Transcript How to Make Sentences Clear and Concise

How to Make Sentences
Clear and Concise
Richard Lanham’s "Paramedic Method"
for writing
Richard Lanham, a professor of English at
UCLA, invented an easy-to-use method for
making your writing clearer and more
concise.
.
Editing your professional writing using the
Paramedic Method will make your prose
easier to read. Sentences that are easy to
read are more persuasive and more usercentered.
1a. Circle the Prepositions

Too many prepositions can drain all the
action out of a sentence. Get rid of the
prepositions, and find a strong active verb to
make the sentence direct:
Preposition:

any word (or group of words) that relates a noun
or pronoun to another word in a sentence.

common prepositions: about, after, among, behind,
down up, from, of, off, past, before, underneath, with,
above, during, beyond, in, since, until, within, according
to, along, at beside, by except, into, on, through, up,
without, across, amid, before, besides, concerning, for,
like, over toward, upon.
Example

Original: In this passage is an example of the
use of the rule of justice in argumentation.
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Revised: This passage exemplifies
argumentation using the rule of justice.
2. Circle the "is" forms
Using "is" in a sentence gets it off to a slow
start, and makes the sentence weak. Replace
as many "to be" verbs with action verbs as
you can, and change all passive voice ("is
defended by") to an active voice ("defends").
Original: The point I wish to make is that
fish sleep with their eyes open.
Revised: Fish sleep with their eyes open.
3. Ask, "Where's the action of the
sentence?" "Who's kicking who?"

The action of the sentence describes what
who is doing what to whom. If you get stuck
in a passive sentence always ask the
question: "Who does what to whom?" If you
use that formula you will always write active
sentences.
Original: Burning books is considered
censorship by some people.
Revised: Some people consider burning
books censorship.
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4. Put this "kicking" action in a simple
active verb.
Finding the subject of the sentence is the
person or thing doing the action. In the
following sentence, the subject is “the team.”
“The team placed the gyroscope laterally.”
Original: The theory of relativity isn't
demonstrated by this experiment.
Revised: This experiment does not
demonstrate the theory of relativity.
5. Start fast--no slow windups

Windups are phrases, usually prepositional
phrases, that set up an idea to be expressed
in a sentence. Some windups are necessary
or important to the meaning of the sentences
they introduce, but others just make
sentences wordy or unnecessarily complex.
Deciding whether a windup is necessary or
not depends on the context.

Stick to the action and avoid opening
sentences with phrases like these:
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My opinion is that....
The point I wish to make is that ...
The fact of the matter is that...
6. Redundancies:

redundancies are patterns or words that are
repeated in a sentence. Using redundancies
leads to awkward and lengthy sentences,
which can make your sentences and your
ideas hard to understand. The following
sentence contains redundancies (was
conducted, with):
"The experiment was conducted at 1330
GMT and was conducted with an
increased basal rate with a double bolus."
Eliminating redundancies reduces word
count and makes sentences easier to
understand:
"The experiment was conducted at 1330
GMT using an increased basal rate and a
double bolus."
Your turn …
Example Concise Solutions:
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Employees at this company need a better money
manager. (Original word count: 26. New word count:
10).
In recent years, engineers at Sandia Labs have
participated in the Search and Rescue operations.
(Original word count: 24. New word count: 16).
After reviewing the results of your research, and
within the context of the study, we find evidence
supporting significant changes in our operating
procedures. (Original word count: 36. New word
count: 25).