Transcript Let`s have fun with style! Or, at the very least, let`s have a moderately

LET’S HAVE FUN WITH
STYLE!
OR, AT THE VERY LEAST,
LET’S HAVE A MODERATELY
GOOD TIME.
PROCEDURE
As a class, we will review several common style
issue.
 As Mrs. Rosselli introduces each issue, please
write down the following:

Name of the style issue (Ex. Passive voice)
 An example we do as a class. Write the original
sentence and write in the corrections.

PROCEDURE

After we do examples as a class, you have the
following options:

Copy down 2-3 sample sentences from the powerpoint
and correct them

OR
Find 1-2 examples from your own paper, write them
down, and then correct them.

PROCEDURE
Make sure you take good notes as they will help
you revise your paper.
 You are required to hand in your
notes/corrections with your revised paper.

PASSIVE VOICE

What is the passive voice? In the passive
voice, the subject is acted upon. Typically, the
passive voice uses a verb phrase of the verb to
be* plus by. Many writers, however, drop the
“by” in the passive voice—so the reader does
not know for sure who or what the actor is.
PASSIVE VOICE
These are examples:
 Seniors are covered . . .
 Medicines are distributed . . .
 Prices were increased . . .
 You can mentally insert “by” to double check that
these sentences are in the passive voice.
“Medicines are distributed by the United Nations.”
 “Prices were increased by the health care insurers.”

PASSIVE VOICE VS. ACTIVE VOICE
 Why
write in the active voice?
When you write in the active voice, you
write more clearly and more vigorously
than you do in the passive voice.
 What
is the active voice? It’s a form
of sentence construction. In the most
basic sentence, active-voice
construction is: subject – verb – direct
object. The subject “acts” on a direct
object. Put another way, in the active
voice you identify an “actor” (for
instance, a person or organization) and
what the action is.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN FAMOUS QUOTES
ARE WRITTEN IN PASSIVE VOICE
Active: Big Brother is watching you.
George Orwell
Passive: You are being watched by Big
Brother
Active: Our fathers brought forth on
this
continent a new nation. Abraham
Lincoln
Passive: A new nation was brought
forth on this continent by our fathers.
Abraham Lincoln
CHANGING PASSIVE TO ACTIVE
Passive—Completion of this process by the nurse
will allow him to have greater success and
stability in the new role.
1st edit (to determine what the writer is
saying)
This process, completed by the nurse, will allow
him to have greater success and stability in the
new role.”
 2nd edit-Active
Once the nurse completes this process, he’ll be
more successful and more stable in his new role.
***As you edit your own work, look for verbs hiding
in nouns ending in tion, ion, ance, ment, ent, iency
and ility and try to convert them to verbs.
Intention: intend. Resistance: resist. Discernment:
discern.

EXAMPLES
Passive: By then, the soundtrack will have been
completely remixed by the sound engineers.
Active: By then, the sound engineers will have
completely remixed the soundtrack.
EXAMPLES
Passive: Action on the bill is being considered by
the committee.
Active: The committee is considering action on the
bill.
INDIVIDUAL PRACTICE
Flopsy was given to me on Easter by my parents.
 I got so mad at him that he was picked up by the
collar of his Spider-Man pajamas and thrown
across the room by me.
 The stage was exited by me only after a long
standing ovation.

INDIVIDUAL PRACTICE-ANSWERS
On Easter, my parents gave me Flopsy.
 I got so mad at him that I picked him up by the
collar of his Spider-Man pajamas and threw him
across the room.
 After a long standing ovation, I exited the stage.

UNCLEAR PRONOUN REFERENCE
All pronouns must clearly refer to definite
referents (nouns).
 Use it, they, this, that, these, those, and
which carefully to prevent confusion.

EXAMPLES
Unclear: Einstein was a brilliant mathematician.
This is how he was able to explain the universe.
Clear: Einstein, who was a brilliant
mathematician, used his ability with numbers
to explain the universe.
EXAMPLES
Unclear: Because Senator Martin is less interested
in the environment than in economic
development, he sometimes neglects it.
Clear: Because of his interest in economic
development, Senator Martin sometimes
neglects the environment.
EXAMPLES
Unclear: The troopers burned a refugee camp as a
result of the earlier attack. This was the cause of
the war.
Clear: The troopers burned a refugee camp as a
result of the earlier attack. This destruction of
the camp caused the war.
OR
The troopers burned a refugee camp as a result of
the earlier attack and their actions caused the
war.
EXAMPLES
Unclear: Company policy prohibited smoking,
which many employees resented.
Clear: Company policy prohibited smoking, a
policy which many employees resented.
EXAMPLES
•
•
•
•
Avoid the vague this when possible. If you can,
substitute a clear noun phrase, or rephrase the
sentence.
VAGUE: I kept practicing despite my sore wrist.
This has helped me in my studies.
STILL VAGUE: This trait has helped me in my
studies.
CLEAR: The same perseverance has helped me
in my studies.
EXAMPLES
•
•
•
•
Even if the general idea is apparent, precise
rephrasing can helpfully sum up the thought.
VAGUE: Odysseus taunts the Cyclops, who
angrily hurls a boulder that nearly capsizes the
ship. This shows the danger of pride.
STILL VAGUE: This taunting shows the danger
of pride.
CLEAR: The nearly fatal consequence of his
boasts shows the danger of pride.
INDIVIDUAL PRACTICE
The company concealed financial losses. This
caused investors to dump the stock.
 I found out Jeremy had already been to
Gettysburg. That surprised me.
 The bridge was damaged. That made commuting
difficult.
 The shuttle launch was postponed. This was a
disappointment to the astronauts.

INDIVIDUAL PRACTICE-ANSWERS
The company concealed financial losses. This
fraud caused investors to dump the stock.
 I was surprised when I found out Jeremy had
already been to Gettysburg.
 The damage to the bridge made commuting
difficult.
 The astronauts were disappointed when the
shuttle launch was postponed.

WORDINESS EXAMPLES
 Example:
Although there are
definitely positive ways to use rhetoric,
there are some logical reasons to why
some people and I think that rhetoric
could become tractable to be used in a
negative manner.
 Revision: Although many speakers
employ rhetoric positively, there are
also logical reasons why rhetoric can be
viewed negatively, especially when
targeted towards a tractable audience.
WORDINESS EXAMPLES


Example: Being the mediator of the rhetorical
situation, we have the power to choose the person
or event that is more favorable to the current
status.
Revision: As a mediator, we can choose the
person or event appropriate to the situation.
WORDINESS-INDIVIDUAL PRACTICE


The slave and the colonized are both cut from the
same mold because they both are considered to be
doing what is against their will.
Because Douglass uses the word chattel to
describe how his mistress felt about him, it can
be concluded that she has no respect for him
because chattel means something of little value.
INDIVIDUAL PRACTICE ANSWERS


The slave and the colonized are cut from the
same mold because they both perform actions
against their will.
By explaining that his mistress viewed him as
chattel, or property, Douglass shows his
mistress’s lack of respect toward him.
STACKING PREPOSITIONAL PHRASES

Even though it was not illegal for the bank to
share its customers' personal and financial
information with an outside marketing company
in return for a commission on sales, the state's
attorney general accused the bank of engaging in
deceptive business practices by failing to honor
its promise to its customers to keep records
private.
STACKING PREPOSITIONAL PHRASESSAMPLE REVISION

Despite the legality of the bank’s actions,
earning sales commissions from outside
marketing companies by sharing the bank’s
customers’ personal and financial information,
the state’s attorney general accused the bank of
deceptive business practices as they did not keep
customer records private as promised.