Transcript the style lecture PowerPoint.

Revising You and I
• The whole essay is yours: you don’t need to
say, “I think . . .” or “I believe . . .”
• Don’t address the reader directly
Pit bulls are supposed to be overly aggressive
but you can’t believe that because . . .
Gender-neutral language
• language is now oriented toward gender neutrality
to reflect the work world better.
• generic use (mankind - humanity)
• professional terms (chairman - chair)
• pronouns (The operator must make sure he has a
complete view of the screen)
Operators must make sure they have a complete
view of the screen.
Fixing Pronoun Gender
Problems
A nurse cannot write prescriptions even if she
knows what is wrong with her patient.
• recast in the plural
– Nurses cannot write prescriptions even if
they know what is wrong with their
patients.
• reword to eliminate the pronoun
– A nurse cannot write prescriptions even if
the nurse knows what is wrong with the
patient.
• use he or she, one, you
– A nurse cannot write prescriptions even if he or
she knows what is wrong with his or her patient.
– As a nurse, you cannot write prescriptions even if
you know what is wrong with your patient.
• alternate where appropriate and clear
– chapter by chapter, etc.
Avoid slash constructions (he/she) and
creative but confusing alternatives (s/he,
grrl, womyn, wymyn, wimmin)
1. A student must take good care of his
health when faced with a heavy workload.
2. Anyone who wants to go to the pub
tonight has to remember his I.D!
3. She was the last person to see him alive.
4. A student should know just about
everything their professor will put on his
final examination.
5. The professor was half asleep when he
gave out the grades.
Historical Present
• use the present tense when discussing ideas
presented by scholars and others.
• the historical present makes for more lively
writing
Marx suggests that alienation lies at the root .
..
Subordinate Clauses
• Industrial spying, because of the growing
use of computers to store and process
corporate information, is increasing rapidly.
• Industrial spying is increasing rapidly
because of the growing use of computers to
store and process corporate information.
Active Voice
• A decision was reached by the committee to
postpone the vote.
• The committee decided to postpone the
vote.
Parallel Constructions
• In Florida, where the threat of hurricanes is an
annual event, we learned that it is important to
become aware of warning signs. There are
precautions to take, and deciding when to take
shelter is important.
• In Florida, where the threat of hurricanes is an
annual event, we learned that it is important to
become aware of warning signs, to know what
precautions to take, and to decide when to take
shelter.
Nominalizations
• The implementation of the plan was
successful.
• We implemented the plan successfully.
Noun Strings
• This report explains our investment growth
stimulation projects.
• This report explains our projects to
stimulate growth in investments.
Multiple Negatives
• Less attention is paid to commercials that
lack human interest stories that to other
kinds of commercials.
• People pay more attention to commercials
with human interest stories than to other
kinds of commercials.
Unclear Pronoun References
• Larissa worked in a national forest last
summer, which may be her career choice.
• Larissa worked in a national forest last
summer, and she may choose a forest
management career.
Non-contributing words
– Tautologies
It was an actual fact that he was there.
– Double Modifiers
Her speech was vague and inexplicit.
– Redundant Intensifiers
His running style was very unique.
– Overused Intensifiers
Meeting Bob Geldof was absolutely fabulous.
– Formulaic Phrases
At the same time that she was looking, I smiled.
Which and That Affliction:
subordinate clauses
– Replace with adjective
The cumulative effects of the disasters that continue to
happen are unknown.
– Replace with appositive
David Suzuki, who is an expert on the environment,
believes in global warming.
– Replace with participle
All those pictures that have been hung on the wall are
archival.
– Replace with possessive
The opinions that the professor expresses are his own.
Prepositional phrases
– Replace with adjective
The players from Canada tend to play a physical game.
– Replace with adverb
We will see them in the near future.
– Replace with verbal
In light of these facts, we will have to try another method.
– Replace with possessive
The priorities of George Bush are whack.
Deadening the Verb
• Turn nouns into verbs
He gave a summary of the information.
• Turn modifiers into verbs
Activists lined up around the building.
Overuse of the Verb To Be
• Expletives
There is nothing left.
• Auxiliary verbs
He is living on the street./He has been living on the street.
• Passive constructions
Something inappropriate was said.
• To be instead of active verbs
It is important to us.
He is a man who believes in the truth.
Wordiness
• Any particular type of dessert is fine with
me.
• Any dessert is fine with me.
• The employee with ambition will succeed.
• The ambitious employee will succeed.
• All applicants who are interested in the job
must fill out two forms.
• All job applicants must fill out two forms.
• It is the governor who signs or vetoes bills.
• The governor signs or vetoes bills.
• There are four rules that should be
observed: . . .
• Four rules should be observed : . . .
• As you carefully read what you have written
to improve your wording and catch small
errors of spelling, punctuation, and so on,
the thing to do before you do anything else
is to try to see where a series of words
expressing action could replace the ideas
found in nouns rather than verbs.
• As you edit, first find nominalizations that
you can replace with verb phrases.
• The duty of a clerk is to check all incoming
mail and to record it.
• A clerk must check and record all incoming
mail.
• At this point in time it is necessary that we
begin again due to the fact that there is a
chance that we are wrong as regards to what
happened.
• We must now begin again since we might
be wrong concerning what happened.
• The supply manager considered the
correcting typewriter and unneeded luxury.
• The supply manager considered the
correcting typewriter a luxury.