thermal
expansion of the pipe fitting.” [Avoid empty
clauses like there is or there was at the start of
sentences. Note also the repetitious use of stress.]
Better
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“A secondary stress was caused by constrained
thermal expansion of the pipe fitting.”
Write with economy
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Wordiness sometimes originates in
words and phrases that repeat what has
already been stated or implied in the
sentence. For example:
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Repetitious verbs
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“Ring currents were observed and
demonstrated to play a role in fullerene
magnetism.”
[Improved: “…were demonstrated to play…”]
Write with economy
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Repetitious sentence complements
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Example: “Mouse and human receptors are
so different and distinct that…”
Different and distinct have the same
meaning.
Improved: “Mouse and human receptors
are so different that…”
Write with economy
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Repetitious ideas
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Example: “The main cost of the hydro unit is
determined by the costs of the catalyst and the
frequency of its replacement. Catalyst life also is
the major factor on the overall economics of
operating the hydro unit.”
Both sentences note that replacing the catalyst is
the main operating cost of the unit in question.
Improved: “Catalyst life largely determines the
economics of the hydro unit, because its main cost
is catalyst replacement.”
Write with economy
INSTEAD OF:
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A large number of
As a general rule
As shown in Table 6
As yet
At all times
At this point in time
By means of
USE:
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Many
Generally
Table 6 shows
Yet
Always
At this time, now
By
Write with economy
INSTEAD OF:
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Hold a meeting
In order to
In the event that
In the course of
Is equipped with
It is clear that
On the basis of
With the result that
USE:
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Meet
To
If
During, while
Has, contains
Clearly
By, from
So that
6. Be careful with modifiers
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Science and technical prose depends
heavily on modification to achieve
accuracy. Thus, writers often stack up
modifiers in front of the main noun.
The effect is not accuracy but
ambiguity. The reader has to work out
which words are modifying other words
in the stack.
Be careful with modifiers
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Example: “underground plant effluent
soil contamination”
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The adjective underground could be
modifying either plant or contamination.
The phrase could be referring either to
“contamination from an underground
plant” or to “underground contamination
from an above-ground plant.”
Be careful with modifiers
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To resolve this ambiguity, put some of
the modifying information after the
main noun:
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“underground soil contamination by a plant
effluent.”
Be careful with modifiers
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Stacked modifier
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Large low-cost central receiver electricity
generating power plants could significantly
alter local desert climates by modifying
their radiation balances.
[The main subject, plants, is modified by 8
preceding words. Do the adjectives large
and low-cost, for example, apply to
receiver or to plants?]
Be careful with modifiers
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Improved
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Large electricity-generating power plants of
the low-cost central receiver type could
significantly alter local desert climates by
modifying their radiation balances.
[Some of the modifiers have been shifted
to the phrase that follows the main
subject.]
Be careful with modifiers
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Stacked modifier
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“A contributing cause of the accident was
the poor communication among health
protection and environmental safety group
personnel and operations management.”
[The 6 modifiers in front of personnel
make it hard to tell how many groups are
implicated in this sentence.
Be careful with modifiers
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Improved
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“A contributing cause of the accident was the poor
communication among the personnel of the health
protection group, the environmental safety group,
and operations management.” [3 groups]
Alternate improvement
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“A contributing cause of the accident was the poor
communication between the personnel of the
health protection and environmental safety group
and operations management.” [2 groups]
Be careful with modifiers
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Place modifiers close to the words they
modify.
A modifier is ambiguous when it is not
closely linked to the item it is modifying.
Don’t put modifying words and phrases
into out-of-the-way places in the
sentence.
Be careful with modifiers
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Misplaced modifying phrase
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“The storage drums showed signs of deterioration
that could be seen under severe corrosion.” [The
phrase under severe corrosion appears to be
modifying seen rather than drums.]
Improved
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“The storage drums, which were severely
corroding, showed visible signs of deterioration.”
Be careful with modifiers
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Dangling modifiers are errors in logic.
In dangling modifiers, a word or phrase
modifies a noun that is not the target.
Example: “Walking down the street, the
tall buildings came into view.”
Here, the writer is suggesting that the
tall buildings are out for a walk!
Be careful with modifiers
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Dangling modifier
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“By carefully adjusting the reflecting surface
spacing, the desired transmission wavelength can
be isolated. [The action of adjusting the spacing is
misattributed to wavelength, which is the subject
of the main clause.]
Improved
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“By carefully adjusting the reflecting surface
spacing, we can isolate the desired transmission
wavelength.” [The action of adjusting the surface
is now attributed to the actual agent, we.]
7. Word agreement
 Make words related by number,
pronoun reference, and case agree with
each other.
 A plural subject requires a plural verb.
 A plural noun-referent requires a plural
pronoun.
 A pronoun must agree with the case in
which it is used.
Word agreement
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Subject-verb agreement:
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Wrong: “The mixture of methanol and water used
in the process were then recovered and distilled
for further recycling.”
[The subject is mixture, which is singular and
takes a singular verb.]
Improved: “The mixture of methanol and water
used in the process was then recovered and
distilled for further recycling.”
Word agreement
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Collective nouns such as committee and team
are treated as singular.
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Wrong: “The five-nation Interstate Council for the
Aural Sea have called for an increased cubic
kilometer flow of water into the Aural basin.
[Council is treated as a singular noun and should
take a singular verb.]
Correct: “The five-nation Interstate Council for the
Aural Sea has called for an increased…”
Word agreement
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It is easy to mistake number agreement
when the first part of your sentence
uses a pronoun for its subject and is
followed by a modifying phrase.
Word agreement
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Wrong: “Each of the casings are constructed from
9 percent nickel steel, because they must
withstand constant temperatures as low as -320º
F.”
[Each, the subject of the sentence, is singular and
requires a singular verb, is constructed. The
second pronoun, they, also does not agree with its
referent, each.]
Improved: “The casings are constructed from 9
percent nickel steel, because they must withstand
constant temperatures as low as -320º F.”
On Wednesday:
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Overusing the word “and”
Handling pronouns imprecisely
Using too many prepositions
Being redundant
Missing articles (a, an, the)