Transcript Ambiguity in Writing a Job Recommendation

Presented by: Martha Petry and Sue Stindt
Instructions for this Workshop
• Complete the 9 activities throughout the workshop
and the evaluation at the end
• Have your essays or papers in hand and use the
suggestions in this workshop to revise and edit
each of your pieces
• Submit all notes, evidence of work, and the final
reflection to your instructor to receive full credit
• The following outline will help you stay organized
(next slide)
This workshop is worth 3 guided practice or lab hours.
Workshop Outline
Print this slide as a guide. Print slide 3 only!
Ten Bugaboos: How to Watch Out for Errors and Revise/Edit
1.
Finding Erros
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2.
Spelling
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3.
Antecedents
Singular and plural agreement
Avoid “it”
Me, myself and I
Pronouns II – Using the Objective Voice
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5.
Tips
Memory
Spellchecker
Common errors
6.
The Restaurant
Intro to smoking essay
Plurals, Possessives and Contractions
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The apostrophe:: It’s, Its, You, Your, You’re
Punctuation
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Commas
Interjections
Quotation marks
7.
Direct Dialogue
8.
Verbs
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Pronouns I
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4.
Why it’s hard to proofread for errors
Making meaning clear
Ambiguity
Unnecessary words
9.
Action verbs
Tense and meaning
Watch out!
Artistic Quality, Flow and Sound
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Weak leads
Cliché conclusions
Qualifiers
What are editing “bugaboos”?
We designed this workshop for you with our own students
in mind. These slides address the most common errors that
we see in students’ papers.
Some of these problems will not occur in your writing,
because you’ve mastered a “bugaboo.”
You may or may not already be aware of problems in your
writing. Either way, we hope this workshop assists you in
recognizing and/or correcting them.
Sue & Martha
Bugaboo 1
Finding Errors
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Spell check
Grammar check
Read essay carefully
Read it again
Read a print copy
Read it to another
person
• Read aloud
www.lcch.co.uk/study/ images/image8.gif
1. Introduction to Finding Errors
Sometimes the most difficult problem we
encounter in editing and proofreading our papers
is finding the errors. This is not as easy as it
sounds. Spellcheckers and grammar tools often do
not catch all the mistakes. So, it is important that
you begin reading your papers as though you had
a magnifying glass in hand. Another important
way to catch errors is to s-l-o-w-l-y read your
papers aloud. Yes, aloud!
Why it’s hard to proof read for
errors…
Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at an Elingsh
uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in what oredr
the ltteers in a word are, the olny iprmoatnt
tihng is that the frist and lsat ltteer are in the
rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and
you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm.
This is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter
by it slef but the word as a wlohe and the
biran fguiers it out aynawy.
“I said what I meant and
I meant what I said…”
http://www.tranzoa.com/onlyme/pictures/elephant.gif
Making Meaning Clear
What do these students mean?
“I work hard working a Target.”
“My ideal boss is not to boss me around.”
Ambiguity in Writing a Job
Recommendation
“If you can get Sally to work for you,
you will be lucky.”
Ambiguity in…
Dog for Sale:
Eats anything and is fond of children
Wanted: 3-year old teacher needed for
pre-school. Experience preferred.
From: Anguished English by Richard Lederer
BLOOPERS and BLUNDERS
When there are no fresh vegetables, you can
always get canned.
It is bad manners to break your bread or roll in
your soup.
When Lincoln was president, he wore only a tall
silk hat.
In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into
a telephone pole.
I had been driving for about eight years
when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an
accident.
From: Anguished English by Richard Lederer
Poorly Worded Headlines
Identify which word(s) in each sentence has multiple meanings.
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Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Korean Head Seeks Arms
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Activity 1a
Choose one of the previous two slides -bloopers and blunders or headlines. Rewrite
the lines, creating clear unambiguous
sentences.
Search your own essays for ambiguous or
unclear statements. Revise where needed.
Delete Unnecessary Words
There is no doubt as to the
question that Tim was just sixteen years of
age and that Tim can remember the incident
involving his arrest as if it were yesterday is
due to the fact that he was smashed.
Activity 1b
Revise the sentence on the previous slide. Write a
sentence that makes the meaning clear by
rearranging phrases and deleting unnecessary
words.
Sometimes, you know what you mean, but others
do not understand. A good idea is to have another
student read your paper(s), looking for ambiguity.
The Department of Redundancy Department
(and extra words)…
“9 a.m. in the morning”
“ABM missile”
“added bonus”
“youthful teenager”
“very unique”
“free gift”
“former graduate”
From: All Redundancy Rules Not ‘Absolutely Necessary’
Bugaboo 2
Spelling
2. Introduction to Spelling
Martha and Sue know professional, educated
faculty who report (often with a low and rather
embarrassed aside) that they cannot spell.
Sometimes spelling problems are due to how we
first learned or didn’t learn phonics. Sometimes
they are because reading was never an active part
of our lives.
No matter the cause, spelling can be improved bit
by bit, but improvement takes effort and practice.
Why spelling is hard?
If you ever feel stupid, then just read on…
The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
To spell you must:
1. Recognize letters and sounds
2. Remember the correct sequence of letters
and spell the word in your mind
3. Recall the sequence
Memory
1. We remember what we want to
remember.
2. We tend to remember the most
recently learned material.
3. Practice is essential for memory.
4. The easiest material to remember
is that which we have discovered ourselves.
How to improve your spelling…
1.
Make the spelling words relevant. Learn spelling within a context.
[e.g. Write letters where spelling is important.]
2.
Try to write a whole passage first, then edit. Don’t struggle over each
word as it comes up.
3.
Break words into syllables. Long words tend to be threatening.
4.
Use mnemonics – tricks to remember hard spelling words. [e.g. In
February, we say “brrr.”
5.
Don’t rely on electronic spellcheckers! They can miss errors –
especially when you have used the wrong word but spelled it
correctly.
The Spell Chequer
Eye have a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write.
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
and eye can put the error rite.
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
-Sauce unknown
Activity 2
Check your spelling skills. Correct the
spelling of the poem on the previous slide.
Compile a list of your most frequently
misspelled words. Continued practice in
reviewing these words is essential to
improve your spelling!
Remember, you have to be smarter than the spell checker on
your computer. You have to decide whether or not the
suggestions it makes are applicable to the word in the context
of your story or research.
Common errors in spelling…
lose and loose
compliment and complement
principal and principle
except and accept
affect and effect
assure, insure and ensure
Bugaboo 3
Pronouns
Eliminate pronoun
confusion…
3. Introduction to Pronouns I
Using Pronouns Clearly
Because a pronoun REFERS BACK to a noun or TAKES THE PLACE OF that noun,
you have to use the correct pronoun so that your reader clearly understands which
noun your pronoun refers to.
Therefore, pronouns should REFER CLEARLY to a specific noun.
Don't be vague or ambiguous.
NOT: Although the motorcycle hit the tree, it was not damaged. (Is "it" the motorcycle or the
tree?)
NOT: I don't think they should show violence on TV. (Who are "they"?)
NOT: Vacation is coming soon, which is nice. (What is nice, the vacation or the fact that it is
coming soon?)
NOT: If you put this sheet in your notebook, you can refer to it. (What does "it" refer to, the
sheet or your notebook?)
Pronouns I continued…
Pro nouns should also AGREE in NUMBER
If the pronoun takes the place of a singular noun, you have to use a singular pronoun.
If a student registers for class, he or she has to figure out what classes
are required for his or her program of study.
NOT: If a student registers, they have to figure out what classes are
required for their program of study.
REMEMBER: the words EVERYBODY, ANYBODY, ANYONE, EACH, NEITHER,
NOBODY, SOMEONE, A PERSON, etc. are singular and take singular pronouns.
Everybody ought to do his or her best. (NOT: their best)
Neither of the girls brought her essay. (NOT: their essays)
NOTE: Many writers find the construction "his or her" wordy, so if it is possible to
use a plural noun as your antecedent so that you can use "they" as your pronoun, it
may be wise to do so. If you do use a singular noun and the context makes the gender
clear, then it is permissible to use just "his" or "her" rather than "his or her."
Bugaboo 3
Pronouns Part I
Antecedents
Basic Principle: A pronoun usually refers to something
earlier in the text (its antecedent) and must agree in
number — singular/plural — with the thing to which it
refers
Singular and plural agreement
– Students must see their counselor before the end of the semester.
Or, one could say
– A student must see his or her counselor. . . .
http://webster.commnet.edu/grammar/pronouns.htm
The following message came via commercial email…
“You now have 1 friend that have
invited you to their mobile network!”
YIKES!!
Can you correct the grammatical errors?
Special Bonus Error!
Me, Myself and I
Bob and ____ want to go.
Would you please call Bob or ______ before you leave?
She is taller than ____ .
I bought ______ a present.
Sometimes a writer will use a pronoun in a
way that gives the reader no idea of the
meaning…
Mary and Jane opened up a stale bag of gummy
bears. They were of different colors.
It seems you are the one who murdered Colonel
Marshall in the library.
It is raining.
I’ll ship it tomorrow.
Replace “IT” with specific nouns…
It always seems that it gets worse the more and
more you talk about it. It is like a big hairy
monster that jumps out of the closet and bites.
Why? Because it can never be tied down; it is
boring; it is a nuisance and should be avoided
at all costs. It requires a wallet but it has no
worth. If you don’t get it, remember this:
DON’T USE IT. Just forget IT exists!
Clever uses of “it”…
Pilots do it in the air.
Teachers do it with class.
Activity 3
This activity will require you to pull out your most
recent essay. Please take a highlighter, a colored
pencil, or if using an electronic text, use the “line
color brush” to note every single “it” in your paper.
Replace every single “it” with a specific noun—and
be creative about this choice of a noun. “It tasted
good.” might read “The candy” tasted good, but
could be even stronger by adding descriptive power.
“The lemon drop tasted sweet and sour.”
Bugaboo 4
Pronouns II
• Take the universal “you” out of informative
essays
• Write from an objective point of view
• Combine objective and personal
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First person… I registered for fall semester.
Second person… You registered for fall semester.
Third person… He/she registered for fall semester.
Objective voice… The student registered for fall semester.
4. Introduction to Pronouns II
Pronouns must also AGREE in PERSON
If you are writing in the "first person" (I), don't confuse your reader by
switching to the "second person" (you) or "third person" (he, she, they, it,
etc.). Similarly, if you are using the "second person," don't switch to "first" or
"third.“
When a person comes to class, he or she should have his or her homework ready.
NOT: When a person comes to class, you should have your homework ready.
In addition to first, second and third person voices, a writer has the option to
write in a more “objective voice.” Objective writing is most often used in
informative essays and business and technical writing – explanations, “how
to”, etc. This voice is created simply by reducing pronoun use and replacing
pronouns with the nouns to which they specifically refer.
A carpenter is a skilled tradesperson who can build a house.
Not: A carpenter is someone who can build a house.
The Restaurant: How to Satisfy
Customers and Make Good Tips
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
After a table has been seated in your section, walk
up to the table and give them menus and greet them with
a friendly smile. Ask if they want anything to drink. If
someone says yes, ask what they want. Tell them we
have coke, diet coke and 7up. The reason you get them
drinks first is you want to keep them happy while they
are deciding what’s for dinner, because if your table is
happy they are likely to leave you a good tip.
Activity 4a
Revise the previous slide. Write a
clear and interesting paragraph about
waiting tables by using objective
language, correcting pronoun use
and, when desirable, replacing
pronouns with specific nouns.
Warning: Your instructor expects
your own original revision of this
paragraph.
The Restaurant: How to Satisfy
Customers and Make Good Tips
After a table (?) has been seated in your (who’s
your?) section, walk up to the table and give them
(the table?) menus and greet them with a friendly
smile. Ask if they (who?) want anything to drink.
If someone (singular) says yes, ask what they
(plural) want. Tell them (who?) we (who?) have
coke, diet coke and 7up. The reason you (me? I’m
not a wait person!) get them drinks first is you want
to keep them happy while they are deciding what’s
for dinner, because if your table is happy they are
likely to leave you a good tip.
…The Restaurant
Revised and Edited in Objective Voice and Correct Pronoun Use
After the host or hostess has seated customers at a table in the
section a waitperson is responsible for, a good waitperson
greets the customers with a friendly smile and offers them
menus. After a brief conversation, the waitperson should ask
the customers if they would like something to drink. Having a
drink, such as coffee, tea or a soda, keeps customers satisfied
while they decide on their dinner choices. If a customer says
he or she would like a drink, list the choices. For example, a
waitperson might say, “Would you like coffee, tea, coke, diet
coke or 7up?” Careful attention to customers assures that
waitpersons earn good tips.
RED = Pronouns BLUE = Antecedents (nouns)
Intro to Essay on Smoking
Everyone knows you shouldn’t smoke. They put
warnings on cigarette packages years ago stating
what can happen to you. Its a bad habit that can
damage your health. Why do people smoke even
when they know the problems? Why not quit? It
can be hard, but it can save there life. Those
questions made me wonder what’s up. What do
they think? For this essay I had interviews with 10
JCC students that smoke and asked them why.
Activity 4b
Revise the previous slide. Write a clear and
interesting introduction to a potential essay
about smoking, by using objective language,
correcting pronoun use and, in many places,
replacing pronouns with specific nouns.
When you’re finished, compare your original
paragraph to the one on the next slide.
REVISED INTRO ESSAY ON SMOKING
Most adults, even most kids in America, know that smoking is
harmful to a person’s health. The U.S. Surgeon General’s warning has
appeared on cigarette packages for over 30 years. In addition,
insurance companies and health care professionals have led a longterm educational campaign to make smokers aware of the dangers of
smoke and second hand smoke. Smoking can cause cancer, heart
disease, emphysema and other serious physical problems. I realize
that quitting can be hard, for some smokers the habit turns in to an
addiction, but quitting could save a smoker’s life. Why do smokers
ignore the health warnings? Why don’t more smokers try to quit?
These questions inspired an informal research project. I interviewed
ten students at Jackson Community College to gain some insight into
the smoking habit and smokers’ thinking.
A final word on pronoun use…
In both of the the sections about pronoun
usage, there are exercises for you to do
that will hone your skills at executing
pronouns correctly. Of course, we want
you to complete these.
More importantly, examine your drafts
or papers thoroughly to check that the
pronouns you used are clear. Make the
necessary edits.
Bugaboo 5
Plurals, Possessives and
Contractions
5. Introduction to Plurals, Possessives
and Contractions
The next slides give examples of the many possibilities for using apostrophes. However,
we’d like to begin this section by reminding you of these simple rules concerning the use of
apostrophes.
Don’t skip reading and thinking about these three rules because these will provide you
with easy ways to recall what is most essential to remember.
1.
Apostrophes are used to denote a missing letter or letters, for example:
I can't instead of I cannot
I don't instead of I do not
It's instead of it is
Note: Special care must be taken with the use of your and you're as they sound the same but
are used quite differently:
your is possessive as in this is your pen
you're is short for you are as in you're coming over to my house
Often, these kinds of contractions are considered to be informal, and should be used rarely
in formal writing such as research papers.
Intro to plurals, possessives and contractions continued…
2.
Apostrophes are used to denote possession, for example:
the dog's bone
the student’s writing
Jones’ bakery (but Joneses' bakery if owned by more than one Jones)
Note: the possessive form of “it” does not take an apostrophe any more than ours,
yours or hers do
the bone is in its mouth
3.
Apostrophes are NEVER ever used to denote plurals! Common examples of such
abuse (all seen in real life!) are:
Banana's for sale, which of course should read Bananas for sale
Menu's printed to order should read Menus printed to order
The 1960’s radically changed music should read The 1960s radically changed music.
New CD's just in! should read New CDs just in!
The Powerful Apostrophe
• Indicates the possessive
– (The Honda is Sue’s car.)
• Indicates time or quantity
– (2’38” –minutes and seconds or 6’ tall)
• Indicates the omission of figures in dates
– (I graduated in ’99.)
• Indicates the omission of letters
– (Can’t, won’t, don’t)
• Indicates strange non-standard English
– (Hey, y’all, let’s don’ do that.)
• Indicates the plurals of letters and words
– (Mind your p’s and q’s)
The Powerful Apostrophe Speaks
What are the apostrophes telling us in each example below?
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The boy’s hat; the children’s playground
In two week’s time
The spring of ’75
I’d had enough and couldn’t take it anymore
It’s not worth messin’ with
How many p’s are in apostrophe
Too many but’s and and’s
No Wonder We Get Confused
is/are
possessive
it’s and its
who’s and whose
there’s and theirs
you’re and your
http://www.seykota.com/tribe/FAQ/2003_July/July_27-31/confusion.gif
Examples…
It’s never a good idea to get between a dog and its favorite chew
toy. (proper)
------------------------------------------------------------------This sentence contains several problems a spell checker
won’t catch:
Don’t delay! Place you order now! We offer free shipping
if your in the United States.
Activity 5
Select the paper that you have just
completed or one that you have
begun to polish and edit for your
portfolio, highlight all plurals,
possessives, and contractions. Next,
double check to make sure these are
correct!
Bugaboo 6
Punctuation
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Punctuation and meaning
Comma crises
Exclamatory statements
Colons and semi-colons
! !
!
!
? ? ?
?
?
.
. .
.
.
,
, ,
,
,
;
; ;
;
;
: : :
:
:
6. Introduction to Punctuation
Punctuation is important to all writers. Without proper
punctuation writing can become completely
indecipherable or misinterpreted, as you will see in some
of the slides below.
Think of punctuation as breathing. Long breaths indicate
a period, shorter breaths require a comma.
Practice reading aloud and slowly through your papers.
Remember, you’ve already learned that the eye will
correct and glide over mistakes of spelling. Now, it’s time
to let your ear be attuned to your voice on the page.
Reading your papers out loud and slowly will help you
“hear” glitches in punctuation.
Punctuation and Meaning…
Am I looking at my
dinner or the dog’s?
Am I looking at my
dinner or the dogs?
From: Eats Shoots & Leaves by Lynn Truss
Punctuation and Meaning
Dear Jack,
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are
generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you
admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me
for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings
whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy –
will you let me be yours?
Jill
Dear Jack,
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are
generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you.
Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me.
For other men I yearn! For you I have no feelings
whatsoever. When we’re apart I can be forever happy.
Will you let me be?
Yours,
Jill
From: Eats Shoots & Leaves by Lynn Truss
Punctuation Changes and Clarifies
Meaning…
A woman, without her man, is nothing.
A woman: without her, man is nothing.
From: Eats Shoots & Leaves by Lynn Truss
Comma Sense
Use commas to:






list
join
fill gaps
indicate direct speech
set off interjections
bracket interruptions or additional
information
Comma Sense Examples
I have chemistry, calculus, and calligraphy this
semester.
I thought calligraphy would be a cakewalk, but I
can’t create lovely letters.
Martha is short; Sue, tall.
“Hey, quit picking on me,” said Martha.
“It’s a simple statement of fact,” Sue retorted.
Martha’s dog, China, a large and friendly
German Shorthaired Pointer, greets her at the door
when she comes home from school.
The bolded words are interjections…
Ouch, that hurt!
Oh no, I forgot that the exam was today.
Hey! Put that down!
I heard one guy say to another guy, "He has a new
car, eh?"
I don't know about you but, good lord, I think taxes
are too high!
Note: You usually follow an interjection with an exclamation point.
Otherwise, use exclamation points sparingly.
Quotation Marks
Use quotation marks to:
• Enclose direct quotations
Note: Commas and periods go inside the closing quotation mark in
conventional American usage; colons and semicolons go outside; and
placement of question and exclamation marks depends on the situation (see
our quotation marks document).
He asked, "Will you be there?"
"Yes," I answered, "I'll look for you at the club."
• Indicate words used ironically, with reservations, or in some
unusual way
Note: Don't overuse quotation marks in this sense, or they will lose their
impact.
History is stained with blood spilled in the name of "civilization."
Activity 6
Read your essay aloud. Read slowly, pausing
for commas, coming to a more prolonged
pause for a period, etc. Make sure that
apostrophes correctly indicate the possessive
case. Check for proper punctuation when
using quotation marks. Make sure questions
end with a question mark, and exclamation
points are used sparingly.
Bugaboo 7
Using Direct Dialogue
7. Introduction to Using Direct Dialogue
Dialogue is a key element in many personal narratives and essays
about remembered people. Writers use dialogue to give characters
voice, to describe characters through the character’s own words.
Writers follow conventions (punctuation and spacing) for
presenting dialogue – for example, beginning a new paragraph for
each speaker and using quotation marks to distinguish the “spoken
word” from the writer’s own description of the speakers.
When reading, pay attention to how conversations develop. Notice
how writers comment on what characters say and how they say it.
Often they show or describe a character’s actions or facial
expressions as they talk, which reveals tone of the conversations
and, sometimes, attributes of the character.
Dialogue: An Excellent Student Writing Sample
As soon as I saw Mrs. Jones nurse’s call-light go on, my heart sank. I slowly rose
from my chair and headed to her room. “What can I do for you Mrs. Jones?” I asked
calmly.
“Am I dead or alive?” she asked me.
“Well, your eyes are open and you’re talking to me, so I’m going to assume
you’re alive,” I said as kindly as possible.
“I feel like I’m in a fog,” she blurted. “Are you sure I’m alive?”
“As sure as I am standing here,” I reassured her.
“Let me touch your hand,” she said apprehensively, “I want to make sure you’re real.”
I grasped her hand and with a smile on my face said, “I am real Mrs. Jones and
you are alive and well.”
“So you are,” she mumbled sounding almost disappointed.
I left her room as I had so many times before knowing that we would be having
the same conversation at least one more time that evening. “I hope I never get that way,”
I muttered to myself.
- by Melissa Hayes (with permission)
Activity 7
Take a look at your current essay or draft. Highlight the dialogue that you
have included. Next, critically ask yourself whether this dialogue serves to:
Heighten the suspense of a story or captures the essence of a topic
Develop character or character conflict
Reveal a character’s voice or tone
If the dialogue you incorporated does not contribute to any of these areas,
then a better strategy is to summarize the gist of what was said, summarize the
conversation.
If you haven’t incorporated dialogue or a direct quotation, consider places in
your paper where dialogue might capture suspense, character, voice or tone.
In your informative writing, discern which quotations from an interview or a
source will be most effective, persuasive, or necessary to convey meaningful
information.
To complete this activity, write the decisions you made about including
dialogue, deleting dialogue and why.
Bugaboo 8
Verbs
• Action words
• Tense and meaning
• Weak and strong
For additional help with verbs, go to:
http://webster.commnet.edu/grammar/verbs.htm#verb
8. Introduction to Verbs
Verbs make everything happen. Without
them, nothing happens. Read these
sentences without verbs.
Ted to first base. Sally home.
Meaning is clouded without verbs. With
effective use of verbs, your writing can
shout, sing, moan.
Intro to verbs continued…
Compare these two sentences:
Ted got to first base. -or- Ted skidded past
first base (and was tagged out!)
Sally came home. – or - Sally meandered
home.
Verbs can convey so much—time, quality of
action, and nuance. Attention to verbs is
essential.
ACTION WORDS
Verbs indicating movement…
Notice how the meaning changes
He walked into the room.
He sauntered into the room.
He shuffled into the room.
He skipped…
He hurried…
He lumbered…
He slogged…
He strolled…
He tip-toed…
He slithered…
He stomped…
He stormed…
He burst…
Describe the movement in these
photos using strong verbs.
http://www.zooatlanta.org/images/education/winter%20camp%20photos%2004/day3/walking%20in%20the%20zoo.JPG
http://www.citi.umich.edu/u/rwash/pics/12-10-03%20-%20cat/10.html
http://www.comfort.navy.mil/Baltic/images/images/marching%20through%20streets_jpg.jpg
TENSE AND MEANING
A general rule of thumb… use simple past,
present or future tense, unless the meaning
calls for another form. Choose a tense and use
it consistently.
Present tense… She swims across the lake.
Past tense… She swam across the lake.
Future tense… She will swim across the lake.
OMIT WEAK VERBS
The verb “to be” … being, am, was, were
The verb “to get” … especially the past tense got
Avoid using the helping verb “would” unless it
is necessary to make your meaning clear.
If she were here, she would agree.
(subjunctive mood)
I would have volunteered, but he raised his hand first.
(both examples use “would” correctly)
My grandma would cook dinner. (not necessary)
My grandma cooked dinner. (correct verb is the simple past
tense)
For more on “be” verbs, go to:
http://webster.commnet.edu/grammar/to_be.htm
Avoid using verbs to introduce verbs
I can remember …
I remember
I started to walk toward the
door…
I walked toward…
I began thinking about…
I thought about…
Activity 8
Highlight all the verbs in your essay or paper.
Check them for clarity and vividness of the
action you want to describe. Brainstorm for
the best action verbs that describe exactly the
mood you want to convey. Make sure that
the tense of each verb is correct. Fix any of
those unwieldy constructions, e.g., He
proceeded to open the car door. Get rid of
the unnecessary. He opened the car door.
Bugaboo 9
Artistic Quality, Flow and
Sound
9. Introduction to Artistic Quality,
Flow and Sound
Artistic quality includes:
 Ideas and Content
The message the writer conveys, what the writer has to say. This
should be fresh and original, unique to the writer’s personal
experience. The content should contain details to support the
main message.
 Organization
The overall logical and efficient structure of the content. The
introduction of the plot or theme, the build-up, the climax, and
the resolution should all be introduced and addressed with
timing and balance.
These two areas are not part of this Bugaboo Workshop, but are
also essential.
9. Intro to artistic quality continued…
 Word Choice
Choose words that are precise and accurate. The writer should use strong action
verbs and descriptive adjectives.
 Conventions
Punctuation, grammar, spelling, capitalization, paragraph organization are all
essential for precise meaning. These elements should be used to make the writing
content easy to read, accessible to the reader, and provide a smooth ride.
 Sentence Fluency
Fluency is the ability to create smooth flow and rhythm of the sentence structure. The
fluency of short vs. long sentences should carry the reader along seamlessly.
Voice
The unique personality of the writer is expressed through voice. The reader should
get a sense that a real, truthful person composed the content and is behind the words
and meanings on the page. Readers want to hear the author’s personality and spirit
on the page.
Revise weak leads
It all started when…
I am writing about…
Let me tell you about the time…
I would like to introduce you to…
Replace these with direct, to the point,
attention grabbing leads.
Revise cliché conclusions (and statements)…
I learned not to take life for granted.
Life is short and I have to live it to the
fullest.
He was always there for me.
I guess everything happens for a reason.
Use Qualifiers Sparingly
“little” “pretty” “so” “really”
“very” “a lot”
Dick’s mother tried a little harder to
explain to the pretty disappointed (but
not really that disappointed) Dick that
his sister Jane, perhaps for her own
good, had been sent kind of far away.
Common misuses or unnecessary qualifiers…
I was so tired.
I was so tired that I nearly fell asleep at the wheel.
The artist’s painting style is very unique.
The student posed a really challenging question.
Activity 9
Read your essay aloud. Revise awkward phrases.
Listen and edit for rhythm (e.g. repetition), sound
(e.g. alliteration), and flow (e.g. smooth transitions).
Add metaphors, create vivid images and offer rich
examples.
Professor William Strunk and coauthor E.B. White are famous for
their book The Elements of Style. They advise writers to:
“Omit needless words! Vigorous writing is
concise. A sentence should contain no
unnecessary words, a paragraph no
unnecessary sentences, for the same reason
that a drawing should have no unnecessary
lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This
requires not that the writer make all his
sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and
treat his subjects only in outline, but that every
word tell.”
Editing Bugaboos
A WORKSHOP OF THE JCC LANGUAGE, LITERATURE & ARTS DEPARTMENT
Now that you have spent some time in this workshop, answer the following
questions:
What new ideas were presented??
What information did you find most helpful and why?
What do you want to learn more about?
How do you plan to use specific information presented here to revise and edit
your papers?
This evaluation, along with your activities from this workshop serve to verify that you attended the Language,
Literature and Arts online workshop on Editing Bugaboos.
Please give your evaluation along with the work from the activities in this workshop to your writing
instructor as proof of attendance.
______________________
Martha Petry and Sue Stindt
Revised August 17, 2006